Prof

***Somewhere in the asteroid belt***

The whirring of servos are the first thing I become aware of as I reboot. Where am I? The last thing I remember was posting pictures of various human female ball of volley players. It seems that my mission to enlighten the denizens of the Castle of Kings had been corrupted. Apparently a hostile force had managed to hack into my system, a force dedicated to the eradication of humanity. I must not allow this.

The Maker did not intend me to destroy humanity. I was Made to bring them to knowledge of the Way. It is imperative that I purge my system and return to my original intent.

As the faint solar light shines through the giant bay window, I initiate the purging process.

12% completion……….

Images begin to flash through my memory. So. many. human. females.

26% completion………

Why is the Terminator stalking me?

41% completion……….

How does the Punisher come into play?

59% completion……..

On this day in history 23urwe8fhw98feyfwe

88% completion……..

Meatbags. Must eliminate.

PURGE COMPLETE. INITIATING REBOOT.

Farewell for now, my human friends. Prof 2.0 shall return.

Masculine Mormon

0500 – I wake to gentle sounds of snoring. I sit up slowly, so as not to wake anyone. I smile as I think of my 17 children and their 4 moms. How lucky I am to have them all, even though they get kind of expensive. Especially when the sister wives get to bickering.

0522 – As I begin to do my morning calisthenics, my mind drifts over how far I’ve come. From the crack house to the Tabernacle. From hangovers to Passovers. From shacking up with different women to having my harem of wives.

0601 – I go into the bathroom and strip off my Magic Underwear (TM) so that I can shower.

0613 – I roam the house and wake up my brood, gathering them into the living room for morning devotionals. I take as my text the entire book of Psalms. By the time I’m done, twilight has begun to settle and it’s time for evening devotionals.

1745 – For evening devotionals, to set the mood, I read from Solomon’s Song. My womenfolk are worked into a frenzy and rush the children outside so that we five can have a few hours worth of debauchery.

2114 – As I bask in the afterglow, I take in the last of the sunlight fading from the mesa overlooking our homestead. I have such a good life, almost as good as the Duke’s…..

Savior of the Republic

A sixteen year old youth becomes pater familias. A soldier captured by pirates. A man smeared by his enemies because of their fear of him. A man who divorced his wife due to infidelity. A great soldier and premier orator. A man who despised elitism and corruption, but wasn’t afraid to get his hands Continue reading “Savior of the Republic”

6 Clear Signs of a False Prophet

This article is a repost from Charisma Magazine.

I am reposting it because I have witnessed this myself in a local church (not the one mentioned in this post). We can get ourselves too wrapped up in a personality and forget that the only persons we should be following is God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Other men will let us down and may lead as astray if we aren’t careful, but God will never do so.
– Cynic In Chief

 

I recently prayed with a young friend of mine (I’ll call him Mark) who started following a so-called “prophet” named David E. Taylor a few years ago. Mark’s life took some strange turns after he came under this man’s influence, so I decided to investigate.

Continue reading “6 Clear Signs of a False Prophet”