The 12 Levels of Dread: Level 4 – Availability

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

-Proverbs 31:10-12

Following close on the footsteps of Level 3, Level 4 is about conditioning your wife to accept things on your terms.  Think of it as a Level 3: Part 2, if you will.  Between work, the gym, your various hobbies and adventures, and hustling on the side, you don’t have time for petty emotional games and it’s time to let your wife know that.  This isn’t about being vindictive, intentionally spiteful, or a bully.  This is about having dignity and not tolerating disrespectful behavior.  If you are treating your wife the way you would like to be treated, then there’s no excuse for her to be trying to manipulate/guilt/shame you in order to get her way.  Your both adults and you both should be acting as such.

A lot of the mindset principles in this section come straight out of Level 1 (dealing with shit tests) so this should come somewhat naturally at this point, provided you’re giving each level its proper due diligence.

Defining “Availability”

When most people think of someone being available, they think of time.  Do you have time to spend with said person?

In this instance however, availability encompasses many different aspects in regards to your relationship with your wife. Here are just a few:

  • Time availability
  • Sexual/Physical availability
  • Emotional availability

Let’s dig into these different types of availabilities and determine how and when they are best utilized.

Time Availability

This is the most common type of availability people think of and also the easiest to explain.  Simply put, if your wife is constantly shit testing you, being inattentive, or just generally unpleasant, withdraw your time from her.  Go out to the bar for a drink by yourself, go workout at the gym, call up and buddy and go hang out with him for a bit; anything to get out of the house and away from the wife.

The key is to not make a big deal out of this.  Do not be spiteful and tell your way that you’re going to the bar because she has a bitchy attitude.  That merely undermines the goal as she now knows the game you are playing.

Rather, take on an air of disinterest as if you are bored (this ties in well to the Amused Mastery principle).  Get up out of the blue and tell her you’re leaving for a bit.  Answer any follow up questions flatly and matter-of-factly.   This is important as any hint of anger in your voice will betray your true intentions.  Remember: You’re bored and looking for something fun to do, not angry and trying to teach your wife a lesson.  Stay in your frame and don’t get dragged down to hers.

Sexual/Physical Availability

Let’s be real for a second here: Women are masters at this realm of conditioning.  They use it on men all the time to get what they want.  Well now it’s your turn to use her own tools against her.

This tactic works best if you’re already regularly physical with your wife.  Flirt with her, smack her ass as you walk past her, cop a feel when she’s not expecting it, get busy in the bedroom on a regular basis.  In short, make physical and sexual contact a frequent occurrence then, when the time comes, withdraw that interaction.  Again, this must not be done in a malicious way, but from a stance of disinterest.  The laser dot no longer amuses the cat so he moves on until he’s ready to play again.

Emotional Availability

Emotional availability bleeds into many of the other types of availability, but also is uniquely different.  It’s really quite intuitive; just be there -emotionally- for your wife.  If she needs a shoulder to cry on, you’re there.  If she’s had a rough day at work, you let her vent.  If she’s being fun and flirty, you reciprocate.

As women are emotional creatures, being emotionally available for your wife is one of the most critical pieces of the puzzle.  While men tend to connect to their spouse through more physical means, everything a woman does stems from how it affects them emotionally.  It’s also why being emotionally unavailable is one of the most devastating things you can deprive your wife of. This should never be done for a long period of time as it can begin to cause a rift between you and your wife.  I find this useful for brief instances in conversation; a hot/cold approach on a micro scale.

Conclusion: Walking the Tightrope

Withdrawing your availability, in any fashion, from your wife is a balancing act and should never be used for the purposes of getting even with her.  Rather, this is to subtly condition her to understand which behaviors are and are not acceptable.  Every time you pull away from her, she should feel a twinge of panic and begin seeking your approval again.

“Severities should be dealt out all at once, so that their suddenness may give less offense; benefits ought to be handed ought drop by drop, so that they may be relished the more.”

-Niccolo Machiavelli

Of course, this only works if you’re properly and earnestly implementing the prior levels of Dread Game and she sees you as the head of the family, the man in charge.  If she doesn’t look up to you, withdrawing your availability from her will likely either backfire or have zero effect.

On the flip side, begin looking for instances where your wife is employing these very tactics against you.  Recognize them for what they are and counter accordingly.

Love is a battlefield after all and those with the deeper understanding of Machiavellian tactics will have the upper hand.  Most importantly, you must praise and reward your wife for the good that she does.  To only discipline her for the shortcomings puts you in the position of a hated tyrant, not a good position for a harmonious marriage.  Reserve the withdrawals only for serious grievances.

Stay tuned for our next article in the series which is sure to be a fun one and not as deep.

Recommended Reading:

The Five Love Languages

The 48 Laws of Power (Laws 8, 24, 33, and 47)



Author: Jak

Jak, married and father of three, seeks to help the Red-Pill Community take its next step past the petty cynicism and ineffectual anger. While he recognizes that men are significantly handicapped by the modern legal system and culture, he doesn't accept that traditional marriage is untenable in today's social climate. Rather, men must be willing to adapt to this new world by implementing new tactics and approaches to maintaining a balance of power. Jak is here to provide you with these lessons.

8 thoughts on “The 12 Levels of Dread: Level 4 – Availability”

  1. This is a tough concept to grasp. Usually when she is being crabby is when she wants me around the most. I think it is important to be doing something worthwhile when you are gone. Merely tuning her out out watching TV does nothing to make her think more of you. Go and throw the ball with your son, or work in the garage on something. More often than not, she will improve her attitude and come out to play or see what you are doing.

    1. Agreed. She will disrespect you even more if you tune her out to watch TV. Tune her out by building a bookshelf or working on the car however? Not a chance.

  2. This weekend started off a little funny. I come home and the kids are hovering around the computer, watching a lame Disney Don Knotts flick while my wife is cooking dinner. I help out with the baby and eat, then I take my usual walk with the wife. During so, I complain about the movie. When we get home, my wife puts the video back in and restarts it (an obvious shit test). So, taking from this article, I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I am going out. Didn’t do much, just looked at crap at WalMart and came back about 90 minutes later. She is disgruntled, but I pay no attention, and just resume my normal goofy self. Pretty soon, she is happy again.

    The following night during our walk, my wife tells me that she has something in store for me. Following her cue, we put the kids to bed early. She comes out wearing nothing but an apron, and we make cinnamon rolls. The evening ended with some excellent, boundary pushing sex.

  3. Hi Jak
    I just found your website today through ROK. Really glad I’ve found it, you’ve got some good advice and I like the analytical way you present things.
    I’ve got a couple of questions about this article, which I wrestle with when my wife shit tests me:
    1. Don’t you think it’s weird that I, as the rational man, is the one leaving the house when the wife is being bitchy? I mean, I feel like “really? I’M THE ONE who has to go and find something to do elsewhere, cos my wife is being a moron?”
    2. You said that we shouldn’t tell her we’re going out cos of her bitchy attitude. I’ll give this a shot. But sometimes I take the tack of explaining to her (in a very calm, matter of fact voice) – “you’re not rational now, you’re acting like a bitch, so I’m not going to discuss this with you” (and then I may or may not go out somewhere, or go to the shed)

    1. Hello CR199,
      Thanks for commenting. I’m glad you’re enjoying our site!
      You raise a couple of great points so let me answer them the best I can.
      1. It DOES seem counterintuitive to leave the house when you’re wife is the one causing the ruckus. I liken this to not taking the bait and participating in a fight she’s instigating. That is also counterintuitive. Why wouldn’t you defend yourself? Because it shows she owns you emotionally. You leaving the house is subtly communicating that you aren’t afraid to venture out on your own without her. It seems benign to us, but to many women there amygdala light up like the 4th of July. She’s left to wonder where you’re going, what you’re doing, who you’re hanging out with.
      2. Again, this depends on the situation. If your wife is being just a general grump or unaffectionate regardless your attempts, that is the time to head out for a bit without making a big deal about it. If she is starting a no-holds bar fight with you and getting way out of line, then I would do what you suggested; tell her she is emotional and that you two will discuss this issue once cooler heads prevail.
      Hope this helps clarify things and thanks again for visiting.
      The advice presented will be slightly different for each marriage and each situation.

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