“Without concealment there is no space for expression. Not all words are shared.
Word must arise from concealing silence in order to resonate. Concealment is the method of controlled communication, whether communication of existence or redirection of connection. Concealment is deliberation, it is precision, it is the beginning of skill.
Concealment protects truth in time of war through the hoisting of deliberate false flags, designed to mislead and redirect the adversary away from vital plans and secrets. Thereby the momentum of justice is preserved in alliance against the depredations of tyrants.
Concealment advances survival by preventing revelation of the existence of prey. The dappled coat of the deer blends with the fluttered leaves of autumn, and its frozen stillness keeps it hidden from the searching gaze of a passing cougar that the deer cannot outrun or fight.
You will not always be the most powerful actor in the fields and forests of the dark world.
Concealment is a subtle Way that you must master.”
Being able to effectively conceal your intentions gives you power.
It creates an air of mystery around you.
It allows you to move behind the scenes with impunity.
It’s your mask allowing you to move about, observing the world without giving out vital information about yourself.
Concealment in marriage is equally vital. Forget the silly modern notion of being open and honest with your wife about everything. You don’t want that and she doesn’t want that. Nothing is more repulsive to women than a man who wears his heart on his sleeve and has no secrets.
As alluded to earlier, concealing your emotions and intentions in any relationship -be it marriage or dating- is incredibly seductive to women. It charges up their amygdala as they sleuth around for clues to your inner workings. Every small nugget of information they can glean excites them and draws them closer to you. It’s a perpetual game of cat and mouse in which she mistakenly believes she is the cat.
It is vitally imperative that you do not ever reveal your full hand to your wife or girlfriend. Like an onion, you should have many layers for her to peel and, just as she’s getting to your core, you hand her a new onion to begin peeling at.
The first step to concealing your emotions is to adopt a situational poker face. Now this isn’t to say you must be Spock-like all the time. This will frustrate your wife and drive her away from you. It is when the discussion gets serious that you should set your facial features to a blank (not dull or dim-witted) look. Remember, you wife will try to pull you into her frame, by baiting you with petty fights or teases. Instead of taking the bait, just stare at her blankly for a minute before releasing a coy smile as if the situation amuses you.
This brings us to our next step, always say less than necessary, which so happens to be Law 4. If your wife asks you why you don’t want to go to see the latest uninspired rom-com, don’t stutter and make some long elaborate excuse. Simply respond, “I don’t want to.”
If she asks how you feel about something, don’t spill your heart out to her. Tell her you like, hate, or are indifferent to it. This causes some cognitive dissonance in her as she expects a lengthy spiel from you, but you aren’t giving it to her which causes her to pursue you; to probe deeper. Give her enough to inspire her to chase without ever letting her catch you for long. Women love being on an emotional rollercoaster and they will settle for nearly any type, even destructive rollercoasters of fights and arguments, just to get that fix. Instead, offer them an alternative: push-and-pull.
Saying less also applies to your goals and intentions. Women rarely care to hear about what you plan to do. Rather, they’re impressed when it’s magically accomplished with no prior mention it. Begin thinking of your accomplishments as surprises that you leave out for her to find. Don’t ruin the surprise by gabbing about it.
It might seem counterintuitive, but blabbing on and on makes you seem boring to others unless you are telling an amusing/exciting story. Concise answers have a powerful effect on others because it causes an unexpected shift in the rhythm of the conversation which makes them uncomfortable. It’s these moments of discomfort that give you the space to make your move.
Say you and your wife are lazily lounging around the house on a Saturday evening. Which of the following scenes sounds like it will spark your wife’s curiosity more?
You: “Hey babe, how about we hit dinner and a movie? The new XYZ movie looks pretty good and we can hit that Mexican restaurant just down the road.”
You: (stand up and begin getting dressed)
Her: “Where are you going?”
You: “Out.” (pause) “Care to join me?”
You guessed it. The second option tells her nothing. Where will you take her? What will you do? Believe it or not, simply withholding the details from her makes the entire experience much more exciting from her even if you’re going to the exact same places. Suddenly, it’s an adventure.
Revealing Your Inner Workings
From time to time you will need to reveal glimpses of your inner workings. This applies to your wife, friends, business, etc. I am reminded of the cliché interview question, “Tell us your greatest weakness.” Think about this question for a moment and you’ll realize, it’s a shit test. What your response is isn’t as important as how well you maintain your frame and control the discussion.
This topic touches on another law that I plan to discuss further in the future, so I don’t want to go into too much detail now. Just be mindful of what secrets you’re letting out of the bag. Those secrets should be calculated so that it causes the push/pull dynamic with your wife to be reinvigorated.
That’s about it for this law. I touch on the concept of being mindful about everything you do a lot on my other site, but it bears repeating here. Always be mindful of what you are conveying to others through what you say, how you say it, and through face/body cues. In short…
- Keep you poker face handy.
- When in doubt, shut up.
- Master the concept of push/pull with your wife.
That about wraps it up for this section. Stay tuned for Law 5: Protecting Your Reputation.