The Voice of Reason

Women look to their man in times of peril and chaos to be capable of withstanding anything the world throws at them.  As a man, you should be level headed and confident enough to face your own challenges, but marriage and children bring their challenges to your doorstep as well.  Far too often a woman gets into a complete frenzy over trivial things and demands you fix it.  There are proper ways to handle this, and we’ll go over how to analyze the situation so you know how to react.

Real Threats

Understand that there are roles men are expected to do and situations that fall into your lap you’re going to have to deal with. I don’t expect my 110 pound wife to chop down a tree nor should she expect to have to do it.  These are things you are expected to do. Protecting and providing for your family is your duty as a father and husband.  You’re their leader so when they come to you with real things, you have to stay cool and guide them through it. You have responsibilities to help them through actual problems and you should be doing this already.   Being in a constant cool, calculated state despite the situation is key here.

Emotional Volcano

Women naturally come to their man when they are overwhelmed, looking for your logical guidance most of the time, but sometimes they are looking for an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on. I will make it clear that you are not to be an emotional tampon for your wife.  While you can try to support her or listen to a concern she is not to abuse this.  Don’t allow her to make every single problem she has your problem.   Half the time, they aren’t even serious or real problems.  The thing I’ve witnessed is that women can take a trivial thing and blow it out of proportion, leaving themselves stressed out and you scratching your head.

 

Filtering and Switching

How can you tell if what she is bitching about is legitimate or not?  The answer is simple and elegant; use logic.  If you can apply logic towards fixing the problem and it works or begins to find a way to resolve the issue, its legit.  If everything is based on emotion, what ifs, and feelings; its bullshit.  It can be tricky too because it can start out as a legitimate problem but that problem was only a Segway into some emotional based rant.

Women can be tricky with this too.  In their head they will grasp onto explanations that aren’t based in reality.   They take some problem they have internally, hamster it up to deny any responsibility, and project it onto you.  How many times have you seen a woman blame a guy for her own shitty behavior?  In a way they’re correct because a guy with solid frame and game wouldn’t put up with it, but I digress.

The Strategy

I’ve found that each woman and issue is different but generally you can you can win in these situations by calling them out on their unjust behavior.

For example, I was unloading the dishwasher one night and my wife started giving me shit for no reason.  Kept going on and on about a topic so trivial I can’t even remember what it was.   I started to get angry, but then calmed down and told her in a calm but stern voice “Look, I’m in here doing this after working all day, and you’re making everyone in the house miserable. Stop” and went on about my business.  Afterward I just was calm and having fun with the kids basically ignoring her.

Let’s analyze that situation. I basically shamed her with an actual problem that I created.  I was busy; she was sitting there doing nothing.  I pointed out that she was the only negative person in the room.  Then I sealed the deal by remaining quiet towards her, but normal to others.  I remained distant to her to let her think about it. If your wife is used to pushing off her problems on to you, she may test you at first.  Women can get very nasty and she will try to break your frame, but you’ve not engaged in the situation, and you’re not going to break down. Fight that urge to lash out because it discredits you, and makes you look weak. Later that night, she came to me apologizing. There is a major thing you must do at this point.

Its Not Okay

Our modern world overuses sorry (which no man should ever say), and our instant reaction is to say “that’s okay” even when what they were doing was completely wrong.  If she comes apologizing to you don’t say its okay, because you’re literally saying “Yes, your shitty behavior was perfectly normal.”

This is how you stop this behavior going forward.  If you don’t tell her its okay, she’ll never have closure to it, and she’ll be reminded of it.  This works for anyone, but in our context we’ll keep it aimed towards your woman.

Conclusion

  • To recap, as the figurehead of your family, you’re going to be forced to take on some responsibility for your wife and children. You should expect this, and it is your duty to do so as long as the problems are real and something a father/husband should be doing.

 

  • You should not be the emotional outlet for your woman. She is not to make every single problem she has your problem.

 

  • Apply logic to the problem she’s coming with you to see if it’s an actual problem.

 

  • Stay calm, be assertive but don’t break frame. Point out her behavior, tell her that its unacceptable and don’t say another word about it.  Remember to not give in, and let her come to you with an apology.

 

  • Key point: Don’t accept her apology as it embraces the behavior and enables her to do it again.

 

I want to note that my wife does not do this very often because if she did, she wouldn’t be my wife.  As you deploy the tactics described here, this kind of behavior tapers off.  My wife and I rarely fight anymore because I don’t engage with her at all.  Remember, that all of this is one huge display of frame and we know how women respond to that.

 

 

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.

  • bem

    Good stuff. Resist the temptation to enter a feminized pissing contest over something trivial, no matter how irritating the presentation.
    Frame Uber Alles!!!

  • Jim Johnson

    Maybe I am defining accepting an apology different, but I’m not so sure about the “don’t accept her apology”. If she acknowledges that she was wrong, I think it would be better to say “Just don’t do it again” and discuss how she could do better in the future. Holding onto a grudge is not the way to have a peaceful marriage.

    When you correct a child, you deal out the punishment (give her the cold shoulder), then calmly discuss the matter (whether she is apologetic or not), then come back with greater love to help them gain a desire to improve. Is this any different with your wife?