“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining – they just shine.”
-Dwight L. Moody
Well gentlemen, it’s been a while since I’ve covered another one of the 48 Laws of Marriage, but here we are again. Law 6 is a bit of a confusing law to apply to marriage and I will readily admit that it took a bit of thinking of this tool in a different light to figure out how to apply it to marriage.Law 6, courting attention at all costs, ties in very closely to Law 5’s guarding your reputation in that Law 6 aids you in Law 5. A wife who isn’t thinking about you regularly is a wife who is bored. A bored wife spells trouble for the marriage.
Now I know what you’re thinking…
Courting attention at all costs? That doesn’t sound masculine at all. On the surface, it sounds petty and if we were only looking at this law on a superficial level, you would be right. The question then becomes one of taking this law and applying it in a way that isn’t petty and effeminate.
To do this, we are going to take a few of the points from this site and dig into them a bit deeper. For the sake of brevity, we will not be covering all the points that they do, but I encourage you to review all the points they provide and meditate on their meaning and application.
Keep Reinventing Yourself
This is actually another of the 48 Laws that we will cover sometime in the future so I won’t go into many details right now. Rather, I’m going to focus on the idea of repeatedly reinventing yourself. How would one go about this without their life being absolute chaos?
First, you must understand that we’re not talking about a complete change every single day. Some “reinventions” will be seasonal (beard in the fall and winter, clean shaven in the spring and summer) while some may be situational (cleaning up for a big event like a wedding).
Perhaps, you’re a white collar businessman who golfs on the weekends. What would your wife’s reaction be if one day, you began working on a big project at the house like building a wooden boat by hand?
This small change to your persona will spark a torrent of thoughts in your wife without you ever having to say a word.
“What’s he building?”
“What brought this about?”
“I didn’t know he even liked carpentry or boating!”
“Is he going to take me boating after he’s finished?”
This works best with productive hobbies and pastimes that also create a grand looking end product. We humans ARE visual creatures after all.
Completing a small model car, no matter how complex it is, doesn’t produce the same awe as something large like a handcrafted boat or learning to fly a ultralight aircraft and taking your Mrs. for a spin 10,000 feet over your city.
Again, this is another law that we’ll cover in the future so let’s flesh out the basics. When you get home, do you automatically get out of your business clothes and throw on some gym shorts and an old T-shirt?
Why? Because they’re comfortable? What if you left your dress clothes on a bit longer and let your wife see her man looking dapper for a bit. We discussed style a while back in the 12 Levels of Dread series. If you’re going through all the trouble of dressing up to look good, why not stretch the benefit out a little bit longer when you get home?
Another tactic is to text your wife out of the blue either at work or when you’re on your way home. Tell her to be in the bedroom and ready for you when you get home. She might throw some shit tests your way, but just swat them aside. Stay fun and flirty with it and she’ll won’t be able to wait until you walk through the door.
Make Yourself Appear Larger Than Life
If you’re applying the 12 Levels of Dread to your marriage then you’re already well on your way towards this goal. A few extra points of advice I will add onto this subject pertain to your mindset.
The first thing is to maintain an aura of calm control, even when things go batshit crazy. I’ve been complimented on multiple occasions by both my wife and others at how I always seem to be cool as a cucumber even when everything is burning around me. One guy went so far as to accuse me of being a serial killer due to how unfazed I was when everyone else was losing their shit in stressful situations.
I just smile and take the compliments, but I don’t divulge how I manage to maintain my frame of control. However, today I’ll let you in on my secret.
Part of it is simply being mindful of my external appearance. For a long time, I had to “fake it until I make it,” forcing myself to remain calm even if I was freaking out on the inside. In time, my outer calmness manifested internally and I wasn’t just appearing calm anymore.
The other part was I purposely inserted myself into extremely stressful situations which forced me to act. Two of my favorite examples of this are competitive fighting and paintball.
Nothing triggers your fight or flight quite like squaring off against someone else in a full-contact match. It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally grueling! After a decade of competing, most trivial things stopped triggering my anxiety response. I would remind myself that I’ve been kicked in the face, throat and groin. What’s this current situation compared to that? Asking myself that kept me grounded and things in perspective.
Paintball is similar, if not as serious. Sure you can leave with a few welts, but there’s little chance of you being knocked out. Nevertheless, your adrenaline will be pumping and you’ll have to force away the tunnel vision so you can stay aware of your surroundings. Nothing sucks more than you being so focused on one target in front of you that you miss the guy sneaking around to shoot you in the back.
The second part of appearing larger than life comes in uttering one simple phrase with a caveat: You have to mean it.
I’ll take care of it.
Simple. Concise. Ambiguous enough to leave the mind wandering. Don’t ever tell someone you’ll take care of “it” if you actually cannot or have no intention of doing so however. Be a man of your word – a man of action.
Nothing will impress your wife more than her coming to you with some insurmountable problem and you confidently saying you’ll take care of it and shortly later, the problem is resolved.
To manage this, you will need to have resources. We ARE discussing the 48 Laws of Power/Marriage after all. Having many resources at your disposal allows you to exert your power. Those resources can be money, physical strength, knowledge, or connections.
Don’t make a big deal of it, even if it required tremendous effort on your part. Smile, tell the person it’s done, and go about your business. The mystery of how you so effortlessly solved such an exasperating problem will put you in a position of high esteem.
I had to keep some of these topics fairly vague or else risk not having anything to discuss when we get to some of the other laws in the Laws of Marriage series. If you haven’t read the previous installments in this series, I highly encourage you to do so as these all tie together into an intricate tapestry. Read, reread, read other interpretations of the 48 Laws, and apply.
Be UN-Predictable by The Family Alpha