Six Dates You Need To Do Before Buying the Ring

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, I have a good wife who supports me and I feel that I can trust. Not all women are like that however. Modern western society has corrupted so many women (and men) that it becomes very difficult to distinguish the needles from the haystack. Traditional dating activities like “dinner and a movie” or something similar are enjoyable, and are not any harm (other than to your wallet) but they do little in helping you find out what sort of integrity the woman you are dating has. There are some activities you can do to help you see those red flags before you make such a serious commitment.

Don’t be Kip, play it safe.

 

Go to Church With Her

“If a person has strong religious beliefs, the risk of divorce is 14 percent less and having no religious affiliation makes you 14 percent more likely to get divorced.”

I have found that church is a good venue to find quality women. While it is not a foolproof deal, the likelihood of finding a virtuous girl at church is greater than finding one at a bar. They are in a setting that teaches family values and virtues such as honesty, love and respect. Of course, what is taught varies, but the more orthodox religions do increase likelihood of a solid marriage and family, although it does necessitate a more rigorous lifestyle if you do marry. Find something you really can believe in, commit yourself to it, and you will find and attract women who are committed  and virtuous as well.

If, on the other hand, she seems unsure about going to church, or she doesn’t know anyone in her congregation, she is just putting on a show for you. Depending on your personal religious affiliation, this could be a red flag to take into consideration. Or, if her church is vastly different than your personal beliefs, that would be another red flag, even if she is committed to her own religion.

Netflix and Chill

This is not what you are thinking. Promiscuity has ran amuck and has caused a great deal of distrust in marriage (for good reason). This date is more of a test. If you tell her that you want to take it easy and maybe make dinner at home for her to come over to watch a movie. See what her reaction is. If she has no reservations on the third date, she is the pump and dump type. However, if she suggests making it a double date, or something more public so she can hold onto her virtue (in question at this point), you may have a keeper.

A word of warning – if she is a virgin, she may take offense at this and see you as a player. Make sure you have a backup plan. I blew it with a girl (Stake President’s daughter) doing this and lost her trust. Have a double date already set up, and just ask her. Make it so she thinks it was just a misunderstanding that she can overlook.

Something Strenuous

I love hiking, so does my wife. However, most women profess to love the outdoors, but reality is something different. They will put on a show in order to gain your favor. If you go for a leisurely stroll through the city park or a walk on the beach, it will do little to show if she is really into that. Because of this, you will need to push her a little, see how far she is willing to go.

The day I decided that my wife was probably a keeper was a group date (Mormons are funny that way) there were four of us guys who all got together and each of us invited a girl to go cross country skiing. Until that date, I knew she said she likes doing that stuff, but I have heard that from others. We really pushed ourselves that day. When the others wanted to turn around, my wife wanted to keep going. My wife demonstrated to me that she has a real persistence in what she does. That is something of value in marriage, even if you are not into high outdoor adventure.

Something Charitable

Lots of “good” women profess to be charitable, to care for the sick or say we need to do something. Is that reality, or is she just a load of hot air? Make her put her money where her mouth is.

Not far from our church while in college, there was this retirement center where this old, bed ridden population hung out and waited to die. On Sundays, there was a group of us in choir that would go over there and go “caroling” where we would visit these invalids, say hello and sing a hymn or two. While not the funnest thing to do, I felt appreciated. Also, while my wife couldn’t carry a tune, she did provide eye candy and attention to the old dying men.

Cook Food With Her

While young, many lack decent cooking skills. That is not a big deal. Basic homemaking skills can be learned. However, what is tougher to learn is attitude. Is she the type that shies away from housework? Will she have the ambition to help clean up? Pay attention to how she carries herself in the kitchen. Will she use a cookbook? Is her kitchen loaded with prepackaged food, rather than the basic ingredients? Does she use too much butter, salt, or sugar? She may be able to metabolize that in her 20’s, not so well in her 40’s. Far too many couples gain serious weight the first few years of marriage. You will show better appreciation for her cooking by not eating too much and becoming a disgusting fatbody packed with jelly doughnuts.

We cooked many dinners together (still do). It is a fun activity, and you can find out many things about her if you just pay attention. Besides, you get to enjoy the spoils afterwards.

Go Shopping With Her

As lame as it sounds, shopping can be one of the more telling things about her. This activity is sort of like the “Netflix and Chill” mentioned above in that you place her in a position of temptation and see what she does. Will she go for the name brands, or is she into bargain hunting? Because this is one of the more common complaints in marriage, and popular reasons for divorce, seeing what she does with money is a serious red flag if she fails.

Depending on your money situation, you may take her to a mall, a sports supply store or whatever, but make it frivolous. It won’t tell you anything if she buys milk and eggs at the grocery store. But, if she goes window shopping and has to get that new purse, serious red flag.

Take It All Into Consideration

Nobody is perfect. The red flags you see as you date are not necessarily automatic disqualifiers. We all have imperfections, and they do too. If you don’t see imperfections, you need to give it more time. Make sure you go in with a sound mind, and not committing just out of lust. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards”. Cast a wide net, and play the field. A good portion of the manosphere is dedicated to picking up women. But, if you want a serious relationship, you also need to know how to sift out the chaff AND you will need to know how to keep her virtuous.

There are lots of women out there that would be a treat to sleep with, but not so many women that would be a treat to marry. They are out there though. Use your talent and find her, without being deceived by some wolf in sheep’s clothing. If you do so, your likelihood for a decent marriage will improve.

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40's, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).