Dear (Daughter)……….an open letter

This is a rough draft of a letter I am planning to give to my daughter on her 12th birthday. She is this cute athletic blonde who is bound to turn some heads in the coming years. She currently has a strong sense of morality, and I want it to stay that way.

The Letter

Dear (Daughter),

I want to start off by telling you how much your mother and I love you. We are impressed by the progress which you are making. You are very intelligent, kind, and caring to those around you. We want the best for you, and will do all in our power to see that you can achieve that.

You have a divine potential. Romans 8 states, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God, and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Think about it, we are heirs of God, if worthy, we will be given what God has after this life. However, with this great opportunity comes great responsibility. As you go through life, you will have many trials and temptations which will be tough to go through, but will serve to your good if you follow God’s plan and overcome them.

As you enter your teen years, there will be many boys who will look your way. They will tempt your and shower you with attention to curry favor from you. Be careful, many will try to manipulate you into giving your virtue to them. This is something you cannot take back. For this reason, your mom and I are going to forbid you from dating until you have reached the maturity necessary to avoid being manipulated (age 16). At this time, we will encourage you to date to learn social dating skills, but would encourage you to date only moral young men. To be safe, date in groups, and keep an open mind while in your youth. Dating exclusively while young can limit opportunities to meet new individuals and may lead to transgression.

As you get older and into your early 20’s, you will be on the path to go to college and/or serve a mission. At this time you should be looking for a spouse. This is the time when you will be most attractive to the guys around you. Many women throughout today’s society use this attraction to gain attention and resources from men. Do not be tempted into this trap. The guys will give you the attention, but this attention is short lived and fleeting. They will use you, and not respect you. Then, once your looks and virtue fade, you will be left alone or have to settle for some guy who is not worthy of the potential that you now have. Your potential will be erased if you follow that dark path.

However, if you use this relatively short time of high attractiveness wisely, you will find a good man who will dedicate his life to you. Make sure he is the right man. Ask yourself if he has his act together, if he is trustworthy, and if he can lead effectively without being a tyrant. Treat him well, as he will be giving you his time, talent and resources. As you do so, you two will grow together and have a wonderful family.

While being a full time mother is best, this is not always possible. For this reason, you need to be prepared. Gain skill and knowledge that you may use in the workforce. Whether in college or vocational school, get a degree that has value in the marketplace, and avoid useless degrees which do little other than teach the evil doctrines of the world. Even if you do not use the degree in the workforce, you will use the education you learn in your role as wife and mother.

When you get older, know your value as a wife and mother. Your duties cannot be successfully delegated to day care, schools, or babysitters. Your children are yours and your husbands, you will know them and love them in a way that no one else can. Your influence during the crucial early years is will shape your children’s character.

At the same time, the role of a husband and father cannot be successfully delegated to others either. You cannot do it alone, and neither can he. As such, do what you can to maintain a strongly bonded, healthy marriage. He will have the role of leader, provider, and protector. You will have the role of support, nurturer, and helpmeet. While we can take on the other roles, we are not best suited to do so, especially if we have to fulfill our own roles at the same time. Divorce is a terrible scourge on society, and brings unhappiness to all those involved, especially if you have children. Please, do not divorce for anything but serious abuse or adultery.

Try to stay home for your children. President Benson said “The seeds of divorce are often sown and the problems of children begin when the mother works outside the home. You mothers should carefully count the cost before you decide to share breadwinning responsibilities with your husbands”. Even if you are struggling financially, you will have a happier family if you stay home and fulfill your duty was wife and mother.

All the success in the world measures little compared to the success in your family. When we go to visit Grandma on Thanksgiving, and you see her being loved and adored by her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, you know that is the best source of happiness. Not only is that happiness here on Earth, it has an eternal prospective. It is something you cannot get from the things of this world. I hope and pray that you will keep yourself on that path so you can have the fullest of blessings that God, your mother, and I can give to you.

Love, Dad

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40's, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).

79 thoughts on “Dear (Daughter)……….an open letter”

  1. I just gave my son a version of this. He just had his 13th. I think he put it someplace for safekeeping. Hopefully he will take heed

    1. This is great. I will be sharing this with my daughter as well. In today’s society it’s never too early to work against the destructive influences.

        1. My favorite part is what President Benson said. I’m saying that stuff all the time. I doubt President Benson minds being plagiarized. I know I love being plagiarized and I could never get enough of me being plagiarized if it was me. I’m tickled to death every time I get plagiarized.

  2. Another fine piece of writing Jim. Kids are so easily tempted in our crazy world. Good luck, and God bless.

  3. Nice article, Jim.
    However, let’s hope you and your wife did not name your daughter “Diamond” or “Crystal”.

      1. Certain names like “Tara” “Bo’Niqua” “Jenny” automatically trigger my skank radar.

              1. Oh man, you just gave me a flashback I worked hard to suppress… that heavy NY accent is so unattractive. I went to a house party in the Bronx back in ’10, and this drunk Ecuadorian chick was into whatever I was saying [I was drunk, too]. In front of everybody, she gets naked, lays on the couch and says “A’YO NIGGUH!!! U gonna murda dis pussy-or what!?!” in that nasty thick nasal accent. I have not been attracted to NY women since.

                  1. Did Mrs. Bo’Niqua Cheeseburger look anything like Rosie Perez too? If so, then I’m afraid to say you have let a good thing go, Cheese.

        1. Best name I dealt with recently was LaSonya. I was on the phone. I could have swore her name was Lasagna

          1. That name screams poverty. And they wonder why resumes with ethnic names have a hard time getting taken seriously.

    1. Or, “Neveah, it’s Heaven backwards”
      It is like “its Heaven backwards” is part of the name or something

  4. Great idea.
    Must also be done reguraly in small doses.
    There is much to oppose, especially with the leftist leaning of many teachers.
    I also point out subtley – losers, heros, and examples.
    The many childless women we know and witness.
    And traditional family members, with dozens of grandchildren, greatgrandhildren, and greatgreatgrandchildren…

    Im ambivalent towards opposed to college presently. Her family and my grandkids are more imprtant

    1. I agree for the most part but there is the “be prepared “ part. Statistics show that college does little to sway opinion, it does confirms the political opinion you were taught during youth

      1. I’ve always been of that opinion as well. The child that goes off to the university and comes back a tattooed marxist wasn’t likely that strong in traditional beliefs before going in the first place.

        Take me, my bachelor’s was at one of the nastiest leftist garbage universities in California.

        Although my only real exposure was the crappy humanities classes foisted on us. If I had to do all humanities, all the time… no way in hell I’d have graduated. And they say physics is hard? No, listening to that drivel ooze out of insane humanities professors is much harder to deal with. 🙂

  5. Well done, sir! Hopefully, you have means of persuasion for the more persistent of those young men..

    1. My younger daughter is who I’m more nervous about. At nine she is a little social butterfly and is more rebellious.

  6. I’ve been debating doing something similar for my children lately since I’ll have a daughter after the new year and our son will only be thirteen months when she arrives. This is encouraging and many thanks for the inspiration.

  7. BRAVO!!!!!!

    I sought your advice in this area as I’ll be in this boat with my beloved in a few years. Thank you so much for resharing it.

  8. That… is an excellent letter! I’d say something more eloquent but I’m still in awe of how great it was. 🙂

  9. Bears repeating:

    If you let your daughter wear makeup at age 10,
    and you let her dress slutty at age 12,
    and you let her date at age 14
    don’t be shocked when she comes back pregnant at 16.

  10. Safeguard her options keeping them pointed towards motherhood. The more outside ‘education’ she is exposed to, the more her illusion of ‘options’ increases. Most lead to the carousel trap unfortunately. The carousel trap ensnares women like the rent trap ensnares young working men who can’t shake the consumer temptations to not save for a cash purchase of a homestead.

    It’s not the quantity of her education that is critical, it’s the quality and the substance. I met a Mennonite teen who did a sponsored mission of sorts to Peru working as a midwife’s assistant. She came back with a literal black belt in motherly knowledge, having performed 100 or so deliveries and only losing one she claimed. Now that beats the tar out of any college campus schtick and you don’t dare mention planned parenthood or abortion to her. She’ll look at you like you’re the devil. So matured in the motherly mentality she became while still a teen. Don’t think about it she’s off and married now. With her skillset she returned to her hometown community as one of the highest valued marriagable virgin females so she was very quickly married off and gone from the ‘market’ – – whilst in the next county, poor public high school girls were busy giving BJs to apes in the back of the school bus. Such a difference.

    I don’t know if the LDS does anything like that for their girls still, but the Mennonites and Amish are a bit more off the grid and midwifery knowledge for the women is as essential as blacksmithing and carpentry for the men.

    1. Not sure about the midwifery, but 19-26 YO women have the option of serving an 18 month mission if they are not married. For the young men, it is 18-26, and more of a expected priesthood responsibility. It is usually preaching, but there are some service missions available.

      1. A 26 yo virgin Mormon girl going on mission . . . eeeh . . . Isn’t it about . . . . time . . already I mean? Well you know what I mean.

        1. I agree on that. I didn’t make the rules. Most of the girl missionaries were 21-22. It was funny, they varied a lot more than the guys in how successful they were. Some were awesome, others were needy from the princess complex. “Flirt to convert “ was the running joke.

  11. very nice gift.
    most people will be giving their 12 yr olds smartphones on their birthdays

  12. Jim, despite not being a Christian and not being a family man I can’t express how much respect I have for you, what you do and how you do it.

    1. I appreciate that. There are times I feel like I am missing out of a life that I could had if I made different choices, but knowing what I am doing gets noticed goes a long way.

      1. “I feel like I am missing out of a life ”
        everyone thinks that – many women act on it… and never stop.

        “but knowing what I am doing gets noticed goes a long way”
        There is no perfect time to have kids, but earlier the better I reckon (I think you started about 30 – so bit later?)
        I started at 40.
        My contemporaries are now accumulating grand-kids…And so now I “regret” not having had kids early 20s too…
        But, then I reminisce about my misspent decades of worldwide debauchery, and I’m a bloody great pool player…

        1. You and Jim did it right. PUA life has a point of diminishing returns. I’m a senior in college surrounded by young trim born when I was in high school. In spite of that, I deeply yearn for a wife, children, and the picket fence setting.

  13. Hm. I think you’re naive to think a 12 year old will care about receiving such a formal pamphlet. On the other hand, maybe I’m just too jaded to get it.

        1. The world has always sucked. A child brings joy and hope. You can shelter them and prepare them properly and maybe, just maybe, start to change the world.

          1. They world has always sucked, but it has never been so unpredictable. I’m talking about technology. Apparently people are already working on brain-machine connections etc. There are war robots, with neural-networks allowing them to walk (and other stuff of course, think real world Robocop). Nukes, but those are the smallest issue.

            The future looks very bleak imo, to the point where hope is misguided and dangerous.

            1. but even that tech is far from perfected. They always say that stuff is closer to actualization than it actually is. The same goes for nuclear fusion power.

              1. That’s weirdly one of the things that makes it so dangerous. They just tinker with stuff until they get the superficial result they want. This is exactly what psychiatry is doing currently with all its meds … try this drug … yo … don’t like it? … hmm maybe this one?

                They don’t have any deeper idea what they’re doing, but that in no way stops them from feeling entitled to doing it.

          1. We’ll see.

            Also, for me a big part is also not wanting to have a woman as a constant presence in my life. I lived with my mother for 23 years and I really don’t care for that shit again lol.

  14. Dear Dad,
    Nah – I’m just fukkin with you Jim! This was wonderful! Top-notch Daddin’ as usual. Keep up the good work

  15. Another commentor stated words to the effect that it’s never too early to instill your values in your children. I would agree. I have read and even heard from authorities on the subject that our basic moral values and beliefs are established by the time we are ten years old. Children are still somewhat impressionable even into young adulthood. This is why the military prefers recruits that are in their late teen. But if we have done our job as parents, the moral foundation we established will follow them through life. This is why two parent, intact, traditional patriarchal families are so important for our continued survival as a society and so loathed by the ruling elite.

    I have seen the results of the inverse of this. My neighbor’s daughters’ mother passed away when they were quite young. Their father is weak at best and lets these girls do pretty much what they want. They have been raised by the public school system and believe the cultural Marxist line from A to Z. Their moral values are very “liberal” and their sense of entitlement has been firmly established. I foresee terrible trouble for the two younger ones and it is probably too late to do anything to help them even if I were in a position to. I have seen this scenario play out so many times now it cannot be by accident.

    1. The tradgedy is the father not gaming a new woman to replace the deceased mother like the way you replace a spare tire. It’s a matter of simple mechanics keeping a family functional. I doubt the guy took it as fate or as a challenge to make a go at single fathering. He probably lacked game to snag a replacement mother. A car would sound awful hobbling on a bare rim with a good tire in the trunk. Necessity calls for a spare when a member blows whether it be a tire, a worker on a crew or a critical member within a company of fighting soldiers. Who says you can’t quickly replace a dead mother to keep the show on the road? It’s a sad tradgedy but it gets sadder if the boat isn’t fixed. Where is it written that the man isn’t in charge of his castle and has no authorization to pan for a replacement wife-motherwoman when the primary one goes permanently out of service? The penalty for stealing a replacement woman is less than if you steal a spare tire. I’d honestly buy a spare tire but steal a spare woman if mine ever blew. A tire iron and jack is to stealing a tire as your tongue is to stealing a woman with game. You use ‘tounge-fu’ – – “haieeeaaah”

  16. Nice post. I am sure you are a great father.

    “However, if you use this relatively short time of high attractiveness
    wisely, you will find a good man who will dedicate his life to you.”

    100% agree.
    What I am going to say is mere conjecture given the type of life I lead, but if a young female at the height of her youth and beauty had decided to give herself to me back before I became what I am, I sincerely believe I would have been loyal to her forever.

    Good luck with your daughter. And all your other kids as well.

  17. I interviewed all of my oldest daughter’s dates. She loved it.
    There is even a book; “Interviewing your daughter’s date”

    1. Interesting, I know the old cliche where you are there, cleaning your gun. Never seemed right to me to threaten a guy for socializing with your daughter. I like the idea of him coming over and chatting while she finishes getting ready. Could you elaborate on what you do?

      1. The book “Interviewing your daughter’s date” is great and I recommend it.
        I take the boy to the local burger place and order a soda, ice cream or whatever.
        Things I usually say:
        – Thanks for meeting with me, I am sure that this feels awkward and/or intimidating but it means a lot that you are willing to meet and talk, men need to do this more often
        – I ask him to talk about himself a little, his interests, family, etc
        – I am glad that you are interested in R. She is pretty special to me as well.
        – As a man I understand that you are interested in her for more than just her personality; you are attracted to her, I get it, she is a pretty girl.
        – I remember the things that ran through my mind at your age and I am sure they haven’t changed much (knowing look inserted here)
        – R is my life’s work, I have taken a lot of time and care to help make her as interesting and fun as she is today.
        – Up to now it has been my responsibility to protect her, not just physically, but I take pains to protect her heart as well. Basically you are offering to take over for me for a while. I need to know that you understand how important of a job that is.
        – As a girl, her reputation is pretty much the most important thing she has. It will be up to you to protect that from even the appearance of anything that would tarnish that. Can you do that?
        – I will periodically check up and ask you how you are doing in that respect.
        – Also, when you break up, and odds are that you will, I require you to assure me right now that you will treat her with respect, even though you are not together anymore. Can I count on you for that?

        By this time I already know if he will be allowed to date her or not. Once I have decided, I’ll tell him that I will allow him to date my daughter. He usually doesn’t hear much after that so I get the important things out of the way before that point.

        To me, and I stress this to my girls (3 of them), if a boy won’t sit with me over coffee/soda/ice cream and talk to me about her then he doesn’t value her and won’t treat her well.
        A sheepdog knows a wolf when he sees one. To the sheep, they both look a lot alike.
        Do your job early on as a dad and only legit guys will come by to talk.
        Once a boy wanted to date R and told her I was being unreasonable wanting him to come visit and that it was too much work. She was mad at first when I told her that she couldn’t see him then. Later, after she saw how he turned out, she admitted that our deal was a good one.

        1. Also, WAY before there is even a possibility of boys coming by I talk about how it will be. Haven’t had a daughter say no to the plan yet

          1. I like the idea. I will have to keep this in mind. With the dozens of girls I dated in my youth, only once did I have a dad talk with me prior, and it was more of a veiled threat. The guy was insulting. I am not sure if he knew, but his daughter was already well known as the village bicycle.

              1. Yup, I could see a guy screwing that girl just to spite her dad. I took her out that once for homecoming dance and took her home.

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