Knowing When To Keep Going

These days it seems that the second someone is pushed out of their comfort bubble, they lash out and begin to lose control.  I’ve been practicing a method on keeping myself focused on the goal when things in my life become hectic.  There is a point where you have to decide that you’re in it for the long haul and that despite how crazy the situation, you’re going to kick ass and take names

The Situation

While at home last weekend I had a pretty big list of things I wanted to accomplish. Had to install a new microwave in the kitchen, replace parts in my father’s computer, get food for the week, and do all the normal things I typically do on Sundays.  Each of these tasks were accompanied by their own typical issues and problems, especially the microwave install.  I hit a point where things weren’t lining up, and I had to just take a second to assess the situation.  This was the last thing I wanted to get done for the day and despite the fact that I wanted to just say fuck it, I had to finish.  It got me thinking about that threshold we all face in many different situations where we must chose to go on, even if we don’t want to.

 

I don’t care if you’re lifting weights, fixing a car, or trying to get a project done for work, we all reach this point of “make it or die.”  Being humans, everything in your head is telling you to give up, leave things as they are, and go watch some Netflix, but there is shit that has to be done.  You don’t take on a task just to leave it half way finished.

Fighting the urge to quit

The tactic I’ve been using to cross over this threshold has a few parts.  First, I reflect on the progress I’ve already made.  I begin visualizing the process from the beginning, and I mentally go through the motions to better understand what it is I’m trying to accomplish.  Next, I have a bit of a mental pep talk.  I tell myself “ You have to get this shit done, so suck it up and get going.”  Last I think about the pride of completing a task or project and the mental positive feedback loop that accompanies that.

A minor thing I use is how I’m perceived to the family.  The wife and kids know when a task is mine to complete as much as I do.  I have never failed them in my duty as a father and husband, so that is another voice in my ear to knock things out of the park.

Knowing when to quit

If you’re screwing around and not making any headway, then you have to know when to cut your losses and move on.  These are usually bigger than just installing a new microwave, but knowing when to identify something you should walk away from is important.  For example: if you’re going to do more damage than good in a situation, admit it and move on.  I personally have no idea how to rebuild a transmission, so its not a task I’d begin without someone who know what they’re doing.  If I did decide to jump into a task and realize that I was in over my head, I find its better to admit that you need help than to foolishly let pride take over and royally fucking up something.  When I was a bricklayer with my father he told me “A real man asks for help.  I’d rather show you how to fix a mistake than to have to tear down the whole wall” Those words stuck with me far beyond their initial meeting.

Conclusion

We all face difficult things in our lives.  We all are dealt a shitty hand.  There is a time where you decide to nut up or shut up and get things done.  Getting to that point takes balls, getting past that point takes brain power and determination.  Many times, I’ve found that I was the one taking a simple task and thinking on it too much.  It can help tremendously to walk away for a second, rethink your strategy and attack the situation with a new set of eyes.  Get yourself to the point mentally that you’re not going to give up no matter how difficult things become.  That said, make sure you know when to give in and acknowledge that you need help.  Try to learn as much as you can in these situations, so you can kill it next time.

 

-J.  Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family. Fitness addict, DIY guru, and tech nerd.

211 thoughts on “Knowing When To Keep Going”

  1. Related: set realistic goals. If you have a big project, realize that it probably won’t get accomplished in one day. Break it into smaller milestones so that you can feel comfortable walking away from partial completion if you need to. Not saying this happened in the examples above, but remember that setting realistic goals and expectations for yourself works just as well as it does with your wife and kids.

    1. On this subject, keep in mind the potentially critical nature of any project. What, and for how long, will be disabled or unusable for the duration of the project.

      In short, never start a plumbing project on a Sunday night.

      1. Had to start an emergency plumbing project at 2:30pm on Thanksgiving once. Dinner finally made it out just a shade before midnight.

      2. Let’s qualify that with never *voluntarily* start a plumbing project on Sunday night. Around my house, plumbing projects have been”self starters” on more than one occasion and they didn’t care what night it was. In Soviet Union, plumbing project starts you!

  2. What if I already have her tied up in my mom’s basement and duct tape around her mouth? Do I keep going or cut her loose, throw her a Red Bull and say it was all a misunderstanding?

          1. They are just like us! Except we don’t dress like women and our brains aren’t scrambled.

          2. Even Mr. T, in the classic Episode of the a-team Cowboy George, where faceman accidentally books boy george and the culture club rather than Cowboy George to play for the men working the pipeline, learns to accept the cross dressing. After Murdoc poses as a pregnant woman, Mr. T kicks a door in and Boy George answers the question “who are you guys” with a terrific “we’re the A-Team Jack” and save the payroll from being stolen by crooked bandits all the men working the pipeline get down to the culture club performing Karma Chameleon and Mr. T gives an out of character huge smile, gay wink and thumbs up. (stop and reflect on that plot for a moment)

          1. As I understand it, certain antipsychotic drugs don’t go well with the Fava beans. The Chianti is fine…

    1. You live in the 90’s. Nowadays the hip thing to do is going to a European resort where you pay loads of money to torture some american tourist in a sterile environment.

            1. Documentary? You mean the 4 hour video some art student at Hofstra makes every time someone decides to take down a condemned building which is an eye sore and probably dangerous but has been there for long enough that they remember it from their childhood. Part of the neurosis induced by living on long island, Islandia, is an inability to accept that not everything on the island is really great. It is basically a form of what Freud calls reaction formation….the conscious acceptance of just how fucking terrible it is to live there would actually annihilate the persons mind so they have to form a totally opposite reaction that they really believe it isn’t just acceptable, but wonderful.

        1. closest thing I have ever seen was a place in tokyo which reminded me of a cheap motel room where high school kids go to fuck at an hourly rate filled with fake antiques. They give you a bat and let you go apeshit for 20 minutes. It is a great destresser before dinner, too much alcohol and karaoke on the ginza. strange folks those Japanese. Also, since the Japs are Chinese they very well make pee pee in your coke.

          1. that is a GREAT idea! “Rock Star hotel”!!!! can bash shit, throw tvs out the window, whack bitches with swordfishes…

            1. IT was a blast, but I imagine here the insurance would be problematic. Speaking of trashing hotel rooms there is (was?) this great show in England called The Final 24 where they recap the final 24 hours in the lives of celebrities who died young. The Keith Moon episode was particularly good

              Everyone oohs and ahhs about moons 20th birthday celebration where he had a giant cake with a woman in it, a food fight, a fire extinguisher fight and drove a Lincoln continental into the hotel’s pool but my favorite was another. He locked himself into his hotel bathroom for days, blocked up the door with towels and let the water in the bath run until he could swim around. Eventually the floor gave out and he found himself, along with some several hundred gallons of water, crashing into the room below where a perfectly lovely couple were spending their vacation. He stood up, completely naked, went to their mini bar and offered them a drink.

                1. Meanwhile, justin beiber has a fender bender with a rented lambo in miami and the whole world is outraged. I really like to think that if there is an afterlife Keith Moon has been sitting around for the last 25 years just mumbling the word “pussies” non stop

                  1. legendary those rockers were…got to see the Who a few weeks/months before Entwistle died; coke in his system, prostitutes running down the fire escape. the only way to go out

                    1. In the video i posted they said that he was “getting clean”

                      Mind you, for Moon “clean” meant: prescription alcohol blocker pills, champagne instead of hard liqueur and just a little coke. This was the man’s definition of “clean”

                    2. Seems pretty reasonable. Except for the alcohol blockers. Something unnatural, there.

              1. Livin……for a little while at least.

                That’s how my friend found himself expelled from the Hill School – helping flood the corridor for canoe races!

                1. Shit like that is like having a boat. It is a load of fun, but a lot better in the long run if it is your friend’s and not yours

                    1. And property is a hole in the ground you pour money into.
                      Between property and a boat, I think women fit in there somewhere.

                    2. I bought an engraver’s block and had it in the floor of my truck when I went to pick up my girlfriend. When she tried to move it she commented on how heavy the box was and wanted to know what was in it. When I told her an engraver’s block she asked what that was. I responded “A $400 vise.” She said “That’s the most expensive vise I ever heard of!” I flatly stated “No. Women are the most expensive vice.” Bitch kicked me…

              2. I miss the days when rock stars were innocent scumbags, instead of the cynical scumbags we have today.

      1. I’m not really interested in going to a resort to torture someone but, I insist you elaborate on that.

        1. That movie franchise freaked me out. Let’s just say watching a naked girl hanging upside down getting slashed with a scythe by a woman pretending to be Elizabeth Bathory is not my cup of tea.

      1. is this a special kind of microwave? my installation process was plugging it into the wall?

        1. I’m guessing (hoping) its the hang up in the cabinetry, built-in range-hood variety, and that our Good Author didn’t get stuck trying to orient the plug and place it on the counter all that time.

            1. Right. I mean…..his experience is in masonry, mighta been a bumpy transition, mortaring the thing into the wall.

                  1. saw a city worker watering an already dead sapling yesterday. hey, it was on the list, so whatevs

                    1. Have to fill out paperwork to declare a tree dead, possibly create some remediation plan. Best to water it and leave it for the next guy.

                  2. It only takes 3 union masons to install a microwave but regulations require an 8 hour minimum and for every mason there needs to be 3 people drinking coffee and if you are going to have people drinking coffee you need a teamster to make sure the cups are hauled out properly

        2. My guess it’s a microwave that you install so it hangs above the stovetop. Requires some lining up of holes for the bolts to go in.

          1. ah. might call for an edit(says the guy who hates the caps lock button and punctuation)

          2. Nah, i like to imagine J,Nyx with a counter top microwave and the plug staring at the outlet in confusion for a good hour

              1. that is so difficult that in germany they made special camps where people could be instructed.

                1. Geez, way to take a joke about him staring at the label for an hour because it says “concentrate” on it and making it all Seig Heil.
                  This is why we can’t have nice things…

        3. Jak hit it. The microwave above my stove was ancient and the mounting brackets were all fucked up. The new mounting bracket barely lined up with any studs and I had to drill all new holes in the above cabinet.

  3. I find that when I get frustrated it’s better to stop and walk away because when I start cussing and throwing wrenches is when stuff really gets messed up.

  4. Nice one Jynx.

    “..make sure you know when to give in and acknowledge that you need help.”

    Also have an idea who you should ask for help. Having a group of acquintances you can rely on from different backgrounds and skill sets has saved me a lot time and Money in the past.

    1. I have really screwed the pooch before by being too proud to ask for help. You end up having to redo it anyway so better to stop when the problem is small than when it’s a BIG deal

      1. Pride and “I will not surrender” attitude combined can work against you. If you doing a small project with no deadline– and are doing it to learn– fine. If not and time is not your friend, take a minute and take 2 steps back and assess the situation.

        1. Exactly. I was raised to be self sufficient and this bleeds over into not wanting to ask for help. Subconsciously I see that as weakness and struggle with it

          1. I’ll remember that if I see you get run over by a car.

            JJ: “help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
            bem: “pfffft – what a faeg…..”

              1. Really gets the wife stirred up when one of the kids hurt themselves and I just glance at them w/o stopping what I’m doing and say “They’ll be fine”. I was raised that way and then working in the Emergency Room for years bled out any other sympathy

                1. “I was raised that way and then working in the Emergency Room for years bled out any other sympathy”

                  Know that well. My mother was a nurse who did a fews year in ER. The sibs and I hardly saw the inside of a doctors office in our youth and she had a very analytical approach to any injury we came in with. I’m the same, but must admit my kids tend to handle it well. Unlike their mother.

                    1. And the best thing about compound fractures is – there’s no time wasted in diagnosis:

                      “yep, there’s your problem….”

                    2. thought you’d pick up on that jerky boys reference…saw a compound fracture on the ski slopes once…words cannot describe the agony the guy was in…fortunately the st. bernard showed up, made himself a martini before he went to work

                    3. Damn missed it!
                      That’s some rugged shit to witness. I had my femur shattered into a bunch of pieces but at least for the sake of decency the parts stayed UNDER the skin!

                    4. we’d call in bomb threats. no one believed us, they would stay on the line and talk shit right back at us. I miss the 90s

                    5. Had a guy come in that was running from the cops, hopped a fence, and then couldn’t run anymore because his tibia was jutting out and his foot was just hanging there. We couldn’t get it to reduce so had to ship him to an ortho center

                    6. Never seen it in person but watching Bo Jackson go from being probably the single greatest athlete in the world to a gimp was rough

    2. True. The water pump on my 1990 Honda Accord failed on me while going to work. So I thought I could change it right then and there. Until I realized it was installed behind some sort of casing. I ended up calling up my brother who has a bigger knowledge of mechanics than me and even he couldn’t figure it out. We ended up having to pull it to a mechanic. He charged me $250 but the car has 216000+ miles and runs like a champ.

      1. I’ll guess you were accustomed to working on American-designed vehicles? The Japanese tend to value compactness over ease of service.

        1. Jackpot! Before this car all the cars I’ve owned were GM brands. So easy even a mechanical idiot like me could work on those.

            1. I bet she smells like that gooey stuff that magically appears on boars head cold cuts for no reason

          1. yeah – notwithstanding a first-rate education and upper-class associations all her life I guaranfukktee she sounds like Miss Copiague 1992 when she opens up that hole in her face.

            1. lest we forget
              Copiague – (n.) a miniscule amount inexplicably not paid by a medical
              insurance company which your doctor keeps sending bills for. A copiague is
              generally an amount less than the cost of the postage for the bill you receive
              and is always such an insignificant amount of money that you refuse to mail a
              check or go out of your way to stop by and pay. Some doctors will threaten to
              send the bill for the copiague into collection, an action which effectively
              prevents its ever being paid as most patients will then refuse to pay, either
              for spite or simply to see if they will actually contact a collections agency
              for such a piddling amount.

              1. Only a true New Yorker would know about that “sheltered place” where you can ignore inconsequential medical bills. 😉

          1. nah, that would go to bruce willis’ girls who look like boys-Scout,Rumor, and Zeppo

          1. you guys need to stop comparing her to her mom. dont believe you would not bump uglies with her. do I need to throw in a Ferrari?

            1. Skip the Ferrari. WB. If you let me keep the paper bag. And many thrown in another bottle of Thunderbird.

              1. When banging the offspring of billy joel thunderbird not enough…gonna need Cisco

    1. Just when I thought that nothing could be lamer than billy joel i find out that there is a woman who fucks him.

      Sort of OT….every day when I look around at people it really creeps me out to realize that all of them have at some point convinced someone to put their genitals in their mouths. It is just fucking horrendous.

      1. Dude you could not BE any more New York. New Yorkers are universally grossed out by almost all human behavior. Very low tolerance for filth, skyhigh levels of disgust.

        It’s very puritan. Black clothing, work ethic, disgust.

      2. “every day when I look around at people it really creeps me out to
        realize that all of them have at some point convinced someone to put
        their genitals in their mouths. It is just fucking horrendous.”

        You’re not alone. And as you know, French females often great you with the cheek kissing. I should carry a small handkerchief to clean my face right after the enactment of this most displeasing custom.

        But I don’t see many females anymore so, problem solved.

        1. ha, my seamstress is a french woman who greets me with a kiss and smells the way i imagine the bag of 200 foreskins that David gave to Saul did.

        2. side note, one of the very few times i will say that the asian cultures have something over the vastly more civilized western ones, is with the whole bowing thing. No hand shaking, no kissing…a nice, non physical contact bow. Those savages may have a lot of shit wrong but when it comes to polite greetings they know their shit.

          1. I’m a big fan of the Roman ave.

            But we can’t use it now because it reminds people of that famous Austrian painter who did silly things.

  5. “knowing when to quit”……to me that comes when you are not making any progress. Two summers ago, my pickup quit working, I take it home and find gasoline is going into the oil. If I leave the key on, cylinders 7 and 8 will fill up completely, so I cant even turn the motor with a wrench. I check the fuel injectors, fuel pump, and a bunch of other stuff. Three months of fighting with it, and I am about to take it to the wrecking yard. I finally give up and tow it into this mechanic who finds a wire that is grounding out above the transmission within two days. Three months of weekends wasted for a $600 bill.

  6. My axiom for a major project is “Take it in chunks.” Most of us have enough other responsibilities that attempting to complete a project of any real magnitude in one session is out of the question. I try to preplan by breaking the project up in reasonable stopping points.Then I will work on it until I reach that milestone and stop.

    This approach gives you a sense of accomplishment since you have reached a defined goal. And it sets you up at a known starting point when you resume. This is especially important when dealing with time sensitive things like paint and glue. Part of the time you have to factor in is clean up along with the actual work. If you go and go until you have to take care of other things, like sleep, you will come back to a big mess.

    So, planning the work and then actually working the plan will save you a lot of headaches and time in the long run.

        1. honestly this would be a great article: how to deal with the Fredo in your life- either personally or professionally

                1. while we are just throwing out movies I will remind you that a Cadillac
                  got more acceleration, more
                  power, more– better handling,
                  better looking, more legroom for
                  your legs , more power

              1. to be fair he did make his bones while you were going out with cheerleaders

  7. Very timely article for a situation I’m going through. Been wrestling with the decision to keep going or stop & pursue a new avenue. Came to the conclusion last week to stop digging the hole I’m currently working on & go a different direction. I really needed to look at why I was attempting to continue on the current path & realized it was mostly to prove I could out of spite to others.

    Since I made up my mind I’ve noticed a huge improvement in my attitude & overall give a fuck’s.

    1. Re-evaluating your goals is NOT the same as quitting. And as much as I’ll champion spite as a motivation, after a while it can burn you up.

    2. I stayed in my first marriage for ten years out of spite. I would have been much better off to have thrown in the towel, both financially and emotionally, when I could see it wasn’t going to work. Which would have been like 3 months in. Instead, out of stubbornness, it cost a lot of money and fukked up four people’s lives. It’s always better to put pride and spite aside and cut your losses as early as possible.

  8. OT: any unique Halloween costume ideas for a party I got invited to?
    Some I’ve considered:
    Hugh Hefner
    John Wayne Gacy
    clothesline so girls can hang their panties on each side of my head
    Orange jumpsuit
    Borat

        1. Man, i miss the good ole days of Bush II when a costume like that had at least a 20% chance of getting you arrested by homeland security and shipped off to camp x-ray so white trash morons can make a human pyramid with you before, I assume, playing beer pong and getting pregnant

          1. About 15 years ago the real Jimmy Swaggert was actually preaching on Halloween and some drunk fratty kept going up to him and laughing, “good costume bro!”

          1. answer me this…have you ever seen Forney and John Wayne Gacy in the same room? Have you?

          1. I WANT to understand this but its just out of reach…..

            (how did Lou Gherig not see that coming, by the way?)

        1. really, no one with me on Sponge Bob dumping a bucket of water over his own head and giving a speech at a Yankees game?

      1. wishy washy shit. As I have always said: “Russian women want your wallet not your penis”

        1. I have always had very good luck with eastern Europeans including Russians. The thing is, I always know what to expect from them. That said, they are all incredibly oversexed. Yes, the prioritize money and social standing, titles and even education of sex but they do want to fuck. The trick with them is that they want to fuck someone with the highest possible SMV as they determine by their particular desires and often refuse to settle for less. I don’t see this as a down side. They are far more honest than most.

          1. except when you bring them to the USA and you’re SMV is not as high. I’ve seen too many dudes in my company over 55 think they can tame that shrew.

            1. That is a mistake for sure. I have enjoyed the company of Russians mostly because I have the superficial things that they seek out (A job that they understand and respect that comes with a title, face recognition at a lot of high end places, connections, a good address, a good education) AND i have realistic expectations of them coupled with the fact that I don’t try to lock them down

              1. you are charismatic, workout , and live in NY. ’nuff said. I’ve had to dig deep and throw down my best game lately on American women that are high smv. the sugar babies do not sling the shit tests as much as the ones that actually like me. I would rather die trying to seduce American women than have to lock down a foreigner.

                1. that makes sense to me. The lock down is counter intuitive to our particular purposes in life. I really don’t have any idea the way texas game works. I assume, like anywhere, if you own a basketball team or a string of successful night clubs you will be fine but I don’t get the way other places work

            2. Eastern European women are the biggest gold-diggers out there. And they walk all over you if you show any sign of weakness.

              1. Like many women from hard cultures, if an Eastern European woman isn’t 100% sure that you will put her through a fucking Wall if she crosses a line then she will never respect you

            1. man, next thing you know they will want to lay a finger on your butterfinger

        2. Or both – Reminds me of a rabbi I knew who made a wallet out of all the foreskins he chopped. When you rubbed it, it turned into a suitcase!

          AYYY!!!! OHHH!!!!!!!

    1. uh hey, wait, er, uh, soooooooo….now that Disqus gave ROK the boot and roosh had to do a new comment system does that mean our bans have been lifted?

      1. Comrade Valizadeh hasn’t sent in the party’s declaration of comment freedom via telegram yet. We wait his edict.

    2. Roosh was telling his readers for years that Eastern Europe was a “poosie paradise” filled with traditional women. Now a real Eastern European (a Russian, for that matter) proves him wrong.
      I am surprised he even allowed this article to be published. Oh, wait…he is trying to save his face by saying in a comment:
      “Russian men don’t complain about their women as much as American women complain about theirs, but they complain about nearly everything else, especially the ability to earn a living. It appears that the trade-off to more feminine women is having a harder life.”
      Sure, Roosh, keep believing that. “Muh Svetlana” and all that.
      No wonder ROK is dead.

      1. Yes exactly . I bet he got fucked by a Russian or Ukrainian hard , I mean so hard he felt it in his throat . That’s why he became melancholy lately . I’d rather date carousel riders in America than Russian gold diggers. At least the carousel riders are fun and usually have a good sense of humor !

  9. “It can help tremendously to walk away for a second, rethink your strategy and attack the situation with a new set of eyes. ”

    Or when to walk away for the night.
    Just yesterday I was trying to finish up something at work, and just wasn’t getting there. Was past 6 ( I normally work a 10 hour day because I get paid by the hour on this contract), the office was hotter than hell, I was sweating up a storm, and I was drawing blanks. Then I remembered…been there, done that about 1000 times!
    Came back in the AM, and solved the problem in less than 10 minutes. Nothing wrong with walking away when you know you’ll be back and ready to go.

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