“Either you must control your thoughts or the outside forces will control them and be warned that the outside forces usually consist of fears, worries and doubts.”
A comment I read on Twitter the other day has stuck with me. It’s something that I’ve subconsciously been aware of for quite some time, but struck me on a deeper level when someone else actually said it out loud. Today I’m going to let you in on a little secret:
Words have power.
Words have the power to build up or destroy, but there’s more to it than that. Can you guess what it is?
If you guessed your own frame of mind, you would be correct. What someone says to you means nothing if they mean nothing to you. On the flip side, if the person you hold dearest to you says something malicious towards you, it can cut you deeper than any knife.
The same holds true to how you talk to yourself. If you speak poorly or weakly about yourself, your whole mindset will be weak. They say you are what you eat, but a more accurate saying would be…
You are how you talk to yourself.
This has been ingrained in me since I started training in martial arts when I was a young teenager. I wish I realized just how powerful proper self-talk was back then.
Remove and Replace
There’s a stark difference in how winners and losers talk to themselves. Their whole vocabulary if completely different. Losers will constantly say things like:
- I can’t.
- I don’t know.
- I suck at this.
- I’m not ready.
- She wouldn’t be into me.
- I’ll try.
- What’s wrong with me?
- I guess.
Compare that with movers and shakers who are out hustling, gaming their wife, and enjoying life and its bounty:
- I can.
- I will.
- I’ll figure this out.
- Once I learn this.
- I know.
- Damn, I’m good.
There’s some considerations you will need to be aware of when changing your vocabulary to that of a winner. First and foremost, you have to mean it. Let me repeat that…
Everything you say to yourself, you have to mean it deep down to your core.
If you say you are going to do something, you must follow through. This reinforces the connection between what you say and what you do. If you say one thing and not follow through, you’re reinforcing a weak connection. You’re subconscious is being reinforced with the notions that you are a liar, a flake, and a pussy.
For a long time, I told myself that one day I’d write a book, but I always found a reason why right now wasn’t a good time. You can guess what message I was engraving into my subconscious.
I’ve finally knuckled down and put my money where my mouth is. I’m not only writing my first novel, but I am enjoying the whole process. I feel invigorated with each sentence I finish. I lose myself in my writing in a way that I don’t when writing a more technical post. I lose all track of time.
It doesn’t matter how big or small the task you say you’re going to do is, you must follow through.
Another example of this was when I was trying to get up earlier in the morning in order to get more done before heading off to work. I tried a lot of different things, but what finally worked for me was telling myself this:
“You’re going to get up as soon as the alarm goes off. You will not hit the snooze button and you will not go back to bed. You’ve got shit to do and you’re not going to put it off until later.”
Once I started telling myself this, I was jumping right out of bed an hour earlier every morning. My positive self-talk worked like a charm until…
I stopped doing it.
This isn’t a one-time fix all. You must constantly engage in positive self-talk. In some cases, the change can be immediate, but in most cases the changes will be slow over a longer course of time. The plus side to this is that, like frame, if your self-talk is stronger than what someone else says to you, it won’t affect you. If you’re a winner and you know you’re a winner, you’ll simply laugh in someone’s face when they call you a loser.
This isn’t to be confused with arrogance. It’s not only confidence in your current abilities, but also your ability to learn new skills – to adapt and overcome.
In closing, I will leave you with one final quote:
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”