Dear (Son)……….An Open Letter

Note: This is a letter I recently gave to my son on his 13th birthday. He is a good kid, tall, smart and muscular. He has every reason to be on top of his game but has issues with socializing with other kids his age. He lacks confidence in himself, and it shows through fits and temper tantrums. Public school teachers would classify him as ADHD. But beneath it all, he has a strong desire to do the right thing and be honest.

Unlike that letter I proposed to send to my daughter, this one focuses more on his stage in life and the issues he is dealing with, rather than a broad overview of life. I will probably give him another as he gets into his last years of high school.

The Letter

Dear (Son),

I want to start off this letter by saying how much your mom and I love you. We think highly of you and are impressed with who you are. You are a very intelligent, athletic, and a joy to have in our home. Although I may not show it at times, I am continually impressed by your character. You have a propensity to do what is right and hold yourself to standards that you need in order to succeed.

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. – Romans 8:16-18

We are the literal offspring of God. Think about it, if we do our best to live Christ’s example, God will bless us with everything he has. Your potential is unfathomable. We love you, and are here to help you succeed in this endeavor that we all are on. It isn’t easy, but it is well worth it.

You are coming into your teenage years. For me, it was a very rough time. You and your peers are all trying to figure out how to behave grown up. Far too many think that being manly and tough involves picking on others, whether physically or mentally. Know that this is a passing phase. I was a smaller kid in 7th and 8th grade, and some of the kids were brutal. You have an advantage on being a bigger kid, which can also serve as a disadvantage. A common tactic for a kid your age to gain status is to find a bigger kid (maybe you) and to pick fights with him and to rely on his good nature or the people around him so he doesn’t get the snot kicked out of him. Looking from the outside, it is quite pathetic. But, when you are caught up in it and being the kid picked on, it can mean the world to you.

My advice is to look at it for what it is, and to stand your ground. Verbally, just ignore or throw it right back at them, you may want to get all emotional about it, don’t. That is a sign of weakness on your part, and will encourage them further. Remember that wormy little kid that teased you in (our old town)? He is not liked, some may hang around him to form a pseudo-gang, but they don’t like him either. It is just their defense mechanism. If you ever get into a physical fight, I won’t be mad provided you were prudent in avoiding the fight and you don’t throw the first punch. In 8th grade, I think I went too far in avoiding fights and was picked on by others as a consequence. To them, being peaceful is a sign of weakness. One thing though, there is risk, and you can get hurt. Be careful out there.

You are also coming to an age where you will start to look at girls. I don’t blame you, they are beautiful. I am very attracted to the fairer gender. God has instilled this attraction within us for good reason. This passion, however needs to be controlled. Only in the right time and in the right circumstance (marriage) can you morally let your passions go. Until then, not only is it immoral, it is destructive and dangerous. Lots of guys (and girls) have made life changing mistakes because they were unable to keep that fire in check. For this reason, the church recommends, and your mother and I will enforce the rule that you are not to date until you are 16. At that point, I would encourage you to date lots of girls.

Girls are funny when it comes to dating. In our society, the princess complex is real. Media teaches young men and women that they need to invest vast amount of time and energy to gain the attraction from girls. This creates an atmosphere where young men play the “nice guy” to gain attraction from women, and women expect extensive favors from guys for existing. Not only does this not work, it has a tendency to backfire. If you invest too much energy into a particular girl, you will come across as needy and lower value. Of course you need to be nice, but if they are wanting you to invest more and more into them, don’t. It is not worth your time or heartache. Throughout high school and into my college years, I had a terrible propensity to get oneitis (an infatuation with one particular girl). It creeps girls out. (Mom) will often bring up that I did that prior to our dating steady. I could not get her to really be attracted to me until after our missions and I asked other girls out. It was showing her that I had other options that elevated my status and made her want to be with me. This is why I would encourage you as you are older to date lots of girls and show that you have options.

Dating is tough for young men. As I mentioned before, a woman’s dating market value is high early on. Guys are more attracted to the physical. Consequently, guys of all ages find the younger women more attractive. This pushes you out of the market. A guy, on the other hand, develop attractiveness as they build status through wealth, skills, personality and knowledge. All of this takes time, and increases with age. This makes it tough when you are young, but things get better. It does not mean you can just fritter away your youth, it means you need to be developing your skills so you can cash in and marry when the time is right (probably the tail end of college after your mission). Moreover, keep your nose clean. Be the type of guy that will attract the virtuous girls. Do these things, and you will be successful in your endeavor to find a worthy mate, even if it takes a while.

College is a funny thing, you may decide that route as I did, or you may choose a vocational school of some sort. Most people will tell you to figure out what you are passionate about and pursue that. Frankly, I think that is hogwash. Any job becomes mundane after spending years in it. Even rock stars will come up with songs about the pains of living on the road (AC/DC – Ain’t no Fun, Journey – Faithfully) My advice is to decide on an occupation that will facilitate your needs in life. I chose engineering because it pays well and affords me the free time on the evenings and weekends. I don’t enjoy dealing with the bureaucracy, but it feeds my family, which is my true passion in life.

Above all, stay firm in the gospel. I can’t tell you what a difference it has made in my happiness and outlook in life. Within the church, you are taught how to have a happy marriage, to feel good about yourself, to have some comfort in knowing you are being looked out after. Take a look at my brothers and sister, and their situation, and compare that to mine. Even with good parents, the difference is so apparent. God loves you, your mom loves you, and I love you. We all want the best for you, but that is up to you to stay on that path. We cannot do that for you.

 

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40’s, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).

  • AutomaticSlim

    Nice letter Jim. Your son is lucky to have you.

    “..and you don’t throw the first punch.”

    – I was taught that as well. I suppose for the most part it is decent advice, especially for a 13 yo, but sometimes throwing the first punch is a good move.

    ” I chose engineering because it pays well and affords me the free time on the evenings and weekends.”

    – What type of engineer? I imagine electrical/mechanical/chemical or something like that. They are still treated as professionals with decent hours. In IT (some call themselves software engineers — I always say computer programmer) , we get treated like plow horses with little regard for our personal time. But at least it pays well.

    • Jim Johnson

      Really I think as long as you can separate your job from your personal life it really doesn’t matter what you do. Some guys who work 60 hours or more are really missing out on the more important things in life. Your work should facilitate your life, not you living for your work. So many guys are either overly ambitious and wind up in leadership roles, but have their personal lives suffer or lack ambition to where the wife has to work and their personal lives suffer. Finding the right balance is tough but worthwhile.

  • Murdoc34

    Jim, I hope your next contribution gets put on a weekday slot. This is excellent, just like the last one.

    • Jim Johnson

      I dunno. With my new job about one every week is about all I can do.

      • Murdoc34

        I wasn’t implying you should or need to write more. I’m saying the contributions you already make deserve weekday exposure. I usually have zero time to hang out here on the weekends, and judging by the level of audience participation, this is likely true for most people.

        (Only here today because I seem to have come down with a pretty good sinus infection, got me dizzy and in pain and unwilling to wander too far from bed..)

        • Jim Johnson

          I see. Yeah there is more exposure on the weekdays. I would bet you most will scroll through the weekend articles even if they don’t chatter in the comments section.

          • Jak

            See my comment above to Murdoc. The invitation is officially out there. 😉

            • Jim Johnson

              Give me some time, with my new job, I am not sure how committed I can be to that yet. Perhaps if I can generate a backlog of ten articles or so then we have a deal.

              • Jak

                No pressure. We’re all busy men. Just throwing out the invitation in case you’re interested.

        • Jak

          We aren’t opposed to having contributor’s articles being published during the work week, but in order to keep things smooth, they’d have to be consistent enough to have an article ready by the same time each week. Jim is a great contributor and if he wanted to make the commitment to having an article ready to go every week, we’d be more than happy to accommodate.

          • Murdoc34

            Ah, I see. Hadn’t considered there might be a scheduling framework in place.

            • Jak

              It’s ok. We’ll only ban you for a couple days since it’s your first offense.

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    Excellent advice,the only thing I would change is , “and you don’t throw the first punch” to ” you didn’t start it”. Sometimes a punch isn’t what started the issue and that first lick can be the difference in winning or losing.

  • Marius Aetius Lucullus

    like Porcer & everyone else said… another great article Jim

    very good bit of advice regarding girls, very difficult (as we know) time for young guys the teen years, the deck is most certainly stacked in the female favour for those years (as you mentioned).

    making intelligent decisions, with all your pals watching, is something that most teenage boys will really struggle with i think (speaking from experience here).

  • Monsieur de Charette

    Great article. Wish my Dad did the same for me.

    I just disagree with the advice about not throwing the first punch. The first punch can make you dizzy enough to not be able to react properly, and can knock you down or out.
    I would even say that as a general rule It’s very risky to let someone threatening to get violent entering your personal space.
    I would tell my son to throw the first punch as soon as someone openly aggressive gets too close.

    • AutomaticSlim

      I thought the same as well.
      But I suppose if his kid is well trained, the other jerk can throw the first punch, Jim’s kid can block it or duck it, and then actually land the first punch.

      • Monsieur de Charette

        That’s possible. But as far as I’m concerned I wouldn’t take a chance. And I wouldn’t want my son to take a chance. Getting knocked out is no fun.

        • AutomaticSlim

          Yeah, I know. Concussions suck. I’ve had more than one.

      • Jim Johnson

        All I said is I won’t be mad if the other kid throws the first punch and he gets into a fight. If my boy throws the first, then it would depend on the situation. Maybe I could have reworded it better.

  • Chip Baskets

    Ot: did the kneeman die?

    • Monsieur de Charette

      He goes by the name of Hipponax now.

      • Chip Baskets

        No shtt.
        His recent comments are all gone

        • Monsieur de Charette

          Shit you’re right !

          • Marius Aetius Lucullus

            just looked as well, all his comments are gone…. hmmmm, Chip what have you done!!

            • Jim Johnson

              Doh, did all my churchy preaching tick him off?

              • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                ha! i think it would take a bit more than that to get the Knee going Jim!

                one of the main reasons i got a account was to upvote & comment when he would have massive disputes with trolls on ROK, there really is/was some funny sh*t in the comment section on the old ROK articles, Knee would “give em’ hell”

                • Jak

                  The Knee will be back.

                  • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                    can you fill us in Jak?

                    EDIT: just saw other post, sounds good

                • michaelmobius1

                  what? I thought he was the troll. You live and learn

                  • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                    Knee.troll.never

                    • michaelmobius1

                      A troll with a goal

                    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                      the goal to … educate & enlighten?

                    • michaelmobius1

                      what part of nihilism involves education & enlightenment?

                    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                      i must admit i learnt alot from reading Knee’s posts about women at ROK over the years, i have never had the opportunity with a Russian 9, nor will i, but it was great reading what Knee said about these women, and also made me look at women in my country who are 8’s and think “hmmmm, well you are no perfect angel after all”

                      yes, i was blue pill about women for a LONG time, until discovering ROK & readimg Knee, GOJ AV Yater & Brock Samson’s comments is what really opened my eyes to how a woman ticks.

                      so that part of nihilism i guess.

                    • michaelmobius1

                      well he’s a smart guy although I’m nclined to see his purpose as being more to entertain than educate, but I could be wrong. I also think he’s more political than he lets on

                    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                      yes & no, if there is a topic that someone wants to know about and ol’ Knee can help out, he will, i have seen people ask him genuine questions & get genuine answers (bearing in mind this is the internet & a forum)
                      i have also read nonsense posted by goons just looking to hook someone, i mean come on, what are you supposed to say to them?

                    • michaelmobius1

                      I think his big bugbear is conspiracy theory. He’s almost paranoid about it.

                    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                      dont think i can remember if you have said where you’re from Mikey?
                      if you dont want to divulge that info its cool too.

                    • michaelmobius1

                      Plain ol UK

                    • AutomaticSlim

                      ” i have never had the opportunity with a Russian 9, nor will i…”

                      “Nor will I”???
                      Why not?
                      Not suggesting you go my route MAL, but…where there is a will there is a way. Unless you are happy with a good wife or gf, in which case I say: good for you!

                • Chip Baskets

                  You know who has time to get into massive disputes with trolls on a regular basis( and have daily , lengthy discussions with many regulars)?

                  Not corporate construction guys with busy schedules.

                  • michaelmobius1

                    yeah, those high flying corporate types are usually sticklers for time-management.

              • Jak

                For all the questions about Hipponax. He deleted his account, but he will be back soon with a new Disqus account name and a surprise he and J.Nyx have been working on.

                • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                  good. he owes me over 1000 upvotes

                • Iattacku

                  Is it an article

                  • Jak

                    No. Not yet at least.

                • michaelmobius1

                  so he said something he shouldn’t have, and now its been wiped

                • bem

                  They’re finally getting married!

                • Chip Baskets

                  We will know its him when he professes his lust for 12 yr old Natalie Portman.

                  • Jim Johnson

                    clavicles is what gave hipponax away last time

            • Chip Baskets

              Nothing.
              I read some days old posts and noticed a bunch were deleted.
              Through context and excellent detective work, I was able to determine it was the kneeman s comments.
              He hasn’t posted in recent days it looks like.

              • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                yeah, was just having you on Chip, i think everyone here knows you & the Knee dont always see eye to eye on most matters.

    • AutomaticSlim

      If he were dead, then I believe the comments would still be there…

      • Marius Aetius Lucullus

        i believe it would take quite a bit to kill the Knee off.

    • bem

      he got ‘capped’

      • Chip Baskets

        Non sensical, unhelpful b’s from bem, typical.

        • bem

          o COME ONE!!!! capped, get it?!?! Knee-CAPPED?!?!
          thats good stuff there, boy!

          • Chip Baskets

            Oh I got it.
            It just wasn’t funknee

            • bem

              Damnit…. That was actually pretty good.

  • UWOTM8

    Good guidance, the middle school years are absolutely treacherous….

    • Jim Johnson

      Very much so. Even in church of all places, he is getting teased for being the goody-goody.

      • UWOTM8

        Preach. If I could reassure myself in middle school of anything it would be that your self-worth is not judged by watching porn or knowing more dirty words than other kids.

        Give him the unfair advantage if you can…

      • Dominus Antonius

        Goody goody’s end up living fulfilling lives as long as they stay the course. The rebels in high school end up working at McDonalds, or worse.

  • Dominus Antonius

    Your son will be light years ahead of his peers who didn’t have a father nor faith to guide them. I enjoyed the red pilled wisdom you shared in paragraphs 6 and 7 especially.

  • Lou Skunt

    Beautiful once again, Jim. The world need’s more fathers like yourself!

    I spent the afternoon with my 18-year old nephew, who’s father (my brother-in-law) abandoned him, along with the rest of his family in March to go live with his new girlfriend in Australia. I took him to lunch, Home Depot and Harbor Freight tools. We had a great time, but it’s glaringly evident that this boy is in need of a father. In the meantime, I’ll do the best I can as his Uncle.

    There’s still a lot of good men out there Jim, and you’re definitely one of them… top-notch!

    • Jak

      Any man who abandons their offspring is not a father. Good on you for providing even a fleeting masculine influence on them. Hope that your nephew finds a proper role model for how a man should be behave. Maybe you should take him under your wing?

      • Lou Skunt

        Agree 100% Jak. With every passing week, that seems to be the role that I’ll be taking on, and I’ll gladly welcome the experience. I’m disgusted by the actions of my brother-in-law. My wife and I were at the hospital 18-years ago when this boy was born, and I’ll be damned to see him go to waste – it’s not going to happen.

        • Jak

          Then make it happen man. Your nephew is a lucky man to have someone like you in his life. Best of luck to you and him and let us know if there’s any way we can help.

    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

      sounds like you’re a pretty darn good joker too Lou, that was bloody good reading that you are going to try help your nephew out when you can alot of people nowdays have a “its not my problem” attitude, so to you… top notch sir!

    • MCGOO

      A lot of father abscenteeism isn’t voluntary. It’s forced. Every day in the feminazi family kangaroo courts, good loving and responsible fathers have rubber stamped orders shoved into their face to have entry into their own homes either policed by the state as ‘visitation’ or are restricted outright. Some are given walking papers and others have the biggest rubber stamped forgeries, the ‘protective’ orders to have no contact with their children. It’s a blood industry and liberated whore mothers bask in their misappropriated residences as their kids are thrown to the wolves. “I gave birth to these kids and I’ll let them run feral if I damn well please” is a common one and these whore mothers often send their kids out at night unsupervised and unmentored so the whoremother can hook up with the lowest, raunchiest trash diggers.

      Tinder has blinded the eye and turned even the most fucked up lower 10% men and women alike into doable. Even a soup kitchen Annie gets some nowadays thanks to tinder. The garbage man, any dirty scratching crack digger goes for that on tinder. And a new whoremother divorcee living in a stolen house is considered a real catch, attracting the lowest of live in bums, and that’s just what a no fault divorce whore seeks, a bitchwhip in-house pet.

  • B1k3_Ch41N
    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      so THATS why its banned in the USA- cant hurt corp profits!

  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

    Career in politics awaiting you dude- the optics are perfect, decent family man with a zillion progeny. maybe not on a national platform, but certainly in your state…just gotta delete 83% of you commenting history, and your in like flynn

    • Jim Johnson

      Politics sounds like a nightmare to me

      • bem

        The most qualified to lead are usually the most reviled by it….

    • bem

      didnt we do the Mormon candidate thing a while back?

  • bem

    Is it too late for you to adopt me?

    • Jim Johnson

      I only make exceptions for 18 year old Latvian blondes

  • MCGOO

    There has to be a boy game for maturing young men. There’s long game for LTR spouses, but what about some sort of game-lite for young men building their faculties and learning and instilling wisdom from their experiences with the complementary sex? A woman is a football – never rolling straight and with unpredictable trajectory whenst allowed to roll uponst the earth.

    Kid game for boys would have to be proportionately innocent and fun yet rigorous and thoroughly educating in the shit tests that will come flying throughout life. Maybe a tarzan theme type of game where the young man learns all the elements to use in his surroundings and how the young shebeast fits in to the picture in harmony with her natural makeup. ‘Tarzan boy game’.

    I’d try to expose a young boy to other prospective females from associate and loyalist family lines where diplomacy also exsts between the parents and especially the patriarchs. If girl likes boy and vice versa, the daddys must referee from the sidelines and learn themselves. The patriarch daddy of the girl isn’t going to put his girl up to skirt bashing on the young boy if he’s a true noble patriarch. Single menthol smoking wiccan bitch mothers put their daughters up to that kind of maneater training crap.

    I’ve seen quite a few good christian families taken to the cleaners by issues that the unkept mother pulls out of her ass. Good patriarchal order families have the hedge and the advantage against the cursed snakes that slither everywhere, even in churches. You know what’s right. The patriarchal order is right. The overriding message in Christian churches is to be sheeplike first. At best, putting on a sheep mask should be nothing more than an act to keep the auditors at bay if they come slithering. But raise your sons to internalize real patriarchy. There is no loster a state of being lost as a boy who hasn’t had the tenets of patriarchy instilled and cemented by first hand learning