In Keeping Their Best Interests

Typically I write about things I’m going to do or am doing in my life as I lead this ship called a family.  Constantly keeping myself in check physically, and mentally.   Making sure I provide for them and protect them.  This is all done to set an example and do what I believe is my duty in life, and to my family.  Yet, sometimes the people who depend on you need guidance on how to better their own lives.  Today I’ll share my experiences and how I kept family on their own path, while continuing mine. 

The Octagon

My son does MMA and hes got his yellow belt.  I started him when he was 7 and he is now 10.  When they’re smaller they seem to be more into it because they’ll take anything to burn that energy young kids have.  A few weeks ago my son was showing off on his bike and royally fucked up his leg, arms and a bit of his back.  Nothing serious or broken, but he slammed pretty hard and was scraped up.    The next night he said he wanted to take the night off of MMA and I said that was fine given the circumstances, but I almost wish I hadn’t

For the last few weeks I’ve noticed that he hadn’t been taking it as seriously as he was prior to this.  This kid usually lives and breathes MMA so noticed the change right away.  Anytime I wasn’t around he’d ask his mother or babysitter not to take him to MMA due to being “sick” or “tired’ or some other bullshit excuse.  He had barely missed a class before and he ended up missing a few over 3 weeks.  I knew what happened.

The Enabler

I had realized that I enabled him to just say fuck it to something that he committed himself to.  In his head I’m the one who said “na don’t go” and if Dad was okay with it, then it must be okay.  If he was seriously injured with broken bones or something I would have kept him home, but he was basically fine.  We’ve all been dumb-ass young boys doing stupid shit with our friends.  Hell, I cant think of much else that young boys do.

The problem was with me, I said that it was okay to skip out on his class.  It got me thinking about how his whole attitude changed after that one cop out.  As adults, we do this all time time.

“I’ll workout tomorrow” and then the next day it’s the same bullshit excuse.

“I’m going to get out of this shitty job”  yet you still show up every day and do nothing to change it.

“I’m only going to eat badly this one time” and then a few days later you’re shoveling garbage food down you throat.

I’ve noticed that one of the things that can stop a person’s momentum is one day of coming up with an excuse.  Sure, some people can eat one cheat meal or skip a day of lifting, but for others, a break in that repetition can break you in other ways.

The Solution

Fed up with this behavior, I told my son over breakfast Monday that he is getting his ass into that gym tonight, no excuses.  I told him that sitting around at home impresses no one.  Any chump can do it and we don’t have those around here.  He looked at me, nodded and said okay.  It’s been 3 days now, and he’s back to his old self showing me moves and talking about his classes again.

As the father, you have to keep them in line sometimes, and realize when to be hard/unforgiving on the kids.  Unless this kid is puking his guts up or breaks his leg, hes going to class.  I know he loves it once he gets there so I’m taking him.

Wives will try to cop out of doing things too.  If you bust your ass all day and your wife is at home, the house is a disaster, don’t pick up a single thing.  A few times I’ve come home to chaos and I asked her “why is this like this.”  99% of the time its spotless if shes home from work that day, and a few times she was running the kids around all day, but they will deviate if you let them too.

I knew of a guy who would work, come home, clean, cook dinner, then get his kids in bed all while his wife sat there fucking around on Facebook.  He set the standard of roles, and she did whatever she wanted.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you have to guide yourself first, but don’t think they don’t need direction as well.  They need you to guide their success as well at times.

 

-J. Nyx

 

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.