When we embark on this journey as fathers and husbands, we are making a choice, but at that time it doesn’t seem like we are making such a monumental one. Things like getting married and choosing to have kids with your wife are the easy things. The other things that you chose at these times are to be the leader at all times. You’re constantly under scrutiny, but at the same time, they all hold you to the highest regard in the first place, and if not, you’ve screwed something up. Something recently made me think about all of this and how we’re always looked upon to be the one who leads.
What brought on all of this was the fact that I got a new dog last summer. He’s a Spanish Mastiff better known as a Presa Canario. These dogs are no joke, and it takes a serious amount of training with them to get them not to be assholes. Granted, they are guard dogs (much like a German Shepard) who will be the greatest, nicest dog to his family but will rip an attacker/burglars hand off. The problem with this is that while your family is safe, the neighbors kid who comes over or friends you have in your home can turn into Alpo real quick. I was a little lazy with training the dog and he started showing signs that he was getting into the alpha role. I knew what had to be done. I started training with him, showing him who was boss and this dog has done a completely 180.
What does all of this have to do with kids and a family you may ask? Think about how similar it is. Just like women and children, the dog looks to you for direction. If you don’t step up to the plate and do what you have to, it can be disastrous. I realized when I decided to get this dog, I was deciding to always be the one in control, just like with a family.
Getting married very similar. You may do it for love or whatever other reason you chose at that time, but you are signing up to be the leader in your marriage. You’re signing up to be the one who does the heavy lifting and the one who deals with “man” stuff. If you’ve chosen your wife wisely, she’ll handle all the “woman” stuff. This is the start to a successful marriage to me. My wife knows I’ll handle my end of the deal, and she handles hers. I know if I slip up and don’t do what a man should (lose frame, get out of shape, etc) then it leads to disaster.
No woman in the world can resist a guy who just handles his shit all the time, and does so in a calm relaxed manner. Just like with the dog, I have to make sure that I guide her correctly through things. This doesn’t mean do everything and just let her slack off either. It is a team effort sure, but that team needs a captain.
Kids are no different either. I’ve seen households where the children are the ones in charge. I will never allow that to happen ever. Your kids look to you to be something other than what their mother is. Just like her, you’re the one who fixes things. You’re the one who does “dad” stuff for them. You need to be an example of how to be a man to your sons, and an example of what kind of man you’d like your daughter to marry. Granted there are cases of people who were good parents and ended up with fucked up kids, but there is usually something that went wrong along the way.
For me, the keys to always staying on point and being the leader your family deserves comes down to:
- Doing what you say you will, and saying no when you don’t want to do something or cant
- Try your hardest to be the best example of a man you can.
- Never bitch or complain about the things you have to do.
- Remain calm in stressful situations. You need to be the one getting them out of the fires they build for themselves.
- Remember to be fun and make them laugh.
At the end of the day we all know when we’re on the right path, and when we’re fucking around. We lead the family, and the leader is of shit quality, so will be his subjects.