Avoiding the Holiday Gut

One facet of the Christmas season that I’ve observed is that people let their dietary  choices go out the window.  People just accept that they’ll be shoveling junk food in their mouths and chugging excess booze the whole time just to make a “resolution” to eat healthy in January, which usually has them back home on their lazy asses within two weeks.   As I prepare for my collaboration with Team WB Fitness next month, I’m going to keep my diet clean this month and I’ll share my plan on keeping myself from looking like Santa by Christmas

I’ll start out by saying you’re going to need a strong will and desire to be fit.  One thing I’ve noticed about this time of year is that there is excess food everywhere!  Cookie tins in the office, bowls of candy on coffee tables, etc.  Granted you don’t have to eat any of this at all but people tend to just make excuses around this time of year.

Aside from the junk food, everyone wants to get together for drinks.  While I don’t think this is too bad here and there, the excess drinking around Christmas can add up.

The truth is, everyone knows they’re being gluttonous and that’s why many people renew their gym membership in January 1st, only for that gym to be a ghost town by January 15th.    This year, I’m opting out of the food fest that is December and I’m going to start prepping myself for the long training program I’m about to embark on.

My Plan

Simply enough it comes down to about promises I made to myself:

Don’t Eat the Junk

Simply enough, just because there is a ton of crap food around, doesn’t mean its okay to eat it.  If you wouldn’t want to eat it in July, why are we making an excuse in December?   I’m going to stick with my normal diet of high protein, high fat, low carb options.  These keep me full and give me the nutrition I need to maintain/build muscle.

Limit Booze

Once again, just cut back on it or give it up completely.  A drink or two on a Saturday is fine IMO but don’t let the season be the reason to drink in excess. Try to avoid super sugary drinks and high carb things like beers.

Keep Training

Note, this month I am doing a very basic version of Arnold’s Volume Routine just to keep my body and head from going to shit from not working out.    Regardless of what type of fitness you’re into, keep doing it through the month of December.

Keep it to Yourself

The last thing I’d want any of you to be is the Grinch who ruined Christmas by giving people shit for what they are consuming this time of year.  If anyone asks why you’re not eating the crappy food or drinking tell them why but honestly its a personal decision.  Obviously limiting what your kids eat is one thing but you can make a statement by being an example this year.

Conclusion

See if you can make it happen this year.  When the new year hits we’ll all be that much more ahead.  Avoid eating the holiday junk food and stay true to your diet.  Limit excessive alcohol and remember to do some regular workout every day at least 5 times a week.  Finally don’t go around giving your friends and family shit for not having strong willpower.  If someone does come to you asking for advice, then you can let them know that their shitty eating habits are what is keeping them looking the way they are.  Remember, this is a time to enjoy with people you care about so don’t be too difficult on them.

=J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.

  • Marius Aetius Lucullus

    Limit Booze! ….. what??? like thats gonna happen! … serious though, tis’ the season to be jolly, and temptation is everywhere *as i grab a handful of Christmas cookies*

    its summer here, 31 degrees today and not having 12 beers when i got home from work was a real accomplishment i feel.

    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

      It’s the wine that does it for me. I keep expecting the next sip to taste better then the last. And the next, and the next, and the next…

      • jammyjaybird

        You can’t taste anything after two glasses. Switch to Thunderbird at that point.

        • John Galt

          That’s true. A bartender friend once showed me how a less-than-reputable establishment can switch to the cheap stuff for top shelf price after the customer has downed a couple. They won’t notice.

          • Jim Johnson

            I took advantage of this back in my drinking days. Start off with a good craft beer then after about 3 or so, I would switch to Hamms Ice or Blue Ribbon.

        • bem

          6-pack of Sam Adams, followed by a case of Meister Brau

      • Marius Aetius Lucullus

        wow agree with the wine, not a wino myself but there is a reason for a woman its called ‘leg opener’.
        just had a wine festival in the city by me this past Saturday actually, was at relatives and went out for a meal, needless to say the wine fest was finished and the ‘ladies’ if you can call them that were wrecked, drinking wine in 30 degree heat does that i guess!
        as i went past a few bars i couldn’t help but have a laugh to myself as the women waiting in ques to get in could barely stand!
        i guess the saying “men, no shoes no service, women, no clothes free drinks” really is true!!

    • dckhead_con_artist

      When I hang out at the Ritz during Christmas week, I find the women to be lonely, drunk, and horny; that’s when even I can run solid game!

      • Jim Johnson

        Christmas is one of those days that makes people feel more alone than normal. Maybe I should rent out some of my kids to open presents at their house Christmas morning.

        • bem

          Deal – but make it a quiet one that knows how to wash dishes.

          • Jim Johnson

            She comes at a premium rate.

            • Jak

              Wait, your kid can wash dishes?!
              Wanna trade kids for a week or two?

              • Jim Johnson

                They know…I am sure your kids know too. The “Moose Turd Pie” is a very common tactic.

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                they have a wife swap reality show, why not kids?

                • dckhead_con_artist

                  That term always makes me want to watch porn

                  • Jim Johnson

                    I don’t know whether to thumbs up you or call the cops.

            • bem

              This is getting too weird, even for me.

              • Who gave the order ???

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                I’m totally screen capping that. It has to be a first.

                • bem

                  I have my limits. I am a Righteous Man.

        • cheeseburgercheeseburger

          dress em up like Tiny Tim, teach em a cockney accent….hearts will melt once they offer to clean their chimney for a warm biscuit

          • Jim Johnson

            “God bless us every one!”

            • bem

              thats stupid….

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Even as a kid, I always thought Tiny Tim was a pussy.

      • Marius Aetius Lucullus

        i sense a story or 2 coming on… care to share?

    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

      I rarely consider temps below freezing to coincide with summer.

      • Marius Aetius Lucullus

        most certainly not freezing here GOJ! summer arrived here in force and if the weather keeps on i can feel a drought being declared by farmers.

  • Stoic Nihilist

    You ever think that Bem is that creepy uncle at holiday parties that stuffs his face with cheesesteak while the parents try and keep the kids away from him… cuz you know, possible pedophile?

    • UWOTM8

      Sounds like you’ve got a crush on him…

      • bem

        How could one not?

        • Jim Johnson

          Some of us are not gay.

          • Jak

            They could be hetero-lifemates

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger
              • bem

                Jack Lemon or GTFO

                • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                  the outtakes from Grumpy Old Men 1 n 2 are fantastic- check em out

            • Jim Johnson

              I would bet you that will become more common as the MGTOW community grows.

              • Jak

                I don’t really see the MGTOW community growing much more than they are now, but that’s just a gut feeling.

                • bem

                  but can you really trust your gut?

                  • Jak

                    I…But…Yesterday…
                    Curse my INTP personality…

                • Jim Johnson

                  I think it offers an out for neckbeards who waste their time. Many will call themselves MGTOW, not because they have are choosing to live single, but they don’t want to turn their lives around.

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Wait…you’re supposed to *avoid the gut*, brah.

            • John Galt

              Friends?

      • Stoic Nihilist

        WB

    • bem

      You cant prove shit.

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      That’s called “projection” you perv.

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    Yesterday we had to trust our gut, today, we gotta get rid of it 🙂

    • John Galt

      Fickle bunch this lot.

    • Jim Johnson

      I think them message they are trying to convey is “trust nothing”

      • Jak

        There is no spoon.

        • bem

          I’ll….o wait. nah fuk that.

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ
          • Jim Johnson

            Dude, you mellowed out quite a bit lately.

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              Ok, my curiosity is piqued. How did posting a pic of The Tick indicate an inner calm and groovy mellow, heh?

              • Jim Johnson

                Not just that one. For about a month or so, your comments have been more comical and less cynical.

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Huh. I’m just chillaxing I guess.

            • John Galt

              Naw. His always “ticked” off.

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                That was terrible. Just terrible. 5 demerits, and 3 Hail Marys.

                • John Galt

                  I usually do confession after a couple of stiff drinks at a bar called O’Reillys.

          • bem

            wasn’t that 90s?

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              Yeah. Also one of the best cartoons, bar none, from that era.

      • bem

        “trust no one not even yourself”
        either
        -Stalin
        -Cobra Commander
        or
        -Gandhi

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            GI Joe was legit top five 80s cartoons of all time.

            • I use serpentor as a verb meaning anything unnaturally combined

            • That and TMNT

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                TMNT? Yeah, now I know you are gay.

                • You are a closet Care Bears fan, aren’t you?

                  • Ainigmaris Thales

                    Care Bears are gay as fuck. I was totally team Shirt Tales, bro.

                    • What are Shirt Tails?

                    • Murdoc34

                      Kind of like a Snork without the forehead phallus.

                    • What’s a Snork?

                    • Murdoc34

                      Imagine a sperm of limited intelligence with a popoid sticking out the top of its head.

                    • So, like Thales?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I’m highly intelligent.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Hey, a little hint…. next time someone mentions something having a “forehead phallus” … don’t ask any more questions.

                    • Just open my mouth like you when I hear “phallus”?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Hey, look, I know I insulted your favorite adolescent aberrant karate reptiles, but there is no need to be nasty.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Shirt Tales, motherfucker, Shirt Tales.
                      https://bestofthe80s.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/e41a9960.jpg

                    • I have lived my entire 31 years and never laid eyes on that until today. Thanks for killing that little piece of innocence I had left

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Don’t go talking shit about the Shirt Tales, man.

                    • bem

                      Never even heard of this gay rubbish.
                      You are
                      Gay
                      Gay
                      Gay.

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      Hey, the advice was for you to trust your gut, not for your gut to trust you.

      • bem

        only in RAH-sha

        • Ainigmaris Thales

          I knew you were a Russian agent, you commie scum!

    • As long as we aren’t tearing Wallace stickers off the numbers of cars we will be fine

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        A mastermind in the ways of espionage.

        • I’m like 80% sure that you and I are the only ones who get that which is really odd considering who we are

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Don’t change dicks in the middle of a screw, vote Nixon in ’72!

            • Bzzzz missed it. It’s ok. No one sees it

              • Jim Johnson

                Does your friend have green teeth?

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            Yeah, Most of those snooty New Yawkas aren’t usually known as CDB fans. Lol
            He’s going to be in Macon Ga in March I’m going to try to be there.

            • As far as I can tell I’m the only snooty New Yorker you know so experience suggests otherwise

              • UnreconstructedConfederate

                I know some transplants, you wouldn’t happen to want them back would you?

                Seriously,just my gut instinct indicates that the music of Charlie Daniels wouldn’t be high up on the list there. However, if it is, there’s hope for you people after all.

                • Not high up at all.

                  I’m the odd man out

                  Do you happen to remember Brewer and Shipley?

                  • UnreconstructedConfederate

                    Don’t recall them?

        • bem

          something something mag wheels and a four on the floor?

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            Who owns this car, with the peace sign, mag wheels and four on the floor?

            • bem

              ah there it is. all coming back now.

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    Speaking of junk food, an equipment manufacturer that my company at work gets stuff from usually has a rep show up around Christmas with a few pecan pies, those things disappear like a covey of quail.

  • Jim Johnson

    Where many people screw up is thinking it is a “season”. Go ahead and be gluttonous on Christmas Eve dinner. Being gluttonous throughout December is where the problem lies.

    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

      Yes-ish. There are office parties and “friends parties” you usually have to attend. Of course no need to pig out at those, but it’s kind of why people see it as a season I think.

      • Jim Johnson

        Growing up, my (overweight) mom made sure there was fudge and other treats available throughout December. It was fine for me being a young growing kid. But looking back, it was unfair to my Dad who tried to stay in shape.

        • Jak

          During the holiday season, my biggest weakness is peanut butter fudge. That stuff is like crack and if any is brought into the house, it won’t last long. As such, I typically avoid it at all costs or risk gaining 10+ pounds during the holiday season.

        • jammyjaybird

          Nothing wrong with a little holiday indulgence. Seven or eight pieces of fudge in a week won’t do anything.

          • Jim Johnson

            Yup, but like I said, keep it to the actual holidays.

          • Jak

            That depends on the size of the pieces. For me, a serving of fudge is typically the size of a Xbox console.

            • jammyjaybird

              My family, we do tiny cubes. One piece = one mouthful. Grandma’s been gone twenty-five years but we still cut it her way.

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              haha I knew you still playing video games

            • Or take about 5 of the small pieces and a big ol’ glass of cold milk

  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

    Im impressed some of you go to the gym 5 days a week- I go 3 one week, 4 the next, about every other day when possible, I need a day to recover.
    OT- man burns down city block while attempting to forge a sword
    http://www.newyorkupstate.com/capital-region/2017/12/cohoes_fire_ny_tv_show.html

    • bem

      BWWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA- –
      o wait –
      no
      BBBWWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

      This tidbit made my day!

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        what a dundahead

    • Jim Johnson

      I never go to the gym, instead I will get up early and exercise in my living room. 45 minutes of floor exercises and stuff I can do with dumbbells. Seems to work okay for me.

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        Im sure chasing 6 kids around counts as cardio

        • Jim Johnson

          That’s what BB guns are for. A welt on the butt from a BB is just as effective.

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            good thing they dont have CPS in your neck of the woods!

            • Jim Johnson

              They get the higher caliber rifles.

          • jammyjaybird

            If they can dodge a wrench…

    • John Galt

      From link:

      “Gomes, an amateur metalsmith,..”
      I would have used a stronger adjective to describe this particular metalsmith.

      • bem

        amateur metalsmith, SHITTY fire warden….

        • John Galt

          The brotherhood of Metalsmith Union 187 wants to file a complaint.

    • Ainigmaris Thales
      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        this should raise your blood pressure

        • bem

          FUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
          YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            yep, that song actually made me angry

        • Jak

          I’ll see your annoying Christmastime song and raise you…

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            I hate you people.

            • Jak

              I hate myself…mostly because my office has some station that plays both of these songs and many more annoying Christmas songs ad nauseum throughout the season.
              I’m beginning to understand why workplace violence occurs…

              • Trans-Siberian orchestra and Gary Hoey make up 80% of my Christmas playlist

            • John Galt

              This will cheer you up.

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                this is SO racist

                • Ainigmaris Thales

                  Bunch of fucking Pabst blue ribbon spergs up in here today.

                  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                    you want a pair of Giants tickets for this weekend? I know you are local, your if you want em

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      The Giants are gay.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      you belong up north with your miserable brethren. youll feel better, even though youll still be a surly prick

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Fuck that, I hate the north. All the fucking northerners. Fucking Canadians, too. Plus, if it drops a degree below 60, I need a fucking heavy parka, snow boots, gloves and one of those giant Russian wool hats.

                    • Gay

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Better than being Canadian.

                    • They’re kind of the same thing, eh?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I wouldn’t know.

                    • Suuuuuuuuure

            • Jim Johnson

              They need to make a spurge account. For every thumbs up you get, you can spend from that account. A relevant meme costs 5 points, a video costs 10. Multiply by 10 if irrelevant.

              Can we get Cynic to put this into code?

              • Murdoc34

                How clever. We have ‘up-votes’, not ‘thumbs up’. Nobody will ever be able to post anything.

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            never heard that one. thanks!

        • That is the worst song ever recorded

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            no that would be “We Built This City on RocknRoll” by Jefferson Starship

  • dckhead_con_artist

    U.S. Death Rate spikes during Thanksgiving. The most dangerous holiday. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9aedb0fc074a466508b1eb375cc7c08646b3b1e8ff388d59152394eaf7795da7.jpg

    • bem

      “Amateur Night” – the night before thanksgiving. Every asshole in the world is out geting hammered and driving around before they have to roll out of bed the next day and head to moms….

      • dckhead_con_artist

        they are thankful that they are alive the next day!

        • bem

          So was I when one of these scumbags hit me head on and put me in the hospital for a month!

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            how many lumps he give you? three or four?

            • bem

              Y’know I just recently ran across a waiter who sounded EXACTLY like Pete Puma!!!

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                LMAO-ooooh, Im DYIN AGAIN!!!

                • bem

                  I so wanted to tell him tea gives me a head-ache….

      • jammyjaybird

        St Patrick’s Day is the new New Year’s Eve. That was taken on good authority FROM an authority.

        • dckhead_con_artist

          We got a parade I’m dallas every SPD that rivals the Macys one. The pattiwagons come in heards to haul off the drunks

          • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

            It’s no coincidence that the term Paddy Wagon originated from the wagon’s used to haul away Irish people. Heh.

            • John Galt

              An acquitnace of mine got stopped at a police control point one St. Pats day and when he spotted the police truck he told the cop, “Well you look at that. Your brought out the Paddy wagon on our sacred Saints day. Bless you Boy-o.” The cop laughed and waved him on.

              • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                That’s great!

                It’s amazing to me that people drive after 4pm on that day, who have been drinking. The cops are out in total domination force. I go early and am home early and still have a hoot of a time. It helps that Uber exists now, I hated taxis, and it does little good to bum a ride off of a buddy if he’s shitfaced too.

                • John Galt

                  I usually have to be at work the next day, so those days are long behind me. I did St. Pats in Dublin twice, and it was good time, but even the Irish say the best parties are in the US (particulary NYC & Boston).

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          St. Patrick’s Day really has gone off the hook hasn’t it? Seems like since around 2003 or so (the time I remember it becoming a really big deal at first) it’s gotten exponentially more rowdy every year. I now take the entire day off, don my kilt (which the Irish do not wear traditionally, only the Scots, but chicks are too stupid to know that and they all get shamelessly sexually aggressive for guys in kilts when they are drunk) and head out on the town.

          • Why a kilt on St Paddy’s day though? Seems about as Irish as a sombrero.

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              It is totally inappropriate, and I fully agree. BUT….for some reason idiots (and by that I mean 70% of the population) consider it “being Irish” despite the fact that the Irish do not and have never worn kilts (traditionally). It’s basically a chick lure, and when they get lubed up by noon from drinking since 8am around here, they get *really* aggressive to a guy wearing a kilt.

              We also have some places with bagpipe players, which is also totally NOT Irish. I guess we “all look the same” to people or something.

              • jammyjaybird

                I saw a guy playing some bagpipes in northern Spain once. I was like, “wow, bagpipes, look at tha–hey whoa whatever there’s more delicious FOOD nom nom nom nom–“

                • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                  I believe GoJ has stated bagpipes originated in France

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    I don’t recall making that claim….? I think (going off of not-enough-coffee memory here) that they came from somewhere in the east, but I don’t know where or when. Trying to work and post here is becoming increasingly difficult during the rush season, heh.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      maybe it was du Charette then? had a 50/50 chance

              • Jim Johnson

                An oldie, but a goody;

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Every St. Paddy’s day, every bar, this is played. It even mentions SCOTSMEN directly, but somehow, this is appropriate for an Irish holiday. I really don’t get it.

                  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                    Shane McGowan and the Pogues is the only music that should be played on that day

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      I’d also accept Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly and The Chieftains.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      Chieftains!
                      Rum, Sodom, and the Lash- got that on 24/7 on Paddies Day

            • bem

              The uniform of the Oppressors!

              • Oppressed by faegs?

                • bem

                  aren’t we all?

                  • Who killed Frankie Pan….nevermind

                    • bem

                      The Risotto Brothers!

            • Caitlin Jenner over here

            • Jim Johnson

              St Paddy’s would be a good day for a game of Hurling. Look it up.

          • jammyjaybird

            I got a preview of what was to come, in the nineties, when I arrived at college populated by a bunch of East Coast Irish students. My family’s pretty buttoned down, and I had NEVER seen such dissolute behavior as I did on March 17 of my freshman year. People were lined up at the bars at 6 am, dead drunk by 8 am, and passed out on the quad by 9 am. Come to think of it, I STILL haven’t seen that again.

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              You northern fags don’t know shit. St. Patrick’s Day is fucking Easter morning compared to Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

              • jammyjaybird

                lol that’s probably true. (bows head, shuffles backwards out of room)

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                Bourbon St smells of vomit every day of the year, not just during Mardi Gras

              • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                I really wanted to visit there for a while, then the hurricane blew through and I’ve heard (second hand) that it’s been rebuilt but without the “charm” that it used to have. I don’t even know what that means, but it’s what I’ve heard. Still need to get down there at least once I reckon.

                • Ainigmaris Thales

                  New Orleans hasn’t had any legit “charm” in decades. It’s a cesspool. But you don’t go to the zoo for the ambiance, you go to see the animals. That’s what New Orleans is at Mardi Gras, a human zoo where all the freaks are drunk as fuck and twice as stupid.

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    That’s actually what I wanted to see.

              • bem

                I can see college assholes puking on each other down the block from me. Save the cost of a flight.

                • Ainigmaris Thales

                  Yes, but can you see a naked woman covered in silver paint fingering the pussy of another woman in a fairy costume while she gets spanked by a homeless guy? Because I have seen that in New Orleans. At 10 am on a Sunday morning. In the middle of Dauphine street.

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    This is the kind of prime debauchery that I’m hoping for. Guess I should start looking into arrangements to get down there at some point. Might be a big travel year this year for me.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Find a local to go with, someone who goes every year and knows the good and bad. You could end up just as easily getting beaten and robbed by a naked woman covered in silver paint while a homeless man ass-rapes you.

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      You’re not a local but it seems like you’ve been there. You up for another trip? I don’t know anybody who lives in Lou-san, so I have to go with the closest thing I can find, which is a Southerner.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      Ive lived most of my life in nyc, closest
                      I came to getting mugged was in new orleans

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      Sounds like I need to go in the capacity of observer only, and not drink. That way I can carry when out on the streets. Find the safe places at night, put the heater in the room safe, then get drunk from the safety of a balcony while hooting at hot broads to take off their tops and come up to my room. I think I’m starting to get an inkling of a plan here.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      wasnt even drunk yet. other than Bourbon, the Quarter empties out pretty quick once the shops close. dark as fuck too…saw one guy behind me, fine, then glanced across the st, and another dude was hiding behind parked cars, trying to creep up on me

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      So much shit goes on down there that never gets reported. Too many millions of dollars to be made to let a few gang-rapes and gutted tourists ruin it.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      such a small city with so much crime…its like all the cops camp out on bourbon and canal and they arent any anywhere else

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Half of them are just as drunk as the tourists on Mardi Gras.

                    • It’s not called the “Chocolate City” for nothing

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Chocophobe.

                    • Don;t get all offended just because you like getting your fudge packed

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I really don’t like fudge at all, packed or unpacked, to be honest.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      They’d get shot, and not with a BB gun.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      No, I don’t know it well enough anymore. I avoid that shit like the plague now.

                    • Don’t go. It’s not worth it

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      I have this strange need to see weird stuff. Can’t explain it.

                    • Boothe

                      It’s called morbid curiosity. It’s the inborn desire to always have a reason to say “Damn! I’ve never seen that before!”

                    • bem

                      the REAL reason Al Gore invented the internet

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      That really has to be the reason. I collect antique photos and have quite a few post mortems, as well as a couple of bizarre medical photos. I hate them, literally, but they are so freaking weird and odd and unusual that I felt compelled to buy them.

                    • Boothe

                      Do you also have the overwhelming desire to purchase every copy of The Catcher In The Rye that you see? Have you ever had any lapses of memory right before a political assassination took place? Just asking…

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      My biggest fear is that my middle name becomes public.

                  • Jim Johnson

                    I know a guy that served a mission in New Orleans, he said they are ordered to stay indoors for two weeks during the festival. I had that in Northern Ireland, but they were throwing rocks, overturning cars and rioting.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Yeah, that do that in New Orleans, too, they just call it a “parade”.

                    • John Galt

                      “I had that in Northern Ireland, but they were throwing rocks, overturning cars and rioting.”

                      Saw that in Newry, NI, when I was dating a girl from around there. The marching season was a bizarre time. One the biggest nights of debauchery I ever saw was at a night club near Dundalk on Good Friday. Nuts.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Such a funny world there. Nobody goes to church, but they are Catholics or Protestants because that’s what their parents were.

                    • John Galt

                      Yes it is. A knew a guy from NI who converted to catholicism in order to marry his wife from Co. Meath. He claimed he supported the IRA.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      We taught and baptized this family (single mom and three kids) they lived in a Catholic neighborhood, but never went to church. Their classmates found out and two of them got beat up. They had to move to a Protestant neighborhood.

                    • John Galt

                      Yup. It goes both ways (heard about a catholic family getting their house burnt down in a protestant neighborhood), but I think the whole religious asepct is a gloss over of a lot of unhealthy cultural behavior. Talking about poltical and civil strife from a century ago can make for an intersesting conversation, but re-igniting old animosity is a waste of time and doesn’t help anybody.

                      Saying that, I know the religous affiliations of persons of my grandparents generation were more important to them than it is to mine.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      I understand the cause of the animosity. Catholic Irish displaced by English Protestants years ago, but anyone with half a brain knows that throwing rocks will not cause the Protestants to move from where they grew up across to mainland Britain. They are just hurting themselves with this behavior.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      I met numerous people that were members of IRA or UDA or some other side faction. For the most part, they have degenerated to mafia levels of organization.

                      One time in Lurgan NI, on our day off, we got into a snowball fight with some kids. Because the kids don’t really have any throwing sports like baseball, we were cleaning their clocks. Pretty soon, a few of the kids started throwing rocks and hit one of us missionaries in the face. From there on, we charged them and they ran off.

                      A few days later, the kids who threw the rocks came up to us all nervously apologetic. It was very weird. Later on, we heard through the grapevine that the UDA found out about this episode and told the kids to go apologize to us.

                    • John Galt

                      I had an old neighbor named Sean. We had polite words on occassion and actually walked into town together once and made small talk. I found him affable. Later some of my local friends were shocked that I had words with the man.

                      My neighbor was Sean Mac Stiofain (check wikipedia) unbeknowst to me.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      I wouldn’t doubt I met some like that without knowing it. What do they say, 5-6 steps to everyone in the world?

                  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                    there is an immortal black child that lurks around where bourbon meets canal st. been there 3 times, and I swear the same kid asked me the same thing:
                    “Hey, man $5 bucks says I can tell you where you got your shoes!”
                    (every rube on that st) “Yer on kid!”
                    “On your feet! now pay up!”

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I cannot even count the number of people I’ve personally witnessed get hustled by that scam. I mean they have been pulling that shit down there for decades.

                    • Chip Baskets

                      Nope.
                      I got my shoes from a store.
                      I have them on my feet.
                      Go back to skool dumb niglet

                    • Skool bes where they learn to talk like dat

                    • Boothe

                      Dat’s rayciss! Kersey gonna get yo’ cracker ass an’ gibs you da aids!

                    • Boothe

                      Yep. Same thing happened to me back in 1978. Only I was with a local and he responded “At dee sto’! Now get lost!” LOL

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Still, I can respect the kid’s tenacity. He will make a great used car salesman some day.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      see? its immortal. a demon maybe.

                    • Boothe

                      Either that or a cultural skill set passed down from the preceding generation. It’s a step by step progression through the craft. Scamming tourists, shoplifting, pick pocketing, then strong arm robbery. You don’t get to start out dealing crack. You have to work your way up through the ranks…

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      all 3 incidents happened in front of th southern version of White Castle- Church Chicken? right at the end of bourbon before it hit canal st…all 3 were about 11 years old…demon

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      The Southern version of White Castle is Crystals.

                      Damn Yankee.

                    • Krystal. Nice try, Yank

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      I avoid any of the letters involved in the acronym for the damned Southern hooded racists, thanc you very much!

                    • Church’s Chicken is the poor man’s KFC.

                    • bem

                      still good…..

                  • bem

                    maybe a few more blocks away

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Oh, you mean, your mom’s house?

                    • bem

                      shes one of you people

                  • It’s a shame that Katrina didn;t finish the job there

                    • Jim Johnson

                      That was God’s warning shot across the bow.

                    • Modern Sodom and Gamorrah

              • Jim Johnson

                There is getting to be more and more of those festivals of depravity. Carnival in Rio, Burning Man in the Nevada desert, Sturgis I hear is getting overran.

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Sturgis is quite insane, yes, but it’s not a general public festival like the others. Stay on the Buffalo Chip, attend concerts every night, return to the tent drunk and with a woman whose name you’re not quite sure of, wake up in the morning, lather rinse repeat. On a day or two ride out to Devil’s Tower and/or Mt. Rushmore. Return, get drunk, see a concert, go to the huge swimming hole in the middle of the campground where women spontaneously go clothing optional, and a good time is had by all.

                  • Jim Johnson

                    I lived in Rapid City for six months (not during the event, unfortunately). Come September, all those billboards for tattoo parlors and concerts are replaced with ads for lawyers and grocery stores.

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      What’s it like to live there in the off season? I asked a couple of locals back in 2015 and I got “kinda quiet” and not a lot else. I guess maybe there isn’t a lot else to say. Seems like that, or the Black Hills area, would be fun to live in, assuming you have employment.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Quiet, the locals are some of the best people I’ve known. Solid families. The winters can be miserable though, sub-zero and windy one day. In the 50’s the next. A friend showed a picture of their two story house with a snowdrift coming off the eves.

              • New Orleans is a cesspit

            • bem

              9th generation American diks getting in fights about ‘the cause’ and all that.

              • John Galt

                Yeah.
                Q: How do you know (Spielbergs) ET was a protestant?
                A: He looks like one.

    • John Galt

      Crash fatalities? On average more people die in January or February than any other month.

      • F’ing snow and ice

        • John Galt

          Flu and germs.

          • Shoot. I was thinking road deaths

            • John Galt

              You’re probably not wrong though. A lot of nurses in my family and they mentioned it.

    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

      Dufuq kind of parties are going on during MLK day and Labor day?!?

      • dckhead_con_artist

        We celebrate another year without a BLM riot .

    • Chip Baskets

      I don’t see st pattys day on there.

      • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        They combined it with Martin Luther King’s Day, in order to pad the numbers and make it look like somebody gives a fuck about MLK.

  • Ainigmaris Thales

    My recommended method of avoiding the Christmas gut? Sport-fucking a sleigh-full of hot elf bitches.

    • Jak

      Thales is into the midgets…got it.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Small people need love, too. Plus, they spin.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      They seek your north pole yearly

    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ
      • Jim Johnson

        Spock’s Daughter

      • Jim Johnson

        Hard to believe that she would be running up against the wall right about now.

        • cheeseburgercheeseburger

          past it. do not look her up

          • Jim Johnson

            Don’t plan to. Celebrities are best ignored outside the movies.

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Goddamn it.

            • Jim Johnson

              You may be looking at a photo of Steve Tyler?

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                6 one way, half dozen the other, to be honest.

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              just watch in Stealing Beauty. she is about 19, and its set in Tuscany

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                She never really did it for me. I mean, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, but I’m not going to rent some chick flick to fawn over her fivehead.

                • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                  hands down, your gayest post ever. lemme guess- she is a 6.5 in your book?

                  • He prefers Aragorn

                    • Hilarious

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Aragorn was a pretty hot chick.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Chicks with stubble, WA

                    • Would anal?

                    • Jak

                      Would adulterate?

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Ask Thales, he knows what WA is supposed to mean.

                    • Definitely “would anal” then

                    • Jim Johnson

                      If they have stubble, I don’t think there are many more options.

                  • Ainigmaris Thales

                    Look, she is hot, and I totally WB. I’m just saying she’s not the hottest of all time or anything. Plus, she has too many of her father’s features. Something about banging the female version of Stephen Tyler is a little creepy to me.

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Elbows too pointy, brah?

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          Nature is a true surely bitch. The highest beauty gets no sympathy from her.

      • Ragnar’s wife from “Vikings” is pretty nice

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            WA.

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              WA?

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                Wood ax. In the gash.

                • Jim Johnson

                  Washington

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          Yes, she truly is. I’d totally rune her.

          • fo sho

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              It’s a damned shame that the producers utterly destroyed that show and any historical accuracy by making hordes of Super Warrior Women a mainstay. I love the first season, and the season where Ragnar is first battling the French (where I ignore the grrl pwrrr crap) and some of Ragnar’s first son going through the rite of passage and making his own way, but otherwise, this shit got real old, real fast.

              I’d still fuck that girly until she felt pillaged though, that much is certain.

              • They take one skeleton that is “possibly” female and try to say most of the Norse women were warriors. I’m not saying that there might not have been a few over the course of several hundred years but I think a multitude of female Vikings would have been mentioned SOMEWHERE in the contemporary accounts.

                • Jak

                  This is a VERY common SJW tactic: Take the outlier and claim it’s the norm.

                  • And then if you point out things that are true for the majority on their side they claim it’s isolated incidents. Regressives really are mentally ill

                • Ainigmaris Thales

                  Right, and they decided the supposedly “female” skeleton was a great Viking warrior because there was some armor and weapons in the grave, and then decided she was a master tactician because there was some kind of Viking chessboard buried there, too. So clearly, she was the wise and powerful military Viking warrior princess that was never written or talked about by anyone, anywhere, ever.

                  • Jak

                    Ah, but you forget that her history was erased because of (((PATRIARCHY!)))

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Right, right, I forgot. The patriarchy. We should really call it the fucking Pedestal-archy because that’s what it fucking was, and definitely what it became.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      One thing about putting women on a pedestal is there is only one direction they can go afterwards. Down, right into a wall.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      There’s no escape from the wall.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Roger Waters would concur.

                  • Exactly. You think the Saxon bishop that wrote about this (Bede, maybe?) wouldn;t have used being beaten by female warriors as proof that God was judging them? I think he would have

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    And naturally the idea completely eludes SJW’s that this lone skeleton may have actually been just royalty that got buried with a lot of daddy’s or brother’s or uncle’s things as a tribute. Nope, had to be a warrior princess amazing super woman.

                    Their delusions know no boundaries.

                • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                  Yeah, there’s no real actual evidence that can be scientifically pointed to as plausible, let alone conclusive. The fact is, the Vikings were *all* men, as long as they were a “thing”. If a woman or two picked up a sword and jumped on board is irrelevant to the greater point that they were all men. I hate historical revisionism that isn’t even based on flimsy pretenses, let alone “maybe” level stuff.

                  • Jim Johnson

                    “We have to change our traditions, our history….”
                    – Chewbacca, A long time ago

                    • bem

                      Citation or GTFO!!

                      Dont BE blashphemin’ no Wookies up in heah!

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Can’t I just show you my tits?

                    • bem

                      Always, Jim….always.

                  • Marius Aetius Lucullus

                    im waiting for Hollywood to do a Hollywood on Boudica & the Romans – imagine it… directed by Angelina Jolie.
                    you go grrrrrl!
                    history be dammed!

    • Chip Baskets

      Those aren’t elves, those are elementary school students.

      • Jim Johnson

        Spray paint them green and nobody will know the difference.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Stop peeping in my windows, you sick freak.

        • All of this while watching JCVD with your pants off

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Why would I watch JCVD with my pants on?

  • Honey Badger

    Speaking of excess food around the holidays, we have a customer here at work that usually gives us 120lbs of rice for Christmas every year.

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      Do you tell him that you don’t care?

  • Murdoc34

    Plan in place. It may or may not be identical to the one outlined above.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9a063dc03c64cacf4cfc3e89324fad0eb029a2c251631fe090c45c60c47184ac.jpg

  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

    all this talk about not getting fat and new orleans makes me want to help you get fat on my fave sammich- the muffaletta(there were a lot of Italians down there, they were brought over from Italy as virtual slave laborers once the blacks were freed)
    http://mariposafarms.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Muffaletta-sandwich.jpg

    http://allrecipes.com/recipe/34367/muffuletta-sandwich/

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      WB.

      • Jim Johnson

        Would baste?

        • cheeseburgercheeseburger

          would bang.

          • Jim Johnson

            Ive heard of women being affectionate towards cucumbers, but not this.

    • B1k3_Ch41N

      Might be an unpopular opinion but that chopped olive is going to overpower the meat cheese combo. The other veg? yeah why not but not the olive.

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        thats your lame limey palate talking- beans on toast? really?

        • B1k3_Ch41N

          Beans on toast? Corr……yes please and a few sausages too.
          You Eeetaliahns are not bad at this food thing but you can take too far at times. Frog legs and garden weeds? What’s that all about?

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            I was gonna say I have some English roots, went to a wedding outside Manchester, but all the men wore kilts. I must be a descendant of those dirty lowland Scots

            • B1k3_Ch41N

              TBF Italians are known to chase skirt! Ba dum tssss! haha

    • I guy I worked with had a heart attack the day after eating a half-muffaletta. Just sayin

      • Jak

        I still want to go to that place in Las Vegas (I think) with the burger called the triple bypass. Surely eating there once won’t kill me….right?

  • Boothe

    Every year around this time the holiday goodies magically appear around the coffee pot at work. As I pass by, one of the ladies will point out some sugar and carb laden delicacy and ask “Don’t you want to try this?” I respond humorously with something like “Yes, but that will make my pants shrink!” When I am tempted, I call up the memory of a 375 lb. land whale on oxygen oozing over both sides of the mart-cart headed down the cookie aisle. All desire for sweets immediately abates.

    As the saying goes, abs are made in the kitchen not the gym. If you would prefer to have a six-pack rather than a keg, then you have to be careful of what (and how much) you are stuffing in your pie hole. Another mental association trick I use is to see all simple carbs as poison. After doing this routinely for several years, I have virtually no interest in cake, cookies, bread, pie, potatoes, rice or candy anymore.

    What I do have an interest in is keeping a 32″ waist. ‘Tis much easier to keep it, than to lose it and try to get it back. One of my coworkers, 33 years my junior (and a lot bigger around than me, asked “How can you go get a cup of coffee and not take a doughnut?” I told him “That’s simple: you go get a cup of coffee and just don’t take a doughnut.” Ultimately it comes down to willpower.

    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      having a 32 in waist at your age is an amazing feat. no homo. I think

      • Jak

        Indeed. I’m around a 33 or 34 inch waist but am trying to get back down to a 32 or even 31. Am cleaning up my diet this week to assist with this goal. Hurray salads!

        • Stoic Nihilist

          Cows eat salads all day long.
          Fat as fuck.

          • Marius Aetius Lucullus

            but they dont lift brah, they just dont lift…

      • Jim Johnson

        Agreed, it is a feat. However, it is easier than dealing with years of sore knees, unable to properly get around, or dealing with the social stigma of being a fatty. Talk about a hard life, my aunt was 300 lb, smoked and could barely shuffle to the store.

        • Boothe

          There is nothing more disgusting to me than a fat smoker. I get smoking. I smoked for twenty seven years. But I had a cigarette in my mouth, not a danish or an ice cream cone. Smoking helped me stay lean. When I see some gelatinous mass undulating down the sidewalk with a cigarette hanging off their lip it boggles my mind. Of course it will speed up their demise. But probably not before we have to pay for their knee or hip replacement, an insulin pump and an oxygen generator.

          • Jim Johnson

            Yup, she died about a decade ago, my mom who is older is still doing fairly well, despite being about 50 lb overweight.

            Addiction is addition IMO, whether cigarettes, porn, food, or endless video games. You know it is bad for you, and yet you still partake in the behavior. I probably waste too much time doing this. Oxytocin is a powerful drug.

        • UnreconstructedConfederate

          I saw one the other day walking to her car in a parking lot, her legs looked as big around as my waist, she was taking little shuffle steps and huffing like she was mountain climbing.

          • Jim Johnson

            That was my aunt, had to carry an oxygen bottle for years.

      • Boothe

        Exercise and sacrifice is all it takes. I compensate for no sweets or simple carbs by eating extra steak. 😉

      • bem

        unless he’s like 4′-2″

    • UnreconstructedConfederate

      I haven’t had a 32 inch waist since like 8th grade :), I ain’t never been no little feller. Football coach had to go over to the high school to get me a pair of cleats big enough lol

      • Stoic Nihilist

        Shoe size and waist size have 0 correlation.

        • UnreconstructedConfederate

          I assume you are trying to make a point?

          • Jak

            I’ve yet to see him make one.

            • UnreconstructedConfederate

              Haha just wondering if I was missing something.

          • Stoic Nihilist

            I’m just here for the upvotes.

          • Stoic Nihilist

            Yea, that your initial statement is fucking ridiculous

            • UnreconstructedConfederate

              Your existence is fucking ridiculous.

              • Stoic Nihilist

                Hahha, keep working on that small waistline princess.

    • bem

      willpower, eh? soooooooooooo you’re saying its all luck, then?

  • MCGOO

    Earlier this month I went to a government building to pay my property taxes. Upon entering I witnessed some of the most grotesque obese people sitting at desks behind computer terminals. This one guy at the title search desk was so fat, I honestly wondered how he could get up in the morning. What miracle drugs could motivate such a fat blob? But there he was, bright eyed and ‘on the job’. I’d be Superman if I could get my hands on whatever drugs he’s on. At 400+ lbs, all this guy has to do is sit at his desk and stand up for breaks and to go home. Otherwise he was relatively immobile with a few albuterol inhalers strewn about his desk and he wheezed with each breath.

    Then the lady at the brusar’s payment window looked 350+ lbs. ALL OF THEM were stereotypical fat ass useless eaters with cushy government gravy jobs. The waste baskets beside their desks were full of snickers wrappers, fast food containers and wadded up potato chip bags.

    Alex Jones once did a piece on a similar experience he had with government office drones and their sick lifestyles. He described them as “ants” at work. They sit on their fat asses at work and periodically get up to migrate LIKE ANTS to the rotisserie snack bar machines and return to their desks with plate after plate of styrofoam trays full of processed microwaved high carb dead food. The hallways look like an ant colony with rows of white styrofoam plates loaded with larvae being carried to some fat queen egg sack somewhere.

    I’ll be kind and say the one fat slob at the account desk was friendly enough since all he did was take people’s money with a smile. He had a nice microwaved chinese box dinner that smelled delicious like shrimp. He showed me a neat trick how the tall rectangular chinese box dinners can be unfolded and opened sideways into a yummy super tray so you can add all the sauces and stir evenly. Something like this ›››

    http://youtu.be/WBmyRFs5-3Y

    You learn something every day. I don’t do much chinese food so I never learned this trick. I looked it up on youtube and everyone seems to know this. I always squirted the sauce in, closed the box and shook it like a tossed salad. “Boink” duuh I never knew it was supposed to open like a plate. And to think everyone else knew this all along, especially fat ass useless eater government bureaucrats with retarded gravy jobs. Shit.