Years ago, I played High School eight man football as an offensive center, and as a right guard on defense. (My ball handling skills were crap) On defense, my coach told me something that stuck with me, “If you are unsure what you are doing, go 100% anyway”. On the field, that philosophy helped me get past the line of scrimmage and cause panic for the offensive running backs. Later in life, that philosophy helped me go somewhere.
A few years later, I found myself in a situation where I was not sure what I was doing. I was working a crap job, throwing lumber in a sawmill. Pay was horrible, and my dating prospects were a joke. I talked with a good friend of mine and we decided to move from our station in life up to Alaska. We bought a $500 camp trailer and towed it up there, with not enough gas money to get home. Soon, we found another crap job shoveling dirt. By the end of summer, I was fed up.
More than 20 years later, I still vividly remember laying in bed in Alaska, coming to the realization that if I did not do something with my life, I would become a loser, with a loser for a wife, surrounded by little losers for children. Until that point, I focused on the situation I was in, not on what I was becoming. This is the point where I decided I needed to improve myself.
In spite of not knowing what I wanted to do at that point, I decided I would look into the mechanics trade. I liked working on cars, and felt it would be a good fit. I go back to live with parents, and save up money. During this time, I toured several colleges and decided to go into mechanical engineering instead. That paid much better, and would be more on the design of mechanical systems.
During my first year of college, I decided to go into civil engineering. It was related to my program so I didn’t have any pain in changing majors at that point. This major gave me the option of living in a smaller community. From there on, I pressed forward and became what I am today.
A Common Mistake
So many kids graduate high school, and then go into college, still not knowing what to do. They think they can go and decide what they are going to be in the coming years as they are taking the general classes. It sounds fine, but what is missing is the drive to be the best they can be. Like when I was in Alaska working crap jobs, they are just flowing through life and taking easy classes. They are wasting time and resources. Eventually, those debts will need to be paid. However, because they were not decisive in what they wanted to do, their major is fairly general, and of little use. That indecisiveness early on locked them down into something that was not beneficial.
Conversations with a friend
Many times, I have spoken with a particular friend who has a rather different lifestyle than I do. He enjoys the single life, around girls and the freedom that is associated with it. I am more of the traditional family life. We both agree that whatever path you choose, there are positive and negative outcomes. I will never know what it is like to be in a threesome, he will never know what will be like to be a grandfather. That is fine, we make our choices, and we need to live with them.
Where people get hurt is when they try to live more than one lifestyle. The single guy who fathers a child will be stuck paying child support, and see the child from a distance develop social problems because the kid lacks proper masculine guidance. Similarly, the married guy who cheats around, trying to live the single life will inevitably break a marriage with equally devastating consequences.
A working mother is the same, she cannot do both effectively, and heartache and pain is often the result.
On top of college, I know of several people who are half-assing their family life. Unlike my single friend, they are cohabitating (possibly with children). In doing so, they are failing at the single life and failing at the traditional family life. Their unwillingness to make a decision and stick with it is hurting society. The only ones that benefit are Democrats who get votes from the welfare cases that develop.
If you are going to live the single life, live it and accept the ramifications. If you are wanting a family, have a family. But, accept the responsibility. You need to do what you can to minimize likelihood of divorce.
- Have impeccable integrity
- Choose a wife who has impeccable integrity
- Regularly teach your family (including yourself) to maintain that integrity
- Throw away the TV
- Maintain your marriage
- Have a traditional household
Even if married, so many couples are separated spiritually. If she is going to church, go. At church, there are so many men who should be the priesthood leader of the home who are not. They leave that to the wife. Not only does that cause discontent in the marriage, it decreases their status in her eyes. If you go, she will follow. Rarely do I see a man who goes to church where his wife stays home.
In “The Karate Kid”, Mr. Myagi has the following conversation with Daniel:
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk.
[they both kneel]
Miyagi: Walk on road, hm? Walk right side, safe. Walk left side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: get the squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do “yes” or karate do “no.” You karate do “guess so,”
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I’m ready
Daniel had a choice before him, either he could have get completely away from fighting and be like most of the kids, or he could dedicate his life to it. Doing it half way would only get him hurt. Like Daniel, we have that choice before us every day. Take heed.