Time Off

As I write this my wife went with her mother and my daughter to a ballet.  It gave me time to spend with my sons but more importantly, it gave us time away from each other on the weekend.  It got me thinking about couples that spend all their free time together and how a few hours apart on the weekend can benefit all of you.

I know many couples that spend every second of their weekend together.  They have all the same experiences, the same things to talk about, and it tends to make things a little stale.  While I have a good relationship with my wife, and I do value time with her, this afternoon away has been good.   Even in the best of relationships you have to have your own time to focus on yourself.  It was good to just spend time with the boys without the whole crew together.    My sons love hanging out with me and I enjoy spending time with them.

Its also good for my wife and daughter to have time away from us.  My sons and I would never want to sit through a ballet.  They get time to relax and have fun doing something they wouldn’t usually be able to do with us around.  The benefits of time apart I’ve observed are:

Relaxation

You can truly relax when you’re by yourself or just with you and your children.  My kids are pretty well behaved so I don’t always mind being around them by myself.  We play games, watch movies/tv, and the whole thing is just relaxing.

Bonding

As I’ve written about before, its good for you to bond with your kids, and its easier to do when its just you and them.  You learn a lot about their personalities and it makes for a good situation to teach your kids life skills.  I’m sure my wife and daughter are having a great time enjoying some of these benefits as well.

Focus

This time can be used to reflect on things you may not have the time to when you have to be running the show.  I’m not saying you should give up all of your responsibilities, but if you can,  use this downtime to work though problems you may be stuck on.  You can also use this time to do something for yourself.  Work out, work on a project, shit even just veg on the couch if you normally don’t.

This time can also be used to hang out with your other guy friends.  Everyone should be doing this because you need these men.  These are the guys you can shoot the shit with or even come to with a problem you’re having.  These should be guys you can trust and I can’t tell you how many times we’ve gotten into deep conversation over a game of pool or horse shoes.

Refresh

This was one of the best things I didn’t even consider.  Once my wife got home, it was refreshing to see her.  We had new things to talk about, and I swear it seems that spending time apart made us really enjoy the time together once they got back.  I wont get into details of my personal life, but after bed time activities were just that much better lol.

Conclusion

Time away from your wife is something you may not get that much of, but I feel its essential for your mental being.  Don’t just abandon your family every weekend, but a few hours here or there is fine.  Use this time to connect with your buddies, work on a project, or just do something for yourself.  You, your wife, and your kids will all benefit from this time of not being a family unit.

-J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.

  • MCGOO

    Heh this is perfect timing. The woman just finished her time of the month. I leave her be. Facing off with your woman during her menstrual pangs is not healthy for continuum of your patriarchal mindstate. You don’t even want to know what ideas and thoughts cross her warped mind during menstruation. It would be healthier to watch a gory horror movie alone. She’s just foregone another egg from the netherworld and had to put it back. No doubt she’s twisted. Mentally, she’s been places that would ruin the holiday spirit for everyone. You don’t even want to go there I assure you. For this every man should be glad he’s male.

    During the woman’s time of the month, it’s best for a man to not talk to her at all, but instead to spend the time with his crew of patriarchal brahs solidifying the grand order of our culture during her weeklong hyaitus of insane menstrual hysteria. But where is she supposed to go during her week of menstruation? Sitting around the house like a flopping fish? Reeking up the place with an overflowing douche pail of hideous vapid menstrual vapors?

    THE SOLUTION is chhaupadi and I can’t help but preach it. It is the way.

    http://www.myrepublica.com/uploads/media/chhaupadi-illustration-by-Y.jpg

    Westerners need to practice menstrual apartheid like the Nepal Hindus, the orthodox Jews and messianic Christians. The Randy Weaver family practiced a Christian form of chhaupadi. Vicki Weaver had a crude shack downwind and out of earshot of the family cabin where she spent the prior week making peace with her last egg before federal goons ambushed the homestead killing her and her nursing son. Christian menstrual saparation isn’t publicized much, but the Christian women practicing it tend to be very loyal and will follow their man before any other forces or authorities. That’s one reason why the Weavers were targeted.

    JEWS TOO practice menstrual separation. The ‘mikveh’ bath house retreat is the jew version of chhaupadi. The Weavers had a humble shack where Vicki sat for the week with bible, crackers, water, paper towels and candles, but the Jewish ‘mikveh’ quarters are more like a heated spa with a princess bedroom – but of course. Yes the JEW menstrual retreats are over the top with chandelliers, salt baths, indoor gardens and statues.

    http://opmikvah.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/mikveh_room.jpg

    Jews take the cake in going all out for their ragging princess women don’t they?

    http://oneclimbs.com/wp-content/uploads/lisbon-mikveh1.jpg

    Jeez it’s only a foul menstruating pussy. Meanwhile the Hindus in Nepal keep it simple, very simple.

    http://www.myrepublica.com/uploads/media/chhaupadi-photo.jpg

    Hang in there sport. Squeal like a banshee and get it out of your system. Git er done so you can get back to the wonderful kitchen.

    Western women are out of control we all agree, so we must somehow nail the menstrual gremlin and evacuate it from the house. NEVER AGAIN should an overflowing reeking douche pail asphyxiate the males of the house. A woman is unclean during menstruation and cannot touch or speak to her family. She must prepare covered dinners for everyone the week prior. When she spots, it’s hands off the cooking utinsils, grab a blanket and check out time – out the back door to the shed.

    Western man needs a medium for the menstrual quarters, not too garish like the ‘mikveh’ and not a low down dog house like the Hindus.

    HOME DEPO has a great selection of chhaupadi quarters in stock.

    http://moonfest.us/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/how-to-organize-lawn-and-garden-equipment-with-outdoor-storage-shedsgarage-shelves-home-depot–garage-shelving-plans.jpg

    Take a browse with the wee wife and taylor one that tickles her fancy. They can be spruced up wonderfully.

    http://111design111.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Dark-Brown-Color-Building-of-Garden-Shed-Design-Applying-Wooden-Material-and-Furnished-with-Green-Plants-Around-Shed.jpg

    A space heater, cot, moving blankets, bible, honey and crackers and a jumbo nascar pillow to scream into and YOU CAN’T BUY better therapy for a menstruating woman than that.

    https://www.backyardbuildings.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/guest-house-shed.jpg

    No one NO ONE deserves to be confined in a house and subject to the throes of a hysterical menstruating woman, especially your sons. But how? How do you convince your woman to camp out back alone for her crazy week? Well she’s got to want to be traditional. A feminist wife is one bat of an eyelash away from crapping all over you, but a woman who declares that she at least wants to be traditional needs steered and she will follow. Let her find the peace and solace first IN A SIMPLE TENT.

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/10/16/article-2218253-15851E3B000005DC-223_634x427.jpg

    After that she’ll be thrilled about shopping for a shed upgrade. It will be like getting a new Cadillac. She’ll LOVE IT. Trust me.

    • Marius Aetius Lucullus

      you’re a classic MCGOO, great post mate.

      dont want to open the ol’ (((JQ))) can of worms here, but, aren’t the jewish a very matriarchal outfit?

      • MCGOO

        Thanks. I think it’s a hood ornament kind of thing with the Jews. A Mercedes thing trying to best the next people on the block, but the families take the peace for granted and plan what to do ahead when mommy is gnashing her teeth while doodling and writing bizzarre poetry. Otherwise you deal with it month after month and you think you have the cat in the bag and under control. But it’s taxing and that’s change in the form of time you could have spent more wisely instead of wasting your time figuring out new ways to quell the beast. Then one month A REAL monster pops out and you say “damn I wish we had a nice shed or something set up out back”. You point your finger out back for her to go and chill and . . . no shed. Darn.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      That’s the best time to beat and sodomize her as the evidence can be washed away and she’s legally insane . Which hole are we talking about?

    • AutomaticSlim

      Wouldn’t it be easier to just let her stay in the house, and you go stay at the Holiday Inn & check out eros for the local action?

      Kidding, just kidding…not really…

      • Holidae In?

        • cheeseburgercheeseburger

          never thought Id see a Chingy video posted on this site.

          • Chingy is making a comeback here on AKC

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              What’s a Chingy? Sounds like something on the side order menu at Taco Bell.

              • Melted Snowflake

                Or at ye olde Chinese joint

          • AutomaticSlim

            Which one is “Chingy” now?

        • AutomaticSlim

          +1 only because this is something I never would have stumbled across on my own.

    • jammyjaybird

      Show me a single American woman who would consent to living in a tent in the backyard during her period.

      You are waaaaaaaay out there.

    • B1k3_Ch41N

      This made me laugh so hard. Thanks bud

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      TL:DR, just looked at the pictures. Something about exiling women to little huts in the back yard after giving them some kind of Jewish bath. Overall, I give it 4 stars.

      • iBooB

        “Jewish Bath” – 4 or more black men with cocks no less than 8″ ejaculating simultaneously over a naked woman of Jewish faith/race.

        • Ainigmaris Thales

          See, this implies that Jewish women are somehow more whorish/slutty than any other race/creed of woman. But AWALT. AWALT.

          • iBooB

            Shut up before I give you a Jewish Bath, Jebediah.

            • hilarious

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              YOURE A JEWISH BATH JEBBEDAH

      • Murdoc34

        If you read nothing else, this line ought to be it:

        “HOME DEPO[T] has a great selection of chhaupadi quarters in stock.”

      • I wonder if they need a life guard.

        • bem

          Only if nephew Seth needs a summer job. He’s a good boy.

    • Melted Snowflake

      Just bang ’em one good time and that helps settle them down. IF you can walk in mud you can screw in blood

      • Boothe

        An acquaintance once unhappily related to me (after getting his “red wings”) that he’d asked his GF why she didn’t tell him she was having her period before he went down on her. Her reply: “You wouldn’t have done it if I’d told you…”

        • Melted Snowflake

          Now that’s one step too far

  • dckhead_con_artist

    What’s a wife ? Never heard the term

    • AutomaticSlim

      Haha.
      I understand the concept “wife”, just not how it applies to me.

      • dckhead_con_artist

        Years ago when I worked in a uaw plant every guy had a housewife and a shopwife. They seemed to be pretty happy

        • jammyjaybird

          “shopwife” = ??? No entiendo…

          • Boothe

            A.K.A. a work wife. The woman you’d probably be married to if you weren’t already married. It usually involves listening to her bitch, hearing about all her problem and no sex. In many cases it’s not remarkably different than a regular marriage, just no tax deduction…

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              A “work husband” is a beta who is doing everything he can to try to bang some chick at work. A “work wife” is a chick who is using some dude at the office like an emotional tampon.

            • jammyjaybird

              We independent contractors miss out on SO much…

              • Boothe

                Everything is a trade off in this world I’m afraid…

            • bem

              I remember this idiot I worked with picking up the phone all flustered trying to get the name correctly and he blurted out ‘mom’, the receptionist he fought with all day, and finally (correctly) his wife’s name.
              His head was a stew of these toxic women he couldn’t diferentiate…

              • Boothe

                An older coworker who bore a strong resemblance to Chuck Berry once gave me this sage advice: “Don’ neva call a woman by her name. Always call her honey, sugar or baby. Somethin’ like dat. Dat way you don’ mess up an’ call her by da wrong name.”

          • dckhead_con_artist

            A Lover at work or place of employment

    • Otto von Bismarck

      It is a form of life that sometimes spews out little humans.

    • John Galt

      A child in an adult female body you are responsible for.

  • Bart Manson ✓ᵂʰᶦᵗᵉ

    Husbands and wives (or boyfriends and girlfriends) who spend every second together are creepy. It doesn’t mean your best friends who do everything together or soulmates, it just means you’re two clingy, creepy, people.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      It only works when both are co-dependent alcoholics

      • jammyjaybird

        Or one is a paraplegic.

        • bem

          AND they never bust your balls about ‘going out dancing’!

          • B1k3_Ch41N

            There’s wheelchair rugby and you think there’s no wheelchair dancing?

            • My father was always pissed off. Pissed that he made such lousy money. Pissed that my brother played wheelchair rugby.

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                yo you launched you site early? looks good.
                u always take off 5 months or was it due to injury?

                • Thanks CB. I always take a long break but it’s never been this long. This year, however, I am planning on competing for the first time. My 6 month training regimen is going to be bat shit insane even by my standards so I figured I’d give myself extra time to let some body parts heal and try to depleat nyc if it’s pizza supply

              • bem

                He probably thought ALL American kids were spoiled lazy….

                • the way i figure it everyone gets a beating sometimes.

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              Right, gay people end up in wheelchairs, too, so I guarantee there is wheelchair dancing.

          • Right. You work in a paint store, right? You probably live with your family, you hang out with your buddies, and on Saturday night you go, you blow it all off at 2001, right?

            • bem

              I work very hard on this hair!

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        That actually reminds me of a couple I know that are absolute and total pot-heads. They work at the same place, they only have one crappy ass car, they live in a tiny little house. Their entire existence is all about getting pot and smoking pot. They work the bare minimum they need to pay their expenses, and spend 100% of their free time in their house getting baked. They don’t have any friends, and they never have anyone over — not even other potheads because they don’t want to share their stash. They are always, always together and never do anything apart. They have one cellphone and one email address. I guess you would say they are happy, but they don’t do anything but smoke.

        • bem

          Its about shared interests after all.

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            They also both always smell like old ass and rotten cigarettes.

            • bem

              Traditional wedding ceremonies often cite this.

            • Consolation_of_Philosophy

              Isn’t “Old Ass and Rotten Cigarettes” a variety of Axe Body Spray?

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                Might as well be.

        • Consolation_of_Philosophy

          I can’t understand that. Pot is not some end-all-be-all experience. I’m convinced it’s 75% placebo, anyway. It’s just a massive excuse for whatever…

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Addictive personalities. I know plenty of people who have essentially constructed their lives around their addictions, even if others wouldn’t consider it a true “addiction.”

            • bem

              If it wasn’t weed it would be STILL be twinkies…

        • these people need to grow the fuck up and start doing blow

    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

      Being codependent is never healthy. With great chemistry and heavy duty physical attraction, I can see how a guy and a gal can lose themselves in each other. But a man that is always with his lady is not out building anything or accomplishing anything. As soon as the lady processes that, all the chemistry in the worlds will not get her attraction for him back.

  • Stoic Nihilist

    Perfect time to hang out with your potatoes when your wife leaves you.
    You can pick them up, undress them, work your magic and try to make them into something decent.

    In the end, it doesn’t even matter.

    • Obnoxious Troll
      • Consolation_of_Philosophy

        There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this…

  • jammyjaybird

    Just got back from ten days apart from my woman. Before that, we were frankly getting a little sick of one another. It’s been like a ctrl-alt-delete on the relationship. We’re happier now.

    • Obnoxious Troll

      i think you mean “restart”. unless you’re the guy in mentioned in this article:
      http://www.wctv.tv/content/news/Trump-supporting-wife-divorcing-Democrat-husband-437126863.html

      • jammyjaybird

        I’m not married. But you really wanna go there again?

        • Obnoxious Troll

          not married? man, you’re full of surprises…

    • Jim Johnson

      Those are kind of nice for the first week or so. Most summers, my wife will take the kids to see her family for a week or two. By the end, I am looking forward to see them again.

      • jammyjaybird

        Agreed. Easy test for the quality of a man’s relationship: how fast or how slow you start to miss your woman when you’re apart. That will tell you everything you need to know.

        The minute I got home last week, we were ripping each other’s clothes off. I mean, literally in the first minute. We boffed four times in the next eight hours, plus an impromptu BJ. She finally had to slow me down.

        • Obnoxious Troll

          you lost me at the end…

        • Melted Snowflake

          “We boffed four times in the next eight hours, plus an impromptu BJ. She finally had to slow me down.”

          So you were trying to give HER a BJ?

          • jammyjaybird

            I probably could’ve phrased that better lol.
            (goes to get coffee)

            • Melted Snowflake

              That’s an interesting picture

  • Jim Johnson

    I feel the need to go pabst here……

    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      Utah is weird.

    • bem

      Why would a deer go camping? Dont they like live outside?

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Yeah, they do the opposite of us. They live outside, but go camping inside, in a “deer camp”. Duh.

  • Just remember the rules. Saturday night is for the wives, but Friday night at the Copa was always for the girlfriends.

    • bem

      And you dont get divorced – we’re not animales.

      • One dog goes one way and the other goes the other

        • bem

          Whaddya want from me?

          • The guy’s got a nice head of white hair.

            • bem

              Looks like someone we know

              • Jak

                My hair is not ALL white, thank you very much!

                • bem

                  Hopefully it works out better for you in general.

                • John Galt

                  The last guy ended up in a trunk and a shallow grave in Jersey.

  • Jim Johnson

    I tell ya, it was like a godsend when my oldest boy turned 12 so we could legally leave them for the evening. Getting away doesn’t just pertain to the wife.

  • Ainigmaris Thales

    To me, a good test of a relationship is if you can both do something together that neither of you want to do. Like spending time together doing something you both want to do — easy. Spending time apart, both doing something you want to do — easy. Trying to get through some nightmarish dinner or boring social function with people you both hate — more difficult. The man will usually recognize that this is something that has to be done, for whatever reason, and find a way to deal with it. The woman, however, almost always has to have someone to blame. And she ain’t blaming herself, no matter what. So, in a good relationship, she’ll find a way to blame someone other than her man, or some inanimate object, or some other random thing to unleash her internalized venom upon. In a bad relationship, she’ll turn that venom on you.

    • bem

      Absolutely with dreaded visits. And I even enjoy the ride home, just to hear all the hate and bile and not have it directed at me.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        I think this test is even more telling if the couple is doing something that the man likes but the woman doesn’t like. If she actually goes along with it, and doesn’t have to make him change it up to suit her, or if she doesn’t make him entirely miserable just to be a spiteful cunt, then she really has genuine affection for him… at least to the extent that women are able to actually feel things like love for people other than themselves and their immediate offspring.

        • Melted Snowflake

          Recently went to a Skillet concert. Wifey doesn’t really like them but she came because she knows I like them and wanted to be with me. She never complained.

    • Jim Johnson

      What is also tough is doing something that one likes, and the other hates. My wife gets stressed out with any big social functions. I tend to like them. She will find the one or two friends that she is close to, and will go talk with them in some corner. I tend to do the social butterfly thing. It makes for an awkward evening.

      • bem

        Yes its hard to be my charming gregarious self when I’m worried about her feeling ‘neglected’.

        • Ainigmaris Thales

          You used that word wrong — “gregarious” doesn’t mean “super gay queer” like you think it does.

          • bem

            does too I says.

            • Jim Johnson

              Like Batman and Robin super gay queer?

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                Are you suggesting there is something “super gay queer” about an unmarried adult billionaire man adopting a young orphan boy and dressing him up in tights to go walk the streets at night?

                • Jim Johnson

                  Yeah, that kind of super gay. They even have the masks and other bondage stuff.

          • Jim Johnson

            I really wish I never learned what the term “tossing salad” really meant.

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              Can’t get it out of your head, huh Jim?

              • Jim Johnson

                It is like walking in and seeing your grandma getting a sponge bath. Some things you would want to unlearn.

                • Melted Snowflake

                  Or walking in on your parents bumping uglies

                  • Jim Johnson

                    Never had the displeasure.

                    • Melted Snowflake

                      omg

                  • bem

                    dont be ridiculous – our parents never fukked.

                    • Melted Snowflake

                      Sadly I discovered otherwise

                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      I only ever had to hear it… that’s a pretty unwanted memory, too!

            • Melted Snowflake

              Don’t know. Not gonna Google

              • Jim Johnson

                blissful ignorance is awesome

              • bem

                I want to tell you just to do you harm.
                No offense.

            • John Galt

              Prison term. I don’t think most people know it.

              • Jim Johnson

                Before that article, I thought it meant masturbation. Now the jokes I remembered about it are so much more vile.

        • Melted Snowflake

          She’ll get over it. I enjoy talking to young lovelies and my wife is used to it. I used to be socially awkward but I kind of enjoy it now

          • bem

            Hahaha. I’d love to believe you, but mine’s older than yours by a ways and not likely to “get over” anything.

    • B1k3_Ch41N

      An even better sign that she’s into you is when she’s not angry at you for being sad that your girlfriend is mad at you for cheating on her with a side chick! That’s a rock solid relationship my friend.

  • Ainigmaris Thales

    Speaking of time off…. I expect all of you fucks to be online and shit-posting all through the holidays. Being off work is not an excuse… in fact, I expect higher rates of shit-posting because you won’t have to pretend to be working and shit. Western civilization is not going to save itself, gentlemen, thus we must keep up the good fight.

    • bem

      You aint the boss of me, fukko.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Yes I am

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        Fukko…. lol

        • Jim Johnson

          better to be the fukko, than the fukkee

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            Wait, which one is which again?

          • unfair to the fuckor, but not to the fukkee, but you’re gonna fuck it or else
            or else what
            tell em vinny
            or else pizza, is gonna send out for you

    • Jim Johnson

      I had my article put up this weekend, not a single shit post. Every comment was on point. Despicable.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        I’ll have a word with the weekend shift. Sounds like they have been slacking.

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        All that damn rabble doesn’t come around on weekends.

        • Jim Johnson

          I think lots of it is just the timing. You send emails to people, and it is direct and concise. Talk to them on the phone, and get more banter. People don’t want to say meaningless crap and have it just hanging out there.

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            So why does Thales do that all the time?

            • Ainigmaris Thales

              I resent that remark. All of my crap is very, very meaningful.

              • UnreconstructedConfederate

                No offense meant, I was just referring to the meaningless stuff….fukko..

                • Melted Snowflake

                  Which would be all of it

      • Boothe

        It’s not too late. I’m sure that I can come up with something, possibly even something disgusting. Want me to take a look?

    • Murdoc34

      But I have to cook.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Multi-task, you pussy.

        • Murdoc34

          Got an answer for everything, dontcha?

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            I never could figure out why Murdoc hated MacGyver so much.

            • Murdoc34

              Nothing personal. Strictly business.

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                I don’t know. He really seemed to get awfully emotional about it a lot. He literally screamed “MacGyver!!!” every time he fake-died. And he kept coming up with more and more elaborate traps to torture MacGyver rather than just blowing his head off from 1000 yards like any real professional assassin would do. And then there was the time he quit being an international evil assassin just because MacGyver had screwed up so many of his jobs, and then he had to get MacGyver to come save him from his former bosses, and they had all that emotional male-bonding. Seems like maybe Murdoc was a little gay for MacGyver. I mean, I’m not saying anything, I’m just saying.

                • Murdoc34

                  Got an answer for everything, dontcha?

                  • Ainigmaris Thales

                    Well, I still haven’t found a really acceptable reason why those stupid hobbits didnt just ride the giant eagles all the way to Mordor.

                    • Melted Snowflake

                      Gandalf was trying to tell them. “Fly you fools”

                    • Don’t even get me started. Even if they didn’t ride the eagles all the way to mordor, why not at least fucking take the to Gondor???

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Like how shitty of a sorcerer was Gandalf? He couldn’t teleport them to Mordor? Give them magic wings or something? His big plan is to find the shortest possible sentient creatures in the known world — creatures that don’t even wear shoes, and who eat 18 meals a day — and he’s going to have them walk all the way to Mordor?

                    • Melted Snowflake

                      Can’t quite stretch out a 8 hour flight to Mordor on an eagle into a trilogy can you?

                    • worst fucking sorcerer ever. Dumbledore, poisoned and about to die, fire lassoed like 10,000 zombies.

                      Gandalf Powers:
                      Seeming slightly taller to the shortest race on middle earth
                      Bonking people in the head
                      Talking to giant eagles but not really bothering using them when needed

                      He blames the disaster in Balin’s Tomb on freaking Pippen who was fidgety because he was scared to death and Gandalf decides to stop and read a freaking book rather than get a move on.

                      At the mines of Moria he has no freaking idea how to get in. Seriously, if Frodo didn’t figure that shit out they would have just been eaten by a monster.

                      He stops to shit talk a balrog….really, ”

                      ‘I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the
                      flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame
                      of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass” was really necessary. Come the fuck on. He could have made it away without stopping to trash talk an ancient demon.

                      And again, about the eagles, sure, you can make a compelling reason why the eagles can’t fly them directly to mordor. But Boromir didn’t die in mordor. He died senselessly in the woods. Woods that they could have easily avoided.

                      Council of Elrond at Rivendell it is decided that the fellowship will be made and Frodo will be the ring bearer. First stop, Rohan. Ok, why are we walking to fucking Rohan? Walking? They didn’t even have freaking horses. They walked. Eagles take them to rohan where gandalf uses his super wizard power of bonking the king of rohan on the head.

                      Then Aragorn, in one of the best fuck ups every, decides that Wormtounge ought to be spared to bring the whole plan back to Sauraman. Then Eagles to Gondor. With just these two trips, forgetting having to battle the nazgul or even going into mordor, at the very least frodo sets off for mordor from Gondor, fully provisioned, with a short journey not a one year fucking walk.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Amen, brother. I’m pretty sure the elves were SJW fags that were trying to ruin everything so they could get their hands on the ring.

                    • Jak

                      I think I just solved the mystery to why the eagles couldn’t fly the hobbits to the volcano. Because Gandalf is a massive fuckup and couldn’t get his shit together until the end of the trilogy.

                    • Harry Dresden is pretty bada**.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Harry Dresden writes Constantine fanfic.

                    • I never read Constantine. A little too pompous for me, what with changing church doctrines and all

                    • Iattacku

                      So who you think is better between Voldemort and Sauron

                    • Tough call there. Both of them had the fatal flaw of making an object that can kill them if broken and then freaking losing it but st least voldy split it into seven of them

                    • Iattacku

                      The funny part is both of them have a fate worse than death

                    • John Galt

                      I think because Gandalf didn’t have much pull with the eagles and they had a complete ZFG view of it all.

                    • Jak

                      I posted a Film Theory video explaining all this a while back, but @wbfitness:disqus went into full on nerd rage about how it was all wrong. Heh.

                    • Don;t come between a man and his fantasy fiction

                    • IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!

                    • John Galt

                      That I believe. LOL. Don’t get him started on 80s cartoons.

                      My daughter and I are currently reading LOTRs to each other and it is something we both look forward too.

                    • I used to like Star Wars before Disney ruined it

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      DONT GET ME STARTED ON STAR WARS

                    • Jak

                      Sounds like someone needs to start a Star Wars discussion on the Random section of the forums…

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Does that mean we’re not allowed to have random discussions like this in the comments anymore?

                    • Jak

                      All rules pertaining to the forums are relegated only to the forums.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      What the fuck does that mean? What are you, some kind of fucking lawyer with that shit?

                    • Jak

                      I plead the 5th.

                    • John Galt

                      No worries. A lot of federal employees will be following suit in the near future.

                    • bem

                      Only in Godfather format.

                    • On it

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger
                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      That’s good shit right there.

                    • John Galt

                      I wrote off SW a long time ago. I was invited to a mens night out this Friday with a bunch of married guys. Strippers? Whore house (legal here)? Cigar lounge?

                      They are going to go see the new SW flick, so I declined.

                    • Jak

                      From the reviews I read, you made the right call. From what I read, everything they could have done to fuck it up, they did.
                      Luke dies in a profoundly stupid way even though Mark Hamill is still alive to play his character.
                      Princess Leia survives in a profoundly stupid way even though Carrie Fisher died.
                      Snoke, a mysterious character set up to take the place of Emperor Palpatine is killed.
                      Then you got all the usual SJW/Progressive nonsense they typically push on top of these horrible plot decisions.

                    • bem

                      “Luke dies in a profoundly stupid way”

                      Dude!!!!! glad I saw it yesterday!

                      be fukkin it all up for everybody…..

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Thanks for the spoiler alert,

                    • bem

                      yeah – d’FUK bra?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      This place has really gone to shit since they started spending all their time pumping their new forums. Like the comments section just doesn’t matter to them anymore.

                    • bem

                      Agreed. They’ll start banning people for NO reason soon!

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Everything good always goes to shit.

                      Stay golden, bemmy boy. Stay golden.

                    • bem

                      nice.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I know.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      There’s always the dirty.com . We can all meet there and talk about whores

                    • AutomaticSlim

                      Hahaha!
                      The Dirty!
                      I know one who got outed on “The Dirty”.
                      And not by a client.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      I look for girls on the dirty from Houston and Dallas And Facebook friend them haha

                    • Jak
                    • bem

                      I’ll ignore YOU!

                    • Jak

                      That’s ok. Your comments don’t matter anyways.

                    • bem

                    • Murdoc34

                      Your meaningless rants have been reduced to a mere string of meaningless repetitive punctuation.

                    • Jak

                      Then my work here is done.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      … –.- ..—…-

                    • O_O

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      8===============D

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Articles? What articles?

                    • Jak

                      Let’s be real. The movie is probably so bad that simply going to see it is a massive spoiler…of your life.

                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      They turn the Rebel Alliance into shot callers for Antifa, led by feminists. One even has purple hair. And whom do they fight? White cis-gendered hetero-normative patriarchy, of course. Jeez, Snoke even turns out to be a white guy.

                    • bem

                      YES!!! purple hair broad who turns out not only to be the bravest but also the one to shut down male. individual bravery as a means of problem solving!

                    • SW is dead. Ep8 is getting horrible moviegoer reviews. The critics loved it of course, but Everyday Joe doesn;t think too highly of it

                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      There is a lot to love about it. But the boilerplate political bullshit is kneedeep, minimum. And it is bullshit politics. 2 of our heroes literally go on a mission to break stuff in a town where (evil) rich people live. It’s like an Antifa recruiting montage, and has no value to the story.

                    • What do you like about it? Genuinely curious

                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      Seeing Luke is a genuine charge, and his performance is fantastic. I like Adam Driver as the pissy princess in black. [Spoilers] I really enjoyed puppet Yoda. The scene was great, if you mentally subtract the fact they are tangentially discussing Rey and accepting her unearned status as heir to their entire order. Rey herself is much more likable in this flick, and comes off as more decisive rather than reactive. Some of the imagery is beautiful.

                      What’s not good (besides the politics, which I’ve been hating more as the film settles): Finn, Rose, Poe. Useless characters. Every time they were onscreen, the diarrhea burbled up out of the edges. None worse than Antifa recruit Rose. Miserably awful. Luke Skywalker dies (of a broken heart), and Antifa fattie lives? C’mon. Feminist haircuts abound. Seriously, did they hire a bunch of lesbian hairstylists on this thing?

                    • Iattacku

                      Hell at least the prequels were quotable. This scene still cracks me up

                    • Iattacku
                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      The next movie will be all about Rey, a white woman, resisting her natural inclination to get fucked by a badass, rich, personally impressive white man (Kylo).

                      I’ll put $100 bucks on it, right now. Star Wars 9 will be all bout telling white girls to say “no!” to the oppression of the *real* first order (“patriarchy”). It’ll be the first mass-market intersectional feminist film, with white males offered as the villains that must be wiped from the face of the galaxy.

                    • And Rey will probably end up shacking up with a woman

                    • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                      The way they play it, Rey, Rose, and (especially) Poe all seem to want to jump Finn. Like he’s the center of desire for their whole cohort.

                    • Iattacku

                      Honestly random storm trooper #1000047 was the best thing about the movie

                      https://youtu.be/uAtLV26wnCE

                    • Iattacku

                      And by movie I mean the sequel trilogy

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      So you’re basically telling me that this “bunch of married guys” are married to each other.

                    • Kinda like AKC?

                    • Jak

                      Only gay couple I know about on AKC are you and Thales.

                    • He thinks I’m cute but he’s not my type. Too hairy

                    • John Galt

                      I could think of 100 better things to do on a lads night out. I’ll stay home and read instead.

                    • Han shot first

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Yeah, I saw some of the discussion of that, and I didn’t see anything convincing.

                    • Jak

                      Didn’t see anything convincing towards which argument?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Towards why the dumbass hobbits didn’t just fly to Mordor on the giant eagles.

                    • Jak

                      Did you watch the video?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I thought about watching it.

                    • Jak

                      Close enough.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      I’ll rub one out to rok game pictures while on vacay

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    In the days before cellphones, I left my wife a note one Friday afternoon telling her I was going hunting and would be back ….Sunday night.

    • Jim Johnson

      If possible, go where you don’t have cell service, makes it so much better.

  • bem

    She knows me too well.