It’s been a while since I’ve done anything on this series so I thought I’d quickly cover Law 8 and how it pertains to marriage and fatherhood, but first we must know what Law 8 from the 48 Laws of Power says:
Make other people come to you. Use bait if necessary.
This law on the surface looks pretty unassuming, but holds a lot of relevance in a marriage and life in general. This law boils down to one essential element: Maintaining frame.
Men are natural hunters and we have all the traits to be successful in this arena. However, in the social world that we live in now, these traits can often work against us if not properly harnessed.
Our aggression and desire to pursue must be tempered with cunning and patience. A quick wit doesn’t hurt either.
Making other people come to you makes you the director and them the reactor. You will need to find your own way of implementing this tactic, but some common techniques are:
- Answering a question with an ambiguous statement.
- Walking away from a conversation as you throw out some interesting morsel of information.
- Smiling coyly and gesturing the person to come to you.
- Simply having a mischievous smile for apparently no reason.
These kind of things pique a person’s interest and make them want to know more about what you know. Some people are naturals at this while others must work more at it.
These techniques work equally well in marriage as they build a level of mystique and sexual tension, something that seems to erode away once you’re a few years into the marriage. Keeping your wife on her toes and reacting to you builds up that intrigue that she had when you first started dating.
You must also choose the right times in order to be aggressive and when to pull back. If you and your wife are in a heated argument, being aggressive and clashing with her head on will only fuel her while draining you. It’s an odd quirk in human biology, but emotional outbursts drain men while only energizing women. Don’t fall for this trap and get out of the arena where she holds the advantage.
In doing this, you must learn to master your emotions. This doesn’t mean not feeling your emotions, but rather recognizing them and choosing not to act on them. Easier said than done I know, especially in the heat of the moment, but with some introspection, it can be done.
The final question that remains is there ever a time that you should pursue. The answer is of course, but again it is dependent on the situation and the people you’re interacting with. This will take some trial and error to learn when to push and when to pull, but adding this skill to your tool set will prove to be invaluable.
The most valuable reasons for baiting others to come to you means you’re expending less time, resources, and energy than they are and you are the one setting the trap, not them.
Until next time, gentlemen.