A Well Placed No

The man of the house is expected to pull his weight as well as lead his family.  He’s expected to do whatever roles a husband or father should do. However, there are times when you must deny someone your time.  Becoming a doormat and a yes man will only get you into trouble.

I witnessed a couple over the weekend where the guy was expected to do everything.  Not just the typical male duties, but the female ones as well.  He was running around their home doing all the things that needed to be done while his wife just sat around bullshitting.   You could see the frustration behind his forced smile.

It got me thinking about how detrimental it is to always say yes or even just do everything that needs to be done.

The Problem

We’ve been trained in today’s world to always agree to things as to not “offend” anyone.  This is bullshit because if you always agree to every proposition, things get out of control.

Telling someone you will do something for them even though you can’t/don’t want to sets you up for failure.  They expect you to deliver, and when you aren’t able to, they get pissed and you feel like shit.

The other obvious problem is that when you’re a doormat, people lose respect for you.  I’ve found this to be more apparent with husbands and wives.  His weak frame sets the tone and she resents and takes advantage of it.  This guy is miserable, his wife hates him and all he had to do was say no to her.

The Solution

Plain and simple, there is a time and place to tell someone you’re not going to do something for them.  This varies in every situation but, the importance of the denial is the same.

For instance, telling your boss no when they give you a task you are responsible can land you in the unemployment line.  That said, if you’re given way too much workload you may be able to explain to them that your current project is taking up all of your resources but you may be able to visit it at a later time.

Another example would be with your wife.  If you worked all day and came home to the house a mess, laundry in the hamper, and dishes all over while she was home, she should have done this.  You have to tell her that you’re not doing it.

My wife and I both work full time, so the home tasks get divided between us.  This keeps the house in order and keeps it so we don’t get burnt out.

Finally, the last example will be when a friend or family member asks you to do something you just flat out don’t want to do.  Man up and just tell them you aren’t feeling it, and don’t back out.  Any well rounded sane adult should understand.   If they get angry or feel like they’re being wronged, they are probably used to always getting their way.  Just remind them that you’re a friend but your time is valuable and you don’t want to tie up your time when it could be needed by others whom depend on you.  A helping hand here and there is fine but you can judge it.

Conclusion

While we have our obligations and duties, there is a point where you have to deny to help someone.  You’ll have to ease into it in if you’ve been a doormat your whole life.  Judge the interaction, but commit and don’t go back on your decision.

 

-J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family. Fitness addict, DIY guru, and tech nerd.

268 thoughts on “A Well Placed No”

  1. It especially looks bad in public when a woman does doormat charade on the man. When you see a man carrying a papoose with a baby, and the woman struts behind dressed like a overseer dominatrix, then whatever domestic agreement she’s blackmailed the guy with needs called out right there on the sidewalk. It looks sooo bad especially for fine young western progeny to see that kind of thing. It’s akin to seeing artwork of Jesus being pissed on plastered all over downtown or like seeing hairy fags groping during a rainbow parade. It’s repulsive the same and needs called out on the spot.

    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/55641961/look-son-a-guy-getting-pussy-whipped.jpg

          1. I took my ex-wife’s Luis Vuitton wallet and gave it to my favorite titty dancer some time ago.

      1. hahahaha that’s become a battle of wills here. Its become a game – she’ll deliberately get her hands full and shove it at me and I’ll dodge it like a martial arts master.
        I’ve left that shit sitting in the parking lot…

        1. Lol. I think my wife has gotten the message I’m not holding her purse the last time she “asked” me. She was going to the restroom or something and thrust the purse in front of me and said, “can you please hold this for me?” before letting it go. I just stood there and watched it fall to the ground.
          Don’t want the drawbacks of a purse? Don’t carry one. Simple as that. Do what guys do:
          Keys in one pocket.
          Cell phone in the other.
          Wallet in one of the back pockets.

          1. “I just stood there and watched it fall to the ground.”
            yup.
            One hand scrathing my nuts, the other up my nose. Cant be holding no bag….

                    1. Seinfeld always helpful To this day if anyone ever tells me about a dream they had i let them finish their entire stupid fucking story I don’t care about and when they are done reply “i had a dream that a hamburger was eating ME!”

            1. I’m done having kids, so whatevs. Plus, I actually keep my cell in my back pocket because it’s too big to put in my front pocket because of the case.

              1. I’m done having kids

                Of course, let’s call it a PSA for those that aren’t.

                Not a whole lot of difference in distance to the pouch between the front and back pocket. There’s probably also a cancer risk.

                  1. Can’t think of anything, although I’m not fully with it yet this morning. Let me drink a cup of cancer causing coffee with some cancer causing non-dairy creamer and I’ll get back to you.

                    1. Green tea has been linked to an increased risk in both stomach cancer and prostate cancer. Bitch.

                    2. You mean the “Bitch” I added in there? That wasn’t an insult, that was fucking punctuation. You’ll know if I insult you, sugartits.

                    3. A friend of mine told me when he was studying in Dublin, a girl he know was trying to save money, so ate nothing but oatmeal for all her meals. She ended up contracting scurvy.

                    4. think theres a lawsuit pending against quaker oats; they spray roundup on the crop(dessicating agent)

                    5. I don’t know, he kind looks like he wants to give you some old-fashioned Plymouth Rock AIDS.

                    6. I know. the haitians landed on plymouth rock first. white-washed from history of course

                    7. Shaft landed at plymouth rock. he was turnin bitches out 400 years before it was fashionable

          2. I still don’t get what, if any circumstances, a purse cannot be carried by a lady. In what world would she *ever* need to have somebody hold her purse? She can put it at her feet or in the dressing room with her, there’s is zero need to hand it off. To me it’s a giant bullshit shit test of the first magnitude.

            1. And a purse actually has TWO methods of carry — a long strap and a pair of handles. It’s an insulting shit test.

            2. “In what world would she *ever* need to have somebody hold her purse?” – these days, “she” may need to re-position her penis.

        2. We have come to a compromise. Our daughter will hold it or she may place it next to me on the ground or bench and I’ll “watch it” for her, but I will by no means touch it.

        3. Just start choking your chicken with both hands.
          Not only will you not hold her purse, the rest of your day is probably free.

  2. I witnessed a couple over the weekend where the guy was expected to do everything. Not just the typical male duties, but the female ones as well. He was running around their home doing all the things that needed to be done while his wife just sat around bullshitting.

    Unfortunately, that describes my brother’s marriage. He cannot say “no” and he does everything.

    He is the only one in the house that works, yet he is also doing all the grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, cooking, yard work, etc, and still being the primary parent for the children. His wife does literally nothing and still acts like she has a tough, busy schedule and that parenting is so hard.

    It’s frustrating to no end to see him letting himself be treated like that, but I have given up on trying to change it. The only thing harping on it will do is drive a final wedge between me and him. I have given up on trying to point out to my brother how ridiculous it is, so I have now simply adopted the plan of staying away.

    I will talk to my brother on the phone, and I will see him if it’s only him, but I cannot stand seeing the two of them together anymore. My brother will always be my brother, and if he ever decides to fix things I will be there to help him, but I can’t stomach watching it anymore live and in person.

    1. See that amongst a couple of acquintances. If your brother is the major bread winner, I hope to God he is not giving her cash outside of paying family bills and they have seperate accounts. Lazy bitches like this will always hamster they are entitled to your income despite family circumstances. He needs to be controlling the money or she will spend it all and saddle him with her debt.

    2. it happens a lot more than people think. might as well tell em the truth with a bit of humor sprinkled on top, otherwise, they’ll kill you for it

    3. If it’s any consolation, there’s a good chance the marriage won’t last much longer. Something has to give.

      Some men just cannot learn by the example of others. They have to get burned by white-hot experience.

    4. You need to start getting him prepared for the coming divorce. You give a bitch everything like that, she will lose all respect for him, and interest in him, and decide to move on to do something else. Women like that don’t see divorce as an end to anything — they assume they will continue to be able to control the man after the divorce, and financially at least, they are usually correct thanks to the court system.

      She will start fucking other dudes. AWALT. That shit is not sustainable.

      Tell him to start giving you some money on the side to hold for him. A little every month. Just squirrel it away for that rainy day, because eventually it is going to rain, and a guy that whipped is going to get absolutely soaked.

      1. “Tell him to start giving you some money on the side to hold for him.”

        ^^ THIS ^^

        Build a cache without her knowing with a trusted family member and keep your mouth shut.

    5. You said the magic words: kids. His options are to leave them in the hands of an unfit woman, who will 100% get primary custody while she starts dating undesirables, or to stay and minimize the damage to the children. If your brother is staying around, there may be abuse behavior on her part. He may be drawing her fire away from the kids and shielding them. Your desire not to be around him when he’s with her speaks to a greater level of dysfunction than his wife just being a lazy ingrate.

      1. I’ve seen a lot of guys stuck in that trap — bending over backwards to please the wife/mom in order to shield the kids from her wrath/abuse/craziness. It is a terrible and impossible place to be in, and I really feel sorry for those guys, because if you have a women willing to take her shit out on her kids to manipulate their father, you are just royally fucked.

          1. I would suggest that, if properly emphasized, a flamethrower is an excellent motivational tool that can be quite effective without actually setting anyone on fire.

            1. Where’s the fun if no one is actually set on fire.
              Also, flamethrowers are expensive/illegal.
              Just use dragons breath shells in your 12 gauge.
              You do have one don’t you?

                1. When you’re done with it I’ll buy it from you.
                  Would love to introduce my sister to it.

          1. Family are the people by your side when you’re at your best and worst. Genetics have little to do with it.

      1. I haven’t given up on him. But at the moment, there is no point in pushing it with him.

        When he’s ready to change his situation, I’ll help him in any way I can.

  3. We’ve known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel or for help. I can’t remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let’s be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And, uh, you were afraid to be in my debt. Bonasera, Bonasera. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you’d come to me in friendship, then that scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day.

  4. Harnessing the power of “NO” can save you a lifetime of pain. Always trying to be a people pleaser is a thankless job and will leave you feeling cheated. Over the last decade, I’ve developed a pretty firm grasp on the word No, and I’ll tell you, my productivity has dramatically increased and my stress levels have decreased.

        1. Mr. Weinstein never asks a second favor once he’s refused the first, understood? Oprah never gets that movie.

      1. I think 2020 is going to be an absolute shit-show. Neither “side” of the fake political game has learned the lessons of 2016.

        1. i still think they will put up the liberal Billionaires – Cuban/Zuckerberg/Bloomberg
          Wow – Zuckerberg and Oprah – winning

          1. The political aristocrats who run (and fund) the Democrat and the Republican parties have their chosen favorite figureheads that they want to push — people who will do what they are expected to do when they get into office. Any outsiders who try to run will get ripped apart unless the political elitists are absolutely positive they can make them fall into line. The politocracy will not make the same mistake they did with Trump again.

            1. true.
              but these are the party, and parrot the party line:
              Cuban/Zuckerberg/Bloomberg – and nearly all Hollywood
              lets put mr Oracle of Omaha in the mix too (we should have to pay more taxes lol)

              1. No, those guys are still technically outsiders to the D.C. political aristocracy. They are leftists and super wealthy, but they aren’t dependent on the political elite like a good candidate should be. Any independent wealth or success can make a candidate harder to control, and the parties want full control. Unless they got pictures of one of these guys having a threeway with a 8yo boy and an orangutan, they aren’t going to be what the people who really pull the reins want. Maybe they might feel desperate enough to regain control of the White House to run a “celeb” candidate, but I would be surprised.

                1. “No, those guys are still technically outsiders to the D.C. political aristocracy.”
                  not unlike our current muppet.

        2. The hollywood takeover of politics will be complete. I mean, they took over the ‘news’ years ago. Science too.

          1. I think their power is slipping. In fact, it won’t last. They used to have power because they dominated culture through storytelling. And on top of that, they had glamour, sex appeal, and cool.

            All they have now is money, and the size of their biz pie is no longer growing. The puritanical left will not sell movies or tv that matters to anybody. All the actresses in black, humorless and unsmiling, looked like ex-whores dressed in nuns’ habits. Glamour is gone. Fun is gone. Cool is gone. Good stories are gone. They offer nothing to aspire to, and much to avoid. I hate saying that because I love Hollywood, and its place as part of the American mythos.

            Show business is driven by lust. Every actor and performer taps into his/her desire to get thoroughly fucked in order to create. It’s just part of the creative process. Pathologize that, and the arts die.

            1. I think their power is slipping somewhat, but it would be a mistake to underestimate them or assume their power is gone. Politics is downstream from culture, and Hollywood in its various forms still has a big impact on culture.

              Music radio, just as an example, is almost completely controlled by corporations now, as are most of the internet music services. Yes, you can go online and find much better bands and singers that don’t conform to the bubble gum music industry standards, but you really have to search for it.

              And the corporate forces behind Hollywood are diversifying. Just look at the moves Disney has been making.

              1. I can’t just look at movies anymore. It kills me, because movies used to be my fave thing ever. I can’t believe I am saying it… But I’d rather watch fucking YouTube.

                1. Yeah, the shit coming out of Hollywood is pretty awful. But there are still millions of people sucking it up and swallowing it down.

                  1. Millions, but no longer billions. Hollywood was once the image factory for the planet, because they were by far the best at their craft. Now, they have only legacy appeal. The Chinese film industry is doing backflips of joy, right now. They are gonna get their crack at global cultural influence for the first time in the 6000 year history of their people. All because Hollywood crumbles.

                    1. Thanks to smartphone technology, we are ALL Hollywood. Everybody is the star of their own movie called life. It’s insane how quickly control of the media environment has shifted away from the big players and literally into the hands of the public.

                    2. I hope they buy out out that town. Id rather watch shitty kung fu movies starring jonah hill than shitty comedies starring jonah hill- at least they would force him to learn mandarin

                2. My family actually watches YouTube more than TV. Plenty of older movies and cartoons out there.

                    1. YouTube is losing money from what I understand. Plus they have been demonitizing a lot of men’s sites of late.

                    2. From what I understand, YouTube has always lost money. Which means Google is pouring a whole lot of money into it for a reason other than making a profit.

                    3. Look at videos like #MoreThanARefugee and it becomes apparent.
                      It also becomes apparent that shit isn’t flying.

                    4. or dumb fucking cunt whores to get attention while trying to pretend to be on our side..

                    5. If anyone has been following the saga of “Based Mama” as exposed by Mister Metokur, you know exactly why female “allies” are fucking cancer to everything they touch.

                    6. who the fuck would post about their miscarriage in gory details? it’s like showing off your herpes

                    7. I think with internet companies becoming content companies (NBC/Comcast, ATT/Time Warner), the goal it to transform the internet into cable television, circa 1990. Yeah, that is just a shit-tier as it sounds.

                3. Same here. Most movies nowadays are hopelessly blue pill or just complete cheap superhero stuff.
                  Read somewhere that the West is no longer the market of choice for Hollywood producers but China has become the cash cow.
                  Wondered how the film’s are not progressing past the 80s 90s and 00s? It’s because China hasn’t seen the silly stuff we consider outraged and repetitive.

                  1. I’ve been saying that for years. Most people don’t understand the economics of the movie business; it’s so expensive to make a film now that intl financing has to be in place to get a budget, and to get int’l financing you need a script that will appeal to int’l audiences. That means stripping a film of all specific details that will appeal to American audiences and making something that’s pure story, devoid of culture. That’s how you get these superhero movies that are basically glorified mystery plays, with zero nuance. These glorified mystery plays are what 12-year-olds in China understand. Studios are not making those movies for Western adults with college degrees like me and presumably you.

                    1. You wonder why paintings cost a small fortune? The way a piece of art is auctioned off is revealing (money laundering).

                  2. A friend of a friend (so take it for what its worth) runs a company that does a fair amount of sound editing for one of the bigger studios. My friend knew his company had worked on a recent big budget movie that was chock full of pretty glaring plot holes, and so he asked him about it. He said making a movie is basically barely controlled chaos for a variety of reasons, and most directors eventually give up on continuity and just say they will “fix it in editing,” by which they mean they will string various things together to make it make sense when they are editing the movie. But that’s not always possible.

                    Once they realize they have big problems that can’t be fixed by editing, a lot of times they start saying they will “fix it in dubbing” which basically means that they won’t actually fix it at all, but it doesn’t matter because it will still do well overseas. Foreign audiences are nowhere near as picky about things like continuity and plot-holes as American audiences. The dubbing can be so bad on some of the movies that even shit that makes sense in the English version is fucked up in the foreign version, but the foreign audiences are still willing to go and pay just to watch giant robot blow each other up, or whatever.

                4. Sure, YouTube is pretty incredible, but don’t give up on movies. In the last month I saw The Darkest Hour, The Disaster Artist, and I, Tonya. All were excellent movies. Dec/Jan are the months for the big screen because they release “adult” movies, meaning no sequels or superheroes.

                  1. I watched the Darkest Hour. It was pretty boring, to be honest. Battlefield: Lon Angeles was somewhat entertaining, at least. But whatever you do, don’t watch Skyline.

                    1. advice: save yourself for someone who really appreciates bananas, not the first hungry guy who glances at you in the supermarket

                  1. I think Alex from Stroh’s would be a better candidate long term, but Spuds has more name recognition in the early polling.

        3. Both are desperate to return to the way things used to be. The electorate needs to stay shaken and discontent, otherwise there was no lesson.

      2. Zuckerberg and Oprah can do this.
        Sugar Mountain and Brown Sugar.
        Their slogan can be Make America Sweet Again.
        Imagine the whoards of Orcs screeching MASA, MASA, MASA

    1. these clowns have no shame. she apparently said something to the effect that white men are raping black women, its time fo h’wood to go down in flames

      1. I thought they were all upset because Harvey didn’t rape any black chicks. I’m pretty sure I saw some BLM types bitches about there not being enough diversoty in the #MeToo movies because white men were too racist in their preferred rape targets.

          1. I love that guy giving the shocker in the second row. Trying to look like a bad-ass when he’s probably the assistant manager at Walmart.

            1. He also probably threw 4 touchdowns in a single game for Polk High. There used to be another wrestler in a higher weight class that used to fuck with me in high school, beat me all the time, even if it was only by points , and laugh after he won every match in practice. He now looks like a swollen gopher , bald, and is married to maybe a 4. He motivated me to better myself after high school. Once I saw his facebook pics and the homely 4 he married, I actually felt sorry for him.

  5. As much as I hate to actually read the articles and make relevant comments, this is a good one with some good perspective.

  6. Mastering the power of “No!” was difficult at first. I was raised to be helpful and cooperative. When you work on electronics professionally and people find out, you get all kinds of requests to repair their broken junk. I got sick of hearing “I have this VCR that won’t eject the tape…” or similar words. Not wanting to hurt friends’ and coworkers’ feelings, I would say “Sure, I’ll take a look at it.” And they never want to pay you for your time (and sometimes they don’t even want to pay for the parts). I ended up giving away a lot of my time until I was in my late twenties.

    It also cut into my personal time and I would hear about that from my wife. She would ask why I had time to help a coworker, but I didn’t have time to do the things she needed done. Her displeasure was justified. I was able to turn these requests aside politely by telling people that I didn’t work on consumer electronics, only industrial controls. Then I would hand them a business card for a friend of mine who did work on TVs and stereos and tell them to see him. Pretty soon the word got around and they quit pestering me.

    Later on I had a supervisor (and part owner of the company where I worked) try to pressure me into troubleshooting his home network. I told him “Sure! My rates are $100 an hour with a two hour minimum.” He never asked again.

    This goes back to a basic principle my mama taught me quite young: Most people, if you will let them, will take advantage of you. It took a long time for that to sink in. But I finally understood. And I won’t say that I never get taken advantage of, but it is very, very rare nowadays. Unless it’s a close family member or a paying customer, requests for my labor, skills and knowledge will be met with a firm “No!

    1. That concept is so bizarre once you encounter it enough. I’m now having to teach my parents this manner of thinking because I’ve learned it through experience and they continued operating as if nobody would take advantage of them.
      The world they grew up in is gone.

  7. But, anyway, Signor Sollozzo, my no is final, and I wish to congratulate you on your new business, and I know you’ll do very well; and good luck to you — as best as your interests don’t conflict with my interests. Thank you.

    Now some fruit.

    1. I don’t know if anyone else watches Peaky Blinders, but Adrian Brody his doing a pretty damn good Marlon Brando/Godfather imitation on it this season.

        1. 4th season is pretty good too. Not enough Alfie though. I was worried they were trying to slip some SJW shit in there at one point — you’ll see it when/if you watch it — but I don’t think it really turned out to be anything after all.

    2. See? fruit’s bad for ya. That would NEVER have happened if he’d a stopped off for a nice a sangawheege.

      1. ” Alien-obsessed Blink 182 singer is deeply connected to the CIA/NSA apparatus”
        That, my friend, is like a seal of authenticity!

      2. I actually think that Oumuamua thing is pretty weird. If you believe the information they have put out about it — which, I grant, may be entirely made up bullshit — it is a pretty extraordinary thing.

    1. I’m not well-versed in the ways of cryptocurrency, but doesn’t the value of them fluctuate like stocks do? If so, he could be paying someone what would $5 and it could plummet to $0.01 or jump to $10.
      Wonder if he’d let me post an article…

      1. Wonder if he’d let me post an article…

        Going to go out on a limb here and say no. Unless he didn’t know it was you. Which would be pretty easy to accomplish, between an alias and an untraceable payment address. So yes. Yes and no.

        1. Nah, I wouldn’t be doing it primarily for the money. It’d be to promote AKC, so if he says no because he doesn’t like the competition, then I wouldn’t waste my time.
          I guess I COULD create an alias and after the article is posted, change my bio to show my AKC affiliation, but that would cause a whole other set of problems.

          1. Just write an article where the first letter of each word along the left-hand side spelled out “A Kings Castle dot com”

          1. So he’s a picker, a grinner, a lover and a sinner, who plays his music in the sun? He’s a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker, who gets his loving on the run?

  8. Sweet article man. Learning when to say no will prevent you from being everyone’s lacky. You can reach the point of burn out real quick by being a yes man

  9. No, I will no read the article.
    Yes, I will skip to comments and make smart ass remarks.
    No, I don’t care what bem says about anything

  10. OT: College Sportsball Trophy Game tonight.

    The Alabama Future Ex-Cons are favored by 4 points over the Jow-Jah Cousin Fuckers.

    Who you got? Personally, I believe old Nick Saban sold his soul to the devil and will continue to walk the earth, winning college sportsball trophy games, until the end of time.

    1. Cousin fuckers still better than Father Rapers. Probably don’t even go to the group W bench

      Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
      Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
      They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
      Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
      Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean and ugly
      And nasty and horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
      And said, “Kid, what did you get?” I said, “I didn’t get nothing, I had to pay
      $50 and pick up the garbage.” He said, “What were you arrested for, kid?”
      And I said, “Littering.” And they all moved away from me on the bench

    1. You have to ask yourself, sending that guy to prison… is it a punishment or a reward for him?

  11. 1. You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
    2. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
    3. You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
    4. You have the right to change your mind.
    5. You have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them.
    6. You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
    7. You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
    8. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
    9. You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
    10. You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

    – The Bill of Assertive Rights, “When I say no, I feel guilty” – M.J.Smith, Phd.

    Our inherited survival responses, coupled with the learned coping mechanisms (read: moderating and controlling our natural childhood aggression) instilled in childhood serve to make us more cooperative and pro-social (compliant), but do not scale well into adulthood and the individual sovereignty that should accompany the corresponding responsibilities of maturity.

    As a result most people are primed to be manipulated, coerced, and controlled; to do things that are in the best interest of others – even though our first responsibility is to ourselves.

    As much as I tire of the “self-help” genre, it is an interesting book.

    As in “Game”, the focus should be about what works and less about the various rabbit holes of psychological guesswork and pop-psuedo-“science” behind the social dynamics and motivations.

    In my experience with this I have found that being overly concerned with the “why” can eclipse the acumen of “how”. This concern/fixation is really just one more layer of defensive posturing, buffering myself from the responsibility of taking control of my own well-being.

    So a lot of the hard work is reframing the entire proposition of human interaction, vis a vis being assertive, within the premise that being assertive is a foundational right.

    No one can manipulate our emotions or behavior if we do not allow it to happen. Divorcing ourselves from the childish expectations – how we think we “should” behave in order to avoid resorting to our primitive coping of anger-agression and fear-flight, is key. As is recognizing (internalizing) that our assertive “right” is actually the basic framework upon which we build the positive connections with others and maintain healthy participation in all human relationships.

    Our ability to manage our well-being, which requires a firm grasp of what it means to be assertive, i.e. the ability to say “no” without the baggage of negative emotions, is a prerequisite of good game in the socio-sexual dynamic; the “internals” don’t work if we are confronted with these emotions at every turn.

    ignoring this fact is another form of dishonesty with the self. Tackling this is how I came to understand how “game” in terms of sexual strategy is well downstream of the killing the beta, purging the niceguy, and reclaiming my emotional and physical sovereignty as a man. If a man can’t say “no”, he shouldn’t expect a woman to say “yes”.

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