A Well Placed No

The man of the house is expected to pull his weight as well as lead his family.  He’s expected to do whatever roles a husband or father should do. However, there are times when you must deny someone your time.  Becoming a doormat and a yes man will only get you into trouble.

I witnessed a couple over the weekend where the guy was expected to do everything.  Not just the typical male duties, but the female ones as well.  He was running around their home doing all the things that needed to be done while his wife just sat around bullshitting.   You could see the frustration behind his forced smile.

It got me thinking about how detrimental it is to always say yes or even just do everything that needs to be done.

The Problem

We’ve been trained in today’s world to always agree to things as to not “offend” anyone.  This is bullshit because if you always agree to every proposition, things get out of control.

Telling someone you will do something for them even though you can’t/don’t want to sets you up for failure.  They expect you to deliver, and when you aren’t able to, they get pissed and you feel like shit.

The other obvious problem is that when you’re a doormat, people lose respect for you.  I’ve found this to be more apparent with husbands and wives.  His weak frame sets the tone and she resents and takes advantage of it.  This guy is miserable, his wife hates him and all he had to do was say no to her.

The Solution

Plain and simple, there is a time and place to tell someone you’re not going to do something for them.  This varies in every situation but, the importance of the denial is the same.

For instance, telling your boss no when they give you a task you are responsible can land you in the unemployment line.  That said, if you’re given way too much workload you may be able to explain to them that your current project is taking up all of your resources but you may be able to visit it at a later time.

Another example would be with your wife.  If you worked all day and came home to the house a mess, laundry in the hamper, and dishes all over while she was home, she should have done this.  You have to tell her that you’re not doing it.

My wife and I both work full time, so the home tasks get divided between us.  This keeps the house in order and keeps it so we don’t get burnt out.

Finally, the last example will be when a friend or family member asks you to do something you just flat out don’t want to do.  Man up and just tell them you aren’t feeling it, and don’t back out.  Any well rounded sane adult should understand.   If they get angry or feel like they’re being wronged, they are probably used to always getting their way.  Just remind them that you’re a friend but your time is valuable and you don’t want to tie up your time when it could be needed by others whom depend on you.  A helping hand here and there is fine but you can judge it.


While we have our obligations and duties, there is a point where you have to deny to help someone.  You’ll have to ease into it in if you’ve been a doormat your whole life.  Judge the interaction, but commit and don’t go back on your decision.


-J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.