The Art of Hosting Events

For better or worse, my home seems to be where people tend to converge.  Whether it’s a holiday, a sports event, or even just a random Friday night, people gather at my home.  I like to think that my wife and I are good hosts seeing the turnout we get at our events, but I began to think deeper on the subject.  There are pros and cons to hosting things at your house for each member of your family.  Today I’ll discuss some of my favorite, and least favorite parts, as well as some things you can try if you’ve never hosted.


Gatherings of friends and family can be a double edged sword for some.  Getting together may be a time of fun and happiness, but sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass or even downright violent.  When planning on hosting at your home, your castle if you will, you have to consider some options.

What kind of party is it?

A child’s birthday or mother’s day isn’t a time you should be busting out a keg of beer and fireworks (Though at Thale’s house this may be the norm) You’ll have to recognize the event and what should be going on.  I’ve found with things like this, well thought out plans work.  Plan for the kids to play, then eat, then sing happy birthday, then GTFO .  Once you establish what kind of party it is, you have to then consider who you’re going to invite.  You can be more lax about it if its just a random kick back with friends out back.

What guest’s will you invite?

Does your brother have a psycho girlfriend?  Does your uncle want to fight your grandfather over something stupid from the past?  These are also things you should consider when having people over.  Also, remember that this is  your  home.  Your wife, children, and everything you own is in it.  As a rule I don’t allow people to just call up everyone they know to come loot/trash my house.  I’m not against meeting new people, but you have to know someone I trust, or I must have met you prior to the event.


When you have a gathering you’re hosting, you are somewhat responsible for each and everyone there.  If someone gets shitfaced and sneaks out and kills someone, there could be police at your door.  Tying into the point above, you don’t want undesirable people in front of your family.  I like to provide a couch to sleep on if someone drinks too much, or if I just want them to go, I’ve even ordered an Uber to come pick them up.  Also, try not to get too REKT when you’re the one responsible.  If there is any issue that arises, you’ll have to handle it.

My Favorites

Food: My wife loves making a ton of different things for people to eat.  We bond over food, so having good food available makes things that much better.   I enjoy grilling in the summer months, and love making burgers, dogs, and all kinds of different things on the grill for everyone.

One on One:  People tend to break off into smaller chat groups or do activities together.  There may be someone you don’t know that well, or haven’t really gotten to know that well that may participate or speak up.  I’ve found people tend to congregate in the kitchen, a game of horseshoes or even throwing around a football out back can be rewarding, even if you are the host.

Family:  I think its good for my children to know their extended family.  These are people they don’t see on a daily basis, but they connect well with both sides.  Not only that, but the kids tend to want to spend time with them, giving you a bit of a break.

Accomplishment: Throwing a great party makes you feel good.  The people you care about will continue to tell you how much fun they had.  Even though the cleanup sucks, I’ve always reflected at the events we’ve hosted and realized that even with everything going on, it was a lot of fun.


I’ll note here that this may not be for everyone. For some they don’t want anyone in their house that doesn’t belong there, and I get that.  For me, I like having a party and even the ones where things didn’t go as planned were still pretty fun.  Feel it out for yourself.


-J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

Fitness addict, DIY guru, tech nerd, member of Memesters Local 419.

538 thoughts on “The Art of Hosting Events”

  1. Good article, Jnyx.

    Personally, I don’t like visiting other people’s homes or them coming over to mine unless there is a good reason. I feel that one’s house is a very personal place reserved only for one’s family and close relatives. If I want to hang out with friends, I can do so in a neutral location where we don’t intrude on each other’s privacy.

    Inviting people to your home requires a lot of trust and very, very few people are deserving of it.

    1. As an introvert/loner, I did not like people in my house when I was growing up, unless I knew them very well. It was like my space was being invaded by strangers. I don’t think I would like it even to this day. But being that I live alone it is not a problem as it is something over which I have total control.

      1. Yeah. You never know when they’re gonna kill you and bury you in their backyard. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I have a healthy distrust for strangers.

  2. If things go wrong at your party just have Thales at the ready to bring him in to save the day. He’s a fag to such extent that everyone will feel better about themselves.

      1. WB, but only at the bar, in the parking lot, or behind the dumpster outside. But I’d be bored after the first 10 seconds, and looking for a jug of bleach after.

      2. Son. Ain’t no such thing as depressing sex unless it’s with an ugly woman. You shouldn’t feel depressed unti you sober up the next day.

        1. Nah. The only thing that makes sex depressing is a depressing personality. I don’t discriminate based on looks.

          1. Well we don’t mind leaving the ugly ones for you. At least if you get an ugly one you won’t have to worry about someone stealing her from you.

    1. What happened to the good old days when women didn’t go around advertising that they had a worn out old stumphole that everybody around had left something in?
      WB though…at least from this side, she may be ugly when she turns around.

      1. I’d bang her just for wearing the t-shirt. If she was hideous, I’d make her keep it on and bang her from behind. Personality goes a long way.

        1. Of course she keeps the shirt on.
          You bang her while you chug some pabst, making sure to spill some all over her.
          Finish on her face.
          Give her a grapefruit.
          Then leave.
          No cab money

  3. We used to host get togethers pretty regularly, some planned ahead and sometimes spontaneous. Where we used to live being in a rural area, the road we lived on was one that everybody around traveled on sooner or later. We had a home on one side of the road and a shop building across the road. Usually if we were around the shop or outside, somebody would stop to shoot the breeze. Then another would stop and another, next thing you know there was a crowd. It was fun at times but sometimes you couldn’t get anything done for people stopping to BS. I miss it though, where we live now the only people who just show up out of the blue are lost.

  4. As a couple, making the home a gathering place for others is one of the great duties and privileges of marriage. Offering a place of gathering and fellowship for your extended network is the core of community building. It’s a thing of beauty.

  5. “I’m not against meeting new people, but you have to know someone I trust”

    If one of your “trusted” friends knows a guy who drives around in a vehicle full of guns and he wants to stop by for a visit, would you let him?

    I’m abso-fucking-lutely shocked by your naivety. Shocked I tell you.

                    1. Hello brother

                      I agree, but the latent homosexuality with this crowd seems to have existed far before the veggie uprising.

                    2. Nothing latent. I’m admittedly half gay. If you’ll suck my cock I’ll let you…as long as you’re not too ugly or will stay under the table.

                    3. Geebus man.
                      Skip that shit.
                      Just go eat a grapefruit instead.
                      Its way better for you.
                      No aids in grapefruits

                1. 1. man, his teef were bnaged up
                  2. that black dude is 5’4
                  3. that 80’s guitar made my brainstem hurt….

                  1. that “werewolve in london” scene where he is dancing around the table is one of the greatest in cinema history(also not easy to shoot, scorsese is a genius)

      1. best thing about them is that they are a reminder to eat healthy while I’m logged into DISQUS.

    1. “If one of your “trusted” friends knows a guy who drives around in a vehicle full of guns and he wants to stop by for a visit, would you let him?“

      I am the guy with a vehicle full of guns….

                    1. “Never argue with an idiot, they’ll drag you done to their level and beat you with experience.” — Gandhi.

          1. Reminds me of one day last summer when I went to a juice bar and got a juice that was heavy in beets. The next morning, slightly hung over from the night before, I took a leak and had a real coming to jesus moment for a few seconds until I remembered the beets

  6. key to a great party?
    Cut all the food in itty bitty pieces, then stab the food with the toothpicks. peeps ask you “what is this?”; you reply with “hors d’oeurves”. makes your party high falutin’ and you save on the food costs.

      1. you gotta police the yard for toothpicks tho. you step on one of them in your bare feet, bacteria from your friends’ nasty mouths, you may get foot and mouth disease. or is it paw/hoof and mouth disease.
        I am not a dr.

        1. yup, kids scatter the toothpicks everywhere and then you have bamboo splinter driven up under your toenail like some Vietnamese torture.

            1. if the Zima doesnt make your nipples sore, its aint been aged enuff.
              accept no substitutes

                1. only made men are allowed to drink vino outta da hose. but you tend to get some on your paw/hoof

                  1. Are you kidding? This is my absolute favorite frame of this movie just because I have seen so much drinking from the hose at family parties and BBQs in my life that I have to do a double take and make sure this isn’t my fam

                    1. From time to time, while playing football or whatnot with my cousins have run to the “sidelines” to take a nice refreshing drink from the host and Frankie is even in the correct posture to do so.

                    2. You see how it is. I make a joke, everybody laughs. I’m funny, but not that funny. Fear keeps them loyal to me.The trick is not being hated. I treat my men good. But if I give too much, I’m not needed. I give just enough where they need me but don’t hate me.

  7. Get togethers is a source of contention between my wife and I. Hosting anything stresses her out and so she’ll only do them with people she feels “comfortable” with (meaning only her friends). As you can imagine, we don’t do too many.

    1. My dilemma is similar. The Girl feels the need to go overboard with everything; planning and executing complex, coordinated (even fukking color-matched!) dishes, making the house spotless, etc before inviting ANYONE over.
      Buncha dik friends stopping by for pizza and Miller lite would cause her death by humiliation.

      1. Yup, that is why I will stick to burgers outdoors or campouts with the scouts for guy socials. Leave her completely out of the picture.

  8. @Stoic_Nihilist:disqus @engorgedgeoduck:disqus @disqus_68anDuoclq:disqus
    Remember, as a host you should always thank your guests.

    J.Nyx, I want to thank you for helping me organize this — comments section here today. And also the other heads of the Five Families — New York and New Jersey. @disqus_tj7gjZttfg:disqus from the Bronx — and ah — Brooklyn — @cheeseburgercheeseburger:disqus . An’ from Staten Island, we have with us @consolation_of_philosophy:disqus And all the other associates that came as far as from California, and Kansas City, and all the other territories of the country — thank you. How did things ever get so far? I don’t know. It was so — unfortunate — so unnecessary. @UnreconstructedConfederate:disqus lost a son — and I lost a son. We’re quits. And if @AutomaticSlim:disqus agrees, then I’m willing to — let things go on the way they were before…

      1. Hey, whataya gonna do, nice college boy, eh? Didn’t want to get mixed up in
        the Trolling business, huh? Now you wanna gun down a frequent commentor, why, because he made you laugh a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the soccer, where you
        shoot from a mile away? You’ve gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you blow their
        brains all over your nice Ivy League suit!

        1. After rereading the names, I know realize you are only following the lesson your father taught you about keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer.

    1. Sure, make me the pimp….
      Wouldn’t mind going out like him, though!

      In fact, I most likely will…in some modified way.

            1. I have it memorized for just the right occasion.

              The line “You’ll never wanna be anything other than the thing that I’m in” is particularly genius I think. This is the work of a great mind named Brad Neely.

  9. Formal get togethers are a thing you have to do from time to time, but I much prefer the informal night where friends come over to play Euchre or some other game, or just to watch OSU football (not that I’m a fan, but it’s an excuse to have friends over and drink). There used to be big family get togethers for the holidays that were ok, but the woman made a huge ordeal out of it, as women are prone to do. Women do so love their Fusstivities.

      1. You-kur
        Yeah. It’s a really fun game and once you get into the swing of it the hands can be lightning fast, and contain some interesting strategies.

      1. It’s a card game imported from Bavaria Germany to Ohio (I think it was from Bavaria?). It’s played across the state and on the fringes of the border with our border states. It was one way you could automatically spot a Buckeye in the military, they’d all be sitting around playing Euchre instead of Spades while in the field.

          1. I think it’s fairly common in Indiana too but otherwise, yeah, it came with the Germans that piled into the midsection of the state(s) in the 19th century. It’s also still played in Germany.

            1. It’s called “Skat” in German and has more rules and cards, but similiar. I knew a few guys from MI in my unit who could play euhcre.

              1. Now that’s an unfortunate name for a card game, right there. Heh.

            2. Euchre is played all over the upper Midwest, not just Ohio. In high school I used to play it with my friend’s family in their trailer in the summer. They were very blue collar, descended from that old German/Dutch stock — his dad carried his metal lunch pail to the factory every day, worked nights. But I haven’t played it since then.

              1. I’ve heard it thins out a lot in popularity the further you drift from Ohio, but that may be just local conceit being relayed to me.

                1. Hmm, dunno. They were the only people I knew who played it. I remember a euchre deck is all high cards, but nothing else. (opens Wikipedia)

                  1. Yep, 9’s and up. And a 6 & 4 card combo for each team to keep score with. We also tend to play with a little dice thingy that has the suits on it, and you turn it up to the suit being played so that people don’t spend half the game saying “What was trump again?”

    1. I prefer the informal get togethers, problem is, if it is anywhere around the wife, she has to make it into a formal get together, which takes more work and hassle. Then she doesn’t want to do them.

        1. Just “Hey the boys are coming by in ten minutes, I don’t think we can go for a walk to the Post Office.”

            1. It is crazy how men everywhere are willing to fight in mortal combat in wars, but chicken out from inviting the guys over unannounced for a game of cards with pizza and beer.

              1. The difference is you don’t have to LIVE with those people with whom you engage in combat against.

      1. In my experience the vast number of people who obsessively go to the gym fall into one or more of the following categorie:
        Compulsive OCD people
        Reformed Criminals
        Ultra Type
        Rehabilitated Drug Addicts/Alcoholics
        Closet Fags

        This guy is most likely a homo who can only fag out with the pretense of a wife…at least that is my guess

    1. I don’t get that kind of thing. I mean I get threesomes, as long as it’s FFM, no worries there, but swinging in the generic sense where you’re letting other guys fuck your woman, well fucking no way man. Just seems wrong on so many levels. It seems to me that to be able to do that you’d have to start out with a totally beta cuck mindset and never, ever deviate from it, lest you come to the realization that you are truly one of life’s biggest losers.

      1. Swinging may be okay if you’re really good at sex and the other guy’s woman is hotter that yours.

        1. Nope, a cuck is a cuck no matter what you are getting on the side. That baby that someone else fathered is now your responsibility whether you want it or not. That baby you fathered with some other girl is now theirs, not yours whether you want the kid or not.

          1. I didn’t mean wife, but gf. You can always dump her after you’re done. To my mind, this is the only way to get this silly idea to work

        2. Maybe it’s just my weird mindset, but seems like it would just be easier to go out and nab a hot woman and dump your mediocre broad, from a standpoint of how I’d feel about myself anyway.

      2. and you know that scenario is never fair for the male as the woman gets 100X more male offers versus the # of females that want her husband, unless he’s a fucking rockstar or pro athlete.

        1. That guy (not the tranny) has a big nose and a sloped forehead. I’m curious what his intelligence score would be.

      3. This is one of the main reasons that my wife and I haven’t made any new friends in the last 10-12 years… These swinger fucks are everywhere. We’ve been propositioned countless times, and the most recent encounter was with a couple from the gym and the husband is a Police Officer! Lots of sick people out there.

        1. For a while in the summer there was a couple at the gym who were eyeballing me pretty hard. Chick was actually quite pretty, and the guy was a skinny runt type but with a bit of muscle tone (kind of like a not-so-serious swimmer maybe?). I’d catch her staring at me and then she’d smile and the guy would give her a thumb’s up more often than not when he observed this ritual. It was pretty weird. I mean I’da banged her, sure, but that whole “couple” vibe, even if he were to offer to be absent, seemed really off putting.

            1. I kind of assumed that might be the case. Even if he wasn’t, who would want to associate with a guy who gives his hot girlfriend/wife away to other men? Fuck that, have some self respect.

              1. that happened to me at a bar. Well dressed dude walked in with a hot chick friend (Red Flag 1). Got the hot chick friend to invite me to an after hours party at a high rise condo (Red Flag 2). Hot chick completely ignoring me when I got to the party (red flag 3) . Dude hitting on me 5 minutes later and asking me if “my bread was already buttered” .

                  1. fags are metro , extremely OCD, and care more about how they smell than they do contracting an ape virus originating from The Congo.

          1. Yea, it’s a weird scene. The funny thing is, this couple eventually got their gym membership revoked and kicked out because they propositioned the wrong person. They caused a big scene and the guy actually had the nerve to tell the gym owner “you can’t do this to me, I’m a cop” – the owner told him “I don’t give a fuck who you are, you’re harassing my members – don’t come back.”

      4. FFM=good
        I couldn’t do it, what if in the dark the dude grabbed the wrong thing or if his weenie bumped into me? Then it would turn into a fight.

        1. What’s wrong with fruit?
          Its super healthy for you.
          The exact opposite of gaynus.
          Fruit won’t give you aids.
          Don’t be a fag, eat some grapefruit.

    1. are they tight and made of cotton? They should also come with a groupon discount to the nearest Pawn Shop so we can buy faux gold chains.

      1. Indeed. I am super OCD and compulsive. I also have an addictive personality. I channel those things into the gym rather than into unhealthy habits which are very easy for me to over do and that is a slippery slope I am best staying away from.

  10. I warned all of you that this was going to happen. I told you that if you didn’t get a handle on this food-related trollery, it would turn into a fucking shitshow.

            1. It really has empowered the total sperge masters of our culture hasn’t it? Used to be these people would sit and count grains of sand or stare at the wallpaper and scream, now they’re practically a big business venture on the WWW.

                    1. My working theory is that his psychiatrist has him on some new meds that are helping him channel his SPERGism into fruit-related trollery. I’m not yet convinced, but there is some evidence…

                    2. The best example is the 4chan trolls screwing with Shia LeBeef’s He Will Not Divide Us shit. That was epic. Not productive or useful in any way, but epic. I guarantee you there were no women in that shit.

                    3. That WAS an awesome spectacle. Like you said, totally useless to the world, but trolling has become almost a new form of entertainment that you can participate in, or just watch and its great.

          1. Sure, that’s what every fruit says. Then they spread the the Tropical Citrus AIDS through the whole citrus grove. SMH

            1. No aids here.
              Just healthy fruit.
              You should go eat a grapefruit.
              Its good for you.
              Maybw that stick will fall out of your ass

                1. Your bunghole must be really stretched out if you don’t notice when something is up there.
                  Do you often have a prolapsed anus?

    1. 270ish comments here this morning, some 200 of which come from one guy impersonating food. I’m not opposed to it in principle, but it really smacks of trying too hard.

      1. “270ish comments here this morning, some 200 of which come from one guy impersonating food”
        O internet, how did we ever get by without you…..

        1. I honestly cannot remember what I used to be concerned with in the mornings, except sometimes there was a printed-on-actual-paper newspaper involved.

      2. It really has become a detriment to any kind of discussion. While it’s true that most of us go off topic after our first post, usually the conversations become interesting and animated. These fruit loops are making everything boring and honestly, that’s the real crime here.

          1. you keep talking about alcohol…sounds like you need AA..Were you a hairy Buffalo in a previous life?

        1. you’ve gone too far when you start replacing verbs with edibles. Time for you to get banned.

                    1. Grapefruit has sugar which turns to fat..there is no such thing as a fat burning food, you shit for brains

                    2. oh pulled mom jokes from your 1998 Hooked on Phonics DVD set that your summer school teacher got you when you the flunked 5th grade.

      1. I have it on (g)ood authority that our very own (g)RapeFruit is opening up a gay bar with no barstools. He’s calling it “The Fruit Stand”

        1. typical opener at the fruit stand….hey baby , I like Strawberries, we should jam together.

          1. It was still funny and you are
            still a sour little bitch because you got citrus canker .

              1. Ha, playing dumb carries slightly more implicit confirmation than not. I’ll have to think about this some more, but I’m not seeing a good reason why my guess is wrong yet.

        2. no barstools? That is insane! It takes away the number one gay bar pickup line “excuse me can i push in your stool”

          I would suggest instead of getting rid of them, just turn them upside down and call it a table for 4

  11. When I was younger we hosted a few “get togethers” with friends. But invariably someone got trashed and puked on the bathroom floor, spilled their drink on the furniture or burned a hole in the carpet. I had a couple of arguments turn into fights which I managed to move outside before either went hot. I broke out a billy club on one occasion (when shouting failed to get their attention) and my so-called “friend” (who started the shit), threatened to take it away and use it on me. I think the look in my eye alone at that point convinced him to move the altercation to the street. Threatening me in my own home is unwise. He did leave me with a beaten coworker I had to patch up and take home.

    These days our get togethers are with family and very close friends I know I can trust. Even at that we tend to limit our functions to the summer months so everyone pretty much stays on the patio and by the pool. We have a walk out basement with ceramic tile all the way through to the bathroom and the children are directed to go there, avoiding dripping bathing suits across hardwood and carpet.

    If it were purely up me to organize and host these things, we probably wouldn’t have much of that kind of social life. But my wife loves to entertain and her skills as a hostess are second to none. These days we pretty much associate with folks who are over 30 and civilized so they are a lot less likely to cause trouble. The one neighbor who took advantage of my genteel nature and hospitality with never be allowed in my house again, so that problem won’t recur.

    1. There you go again, making an intelligent, well thought out comment that is on point. This is not how we roll here.

      1. I will try to make up for it with a bunch of OT shit-posts about latent homosexual fruit & vegetables.

          1. I heard that neither (g)RapeFruit nor Impotent Broccoli will actually suck a cock. But either of them will hold it in their mouth ’til it goes soft. So I consider that to be blatantly latent.

              1. Methinks the fruit doth protest too much. No, wait…so you’re saying that y’all actually will suck on it. I see…

                    1. I’m thinking about creating one of these food-alters for myself. Maybe Petulant Tomato. Flatulent Cauliflower. Pompous Grape.

                    2. Just don’t be a vegetable.
                      They suck.
                      Be a citrus fruit.
                      So many good options.

                    3. Vainglorious Nectarine. Bombastic Boysenberry. Orotund Orange. Petty Pineapple. Picayune Mushroom.

                    4. Rules are at best suggestions.
                      Simpletons love rules. It makes them think they’re doing things “the right way”
                      The only real rules are nutritional.
                      Such as making sure you get enough grapefruit in your day

                    5. Nothing in particular, but unless you are planning to log off the internets, I’m pretty sure you’ll see something worse than that before the week is up. Especially if you hang around this place.

                    1. let’s hope he doesn’t sell AMWAY products for a living..poor people out there listening to false claims

        1. On topic: You are right about the idiots who invariably show up to get togethers if you cast too wide of a net. The loudmouth who decides he will show he is tough by picking fights with civil people puts a bad taste in everyone’s mouths.

    2. Same here Boothe. These days, we only host parties for family. With the Holidays, we always entertain inside, and luckily everybody’s birthdays happen to fall between April-October, so it’s outside to the pool they go!

  12. Oh.
    When hosting an event, its a good idea to put out some food for people to snack on.
    Healthy foods such as grapefruit, oranges, grapefruit, berries, watermelon, and grapefruit
    Its a good thing.

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