The Art of Hosting Events

For better or worse, my home seems to be where people tend to converge.  Whether it’s a holiday, a sports event, or even just a random Friday night, people gather at my home.  I like to think that my wife and I are good hosts seeing the turnout we get at our events, but I began to think deeper on the subject.  There are pros and cons to hosting things at your house for each member of your family.  Today I’ll discuss some of my favorite, and least favorite parts, as well as some things you can try if you’ve never hosted.

Gatherings

Gatherings of friends and family can be a double edged sword for some.  Getting together may be a time of fun and happiness, but sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass or even downright violent.  When planning on hosting at your home, your castle if you will, you have to consider some options.

What kind of party is it?

A child’s birthday or mother’s day isn’t a time you should be busting out a keg of beer and fireworks (Though at Thale’s house this may be the norm) You’ll have to recognize the event and what should be going on.  I’ve found with things like this, well thought out plans work.  Plan for the kids to play, then eat, then sing happy birthday, then GTFO .  Once you establish what kind of party it is, you have to then consider who you’re going to invite.  You can be more lax about it if its just a random kick back with friends out back.

What guest’s will you invite?

Does your brother have a psycho girlfriend?  Does your uncle want to fight your grandfather over something stupid from the past?  These are also things you should consider when having people over.  Also, remember that this is  your  home.  Your wife, children, and everything you own is in it.  As a rule I don’t allow people to just call up everyone they know to come loot/trash my house.  I’m not against meeting new people, but you have to know someone I trust, or I must have met you prior to the event.

Responsibility 

When you have a gathering you’re hosting, you are somewhat responsible for each and everyone there.  If someone gets shitfaced and sneaks out and kills someone, there could be police at your door.  Tying into the point above, you don’t want undesirable people in front of your family.  I like to provide a couch to sleep on if someone drinks too much, or if I just want them to go, I’ve even ordered an Uber to come pick them up.  Also, try not to get too REKT when you’re the one responsible.  If there is any issue that arises, you’ll have to handle it.

My Favorites

Food: My wife loves making a ton of different things for people to eat.  We bond over food, so having good food available makes things that much better.   I enjoy grilling in the summer months, and love making burgers, dogs, and all kinds of different things on the grill for everyone.

One on One:  People tend to break off into smaller chat groups or do activities together.  There may be someone you don’t know that well, or haven’t really gotten to know that well that may participate or speak up.  I’ve found people tend to congregate in the kitchen, a game of horseshoes or even throwing around a football out back can be rewarding, even if you are the host.

Family:  I think its good for my children to know their extended family.  These are people they don’t see on a daily basis, but they connect well with both sides.  Not only that, but the kids tend to want to spend time with them, giving you a bit of a break.

Accomplishment: Throwing a great party makes you feel good.  The people you care about will continue to tell you how much fun they had.  Even though the cleanup sucks, I’ve always reflected at the events we’ve hosted and realized that even with everything going on, it was a lot of fun.

Conclusion

I’ll note here that this may not be for everyone. For some they don’t want anyone in their house that doesn’t belong there, and I get that.  For me, I like having a party and even the ones where things didn’t go as planned were still pretty fun.  Feel it out for yourself.

 

-J. Nyx

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family.

  • The Champion

    Good article, Jnyx.

    Personally, I don’t like visiting other people’s homes or them coming over to mine unless there is a good reason. I feel that one’s house is a very personal place reserved only for one’s family and close relatives. If I want to hang out with friends, I can do so in a neutral location where we don’t intrude on each other’s privacy.

    Inviting people to your home requires a lot of trust and very, very few people are deserving of it.

    • AutomaticSlim

      As an introvert/loner, I did not like people in my house when I was growing up, unless I knew them very well. It was like my space was being invaded by strangers. I don’t think I would like it even to this day. But being that I live alone it is not a problem as it is something over which I have total control.

    • UnreconstructedConfederate

      I too always was uncomfortable visiting someone’s home whom I do not know well.

      • The Champion

        Yeah. You never know when they’re gonna kill you and bury you in their backyard. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I have a healthy distrust for strangers.

  • B1k3_Ch41N

    If things go wrong at your party just have Thales at the ready to bring him in to save the day. He’s a fag to such extent that everyone will feel better about themselves.

  • Stoic Nihilist
    • The Champion

      Pabst powered? WB, but I feel it will be the most depressing sex I will ever have.

      • Consolation_of_Philosophy

        WB, but only at the bar, in the parking lot, or behind the dumpster outside. But I’d be bored after the first 10 seconds, and looking for a jug of bleach after.

        • bem

          Yup, she’s been bent over the fender of more than a couple Camaro’s in her day I can tell you….

          • Boothe

            And turned the light on after sex by kicking the truck door open.

          • Consolation_of_Philosophy

            Lol! Nothing more can be said!

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        Son. Ain’t no such thing as depressing sex unless it’s with an ugly woman. You shouldn’t feel depressed unti you sober up the next day.

        • B1k3_Ch41N

          Alcohol is chubby chicks best wing man. True story.

          • Boothe

            You can drink ’em pretty but you cain’t drink ’em skinny…

        • The Champion

          Nah. The only thing that makes sex depressing is a depressing personality. I don’t discriminate based on looks.

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            Well we don’t mind leaving the ugly ones for you. At least if you get an ugly one you won’t have to worry about someone stealing her from you.

      • bem

        Its only depressing AFTER.

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          For her

          • bem

            Who cares. I’d be long gone.

          • Engorged Geoduck

            not after i’m done with her

          • (g)Rapefruit

            Fuck off veggie!

    • UnreconstructedConfederate

      What happened to the good old days when women didn’t go around advertising that they had a worn out old stumphole that everybody around had left something in?
      WB though…at least from this side, she may be ugly when she turns around.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        I’d bang her just for wearing the t-shirt. If she was hideous, I’d make her keep it on and bang her from behind. Personality goes a long way.

    • (g)Rapefruit

      Seems marginally better than fucking the food. Which you shouldnt do. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/da6ebaa9ed2770307472ec1de4287082ec5c12e2de41a67468fe4cd5e5e2a4b6.gif

      • bem

        some (g)rapefruits need to get fukked…..

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          Like the one in this thread.

          • (g)Rapefruit

            Bitch, I will rape you

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      WB

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    We used to host get togethers pretty regularly, some planned ahead and sometimes spontaneous. Where we used to live being in a rural area, the road we lived on was one that everybody around traveled on sooner or later. We had a home on one side of the road and a shop building across the road. Usually if we were around the shop or outside, somebody would stop to shoot the breeze. Then another would stop and another, next thing you know there was a crowd. It was fun at times but sometimes you couldn’t get anything done for people stopping to BS. I miss it though, where we live now the only people who just show up out of the blue are lost.

  • Consolation_of_Philosophy

    As a couple, making the home a gathering place for others is one of the great duties and privileges of marriage. Offering a place of gathering and fellowship for your extended network is the core of community building. It’s a thing of beauty.

  • Flaccid Carrot

    “I’m not against meeting new people, but you have to know someone I trust”

    If one of your “trusted” friends knows a guy who drives around in a vehicle full of guns and he wants to stop by for a visit, would you let him?

    I’m abso-fucking-lutely shocked by your naivety. Shocked I tell you.

    • The Champion

      What’s with the food based trolls, lately?

      • Flaccid Carrot

        Kid, you got no fucking idea how deep this rabbit hole goes…

        • Silly carrot holes are for kids

          • Flaccid Carrot

            Stop talking about holes. It’s making me hard

            • dckhead_con_artist
              • bem

                nah, he just likes regular balls.

                • dckhead_con_artist

                  simple man, simple needs.

                • Boothe

                  On his chin…

                  • dckhead_con_artist

                    and he keeps on squeezing them until he gets to the juice.

                    • Flaccid Carrot

                      All I have to do to turn y’all into gays is to make a couple of comments…

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      Hello brother

                      I agree, but the latent homosexuality with this crowd seems to have existed far before the veggie uprising.

                    • bem

                      latent? PFFFFT! We dont do shit half way.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Thales sure os open with his gaynus

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      are you soliciting with that avatar?

                    • Flaccid Carrot

                      Maybe. Depends on the price

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      You better have my cut

                    • Boothe

                      Nothing latent. I’m admittedly half gay. If you’ll suck my cock I’ll let you…as long as you’re not too ugly or will stay under the table.

                    • bem
                    • Boothe

                      Nope, I’m British.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      Go Nottingham Forest!

                    • bem

                      too many hoods.

                    • Boothe

                      Merry men = gay men, but there were no closets in Nottingham so they had to wear hoods.

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      What’s the difference?

                    • Boothe

                      Exactly…

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Geebus man.
                      Skip that shit.
                      Just go eat a grapefruit instead.
                      Its way better for you.
                      No aids in grapefruits

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      or anal herpes…imagine the pain of that

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Groce

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      This site has gone to the fruits. Us veggies have to find a new home.

                    • Boothe

                      Typically most vegetables end up in a nursing home.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Yea. Fuck off

        • dckhead_con_artist

          I’m “rooting” for you !

          • Flaccid Carrot

            Are you a potato?

            • dckhead_con_artist

              I’m sweet!

              • Flaccid Carrot
                • dckhead_con_artist

                  I’d never make a home in 1 vagina.

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    What if it was a womb with a view?

                • Nihilistic Potato

                  I did not have sexual relations with that woman

                  • (g)Rapefruit

                    You suck!
                    Go away and take your friggin carrot n shit with you

                  • Omnipotent Broccoli

                    There he is!

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              I know what you are

              • The Champion

                Nah. That’s one of my friends.

            • Omnipotent Broccoli

              Are you a broccoli?

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        and they all originate in the produce section…

        • The Champion

          I’m half expecting seafood now

          • bem

            Unlikely

          • Omnipotent Broccoli

            wrong

            • Engorged Geoduck

              think again…

              • Omnipotent Broccoli

                The cavalry has arrived.

          • cheeseburgercheeseburger

            where you been ? on the road hustling in smoke filled chess halls?

            • The Champion

              Haha. Just took some time out. I’ll be commenting more often now.

              • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                I bet you say this when you open up your chessboard(or you should)

                • bem

                  1. man, his teef were bnaged up
                  2. that black dude is 5’4
                  3. that 80’s guitar made my brainstem hurt….

                  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                    that “werewolve in london” scene where he is dancing around the table is one of the greatest in cinema history(also not easy to shoot, scorsese is a genius)

                    • bem

                      never seen this

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      eff you thales!

      • dckhead_con_artist

        best thing about them is that they are a reminder to eat healthy while I’m logged into DISQUS.

      • Omnipotent Broccoli

        We are legion!

    • UWOTM8

      “If one of your “trusted” friends knows a guy who drives around in a vehicle full of guns and he wants to stop by for a visit, would you let him?“

      I am the guy with a vehicle full of guns….

    • (g)Rapefruit

      Stupid carrot!
      Nobody likes you. And your color is fake!

      • Flaccid Carrot

        What’s the matter? You jelly?

        • (g)Rapefruit

          Of a gay carrot?
          No way.
          You just suck

          • Flaccid Carrot

            I get sucked, you squishy prune.

  • dckhead_con_artist

    I am here for the fruits and veggies.

  • cheeseburgercheeseburger

    key to a great party?
    Toothpicks.
    Cut all the food in itty bitty pieces, then stab the food with the toothpicks. peeps ask you “what is this?”; you reply with “hors d’oeurves”. makes your party high falutin’ and you save on the food costs.
    Toothpicks.

    • bem

      And lube.

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        you gotta police the yard for toothpicks tho. you step on one of them in your bare feet, bacteria from your friends’ nasty mouths, you may get foot and mouth disease. or is it paw/hoof and mouth disease.
        I am not a dr.

        • Jim Johnson

          yup, kids scatter the toothpicks everywhere and then you have bamboo splinter driven up under your toenail like some Vietnamese torture.

          • bem

            Could always where shoes I suppose….but maybe I’m being a little too EastCoasty…

  • bem

    You should invite your Cool Internet Friends over!

    • dckhead_con_artist

      and feed them virtual food.

      • Omnipotent Broccoli

        You rang?

        • dckhead_con_artist

          you belong in a blender with cheese.

        • (g)Rapefruit

          Children hate you

          • bem

            hate them back.
            works for me.

            • (g)Rapefruit

              I just spray in their eyes.
              Its great fun.
              Their tears energize my ego.

              • dckhead_con_artist

                Just don’t get moldy

              • bem

                shit stings…

          • dckhead_con_artist

            What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.

          • Omnipotent Broccoli

            You’re just jelly, as in the sandwich spread.

            • (g)Rapefruit

              One of many ways to enjoy the wonderful benefits of grapefruit

    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      after we all had a few apple-tinis, it would devolve into a brawl.

      • bem

        And the Zima’s reserved for family.

        • cheeseburgercheeseburger

          the Zima ’98 is reserved for family.

          • Jim Johnson

            mmmmmm fake estrogen beer

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              if the Zima doesnt make your nipples sore, its aint been aged enuff.
              accept no substitutes

              • Jim Johnson

                I think I’m lactating, just thinking about it.

                • bem

                  try it in your coffee.

          • dckhead_con_artist

            along with the vintage ’78 Boones Farm?

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              yep. let your friends drink the garbage. like Glen(whatever) 18 yr old scotch

              • bem
                • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                  only made men are allowed to drink vino outta da hose. but you tend to get some on your paw/hoof

                  • bem

                    Hoof.

                  • Are you kidding? This is my absolute favorite frame of this movie just because I have seen so much drinking from the hose at family parties and BBQs in my life that I have to do a double take and make sure this isn’t my fam

                    • bem

                      right? You dont let just ANYONE come in and drink out of the sink!

                    • From time to time, while playing football or whatnot with my cousins have run to the “sidelines” to take a nice refreshing drink from the host and Frankie is even in the correct posture to do so.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      probably not a good idea to boil tap water in front of your guests.

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      I am kidding. christ WB, cant I just make a joke here an there?

                    • You see how it is. I make a joke, everybody laughs. I’m funny, but not that funny. Fear keeps them loyal to me.The trick is not being hated. I treat my men good. But if I give too much, I’m not needed. I give just enough where they need me but don’t hate me.

                    • bem

                      Is it bettuh to be loved, or feahed?

                    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

                      bronx tale?

                    • yessir

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      GAY

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      “Now yous can’t leave”
                      The look on their faces when sonny lokced the door….

      • bem

        If I had the room I’d invite all you diks over!

        • Engorged Geoduck

          you don’t have enough room for me, pal

          • Jak

            Go on a diet!

            • Engorged Geoduck

              if i do that, i won’t have the strength to carry my junk around!

  • Jim Johnson

    Get togethers is a source of contention between my wife and I. Hosting anything stresses her out and so she’ll only do them with people she feels “comfortable” with (meaning only her friends). As you can imagine, we don’t do too many.

    • bem

      My dilemma is similar. The Girl feels the need to go overboard with everything; planning and executing complex, coordinated (even fukking color-matched!) dishes, making the house spotless, etc before inviting ANYONE over.
      Buncha dik friends stopping by for pizza and Miller lite would cause her death by humiliation.

      • Jim Johnson

        Yup, that is why I will stick to burgers outdoors or campouts with the scouts for guy socials. Leave her completely out of the picture.

  • @Stoic_Nihilist:disqus @engorgedgeoduck:disqus @disqus_68anDuoclq:disqus
    Remember, as a host you should always thank your guests.

    J.Nyx, I want to thank you for helping me organize this — comments section here today. And also the other heads of the Five Families — New York and New Jersey. @disqus_tj7gjZttfg:disqus from the Bronx — and ah — Brooklyn — @cheeseburgercheeseburger:disqus . An’ from Staten Island, we have with us @consolation_of_philosophy:disqus And all the other associates that came as far as from California, and Kansas City, and all the other territories of the country — thank you. How did things ever get so far? I don’t know. It was so — unfortunate — so unnecessary. @UnreconstructedConfederate:disqus lost a son — and I lost a son. We’re quits. And if @AutomaticSlim:disqus agrees, then I’m willing to — let things go on the way they were before…

    • bem

      If I dont see at least ONE Italian musician, I’m OUT.

      • AutomaticSlim

        Pop goes the weasel.

        • bem

          that was CLASSIC!!!

    • jammyjaybird

      I dig this new game of yours. Will try to imitate.

      • bem

        Hey, whataya gonna do, nice college boy, eh? Didn’t want to get mixed up in
        the Trolling business, huh? Now you wanna gun down a frequent commentor, why, because he made you laugh a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the soccer, where you
        shoot from a mile away? You’ve gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you blow their
        brains all over your nice Ivy League suit!

    • Ainigmaris Thales

      The fuck, WB? Am I fucking chopped liver over here?

    • AutomaticSlim

      Sure, make me the pimp….
      Wouldn’t mind going out like him, though!

      In fact, I most likely will…in some modified way.

  • dckhead_con_artist

    I cringe at the hour when a Brussel Sprout shows up.

    • Omnipotent Broccoli

      You can’t handle the almighty sprout

      • bem

        You’re biting my best foreplay lines!!!!

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          at least you admit it

          • bem

            I dont lie, my little green friend.

          • bem

            I admit nothing.

        • I just do this

          • bem

            speechless…

            • I have it memorized for just the right occasion.

              The line “You’ll never wanna be anything other than the thing that I’m in” is particularly genius I think. This is the work of a great mind named Brad Neely.

      • dckhead_con_artist
    • The Champion

      If you think that’s bad, wait till an Incontinent Asparagus shows up.

      • What about Ruthless Rutabaga?

  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

    Formal get togethers are a thing you have to do from time to time, but I much prefer the informal night where friends come over to play Euchre or some other game, or just to watch OSU football (not that I’m a fan, but it’s an excuse to have friends over and drink). There used to be big family get togethers for the holidays that were ok, but the woman made a huge ordeal out of it, as women are prone to do. Women do so love their Fusstivities.

    • Omnipotent Broccoli

      What is Echere?

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        its a backup catcher who hit less than .200 for his career

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          sounds gay

      • bem

        Its a color, like beige.

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          I’ve never heard of this word before in my life.

          • bem

            Aint my fault you ig’nant.

          • dckhead_con_artist

            plants don’t have souls like the blacks

      • dckhead_con_artist

        where they let Broccoli hang and dry out

    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      “euchre” is pronounced like this picture right? one day I need to find out how its played
      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/m94G–ppobM/maxresdefault.jpg

      • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        You-kur
        Yeah. It’s a really fun game and once you get into the swing of it the hands can be lightning fast, and contain some interesting strategies.

        • Engorged Geoduck

          who are you calling a cur?

        • I’ll kur YOU!

          • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

            In Soveeyet Roosha, Kurs Euch you!

    • Bart Manson ✓ᵂʰᶦᵗᵉ

      Is euchre like whist?

      • Omnipotent Broccoli

        I think its made up.

      • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        It’s a card game imported from Bavaria Germany to Ohio (I think it was from Bavaria?). It’s played across the state and on the fringes of the border with our border states. It was one way you could automatically spot a Buckeye in the military, they’d all be sitting around playing Euchre instead of Spades while in the field.

        • Omnipotent Broccoli

          It only exists in that area?

          • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

            I think it’s fairly common in Indiana too but otherwise, yeah, it came with the Germans that piled into the midsection of the state(s) in the 19th century. It’s also still played in Germany.

            • John Galt

              It’s called “Skat” in German and has more rules and cards, but similiar. I knew a few guys from MI in my unit who could play euhcre.

              • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                Now that’s an unfortunate name for a card game, right there. Heh.

                • John Galt

                  Pronounced as “scott” in German.

            • jammyjaybird

              Euchre is played all over the upper Midwest, not just Ohio. In high school I used to play it with my friend’s family in their trailer in the summer. They were very blue collar, descended from that old German/Dutch stock — his dad carried his metal lunch pail to the factory every day, worked nights. But I haven’t played it since then.

              • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                I’ve heard it thins out a lot in popularity the further you drift from Ohio, but that may be just local conceit being relayed to me.

                • jammyjaybird

                  Hmm, dunno. They were the only people I knew who played it. I remember a euchre deck is all high cards, but nothing else. (opens Wikipedia)

                  • bem

                    are you from The Ohio?

                    • jammyjaybird

                      nope, but same region

                    • bem

                      right. You mentioned ‘rust belt’ once before.

                  • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                    Yep, 9’s and up. And a 6 & 4 card combo for each team to keep score with. We also tend to play with a little dice thingy that has the suits on it, and you turn it up to the suit being played so that people don’t spend half the game saying “What was trump again?”

    • Engorged Geoduck

      women love massive phallus even more

      • Omnipotent Broccoli

        What about the potatoes?

        • Engorged Geoduck

          they serve as tampons

          • Omnipotent Broccoli

            Won’t the cauliflower be relieved!

        • jammyjaybird

          goddamn son, you’re a stalk-er

      • Consolation_of_Philosophy
        • GAY

          • Consolation_of_Philosophy

            Somebody just had a full-body dry heave.

        • despite its hilarious shape, geoducks are freaking delicious when prepared right.

          • Consolation_of_Philosophy

            That’s what she said.

            • You know, I ate them for years without knowing what they look like. I had them sliced paper thin and soaked in yuzu sauce at this one place.

              • Consolation_of_Philosophy

                Watching them sliced and put on a plate is kind of unnerving.

                • I’ve never seen it lol I can imagine though

    • Jim Johnson

      I prefer the informal get togethers, problem is, if it is anywhere around the wife, she has to make it into a formal get together, which takes more work and hassle. Then she doesn’t want to do them.

      • bem

        dont tell her!
        I’m dying to try this…

        • Jim Johnson

          Just “Hey the boys are coming by in ten minutes, I don’t think we can go for a walk to the Post Office.”

          • bem

            “oh, didn’t I mention it?”

            • Jim Johnson

              It is crazy how men everywhere are willing to fight in mortal combat in wars, but chicken out from inviting the guys over unannounced for a game of cards with pizza and beer.

              • bem

                those wars happen outside the home!

              • UnreconstructedConfederate

                The difference is you don’t have to LIVE with those people with whom you engage in combat against.

  • dckhead_con_artist
  • dckhead_con_artist
    • cheeseburgercheeseburger

      what a schlub. why bother hitting the gym if she is gonna step out you anyway

      • Jim Johnson

        10:1 their marriage will end within a decade.

        • bem

          it never started

          • Jim Johnson

            agreed, like being roommates, except she can take you to court for alimony

            • cheeseburgercheeseburger

              its a good thing your state banned TVs

              • Jim Johnson

                ???

            • dckhead_con_artist

              the guy is a dumbass, muscles didn’t get him out of the cuck zone

              • Jim Johnson

                Working out so he can be cucked by a tranny……His dad must be proud.

      • In my experience the vast number of people who obsessively go to the gym fall into one or more of the following categorie:
        Compulsive OCD people
        Reformed Criminals
        Ultra Type
        Rehabilitated Drug Addicts/Alcoholics
        Closet Fags

        This guy is most likely a homo who can only fag out with the pretense of a wife…at least that is my guess

        • Iattacku

          What’s the difference between compulsiveness OCD and Ultra Type

          • Sorry, I meant Ultra Type A.

            Often times A type personalities need the physical output and go to extremes.

    • bem

      Funny how moral bankruptcy is proportional to nose angle/size….

      • cheeseburgercheeseburger

        ((Corsicans)))

    • The Champion

      Check out that thing’s adam’s apple. Dumbass has no idea he married a tranny.

      • bem

        might be why he’s paintin’ outside the lines….

        • The Champion

          Misery loves company…

    • Engorged Geoduck

      i’d tap that so hard, it will turn into a woman

      • Consolation_of_Philosophy

        Yeah, but tap it where?

        • Jim Johnson

          right between the eyes

        • dckhead_con_artist

          why does it matter, as long as you get your rocks off?

    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

      I don’t get that kind of thing. I mean I get threesomes, as long as it’s FFM, no worries there, but swinging in the generic sense where you’re letting other guys fuck your woman, well fucking no way man. Just seems wrong on so many levels. It seems to me that to be able to do that you’d have to start out with a totally beta cuck mindset and never, ever deviate from it, lest you come to the realization that you are truly one of life’s biggest losers.

      • The Champion

        Swinging may be okay if you’re really good at sex and the other guy’s woman is hotter that yours.

        • Jim Johnson

          Nope, a cuck is a cuck no matter what you are getting on the side. That baby that someone else fathered is now your responsibility whether you want it or not. That baby you fathered with some other girl is now theirs, not yours whether you want the kid or not.

          • The Champion

            I didn’t mean wife, but gf. You can always dump her after you’re done. To my mind, this is the only way to get this silly idea to work

            • bem

              be more like a wingman than a gf…

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          Maybe it’s just my weird mindset, but seems like it would just be easier to go out and nab a hot woman and dump your mediocre broad, from a standpoint of how I’d feel about myself anyway.

      • dckhead_con_artist

        and you know that scenario is never fair for the male as the woman gets 100X more male offers versus the # of females that want her husband, unless he’s a fucking rockstar or pro athlete.

        • Ainigmaris Thales

          Hypergamy is real.

        • Jim Johnson

          That guy (not the tranny) has a big nose and a sloped forehead. I’m curious what his intelligence score would be.

      • Lou Skunt

        This is one of the main reasons that my wife and I haven’t made any new friends in the last 10-12 years… These swinger fucks are everywhere. We’ve been propositioned countless times, and the most recent encounter was with a couple from the gym and the husband is a Police Officer! Lots of sick people out there.

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          For a while in the summer there was a couple at the gym who were eyeballing me pretty hard. Chick was actually quite pretty, and the guy was a skinny runt type but with a bit of muscle tone (kind of like a not-so-serious swimmer maybe?). I’d catch her staring at me and then she’d smile and the guy would give her a thumb’s up more often than not when he observed this ritual. It was pretty weird. I mean I’da banged her, sure, but that whole “couple” vibe, even if he were to offer to be absent, seemed really off putting.

          • dckhead_con_artist

            usually the guy is bi, trying to reel you in with the hot girlfriend.

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              I kind of assumed that might be the case. Even if he wasn’t, who would want to associate with a guy who gives his hot girlfriend/wife away to other men? Fuck that, have some self respect.

              • dckhead_con_artist

                that happened to me at a bar. Well dressed dude walked in with a hot chick friend (Red Flag 1). Got the hot chick friend to invite me to an after hours party at a high rise condo (Red Flag 2). Hot chick completely ignoring me when I got to the party (red flag 3) . Dude hitting on me 5 minutes later and asking me if “my bread was already buttered” .

            • Jim Johnson

              I have a tattoo on my butt that says “Exit Only”

              • dckhead_con_artist

                I have a large turd hanging out the end as a repellant.

                • Jim Johnson

                  I don’t think those guys would really care.

                  • dckhead_con_artist

                    fags are metro , extremely OCD, and care more about how they smell than they do contracting an ape virus originating from The Congo.

                    • bem

                      dont be fooled – its the poo they’re after

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      Only because Piglet had a better alibi.

          • Lou Skunt

            Yea, it’s a weird scene. The funny thing is, this couple eventually got their gym membership revoked and kicked out because they propositioned the wrong person. They caused a big scene and the guy actually had the nerve to tell the gym owner “you can’t do this to me, I’m a cop” – the owner told him “I don’t give a fuck who you are, you’re harassing my members – don’t come back.”

          • Jim Johnson

            If she wanted to be double teamed or something, that is still gay.

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        FFM=good
        MMF=bad
        I couldn’t do it, what if in the dark the dude grabbed the wrong thing or if his weenie bumped into me? Then it would turn into a fight.

  • OT: WB Fitness wifebeaters now available!
    https://teamwbfitness.com/2018/01/10/teambeater-merch/

    • (g)Rapefruit

      Hope they’re not too gay

      • Boothe

        This? Coming from a fruit? LMAO!

        • (g)Rapefruit

          What’s wrong with fruit?
          Its super healthy for you.
          The exact opposite of gaynus.
          Fruit won’t give you aids.
          Don’t be a fag, eat some grapefruit.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      are they tight and made of cotton? They should also come with a groupon discount to the nearest Pawn Shop so we can buy faux gold chains.

    • Iattacku

      I remember you said you were going to do competitive body building or something like that

      • Indeed. I am super OCD and compulsive. I also have an addictive personality. I channel those things into the gym rather than into unhealthy habits which are very easy for me to over do and that is a slippery slope I am best staying away from.

  • Ainigmaris Thales

    I warned all of you that this was going to happen. I told you that if you didn’t get a handle on this food-related trollery, it would turn into a fucking shitshow.

    • The Champion

      Just set up a few blenders. Problem solved.

    • Jim Johnson

      Agreed, However, I will give it a couple weeks then the joke will burn out. Fads never last.

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        You are terribly underestimating the power of autism.

        • Jim Johnson

          It may be due to the fact I don’t ride along on the short bus.

          • Ainigmaris Thales

            Autism is the nuclear weaponry of the internet.

            • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

              It really has empowered the total sperge masters of our culture hasn’t it? Used to be these people would sit and count grains of sand or stare at the wallpaper and scream, now they’re practically a big business venture on the WWW.

              • Jim Johnson

                Lots of them are women who don’t have a husband to nag at anymore.

                • Ainigmaris Thales

                  No, that’s not the kind of internet autism that we are talking about.

                  • Jim Johnson

                    enlighten me

                    • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

                      Pabst

                    • Jim Johnson

                      *Looking for my dunce cap*

                    • The Champion

                      You know, I kinda miss that guy. His dumb comments and how we all used to pile on him. Lol

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I’m becoming more and more convinced he has returned in a vaguely fruit-shaped disguise.

                    • bem

                      Remember his last incarnation was PEACH bandit….

                    • The Champion
                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Good point.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Once GOJ said “Pabst”, the light came on. Hallelujah

                    • bem

                      yet where are the endless videos? the obscure 70s rock?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      My working theory is that his psychiatrist has him on some new meds that are helping him channel his SPERGism into fruit-related trollery. I’m not yet convinced, but there is some evidence…

                    • bem

                      seems plausible

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      one shouldn’t get insulted being called Pabst if one is NOT Pabst.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      I am not pabst.
                      Control your gay fantasies.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      how would you know if Pabst is gay?

                    • Omnipotent Broccoli

                      Pabst (g)Raped him

                    • Jim Johnson

                      I thought that was my little pony

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Thales is gay.
                      Hence, he has gay fantasies about pabst

                    • Iattacku

                      Well he was the peach bandit after he got banned

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      The best example is the 4chan trolls screwing with Shia LeBeef’s He Will Not Divide Us shit. That was epic. Not productive or useful in any way, but epic. I guarantee you there were no women in that shit.

                    • That WAS an awesome spectacle. Like you said, totally useless to the world, but trolling has become almost a new form of entertainment that you can participate in, or just watch and its great.

                    • bem

                      It is a legitimate Creative Medium.

                    • Jim Johnson

                      hmmmm………wooden pottery or internet trolling

                    • That was awesome

            • dckhead_con_artist

              or fallout from it.

      • Omnipotent Broccoli

        You underestimate the power of weaponized vegetables.

    • (g)Rapefruit

      Admit it, you love grapefruit.
      And if you don’t.
      (G)rapefruit will love you

      • UnreconstructedConfederate

        I hope you get listeria.

        • (g)Rapefruit

          I’m healthy.

          • Boothe

            Sure, that’s what every fruit says. Then they spread the the Tropical Citrus AIDS through the whole citrus grove. SMH

            • (g)Rapefruit

              No aids here.
              Just healthy fruit.
              You should go eat a grapefruit.
              Its good for you.
              Maybw that stick will fall out of your ass

              • Boothe

                Must be your “stick” cuz it’s so small I never noticed.

                • (g)Rapefruit

                  Your bunghole must be really stretched out if you don’t notice when something is up there.
                  Do you often have a prolapsed anus?

                  • Boothe

                    No, can’t say that I have and furthermore I have no intention of inviting you over to visit.

            • (g)Rapefruit

              Aids is for fags like thales, maybe you too.

          • UnreconstructedConfederate

            You just enjoy getting picked by Mexicans.

            • (g)Rapefruit

              Beats being cotton and being picked by ni99ers

              • UnreconstructedConfederate

                They don’t do that anymore.

                • (g)Rapefruit

                  What? Work? Tell me about it.

    • Murdoc34

      270ish comments here this morning, some 200 of which come from one guy impersonating food. I’m not opposed to it in principle, but it really smacks of trying too hard.

      • bem

        “270ish comments here this morning, some 200 of which come from one guy impersonating food”
        O internet, how did we ever get by without you…..

      • Ainigmaris Thales

        Well said.

      • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        It really has become a detriment to any kind of discussion. While it’s true that most of us go off topic after our first post, usually the conversations become interesting and animated. These fruit loops are making everything boring and honestly, that’s the real crime here.

      • (g)Rapefruit

        I’m just one (g)Rapefruit.
        Broccoli and carrotbare surely potato

        • dckhead_con_artist

          you’ve gone too far when you start replacing verbs with edibles. Time for you to get banned.

          • (g)Rapefruit

            Fuck off.
            You whiny bitch.
            Go eat a grapefruit.
            It might help with your bitchy attitude

            • dckhead_con_artist

              pot calling the kettle black?

              • (g)Rapefruit

                You and Thales are the only ones whining.
                I’m trying to improve your diet.

                • dckhead_con_artist

                  wine-ing is for your grapes like you, and you can’t get a date you prune!

                  • (g)Rapefruit

                    Clearly, I’m not a grape.
                    You maroon

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      IT’S IN YOUR NAME TEABAG! QUIT BEING FUCKING SOUR.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      What are you? Truly retarded?
                      Grapes and grapefruit are very different.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      you’re the same sour fruit Pabst…you’re just the autistic fat version

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Grapefruit helps eliminate fat, you idiot.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      Grapefruit has sugar which turns to fat..there is no such thing as a fat burning food, you shit for brains

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Wait, what about meth?

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      exactly and AIDS…AIDS burns fat

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      You idjit!
                      Learn about nutrition.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      you’ve been squashed too many times Juicyfruit…

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      I squashed your mother last night.
                      She’s such a filthy whore

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      oh no..you pulled mom jokes from your 1998 Hooked on Phonics DVD set that your summer school teacher got you when you the flunked 5th grade.

    • dckhead_con_artist

      yeah but fruits get laid like a brick.

      • Boothe

        I have it on (g)ood authority that our very own (g)RapeFruit is opening up a gay bar with no barstools. He’s calling it “The Fruit Stand”

        • dckhead_con_artist

          typical opener at the fruit stand….hey baby , I like Strawberries, we should jam together.

        • (g)Rapefruit

          You had to remove a ton of dust off that joke

        • no barstools? That is insane! It takes away the number one gay bar pickup line “excuse me can i push in your stool”

          I would suggest instead of getting rid of them, just turn them upside down and call it a table for 4

    • Its turned into a fucking fruit stand around here!

  • Boothe

    When I was younger we hosted a few “get togethers” with friends. But invariably someone got trashed and puked on the bathroom floor, spilled their drink on the furniture or burned a hole in the carpet. I had a couple of arguments turn into fights which I managed to move outside before either went hot. I broke out a billy club on one occasion (when shouting failed to get their attention) and my so-called “friend” (who started the shit), threatened to take it away and use it on me. I think the look in my eye alone at that point convinced him to move the altercation to the street. Threatening me in my own home is unwise. He did leave me with a beaten coworker I had to patch up and take home.

    These days our get togethers are with family and very close friends I know I can trust. Even at that we tend to limit our functions to the summer months so everyone pretty much stays on the patio and by the pool. We have a walk out basement with ceramic tile all the way through to the bathroom and the children are directed to go there, avoiding dripping bathing suits across hardwood and carpet.

    If it were purely up me to organize and host these things, we probably wouldn’t have much of that kind of social life. But my wife loves to entertain and her skills as a hostess are second to none. These days we pretty much associate with folks who are over 30 and civilized so they are a lot less likely to cause trouble. The one neighbor who took advantage of my genteel nature and hospitality with never be allowed in my house again, so that problem won’t recur.

    • Jim Johnson

      There you go again, making an intelligent, well thought out comment that is on point. This is not how we roll here.

      • Boothe

        I will try to make up for it with a bunch of OT shit-posts about latent homosexual fruit & vegetables.

        • GhostOfJefferson ✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

          Latent?

          • Boothe

            I heard that neither (g)RapeFruit nor Impotent Broccoli will actually suck a cock. But either of them will hold it in their mouth ’til it goes soft. So I consider that to be blatantly latent.

            • (g)Rapefruit

              Wherever you heard that is bullshit.

              • Boothe

                Methinks the fruit doth protest too much. No, wait…so you’re saying that y’all actually will suck on it. I see…

                • dckhead_con_artist

                  his best bet is to lay around and become penicillin.

                  • Boothe

                    Compost would be a good bet too. At least it’s useful and is a kissing cousin to manure.

            • dckhead_con_artist

              the fruit is getting more rotten by the minute.

              • Ainigmaris Thales

                It really does seem to be some hostile fruit, doesn’t it?

                • bem
                  • Ainigmaris Thales

                    You can’t even spell it right in your memes, for fuck’s sake?

                    • bem

                      I have a custum spellcheck.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I’m thinking about creating one of these food-alters for myself. Maybe Petulant Tomato. Flatulent Cauliflower. Pompous Grape.

                    • Jak

                      Please no…

                    • bem
                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Sometimes you have to fight fruit with fruit.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Just don’t be a vegetable.
                      They suck.
                      Be a citrus fruit.
                      Lime
                      Lemon
                      Pummelo
                      Orange
                      So many good options.

                    • bem

                      I support each and every one of these.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Vainglorious Nectarine. Bombastic Boysenberry. Orotund Orange. Petty Pineapple. Picayune Mushroom.

                    • bem

                      Rheumatic cumquot!!!

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Hubristic Honeydew.

                    • bem

                      Pompous Pomegranite

                    • Jak

                      Cynical Strawberry

                    • bem

                      Odoriferous Pear

                    • Jak

                      Blue(pilled)berry

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Melancholic Melon.

                    • Jak

                      Suicidal Squash

                    • bem

                      Homicidal Honeydew

                    • Jak

                      BDSM Blackberry

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Despotic Coconut

                    • bem

                      Rueful Prune

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Cantankerous Crabapple.

                    • bem

                      Rabid Pineapple

                    • Jak

                      Salivating Spinach

                    • bem

                      Unemployed Kale
                      (just sayin….)

                    • Jak

                      Im gainfully employed thank you very much!

                    • Jak

                      Graphic Grape

                    • Murdoc34

                      Honeydew was already used. -15 points and a 5 minute penalty.

                    • bem

                      Nitpicking Celery.

                    • Jak

                      Technical Turnip

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Pedantic Pear.

                    • Jak

                      Claustrophobic Kiwi

                    • bem

                      Chaotic Carrot

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Salacious Clementine.

                    • Murdoc34

                      Is she related to Promiscuous Pumpkin?

                    • bem

                      cok-o-lantern?

                    • Murdoc34

                      Dropped the ball. Should have gone with “I’ll pick YOUR nits.”

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Churlish Cherry.

                    • Jak

                      Naysaying Nori

                    • bem

                      Venerable Chickpea

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Odious Olive.

                    • bem

                      Clandestine Caper!

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Douche Bag.

                    • bem

                      YOU ARE uh, pickle or some stupid shit…

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Homer Sexual.

                    • Murdoc34

                      You deserve more upvotes for this.

                    • bem

                      more than, say, the NONE you gave me?!?!?!?!

                    • Murdoc34

                      $1/ea.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Prosaic Plantain.

                    • Legerdemain Lemon

                    • Jim Johnson

                      Sodomizing Starfruit

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Derivative

                    • Does boysenberry exist outside the syrup lab at IHOP?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Pretty sure its also one of the fake flavors of sugar-dipped carbs in Lucky Charms.

                    • IHOP syrup is the only place I have ever encountered it.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      There are a few things that I have only encountered at IHOP.

                    • I wonder what other countries they are in.

                    • Iattacku

                      Don’t do it please

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      “Bassoon prune” would be best suited for you.

                    • bem

                      Bassoon is not an adjective!!!! We’re trying to have a civilization here you fuk!

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      You’re a sensitive little bitch aren’t ya?

                    • bem

                      We live in a society of rules.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      Rules are at best suggestions.
                      Simpletons love rules. It makes them think they’re doing things “the right way”
                      The only real rules are nutritional.
                      Such as making sure you get enough grapefruit in your day

                    • bem

                      “Such as making sure you get enough grapefruit in your day”
                      I think we’re good.

                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      YOURE WELCOME!

                    • I’ll BASSOON YOU!

                      See, sure it is.

                    • bem

                      Verbing of nouns is fine, but I draw the line at the adjectivation of nouns.

                    • aren’t you being a little bassonish?

                    • bem

                      ishing a noun is pussy.

                    • now you are just being obtuse

                    • bem
                    • cumstain spell check?

                    • bem
                    • Murdoc34

                      This is the worst thing I’ll see all week.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I doubt that.

                    • Murdoc34

                      You got something planned for me I’m unaware of?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Nothing in particular, but unless you are planning to log off the internets, I’m pretty sure you’ll see something worse than that before the week is up. Especially if you hang around this place.

                    • Murdoc34

                      Bem’s on it. If anyone can do it, it’s him.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      I believe in bem

                    • Murdoc34

                      In bem we trust.

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      Hope and bem.

                    • Murdoc34
                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      legit lol. 4 stars. I laughed, I cried, I came.

                    • 4 out of how many?

                    • Ainigmaris Thales

                      5, but only the Godfather gets 5.

                    • Every day of the week…specifically, Monday — Tuesday — Thursday — Wednesday — Friday — Sunday — Saturday… Andiamo!

                    • bem
                    • (g)Rapefruit

                      You’ve seen thales comments right?

                    • Jim Johnson

                      you just nouned the crap out of that verb

                • dckhead_con_artist

                  he’s becoming an elderberry

                  • Ainigmaris Thales

                    Seems more like a sour grape to me.

                    • dckhead_con_artist

                      let’s hope he doesn’t sell AMWAY products for a living..poor people out there listening to false claims

        • Jim Johnson

          On topic: You are right about the idiots who invariably show up to get togethers if you cast too wide of a net. The loudmouth who decides he will show he is tough by picking fights with civil people puts a bad taste in everyone’s mouths.

    • Lou Skunt

      Same here Boothe. These days, we only host parties for family. With the Holidays, we always entertain inside, and luckily everybody’s birthdays happen to fall between April-October, so it’s outside to the pool they go!

    • UWOTM8

      Sounds like me, except I’m still in my 20s…

  • dckhead_con_artist

    the fruit trolls remind me this song by Rush

  • UnreconstructedConfederate

    Me, when company stays at the house too late.
    https://youtu.be/0C6nvNlVx1A

    And that goes for cocksuckers AND retards!

    • bem

      “hey YOU – get the FUK OUT!!!”

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    For those of you looking to add a little to your arm gains, here is a challenge i think you will enjoy.

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  • (g)Rapefruit

    Oh.
    When hosting an event, its a good idea to put out some food for people to snack on.
    Healthy foods such as grapefruit, oranges, grapefruit, berries, watermelon, and grapefruit
    Its a good thing.