Knowing When To Listen

I challenged you all in last Friday’s Way of the Warlord challenge to become better listeners.  Far too many people these days speak without thinking and it can get you into world of shit, but more importantly, it leaves you powerless.  Today I’ll go over what I’ll be doing this week, as well as identifying why people today are always racing to get a word in rather than listen.  Also, we’ll explore what it actually means to listen to someone, who you shouldn’t listen to, and everything in between.

I honestly think the internet is to blame for why conversation has degraded so much.  People are so used to asynchronous communication these days.  Someone sits behind their keyboard and types out the perfect tweet or comment.  Then someone else sits, digests it, and offers up a rebuttal.  When these people are put into a real world conversation, it doesn’t go so well, especially formal conversation.

For me, I’m making it a rule to sit and digest what people say to me.  One thing you have to learn to do is deal with a pause in the conversation.

People seem to hate pauses in conversation.  They call them awkward silences, but this can be used to your advantage.  When someone asks a question, pause and think about your answer instead of blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.  You begin to dominate the conversation because you are calm and collected.

When to listen

This is pretty simple but I’ll go over it anyway.  You should listen to people you respect.  You should listen to people that know more than you.  Basically, if you’re gaining something from the person taking, it’s worth your time.

Obviously there are circumstances where you must listen to someone even if you didn’t want to.  Employers fall under this category.  That said, if your superior is flat out to wrong on a subject, you can interject and offer your argument.

When not to listen

The opposite of the above holds true here.  If the conversation is getting nowhere or the other person is speaking only to demean you then it’s not worth your time.  I’ve found it better to firmly  end a broken conversation than to continue to engage.

The plan

For this when I plan on using the tips above.  I plan on waiting and collecting my thoughts before speaking.  I plan on using proper tone and most important to me is word tempo.  I tend to speak very quickly and my words can seem to get jumbled or run together at times.  I’ll work on keeping this at bay this week.

Conclusion

These days the art of conversation is lost on many people. The average person just opens their mouth and nothing but shit flows out.  I encourage you to use the tips above to help your conversation skills.  Report back with your findings.

 

-J. Nyx

 

Author: Jnyx

J. Nyx is a father of three and co-owner of akingscastle.com. He understands that there is something missing in the community and that you can be a traditional, masculine man in our current age as well as a dedicated leader of your family. Fitness addict, DIY guru, and tech nerd.

311 thoughts on “Knowing When To Listen”

            1. eagles win conf championship. fans proceed to beat the shit out of each other. only fans worse than the pats fans

              1. I was a little noisy last night. The police took precautions by greasing the streetlight poles and advising people to not park anywhere near South Broad Street.

                1. On the one hand I’m tempted to really lay into the Philly types as being assclown fans. On the other hand, OSU fans are rabid to the n-th degree and capable of a whole mess of stupid when given the chance. It’s a wash.

                    1. I knew a white supremacist that used to follow every Cowboys draft pick and have posters of Barry Sanders, Emmitt Smith, and Michael Irvin in his game room. Seriously he loved football more than he hated the black players.

                  1. I think you mentioned trimp is using tactics he laid out in Art of the Deal against him political foes- can you rattle off a few? thx

                    1. Non-sequitur, much?

                      Diversion – creating a storm of controversy or intrigue via misdirection while doing things in the background to secure your actual goals comes to mind.

                  2. I was talking with a friend from church yesterday, he was a fairly big football fan. He said he totally staying away from pro-ball anymore since they took a knee. Will boycott superbowl and every thing else. Kudos to him.

                    1. I know a whole mess of people doing that this year. All of them are the direct fan base demographic of the NFL. Even had one guy refuse to buy his kids the NFL team sheets that the boy was asking for, which to me is great. First because it deprives the NFL of money and second because you shouldn’t lead a youth down a path to worship a bunch of grown spoiled adults playing a child’s game.

                    2. I wonder how many will realize how much of a worthless dog and pony show televised sports is if they wean themselves from it.

        1. While my Nirvana hatred is well documented, I did always like the Weird Al cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit with the line

          It’s so unintelligible
          I just can’t get it through my skull
          It’s hard to bargle nawdle zouss???
          With all these marbles in my mouth

            1. I actually think his elvis style break up song One More Minute was the pinnacle of his career. The whole song is quite brilliant, but even if it sucked everywhere else, just the line

              I guess I might seem kinda bitter
              You got me feeling down in the dumps
              ‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love
              And I have to use the self-service pumps

              However, that little nugget of genius is buried in a song where every freaking line is pretty perfect.

                1. C’mon, Chipper, it’s a beautiful Monday morning! Can’t you and all the voices in your head just try to enjoy it?

  1. Thumbs up.

    I’d attribute the inability to listen to first television culture setting up society to engage in fast, witty comebacks as well as causing a mentality to be the first to talk about any given “cool” show. I remember older folks mentioning how television made everybody into conversational idiots, way back in the day. Throw in the interwebs as you mention Jynx built upon a culture already sliding towards mass ADHD and here we are today where any thought greater than two sentences is “boring” and disregarded. This is in the context of social conversation of course, not business conversation where you are forced to hash out the details fully at times.

    The opposite of the above holds true here. If the conversation is
    getting nowhere or the other person is speaking only to demean you then
    it’s not worth your time. I’ve found it better to firmly end a broken
    conversation than to continue to engage.

    I’m getting a lot better at this, although I must say that if the other person has become particularly smug, annoying or condescending I’ll lead him out a bit and jab right back before putting him on a short duration “block” (in real life or on the interwebs). Let him cool down a bit if he’s a friend/decent man, then we can talk again tomorrow (in the metaphorical sense). I’ll admit that leading him out is a weakness of mine that I need to work on, but I can’t go full Vulcan yet and am questioning the value of doing so. That being said, swooping down with attacks gives the other party your power in a sense so it’s still worth forcing myself to not do so when I can. Hard to do though sometimes, heh, and I’ve been known to stumble now and then.

    You should listen to people you respect. You should listen to people that know more than you.

    The first part is easy. The second sentence seems to be nigh impossible for the vast majority of people, since we are being conditioned to be more and more atomistic. Everybody thinks that they’re right 100% of the time, so teaching oneself to break this habit and learn that others may know more than you is quite difficult. But it is well worth pursuing and I think the germ of the actual thought behind the concept of humility.

    1. “Everybody thinks that he’s right 100% of the time” – I attribute this to the acceptance of non traditional lifestyles and the breakdown of our society. “Oh you want to ‘date’ around until later? sure no problem, I won’t judge.” ; “You want to change your gender? Sure I won’t judge.” “you want to get that abortion? Sure I won’t judge” . There used to be a standard template for conformity and everyone knew that was 100% right and any so-called alternative lifestyle was for dumpster trash. Black and white, clear and simple. Add in the fact that our leaders are degenerate fraudsters and everyone can say “Oh I’m right because Senator ______ did it” and the other side of politics can regurgitate the same thing .

      1. Yes, that’s exactly it. When there is nothing you can do that is not supported, then you never perceive the difference between right and wrong.

  2. Choosing not to listen is choosing not to respect the person trying to communicate– regardless of the hierarchy at play. That’s why we get so enraged when we feel like we’re getting the blow off. The fact that so many opinions are poorly informed just makes the situation worse.

    1. “Choosing not to listen is choosing not to respect the person trying to communicate”

      Yeah, that ain’t the way I wanted it! I can handle things I’m smart — not like everyone says — not dumb, smart and I want respect!

      1. you know how some people drive cars with Redbull branding? They should put pictures of Fredo on Smart Cars(“they arent dumb like Motor Trend says!”)

      2. Never go fishing with your brother’s goons. At the end of the day, they’re businessmen.

      1. Unfortunately, 90% of the people fall somewhere in between “Mt. Stupid” and the “Valley of despair”, meaning if you want to find out something, best to ask the person who acts like they are not sure about it.

      2. if this is your roundabout way of admitting your politics is all outta whack- apology accepted!

          1. Eh, actually you’re pretty guilty of this kind of thing when it comes to political discussion. I’ve never once seen you say “Gosh, you know, you may be right, I hadn’t considered it from that angle before” on this board or ROK. Never.

            Not starting an argument, just pointing out that when it comes to monolithic political positions, you seem to hue closely to the chart above.

            1. “Gosh, you know, you may be right, I hadn’t considered it from that angle before”
              That response gets more rare with age, and by 45 the subject is incapable of uttering those words.

              1. You’re right, and I have consciously made sure to avoid the “my opinion is right all the time” old-man thing. (Except for Trump; I’m positive that he’s a traitorous piece of shit who is destroying our standing in the world.) But apart from that, I really do listen closely to intelligent people to see if I should modify my own views. Particularly in all things science, I’m a pair of ears. I had a half hour long convo about bitcoin with a very intelligent 25-yr-old the other night that changed my opinion about cryptocurrencies. It helps to find people who challenge your mental fiefdom. Most of us just don’t care, particularly as we get older.

                1. “You have to make a conscious effort to avoid it. By that age your convictions should be solid, but one should always be open to new information”
                  -President Donald Trump

                    1. gorgeous. that 800 foot gold plated statue of him will look great on the front lawn of the white house

                    2. and if we get neither, he should at least be made the permanent center sq on Hollywood Squares.

                    3. I thought the fifth head on Rushmore was Roosevelt’s jimmy (at the bottom on the mountain).

                2. “Except for Trump; I’m positive that he’s a traitorous piece of shit who is destroying our standing in the world.”

                  Obama has already accomplished that but you don’t see it or refuse to even consider it. The Fusion GPS, FBI, DoJ, and FISA-701(16)(17) issues are just coming to light, so I expect to you lapse into silience as you usually do while throwing the boilerplate leftist snark.

              2. Gosh, you know, you may be right, I hadn’t considered it from that angle before.

                But now that you mention it…

            2. Actually, ROK and a couple other manosphere sites made me realize that some of my views were a lot less liberal than I’d thought. But no, I’d never written that, not until now. Happy?

              Anyways, I’m always looking for new information. And I post it here regularly.

  3. JNYX, I think you are right here. However, I would suggest qualifying what you say. As a man you have to judge who is worth listening to. Once someone is shown to be a fool, a liar or a moron all interactions with them, if there are any, ought to be with you either mocking them or talking down to them but never actually taking them seriously.

    Sure, hear everyone out at first. But you eventually need to make a judgment and when you find a man failing in the moral, mental or spiritual fortitude that defines real masculinity you should treat them like the clown they are and any further tolerance of them is only detrimental to you.

    1. like my friend who is a granny chaser. I stopped taking him seriously after he was trying to convince me how top notch his level of game is because he got a 47 year old twice divorced grandma to love and obey him.

      1. Good idea on your part, those types are out of touch with so many things in reality, and to hell with chasing grandmas (unless you’re 90, then I guess it’s ok). The difficult part I think for most people is to divorce that ability to eject the clowns, from one’s own ego investment. It’s very easy to fall into the “He is a clown because he doesn’t agree with me!” trap. Generally I think that enlightenment comes from being able to examine one’s own views “externally” if you will and probe them for weaknesses against what is being said by one’s adversary. Turns out that sometimes the other guy is right, but unfortunately most people are so ego invested in their own little world view that they simply don’t have the ability to see things from another point of view without it harming their ego and thus they always come to the conclusion that any adversity is a sign that one’s opponent is a moron.

        See it all the time in political discussions, for example. “My way or the highway” is not a sustainable intellectual stance.

        1. exactly. It takes a long time and practice; lots of practice to completely throw out your ego but if the other guy can’t do the same then there’s no point in even having a conversation. All the other guy wants to do is demonstrate a false bravado.

        2. If I live to 90 (and that’s a REALLY BIG if), I will still be looking to bang 18-29 y/os…as long as my SEP IRA holds out…

      2. Yeah, I mean I am not gonna shit on a guy for his own particular tastes, but he should know he is way on the outside here and should not be convincing anyone of anything lol.

        I picture that convo goin

        Dickhead: ewwwww
        Dickhead’s Friend: No really, the sex is amazing and my game is tight
        Dickhead: What’s her pussy taste like
        Dickhead’s friend: depends

        1. yeah really; that’s pretty darn close. It’s not unlike telling everyone that you’re a top notch chef because the regional manager of Burger King put you in charge of cooking the new Chipotle Habanero Melt.
          10 years ago any woman or girl drunkard was for the easy pickins’ but it would be delusional to claim we were Casanovas by any means. In the end it was easier for him to form an ego than face the reality.

    2. I agree with this. Your time is valuable and you have to make sure if the person you’re interacting with is worth it. It usually doesn’t take too long to figure out if a guy is full of shit or not as long as you’re paying attention.

                1. I think Zappa is a lot like Monty Python. He has like a billion fucking albums in his discography of which about 70% are totally fucking useless (like most of the flying circus) but the 30% that aren’t are simply freaking brilliant. I think most of the people I’ve met who didn’t like FZ simply started in the wrong place.

                  I would have to say that starting with a full album listen of Shiek Yerbouti and then a listen to

                  Over-Nite Sensation/Apostraphe (it’s a double album) is the quickest way into being a Zappa fan.

    3. “..ought to be with you either mocking them or talking down to them but never actually taking them seriously.”

      No. When you have made the observation they are fools or liars I tend to not even look at them when they speak. When they ask you a question or inject themselves into your conversation ignore them as if they aren’t there. The subtly sends the message.

      1. I have to say that I agree with you in all but one case. When the person is a fool or a liar, and I know many of them, it is often funny, for a while, to have a laugh at their expense. I have found that you should take your laughs where you can get them and when you recognize that someone you know is a clown you should milk it for all the entertainment value you can and then leave them and move on when they no longer offer you any amusement.

        Other than that, in all other cases what you say is correct.

        1. If you want to burn a few mintues and take the piss at their expense, I give you that it can be entertaining.

  4. Personal experience taught me that it’s actually good to be raised by a parent who’s a poor listener. It forces you to compress your thoughts into one or two sentences max, before he tunes out.

                    1. You mean like the rule to only use “your” for possessive while using “you’re” for “you are”?

            1. She’s all scrunched up there which is NOT an attractive pose, however in the movie (The Big Lebowski) she was pretty tight. WB without hesitation.

  5. Listen to everyone. It’s the easiest way to find out who the idiots are because they’ll essentially flat out tell you.

                1. That’s one of the movies that they couldnt make today.
                  All the of snowflakes would have a massive tantrum.
                  Look at how they are all portrayed in the movie, accurately that is.
                  Someo e should write a dissertation on the evolution of piven hairline and how that has changed as society has. And dovetail that with saved bu the bell somehow, it would be a masterpiece for the ages.

    1. I have a sentimental weakness for children, and I spoil them as you can
      see; they talk when they should listen.

      1. people under 20 wont be able to read that…or the bill of rights…the constitution…

          1. Not at all. They were all learned men with excellent handwriting, for their time period.

      2. You remember Geocities in it’s heyday?

        Some of the text/background/font combinations were absolutely horrible. Completely unreadable.

        Those same people.

      1. I saw the Revolution mobilizing on Saturday morning, a herd of landwhales and their signs leaving the organic food marker, lattes at the ready. I started to laugh but was distracted by some really nice strawberries which I took home.

        1. I saw it too. the funniest part is if you go around the bars on 2nd avenue. ALl the women who were out there chanting whatever about whatever were shitfaced and looking to be dicked down and choked out.

            1. I tried to point out to my ex wife that feminism is what got to her and aided in ruining our marriage. It fell on deaf ears and she blamed me again. Sometimes shit tests are made intentionally for men to fail regardless of answer.

                1. Yeah . I was also supposed to go to her brothers wedding but instead I took my mom to Cancun . She hated my mom which made that all the more sweeter

          1. I read a thread from a guy live-tweeting him and his buddies in NYC picking up (and putting down) pussy hatters late that night. It was pretty hilarious.

                1. There was a 70-year-old, balding woman in line in front of me yesterday. I noticed she had a Michael Koors bag and had the hardest time not bursting into laughter.

    1. I don’t think being a fag entitles one to officially be a gender traitor in the sense he’s trying to indicate.

    1. It’s kind of funny the irony, given as the Left’s default position these days mirrors the NS’s in many ways except nationalism. But they are blissfully unaware and mentioning it to them causes such cognitive dissonance that they get the vapors and pass out upon hearing it.

          1. when the war was over, the French had a walk of shame for their women who shacked up with german soldiers. pics are online

      1. Some funny trolling I’ve seen on Twitter is where someone will post some inspiring quote and get a lot of likes, retweets, and responses from Progressives.
        Afterwards, he’s reveal that the quote came from Hitler. Fucking hilarious to watch the lefties abandon ship as fast as they can.

        1. I’ve seen some reposts of those tweets, maybe even from you(?), they are Hit-larious!

        2. They did the same thing when Trump won Time’s Person Of The Year award. Started rattling on about Hilter won that same award so Trump was obviously a Nazi like Hitler.

          Until they were reminded that Obama also won it….twice.

          Lots of posts, tweets, and comments were all removed deleted very quickly.

            1. I’m pretty sure flying that low over a crowd like that would violate a whole lot of FAA regs. Plus the women seem to be waving instead of freaking out, flipping the bird, crying, throwing rocks, screaming, etc.

    2. Did you ever notice they never smear anyone with the slur of “communists?” Stalin, Mao, Pol Pott were some evil SOBs with 8 digit body counts, but never a peep about those paragons of the left.

              1. Yep, even more so with a very, very carefully staged photo shoot where nothing in the background suggests the poverty that is likely just a bit to the left of his shoulder out of camera view. These cartoons are utter hypocrites and he knows, for a fact, that he would not ever, once, for any reason, step outside of the fenced in resort where he’s at, even with an armed escort. I hate these kind of turds.

      1. Don’t be ridiculous, they dont have actual fruit in that shithole.
        They cut down all their trees and eat dirt cookies.
        Frankly, fresh fruit would be wasted on those savages.

        1. that pig is eating something and I guarantee you, he wouldn’t even touch mud unless he plans on rolling around in it. There’s fruit in that shit hole.

              1. Silly faggot, babies are for straight women.
                Trans fags like you can’t give birth.
                Besides, we’ve established that I came from a tree.

                1. you did not come from a tree . Trees do not cum moldy fruit like you. You were the result of an over active intestinal tract somewhere in India. Hate to break the news to you. Squash yourself before it’s too late.

            1. Funny thing, and true story, have you heard that there is a grapefruit blowjob technique. Yes, apparently there is a way for a woman to use a grapefruit during oral sex that is really fantastic.

              1. Yes. I think bem posted the video previously.
                Seems like it would be too sticky.
                Besides, a broad should be able to do the trick with hands and mouth.
                No accessories needed.
                Although, she should eat a grapefruit any other time of day

      1. until Thales tells us in the daily Haiti status, we won’t know if there’s been an improvement.

        1. I’m glad someone appreciates all the efforts I put into my daily Haiti updates. The supercomputers are still crunching all the numbers on the algorithm, but the update will be released soon.

      2. Naturally.
        What’s really funny is that its npr.
        The title is no joke or accident.
        The loony leftoids REALLY DONT want to hear how shitty Haiti is. The collective ear plugging and yada yada ing is both hilarious and a sign of how many people are committed to a narrative, no matter the truth of the matter. The power of brainwashing and delusion is very strong.
        Also, they don’t eat grapefruits

      3. Yes, but not cuba

        That kind of Government knows how to help business…to encourage it — the hotels here are bigger and swankier than any of the rug joints we’ve put in Vegas — and we can thank our friends in the Cuban government — which has put up half of the cash with the Teamsters on a dollar for dollar basis — has relaxed restrictions on imports. What I am saying now is we have what we have always needed — real partnership with the government.

        1. If only I could live to see it — to be therewith you. Uh, what I wouldn’t give for — twenty more years. Here we are protected — free to make our profits without the goddamn Justice Department and the FBI. Ninety miles away, partnership with a friendly
          government — ninety miles. It’s nothing. Just one small step, looking for a
          man that wants to be President of the United States — and having the cash to
          make it possible. WB, we’re bigger than the Dominican Republic

              1. I saw an interesting thing happen today. A troll was being banned by the mods, and rather than be banned, he he put a VPN on his computer to hide his IP from the MODS. He paid a monthly fee, and trolled some long time users in the process.

    1. well I challenge this committee — to produce any witness or evidence against. And if it do not — I hope they
      will have the decency to clear my name with the same publicity with which they have now besmirched it.

      1. They have shitty outhouses that when they get full, they just lock them.
        The people there really do not care.
        Spain paid over 2 million. For another treatment plant. The “workers ” abandoned it.
        They say turnover is high.
        Groids avoid work at all cost.
        They have to have sanitation education. To tell them that’s its not healthy to love in shit.
        They. Do. Not. Care. Animals. But then again most animals pick a small area to shit in, so as to leave the rest of the area for other uses.

  6. For the sake of being on topic so as to avoid getting banned:
    The first steps to listening is to stop then collaborate

          1. You talk about banning– is banning (g)Rapefruit gonna bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me? I forgo the banning of my (g)Rapefruit– But I have selfish reasons. My youngest son — was forced to leave this website, –because of this citrus business. All right — and I have to make arrangements to bring him back here safely — cleared of all these false charges. But I’m a superstitious man — and if some unlucky accident should befall him — if he should ge tscurvy from lack of vitamin C– or if he — should have an antioxidant deficiency — or if he’s struck by a bolt of lightning — then I’m going to blame some of the people in this room. And that, I do not forgive.

                    1. To collect slips, to deliver to…wait for it….

                      wait for it…..

                      Petticoat Junction…

  7. Daily Update: Despite Conan O’Brien’s desperate propaganda to convince us otherwise… Haiti is still a shithole, and chances are high that it will remain a shithole for the rest of the day, and likely well into tomorrow.

    1. Looks like the 1980’s based on the tie and hairstyle and his apparent age I’m thinking? She is *very* fetching, Jenner really threw away a lot just to be an attention whore, the stupid bastard.

      1. Its gonna get pretty goddamn bad. Probably all the other athletes will line up against us.
        That’s alright — this thing’s gotta happen every five years or so — ten years — helps to
        get rid of the bad blood.

      2. That goes to show you that a man should not throw away his personal freedoms, fishing, hunting, weightlifting, exercise, sports, lifting, in order to be with a woman, especially later on in life because if you do give up on those things, you age 3X faster and end up 3X more miserable.

    2. He was with her just to steal from her makeup case.

      Damn that girl is beautiful. There ain’t nuthin a hot red dress won’t make twice as nice.

    3. Ya know… bras are a hatecrime against tits. She’s on the right side of history.

  8. JNYX, not being a father I am wondering how this dynamic of listening plays out in that relationship. I assume you have a sentimental weakness for your children, and spoil them as I can see, they talk when they should listen

        1. You think that dude actually believes that he is gonna get more pussy doing that shit, or is he just doing what he is told and waiting to get the peg?

    1. I’m so glad that I don’t have any childhood photos of my sister and I posing with my dad wearing my mom’s bra. Disgrazia.

      1. Why do you think that’s the mom’s bra? That looks like the kind of dude that would have his own.

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