High Protein Dessert Recipe for Bodybuilders

For those of you trying to eat clean while putting on muscle mass, it can be hard not only getting enough calories and protein each day, but it can also be hard creating delicious meals and snacks.

Some forgo the taste of meals and focus simply on hitting their requirements each day (cold chicken, broccoli, and rice).  To be quite honest, I’m not one of those people.  I enjoy savoring my meals and become quickly discouraged eating cold, bland food.  If it works for you, great.  It don’t for me.

One thing that many guys struggle with is satisfying their sweet tooth without going overboard on the calories and carbs.  Simple sugar, be it from a donut or a banana, is incredibly addictive and one bite can send you into a feeding frenzy, especially if you’ve been trying to eat clean.

This leads me to a brief, but interesting conversation I had with a gentleman I follow on Twitter by the name of Ryan Stone.  He had either created or found online a high protein dessert and was kind enough to share the recipe.

The calories and protein levels will fluctuate based on the types of ingredients you use so I can really give you a good estimate on each serving size.  Fortunately, it’s nothing that you won’t be able to figure out yourself.

There’s Always Room for Jell-O

Yes, yes, cue the jokes and memes.  Go on and get it out of your system in the comments section, then scroll back up to here.

This recipe is incredibly simple, flexible, and takes only a few minutes to get everything mixed together.

Here’s what you will need for the basic recipe as described by Rian:

  • 0.5 cup hot water
  • 1.5 cups cold milk
  • 2 packages of unflavored gelatin
  • 4 scoops of chocolate whey protein
  • pinch of cayenne pepper
  • pinch of Chinese 5 Spice powder

Mix all the ingredients, except the water until everything is blended and then add the hot water.  Mix again, pour into a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and leave it in your fridge until it hardens.

If you have a blender, it makes the mixing process much easier.  I simply mixed everything, minus the hot water, in the blender, poured it into my bowl, added the hot water and gave it one more good stir.

How It Tasted

I was torn with this recipe.  The flavor was indeed pretty good.  It had a strong chocolate flavor and the milk gave it a creamy flavor, similar to chocolate milk.

That being said, I was not very fond of the texture.  It was a mix between Jell-O and chocolate pudding which didn’t jive well with my preferences.  Those of you who don’t care about texture so much will probably really like this recipe.

Variations

As soon as Rian provided the recipe, my mind began racing with possible tweaks and variations to this recipe.

The first thing that came to mind was adding in coffee to the recipe.  This could be accomplished in two ways:

  1. Add a scoop or two of instant coffee to the mix and proceed as normal.
  2. Replace the half cup of hot water with a half cup of hot coffee.

I imagine if you’re looking to cut out dairy and/or extra calories, you can also replace the milk with an alternative like almond or coconut milk.  If you take this route, leave a comment down below and let us know how it turns out.

In this same vein, if it isn’t already chocolaty enough, you could replace the regular milk with chocolate almond/coconut/milk.

Another variation is changing the flavor of whey protein you’re using.  Perhaps a chocolate/peanut butter or vanilla flavored powder is more your speed.  One that particularly interests me, though I’m not sure how it’d work in this Jell-O recipe is cinnamon roll flavored whey protein powder.

To REALLY change the recipe, you can go in another direction by replacing the milk with fruit juice and the chocolate whey protein with a strawberry flavored protein.  This would probably be more palatable to those who can’t shake the idea of consuming chocolate Jell-O.  Again, if you try this, leave your results down below.

Conclusion

I get it.  Eating clean while trying to build muscle is hard work.  Oftentimes you wind up cramming food down your gullet well after the point where it stops being satisfying and just becomes a chore.

At times like this, something that both satisfies your sweet tooth and is packed full of protein will make life a little bit easier for you.

So if you’re working on building muscle, be it for a competition of some sort or just because you’re tired of being weak and scrawny, remember the old saying…

 

Author: Jak

Jak, married and father of three, seeks to help the Red-Pill Community take its next step past the petty cynicism and ineffectual anger. While he recognizes that men are significantly handicapped by the modern legal system and culture, he doesn't accept that traditional marriage is untenable in today's social climate. Rather, men must be willing to adapt to this new world by implementing new tactics and approaches to maintaining a balance of power. Jak is here to provide you with these lessons.

649 thoughts on “High Protein Dessert Recipe for Bodybuilders”

    1. Estrogen stores in fat, and higher estrogen = lower testosterone. So basic fat loss will help a lot with boosting T in the sense of getting rid of the major hormone that blocks it.

      Getting shots that give you man tits and can quite possible exacerbate some kinds of cancer seems like a pretty bad idea. Let your body do what it needs to do naturally. As long as you don’t overdo it at the gym (like spend 8 hours a day there or whatever) then you’re going to get a net boost. Over training and being the proverbial gym rat that lives in the gym will have the opposite effect however.

      From WebMD: https://www.webmd.com/men/features/exercise-and-testosterone#2

      Endurance training and resistance training (such as weight lifting) both boost testosterone levels briefly, Schroeder says.

      Lifting weights or doing other strength-training workouts has a bigger effect on your testosterone, Schroeder says. He says the following strategies will give you an even bigger boost in testosterone from your strength training workouts, which is backed up by research.

      Use more muscles. (For instance, a full-body workout affects this hormone more than doing one exercise, such as biceps curls.)

      Lift heavier weights rather than doing many reps of light weights.

      Have shorter rest periods during your workout.

      Still, you should build an overall exercise plan that also includes cardio and flexibility training, so you’re helping your overall health.

      You can in fact do just basic things to make your T levels good, if you’re low T currently.

      See here: https://www.webmd.com/men/features/can-you-boost-testosterone-naturally#1

      Quick fix shortcuts rarely if ever work out for the best in the long run.

      1. I just checked one of those WebMD links you posted and got sidetracked on their site.
        Now I think I have cancer of the elbow because I sneezed last week!

        1. Diabetes of the Shoulder is a terrible thing bro. Watch out for that study, you don’t want to catch it!

          1. Putting “big” in front of something doesn’t make it necessarily evil though. Lots of “big pharma” have contributed to massive life extension and miracle cures undreamed of by our grandparents. There’s also some bullshit to come out of it too. It’s a mixed bag, to me.

            1. I know someone who works there. Lotta advertorials masquerading as objective journalism

              1. Sure, no question. I just try to avoid mass condemnation by using “Big (whatever)”. Usually it’s a mixed bag, like most things in life.

                  1. Government is not a private organization. I should have been clear, which I wasn’t. Government stands apart since we’re talking about the authorized use of force on the general population, which can in fact quickly go to awful extremes. But big phrama? Not so much.

                  1. Here, we agree. I don’t think we have to caveat that with “on a hot thin girl”, it’s assumed. Heh.

                    1. “I don’t think we have to caveat that with “on a hot thin girl”, it’s assumed”
                      Absolutely! “Muh big tiddiez” on a fat girl is like a super skinny scrawny guy with visible abs. Shit dont count

                    2. “Look at my big titties tee hee!”
                      “Well, you’ll have to move your arm flaps first….”

                      Ugh.

      2. I’ll give my anecdotal opinion on it. Im still pretty young so I don’t really worry about T levels too much (other than avoiding shit like soy and stuff) but as far as the heavy weight vs low weight high rep thing, I’ve found that the increase in rep range helped me shed bodyfat at a much quicker rate. Low bodyfat= less estrogen, plus more muscle mass combats that shit too.

        1. I don’t think it’s a one task fix. Shedding fat, yep, does exactly what you say and expending energy, lots of energy, burns fat, no question. The studies back up the heavy weight stuff though. That being said, I don’t think they’re saying everybody should be a Russian power lifter that looks like a beach ball, but rather, just do the heavier type weights kind of like I do where it’s not the absolute max, but heavy nevertheless. Dunno, I really need to read the actual studies instead of just summaries of them.

          A lot of estrogen comes from our water supply as well. A decent carbon filter will take out 80% of that shit right off the bat, and while not perfect, 80% less estrogen and estrogen like chemicals you ingest is a huge improvement over gulping The Pill Water raw.

          1. Can agree with how much better the water tastes with carbon filter. Have been using one for years. I actually fill a 2 gallon glass container with filtered water and leave it in my fridge. Cut up 3 lemons into it for flavor, tastes bomb.

            1. Nothing beats good filtered water, no question. My old house back in the ancient 1990’s had a water softener and filter system built into it. It drew off of a community well that had no EPA mandated chemicals in it either, so it was like drinking filtered, softened cave-man water. Fantastic water, just fantastic.

        2. anecdotal opinion is always a good one. After all, you aren’t writing a book you are getting bigger. Do what works for you. Turns out that what you are doing is what anyone with any actual experience in these things does and it works like a charm and has since Eugen Sandow or before. Too much bro science from keyboard warriors with no real life experience. The funny thing about the interwebs is it can make any idiot seem like they know what they are talking about so long as you don’t pay too close attention.

          1. I agree here so much. When I started seriously lifting, there was so much conflicting information that I honestly believe you NEED to find someone in person that knows their shit, and thats difficult enough. When I started everyone was still on the super heavy weight 5×5 powerlifting shit. Drink a gallon of milk a day, do 305 deadlifts x5 until you get 5 then do 310 etc. I got fat, and never progressed.

            Im not knocking powerlifting. If its your thing, then do you man, but for me it was a waste of time. Im not going to be a competition powerlifter. Hell, Im not going to be a competition bodybuilder. I want to be big, lean, strong and look like a Greek statue.

            1. Nothing wrong with that. Do what fits your goals. I just gravitate towards heavy because, well, I do, and it works for me. Nothing wrong with high rep either if it fulfills your needs. Powerlifting, like the guys who get seriously powerful, produces a not-so-optimal physique aesthetically, which is why I try to stay more towards the center of this curve than on the extreme end of it, but end of the day, the weight range I work with is a lot heavier than the average person because I’ve been lifting for decades now. Sitting in the gym 4-6 hours a day isn’t my gig either, honestly, unless I have very specific goals I’m trying to achieve, which right now, I don’t and probably never will given my age and active social life (extrovert). Like you, I’m not going in for competition stuff.

                1. I’ll check it out, thanks for the link. From the little that you said, that sounds pretty similar to what my current routine is and has been for a while. I’ll give it a read!

              1. they have incredibly strong cores. However, they usually eat for calories and not in a healthy way. If you need 20k calories in a day it is really hard to do with lean chicken. Also, powerlifting requires quite a lot of carbs at the high end of it.

                As it turns out, the top elite powerlifters are incredibly unhealthy and do not have a physique anyone would want. They are focused on a very specific thing, lifting 3-5 very speific lifts as heavy as possible.

                Unless you have some kind of compulsion to be a pro powerlifter, which I don’t really understand but that’s ok…no big deal…powerlifting in general is about the most unhealthy thing a person should do. Being a couch potato would get you into better shape.

                1. why would you need 20k a day when you just engage in quick bursts? seems like they know very little about nutrition? how much of that is just carbs?

                  1. because powerlifters don’t just engage in quick bursts. Like anyone who knows what they are doing in a gym they train for strength in the only way that actually works…with high reps. A guy like Eddie Hall who holds the world record deadlift will do hours of deadlifts at about 30-50x his 1RM.

                    The quick bursts they are famous for are what they do on stage.

                    The biggest difference between the pro powerlifter and the bodybuilder is diet, level of cardio and, more times than not, which steroids they are using.

                    1. wow, that is impressive and insane at the same time. so they pretty much just do clean and jerk, squat and deadlift?

                    2. power guys will rarely do clean and jerk. They will stick to squat, dead, OH Press, Bench….they avoid a lot of the isolation work that chisels the body the way body builders do…..But the big guys, the real pros who are out there competing with 1000+ pound squats and deadlifts are in the gym all fucking day building strength on reps and eating a ton of food.

                      It isn’t much different with, say, Phelps.
                      In his Olympic training mode phelps eats 12k calories a day and he is in a sport where being light helps unlike powerlifters so I assume he could eat plenty more.

                      Breakfast 3 fried egg and cheese sandwiches covered in mayo a five egg omelette a bowl of grits, three slices of french toast and three pancakes.

                      Lunch: 1 pound of pasta, two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread and 1000 calories of protein drinks

                      Dinner another pound of pasta, a full large pizza and another 1000 calories of protein drinks

                      This is for a guy who is so lean you can see through him.

                    3. I dont get it.
                      I always ate like this and steadily gained weight.

                      Its like when those diet shakes came out I said fuk that and got mine from Carvel for cheaper. Drank 4 a day and actually GAINED weight! WTF?

                    4. Phelps is a fucking freak of nature, though. His training regime is insane, and he’s burning through every one of those calories.

                    5. he is. The reason the power lifters eat so much is because they also have insane training regimens but gaining weight suits their very particular skill set more than loosing. Eddie Hall can’t afford to loose any weight but he is training just as hard as phelps so he needs to be in caloric excess whereas phelps is just trying to make sure he is properly fueled for the work.

                    6. Right. What kind of eating regimen are those guys on? Are they up in the 12k calorie level like Phelps?

                    7. Right, but swimming will do that to you, all of those top level swimmers look like mutants. Swimming burns like what, 3500 calories an hour or something like that? Fuck man, these guys swim for hours and hours each day, if they didn’t eat like that they’d be dead in three days, tops.

                1. Yuck. This is why I take the middle path, nobody wants to look like that, or be that unhealthy.

                2. Guy behind him looks like he’s about to start making love. He’s extra gentle with the reacharound.

                1. most horrifying vid ever was a powerlifter stuck in the squating position. he strained so hard he gave himself a prolapsed lower intestine(I think thats what its called). it was hanging outside his body, he couldnt feel anything either, he was just panciking…paramedics were called in

            2. It is like your brother said to you this morning “heavy low weight is just an excuse for old fat guys”

              You had me cracking up with that because after you said it I scanned the gym and sure enough…

                    1. While you read it you will see that a great deal of the philosophy I expound is right there and arnold wasn’t inventing it either..he was passing it on. IN a nutshell I am just reminding people of the thing that works and has always worked and telling them to look past bro science, lazy lifting and ego lifting.

      1. This reminds me of a great quote from House MD. That show was so hit or miss. Some episodes great and some terrible. This one was great. House and some other genius doctor are having a disagreement over a treatment.Cuddy is trying to tell them to just go figure it out and they say they can’t.

        Cuddy: Between the two of you have a combined IQ north of 300
        House: That’s also true of five morons

        1. He had some good quips. Went south when they tried to force a romance between that horse-faced clown and House.

          1. yeah. But there was always a one off good episode, even in the last season.

            The one episode where he has the break up and goes to a hotel to fuck hookers and do drugs for a few weeks was truly a brilliant one.

  1. My breakfast:

    Prepared the night before.
    -1/2 cup of oats
    protein powder (1 1/2 scoops)
    -full fat milk (at discretion)
    -yogurt 2 spoon fulls
    -fruit (banana, apple, kiwi, orange, or whatever you fancy)
    -honey (optional)

    Pour the oats into the mixing container then add the protein powder. Add a milk while slowly stirring the mix of oats and protein so to avoid dusty lumps of pp.
    As you reach the preferred viscosity add in the yogurt to give it more taste and texture and the chopped fruit of choice, then a dash of honey for sweetness.

    Put the mixture in the fridge to set overnight. The oats absorb most of milk, yogurt, protein powder mix.

    1. I workout in the morning fasted. Just finished now actually. I go for a pretty simple breakfast of 8 eggs, cup of spinach, 2 slices of bacon and 2 slices of whole wheat toast. Next month the toast disappears and I up the meat and eggs

      1. Jeez WB, that’s a lunch for breakfast. Then again you work out 2x a day.
        I can barely eat a whole breakfast let alone 8 eggs. How do you stomach 8 of them in the morning?

        1. Hahaha you should see my lunch today. 2 chicken breasts and 8 chicken legs, a cup of almonds and a 2 scoop protein shake with 2 tablespoons of almond butter in it

            1. One of these days I am going to put together the Corporate Caveman diet. I thought of it last year while sitting at my desk eating two whole chickens with my hands in a suit

        1. yeah, ill have 2 more with my steaks tonight too

          @boothe is the only other man I have ever met who has a full appreciation of the need to consume as many eggs as humanly possible

    2. That sounds pretty good man. My food intake is:
      Breakfast
      5 eggs
      2 scoops whey in coffee (tastes amazing)
      2 sausage links

      Lunch:
      2 hard boiled eggs
      12 oz protein (chicken/pork/beef)
      2 cups spinach
      1 scoop whey in water

      Dinner:
      Typically 8-10oz protein
      1 slice of wheat bread
      Broccoli

      1. What kind of why in the coffee? Flavor I mean. Never considered that before actually.

        1. I bought vanilla flavored whey. 2 scoops in my coffee and it not only dissolved it, but added flavor. I hate chocolate flavored whey but I could see a cookie and cream whey tasting pretty good too. But be warned, the caffeine/whey shit nuke that comes shortly after is brutal.

        2. Chocolate is th standard to mix in coffee although I bet the cinnamon roll flavor I mentioned in the article would taste good too

              1. I’d pay good cash money for that, without hesitation.

                In fact, why hasn’t this happened yet? You’d think that there’d be a huge market out there for coffee flavored whey?

                1. I smell a business opportunity. Fitness is huge right now, coffee is always in style. Monster already puts out a coffee/monster and a protein/monster blend. Im surprised the guys at ON or Muscle Milk haven’t jumped on this.

              2. Why isn’t this a thing?!?!
                And we call ourselves a civilized society!
                Coincidentally, J.Nyx, I now know our 2018 project…

                    1. “Hey Jak, what in the world is a buttfore?”
                      For pooping, silly.
                      I’ll get in my punchline one damn way or the other.

                    2. You better be careful kersey doesnt get a punch line to your shithole.
                      Next thing you know, you’ve got the aids.

        3. I tried to add a 1/2 scoop of vanilla whey and the whey clumps up in the coffee . Maybe there is a brand that dissolves but I haven’t found it.

                1. the waitresses just got dumped by their Chads at that hour of the day, perfect moment for Saving-a-Hoe.

                  1. Hooters really isn’t that much of a thing. Girls with tits, wow, never saw that before. I mean I’m all for pretty girls with nice titties, but they are out and about in the general public for all to see every day, at least during the warm months.

                    1. but you can walk into a Breastaraunt and pretend you’re a high roller wanting to save these girls from a life of serving hot wings and beer to customers wearing Affliction t shirts. …

                    2. Affliction shirts are still a thing? lol

                      Nah, they can save themselves, the last image I want to project is Captain Save-A-Ho.

                    1. there was a place down here called “all in the family”, known for its multi-generational ‘talent’ pool.

                    2. I understand that. After live sex acts on stage, the snake lady, ping pong balls and a multitude of other depravities some American chick grinding on a pole is tame in comparison.

                1. I haven’t been in one since I was 21. Last time I went was with my roommate. We ate 3 large plates of wings each and made it through 2-3 pitchers of beer each, before we called a taxi to take us back to the apartment. It wasn’t a fun night once we got back home…

          1. It’s the heat from the coffee that makes it clump. The trick with protein powder & coffee is to put the protein in the mug dry, then pour the hot coffee over it and immediately start stirring for about 1 minute – should be good to go.

            1. What I’ve done, and you have to be careful or risk burning yourself, is I put the coffee and whey in the blender.
              To keep the lid from popping off and burning your hand, press down on the lid and pulse the blender instead of just letting it run. Works great.

  2. Back in the college days, lentils were my best friend for easy and cheap protein source. Thank you for the recipe.

          1. its the frying of the bacon that makes it bad. frying meat is bad, so unless you bake it or boil it…

                1. I put it in the oven at full blast (500 for me). I preheat first and leave it there for about 20 minutes. Comes out great. When I want a little cheat treat i put a little honey on it

                1. I would think good. I really liked the forman grill i had except for cleanup. Apparently the new ones come apart so they are easier to wash, but I haven’t tried it out yet.

                    1. Sucks right?

                      On my next move when I have some more kitchen space I think i will try out one of the new ones where you can just slip the plates out and wash

              1. you lose the health benefits of olive oil when you heat it up to cook meats. better to drizzle it on after you bake it(I dont do this of course)
                I think the only earl that is healthy for frying is coconut oil and I cant make chicken francese with that

                1. I cook with it, but use olive oil and wine vinegar for the salad dressing. When we make pasta, I like to pour a little on the noodles once drained.

                2. I’ve been moving to butter for meats, but I still use it to saute vegetables. Gotta die from something…

                    1. burger recipe- get three meat pack used for meatballs. prosciutto, throw it in the blender. mix all 4 together. horseradish mustard. red onion. sour dough rolls

                    2. nice. DO you buy or make croutons.

                      Years ago I was friends with a couple..he was english she was french…and she said that all of the french disdain for american society can be boiled down to the simple fact that we purchase ready made croutons. Everything else is just nonsense. The crouton issue is at the real core of the problem

                3. Negative. Avocado oil is my new shit. No taste, better than olive oil (marginally but still), high smoke point and doesnt break down as quickly when heated.

                  1. I was in the olive oil business with @cheeseburgercheeseburger:disqus’s father, but that was a long time ago.

          2. There’s a lot of health in that greasy stuff.
            Bacon is a thing of the future. An’ if we don’t get a piece of that action, we risk everything we have; I mean not now, but ten years from now.

        1. Lettuce, guacamole, bacon, tomato, quail, quinoa, ice, peach, 2 shallots, and artichoke? That’s what I had for breakfast.

    1. Hey, @bem what’s with the food around here? A kid comes up to me in a white jacket, gives me a protein shaker, and uh, some whey powder, he says suppliments. Isay uh, uh, up sugared mints my ass, that’s a protein shaker with whey powder! Bring out the peppers and sausage.

  3. Heh, come over here, @jak, learn something. You never know, you might have to cook for twenty guys someday. You see, you start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic. Then you throw in some tomatoes, tomato paste, you fry it; ya make sure it doesn’t stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your sausage and your meatballs; eh?… And a little bit o’ wine. An’ a little bit o’ sugar, and that’s my trick.

        1. way more patience than I have. I would have to be in prison to focus on slicing it that thin without butchering my own fingertips.

          1. I’ll stick with a standard garlic press. I’m a huge fan of garlic, but I really don’t have the patience to slice like that either, lol.

            1. cheese graters work great on everything from onions, cilantro, garlic, peppers, lemon..you name it.

                    1. It sure does, but you have to crush it thoroughly and let it sit about 10 minutes in the air, to get maximum effect. Used to be called “Russian Penicillin”, and for good reason.

            2. I also don’t believe in presses. For years I paid my people extra so they
              wouldn’t do that kind of garlic
              But somebody comes to them and says, “I have a gadgets; if you put in
              three, four minutes, you could have enough garlic for three meals!
              So they can’t resist.

              I want to control these presses as a business, to keep it respectable
              I don’t want it them near restaurants — I don’t want it sold to children! That’s an infamnia.
              In my city, we would keep the traffic in the pale people — the merdicanne.
              They’re animals anyway, so let them lose their souls…

              1. I really am not in the loop on all of these guido-movie references. Funny for a while but I’m kind of looking for a bit more now, heh.

                Presses are fine for certain foods, not for others. One size fits all, rarely does.

                1. Guidos like most foreigners, including my own family, tend to embellish their culture. Presses and cheese graters work just fine.

                  1. Yeah, I know. It’s all about what you’re going to do with it.

                    1. exactly..there is always a shortcut. That’s how even the best restaurants can serve you a gourmet meal in less than 15 minutes after ordering.

                  1. Nah, it’s getting to be just thread filler at this point. Variety is the spice of life. Nothing against others doing it, I’m just kind of skipping over the guido-movie refs at this point though.

                    1. Switch to anything, just switch it up. It’s kind of aggravating in a way because it seems to start from post one on an article almost now, but I’m a grown adult and can move past them on my own without the help of others, so it’s not that big a deal.

                    2. GOJ, this way of doing things is over — it’s finished. Even @WB Fitness:disqus knows

                      that. I mean in five years, this Comments Section is going to be completely legitimate. Trust me. That’s all I can tell you about my business

                    3. @disqus_tj7gjZttfg:disqus this man does not understand Godfather. He reads the comments section at his own expense to aid his day in its time of trouble. He’s not under subpoena– and his reputation in his own country is impeccable.

                2. More?!? You lookin for more? What, do you thing we’re here to amuse you? Do we look like fuckin clowns?

                  1. that is because i am the only person who is in the overlap of the venn diagram consisting of a) people who use that word and b) people who can write

              2. Yeah, they take longer to wash than the time you would save processing 3 or 4 cloves. Best to crush with the flat of your blade, take the skin off, then mince

                1. Jim, in a topsy turvy world you remain a great voice of reason. Yes, this is the proper way to handle garlic. You give me hope that there is civilized life west of 10th ave

      1. dude I KNEW someone was gonna make that joke as we all grew up when Lethal Weapon 2 came out hahaha

          1. it was a weird 2-3 year period between Rooskies and Muslims when we had no existential threats, so they picked a country at random for new villains

        1. google only allows a max of 250 Cosby memes on the image search. the servers were heating up more than a bitcoin machine.

        1. I liked it quite a lot. Chuck is hit and miss and I think he misses far more often than hits but Snuff was a good one. About a porn star who is going to take the record for world’s biggest gangbang

    1. they never blame porn itself as the underlying reason for suicide. It will get worse because the pay is on par with escorting .

      1. Don’t many pornstars escort theirselves on the side since they can make more because of star power

        1. I rented this one, last year; Tiffany Brookes. She makes more escorting and showing up to do bottle service at clubs using her “fame” as a platform.

            1. She was the greatest piece of ass he ever had, and he had’em all over the world! And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive-oil voice, and guinea charm. And she runs off. She threw it all away just to make him look ridiculous! And a man in his position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous! Now you get the hell outta here! And if that gumbah tries any rough stuff, you tell him dickhead ain’t no band leader! Yeah, he heard that story….

                1. He didn’t break it. The band leader signed off on it for a certified check of 1000 dollars which was 10 cents on the dollar of the very generous offer he was presented with just the day before.

                    1. In the book it is the Don holding the gun. I always wondered why they changed it for the movie. The vast majority of the changes in the movie from the book were for the better but this one seems pointless.

                    2. The movie glossed over a lot which would have given the charachters more depth, of course the time factor wouldn’t allow it. Like how Brasi was recruited (and the baby in the furnace), the GF reaction of the movie producer being a pedo, the police captain etc.. Again, I read the book in jr. high (might have re-read in the army) and saw the movie a few years later when HBO became a thing.

                    3. Yeah, but a lot of the stuff they glossed over wasn’t really that important. Like living luca and the third trimester plus an hour furnace abortion out was fine by me. You know its something terrible. Only so much time. Same with McClusky coming from a family of crooked irish cops but feeling that his brand of crooked was ok. They also don’t do the 30% of the freaking book which is dedicated to Sonny’s huge dick and Lucy Mancini’s enormous Vagina. Still, this one always puzzled me.

                    4. Yeah, I actually like that backstory but I could see it being bulky in the movie. The Neri Backstory might have been a decent fit but to get to that the whole concept of buttonmen would have to be fleshed out and Paulie Gatto would need to be better explained etc etc etc

                      The thing is, for a large segment of the audience of that movie a lot of the things they were talking about simply made sense and the rest of the people either had to read the book, learn about the way it worked or just miss the inside bit.

                    5. I was going to mention Sonny’s infidelities, but I think it was alluded he had more than one piece on the side. Lucy, her vag and operation— yeah, didn’t get it either. I mean, who the f*ck cares.

                      One part of the book I wished they left in the movie, when the daughter complains to the Don and his wife about Carlo beating her and the Don saying he was not getting involved as it was between man and wife. She lambasted him, “have you ever hit momma?” He looked at his wife and turned back to her, “she have never given me a reason too.” And his wife satisfactorily nodded in agreement.

                    6. there was soooo much about lucy’s vadge and the operation. I was telling bem, the chapter that deals with the big reveal that lucy has a huge vagina is 30 pages. The chapter where sonny gets killed is 9.

                      That is a great line.

                      It is kinda repeated when Michael tells Kay she can never know about his business and Kay says “does your father ever trust your mother” and michael says “she earned it”

                    7. If Kay was a bit wiser, she might discover that Mike it doing her a favour. He is protecting her from possibly being charged with accessory to a crime in the future. But women don’t think that way.

                    8. She lambasted him, “have you ever hit momma?” He looked at his wife and
                      turned back to her, “she has never given me a reason too.” And his
                      wife satisfactorily nodded in agreement.

                      That stuck in my head.

                  1. Do you remember a guy who used to post in rok nAmes “tessio was always smarter”?
                    I bet he would enjoy all this.

                  1. Now listen to me, my Kraut-Mick friend. I’m going to make so much trouble for you that you wouldn’t believe!

            2. like any other hot chick, but I will say, quite friendly and actually hung out for 4 hour, fucked multiple times.

        1. and the women themselves saturated the market bringing the prices down. They could have made money by just not allowing internet videos to pop up without royalties but greed and quick cash did them in.

          1. Really I think porn should be more like diamonds, intentionally made scarce to bring up the value. Gawking over a porn flick with the guys at a bachelor party doesn’t even sound like it would be a thing anymore. Where is the coolness of flicks like Deep Throat or Debbie Does Dallas, are there any Jon Jeremys around?

            1. “Gawking over a porn flick with the guys at a bachelor party..”

              Forge it Jim. The last bachelor party I was at 3 ugly strippers showed up (late) and everyone took one look and went back to playing cards. In fact, they were asked to leave after 10 minutes.

              1. stripping has been replaced with “sugar babies” . We are returning to the basics again. Whoring seems easy, less time consuming and the payout is the same.

                  1. I tell you, it is so hard to get guys to do crazy stuff anymore. Once they started marrying off, everyone I know (including me) pretty much stopped doing crazy stuff outside. Yeah, I will take the kids sledding, rock climbing, or shoot at targets; but as far as burning a pile of firewood twice as high as you are, or driving on the bunny trails fast enough to break an axle, those are in the rear view mirror.

                    1. I hear you. When I recall the times my friends and I used to go “surfing” (stand on top of car on a straight country road doing 60 MPH) it’s hard to fanthom that doing donuts in an empty parking lot after it snowed with the kids has beome the main “excitement.”

                      A friend of mine has been talking of going to Alaska on a hunting/fishing trip for the last dozen years with me. I am fine with it, but told him if he keeps putting it off he will find both of us no longer being able to lift a rucksack and carry a rifle very far.

                    2. I’ve pretty much given up on my old High School friends. last time, I had this trip planned up to this mine, I even drove my pickup from Utah to Oregon so I had more clearance for the roads. I ended up taking their kids along with mine, hauling them in the back of my pickup. They had stuff to do. An extra $50 for gas so I could babysit for a day.

                    3. Hope you cut the bonds to those guys. When I go home we have a weekend of golf and beer mostly. One guy drives all the way from DC, but one simply won’t leave TN. I think his old lady had him nailed down.

                    4. I pretty much have. Maybe stop by for an hour when I go visit my folks. He has some hot daughters my oldest boy likes to hang out with while over there. Got to humor my son.

                    5. “Bb gun fights were fun.”
                      yeh – fukkin hilarious. I still have one lodged in my shoulder to remind me how much fun…..

                1. Sorry Jim, every time I see “cord of wood” I always tell this little anecdote.

                  One of my contractors who I did a lot of business with had a house up on K1 in vermont that he give to big clients to get away for a weekend. 8 bedrooms each with its own bathroom, game room with foosball and pool and darts, sauna, outdoor jacuzzi, full chefs kitchen, heated patio…really the freaking works. It was amazing.

                  So I go up there with some of my cousins and we have a blast up on the mountain. There is a fireplace that is so big you can walk into. Really beautiful thing. But there is no wood. So I call the guy and I say, hey man where is the wood for the fireplace.

                  Ok, whatever, out of wood sorry. There is a number on the refrigerator. Just call and tell them what you need and the address and they will charge the account. Great right?

                  So I call up the wood people and they ask me how much I want. Now what do I know from units of wood? So I ask him what a unit is and he says a cord. Now in NYC some apartments, including mine at the time, had small fireplaces and the little bodegas sell like 4 or 5 logs of wood tied together in twine (what i had assumed he meant by cord).

                  So I figure 4 should be enough. We are out most of the day and at the bars at night so 4 of those should last us like 3 days and I tell him I need 4 cords of wood.

                  We go out to a bar and hang out a bit. I don’t have to tell you what was on the freaking lawn when we got back. lol

                  1. You silly New Yorkians. Perhaps it’s my many years in Purchasing, but my immediate follow-up question would have been how much wood came in a cord if I didn’t already know for certain.

                    1. I never imagined that much firewood could possibly come in anything. Up on the farm my family chopped all their own wood so it wasn’t a matter of ordering it and in the city that amount of wood would not be practical as it is larger than the living room on even a nice apartment.

                  2. LOL 4 cord would be a pain to deal with on any level. That would be a lot for anyone to burn over the entire winter if all they had was wood heat.

                    That party I am talking about spawned this quote, “I’ve seen Cliffhanger three times, I can do this!” Dude got about fifteen feet up on this rock wall and fell. None of us could drive him to the hospital, so we wrapped him up in a sleeping bag and let him pass out in the back of a pickup.

      2. Hey man, if you ever have some broad stalking you after a deal gone bad, just hit me up and I’ll hit them up 😉

                  1. Funny thing about all this godfather stuff is brando turned down his Oscar award and sent some injun broad to lecture everyone.
                    He hated his own people and he sent a woman to speak for him.

                1. it is only counterfeiting if you try to replicate it (EXACTLY) and use it as legal tender in a lawful manner. Paying off a near-hooker or actual hooker does not count especially if there are markings indicating that the bills are fake. I have to be arrested by the Sheriff for paying a hooker in faux currency.

                    1. if you want to be real careful, keep your fingerprints off of it. I handle mine with latex food service gloves just to make sure.

    2. Looking at the top picture in the article, Olivia Lua looks like she is over the hill at 23. She would have looked like Lemmy Kimelster by 30.

    3. “I have suffered depression because of the way people view my job. That
      is the worst part of this job, the way people treat me because of what I
      do for a living.”

      Haven’t yet fully realized that other people have opinions. Derp.

    4. Gentlemen, let us all bow our heads in a moment of silence for these poor, unfortunate pieces of ass.

    5. Don’t worry @lattacku. These girls have no family — nobody knows that they worked here. It’ll be as if they never existed. All that’s left is
      our friendship.

    1. Word on the ground is that it’s still a shithole, however the official release isn’t due until later today.

        1. I’ve had to replace a half dozen of the vacuum tubes on the Shithole-a-Tron 9000 after the Conan O’Brien propaganda yesterday. I’m entering the punch-cards now, the calculations will begin shortly thereafter. I’ll post the results as soon as I make my way to the other end of the football-field sized warehouse where the Shithole-a-Tron 9000 is stored.

          1. […] as soon as I make my way to the other end of the football-field sized warehouse

            Get moving. Chop-chop! I have to know which shitholes to avoid today!

    2. Pretty sure checking out Haiti’s status everyday has infected Thales with aids. Too much exposure is bad for health.

      1. Thales has aids? Hope he stays positive. A positive mental attitude will get you through anything.

        Except aids. That will kill you.

          1. Doctors and insurance companies would agree. Being straight (and not a drug user) will inoculate you from aids.

              1. Tell *him* (or *her*). “A” = one person, not many.

                Yes, I am that much of a pedantic dickhole. Heh.

                  1. You know it’s one of my life goals to bring the language back from the damage inflicted by feminism. The use of “they/them” instead of the correct singular personal pronoun is always wrong and came about in most part out of a push by feminists to eliminate the original standard, which was “him” for singular subjects. For a while people would do “he/she” but that got tiresome quick (for good reason) and started defaulting to “them” when “he” or “she” was actually the correct personal pronoun to use.

                1. I attribute school shootings to feminism and the women in my social group flip the fuck out…

                    1. and they tell me that as a single dad I should only date single moms to which I respond.” I would never take a single mom seriously, I’d rather buy prostitutes.” … At the point, I am usually about to leave the party.

            1. Really the only way to get AIDS outside of behavioral actions from being gay or a drug user, is to get infected through an blood transfusion or get it from your mom as a baby in the womb. Everything else, you did it to yourself.

            2. Fucking mudsharks will get you, too. There is a much higher incidence of black dudes being gay and hiding it by having sexual relationships with females than among whites. And there is a much higher incidence of AIDS in the black community, too.

              1. If prison walls could talk. There is a double meaing to the term on “the down low,” but I think most don’t know that.

                  1. I don’t think the proportion of gay black men is any bigger than the aggregate of the rest of the population (2%), but they do make a larger proportion of incarcerated men (mostly coming from single mom homes) vs the population and prison will “effect behavior.” I will leave it at that.

                    1. The proportion of gay black men is slightly higher. What is significantly higher is the proportion of black men who engage in gay sex with other men, and who also engage in heterosexual sex with women to hide the fact that they are gay. Part of that is because the social stigma of being gay is much higher in the black community than in the white community, but there are a lot of other reasons, too. The fact that more black men engage in both gay and straight sex is one of the main reasons why AIDs is so much more prevalent in the black community, and why there is a higher rate of HIV+ black women than white women. Drug use is a big part of it, too, but so is this. There was an extensive medical study done on this, but the results were suppressed.

                    2. Higher rates of being gay or that black men will fuck anything that moves male, female, or primate

                1. I don’t want any more of that Shit. I know what you did inside. You did what you had to do. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking from now on, outside. I’m talking right here.

          1. they do violence in their, in their Grandmother’s
            neighborhoods. And everything with them is whores — whores! La vegana — junk dope! And they
            leave the gambling to last.

        1. Right.
          Like cool a zipperhead broad that kHow’s 7 ways to cook rice and dirt. Awesome.
          Plus she doesn’t know how to run any appliances.

        2. there is a poster on ROK who brags about “eating the leftovers” (wifing up a single mom) of other men in the Philippines.

  4. Anyone ever heard of the MAN Sports? A coworker let me try an ISO amino mix they have that tasted like Nerds candy. I looked them up and they make a bunch of flavored protein powder beyond your regular chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry

        1. Look, this shit ain’t easy. There is serious work that goes into these advanced formulaic mathematicalistic algebraic calculations and shit.

      1. of course he’s filthy he has to research Haiti on a daily basis. You don’t come out clean looking at that shithole.

        1. I put on 2 full-body condoms before entering the warehouse where the Shithole-a-Tron 9000 is housed.

  5. OT- noms for the best picture just announced. sleeper pick: “Get Out”. a horror movie about what happens when a blonde white woman brings her black bf home to meet her family. I wonder what the odds on it winning are right now…put $100 on it.
    Was a horror movie ever nominated before? “The Exorcist” I would imagine??

      1. that one. Exorcist. Apocalypse Now. cant think of any other horror flicks to be nominated

  6. Grapefruit is a healthy and excellent addition to anyone’s meal plan.

    Almond milk, chocolate if you like as I do, poured on some of that super organic cereal that has a bit of cinnamon flavor is a great sweet snack that pretty healthy for you. Just make sure the cereal has no soy.

  7. Looks like someone needs to come bust some caps up in this joint. And I’m your huckleberry. Racist, much?

                1. Totally. How long are we going to drag this out today before you fess up? Thinking an hour, maybe two?

                    1. Why can’t you men recognize the greatness of Haitian immigrants in this wonderful land of ours? I mean they’ve given us such wonderful things as…… well…… I mean………………………………

                      Boy, isn’t Trump a flaming white supremacist?

                    2. Jolly good show at feigning outrage….
                      unless you really mean it. If that’s the case,
                      might I suggest using more exclamation
                      points?
                      Now this is just my opinion, mind you.
                      Just don’t get too upset when things crash down
                      in your little fairy land.
                      Victory belongs to the bold and brave and
                      everything else is for naught.

                    3. I really feel like dancing today. Get my feet moving and such. You know…

                    4. You’re never going to forgive me for taking your cousin from you, are you?

                    5. Honestly, I feel great about them, and strongly believe that Butane is a bastard gas.

                1. I know you’re not in the muscle-end of the family, RB3, so I don’t want you to be scared. I want you to help the AKC, and I want you to help me.

                    1. Not at all , vaginal secretions are not as repulsive as you think. Think straight sometimes bro; stay on the straight and narrow once in a while.

                1. it couldn’t have been you, I missed my flight because my shit was not packed the night before.

                    1. my buns are meant for sitting not holding a hot dog in between them. Sorry to burst your bubble

    1. As I have said many, many times before… I can’t be racist cause I fucked a half PR chick once.

            1. Can’t be Kersey. Kersey has no sense of humor at all, and no ability to even pretend like he does.

              1. Person: Hey Kersey, Why did the chicken cross the road
                Kersey: Why are you questioning the motives of a peaceful chicken exercising his right to freely move from one side of the road to another? You are a racist.

              2. Yeah, that is what I’m thinking. Whoever he is, he must have been following for awhile, he knows who is who.

                    1. Sometimes, yeah. His mental sperg-ation may be spiraling further and further out of control.

                    2. Jynx or Jak need to setup a 1800 support hotline where we can encourage suicide in cases like these.

                    3. I’ll adjective the hell out a noun, pronoun, gerund… I don’t fucking care. I’m a wild man.

                    1. Are you calling the AKC readership dense? I’m sure if @recrop34:disqus starting piecing together the subtle clues I’ve been leaving in the comments section, he’d figure it out.

                    2. I might not be able to get it today. The biggest problem I’m having is if you add “on meth” to my candidates, they all kind of work.

                      Burning Hammer on meth.
                      Marcus Antonius on meth.

                      See?

              3. Yeah, I see it. Sometimes Kersey wants to be a comedian but all of his jokes come off flat and insulting.

  8. Alright you miscreants. I’m leaving the room to go hit the iron. Maybe I’ll come back, maybe I won’t. Just remember: I’m watching you all. Especially you filthy sub humans from southern Europe

  9. If you ever want to do a cool practical joke, boil about a quart of water, mix as much clear jello as can fit in (about 10 packets) then dump the mix into your friends toilet. If done right, the toilet water will set up and hopefully he will poo in there before he realizes what is going on.

      1. Some friends and I did it in my wife’s and roommates apt. back before we were seriously dating. A beta guy I was roommates with tipped them off before anyone used the toilet, then went and cleaned it up for them. All he had to do is poke a coathanger through it and flush a couple times. Totally ruined the joke though.

    1. That is good, but still doesn’t beat the upper deck when it comes to toilet pranks.

      More benign pranks I like

      Make a paper funnel and fill a hair dryer with baby powder. Did this to my sister years ago. Hilarious.

      Oh and the classic electrical tape holding the trigger of the hose in the sink.

      Then there is the entire gamut of practical jokes involving removing the shower head of someones shower and putting something there. This can be as benign as black soap or as cruel as dog poo.

      1. I remember an old book called Getting Even. One particular toilet prank was rubbing poison ivy extract on the toilet seat. Most of the pranks were cruel and/or illegal but man were they funny (to read).

  10. Saudi camel beauty festival: 12 entrants disqualified for Botox use

    In pursuit of the perfect pout, a dozen camels have been disqualified from a camel beauty pageant in Saudi Arabia for receiving Botox injections.

    What distinguishes a beautiful camel is not just its height, shape and the placement of its hump. A full, droopy lip and large features are essential to achieving camel celebrity-status in the multi-million dollar industry of camel pageantry.

    “They use Botox for the lips, the nose, the upper lips, the lower lips and even the jaw,” said Ali Al Mazrouei, 31, a regular attendee at Gulf festivals and son of a top Emirati breeder. “It makes the head more inflated so when the camel comes it’s like, ‘Oh look at how big is that head is. It has big lips, a big nose’.”

    https://www.thenational.ae/world/gcc/saudi-camel-beauty-festival-12-entrants-disqualified-for-botox-use-1.698068

      1. Yeah, but which event do you think results in more post-show bestiality — the dog show or the camel show?

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