What I Learned After 15 Months With My Girlfriend

holding hands

After more than 15 months in a serious relationship with one woman, I have made a couple of reflections along the highway, and summarized them in a number of key points that together paint a picture of what all that means.

Since relationships come with a limited one-sample-only, it would be misguided to draw any general conclusions. Nevertheless, the principles which I have discerned are to be regarded as relatively stable components, and thus worth sharing to a larger audience than my inner thoughts.

Manifold readers of A King’s Castle are much more experienced than I am in this respect, and I do not intend to teach basic principles to mature married men. However, there are plenty of guys who dwell in an intermediate phase between responsible manhood and juvenile jollification  – while looking for a real life partner – and they may find something of particular relevance here. The rest of you may have an insight into a guy in his early 30s who currently transitions into LTR.

There Are Always Pros and Cons

Coming from a backpacker, academic and part-time PUA background, I highly value my own time, space, and freedom. Needless to say, these things have to be partly or completely curtailed if a LTR is supposed to work.

I was actually “allowed” to travel to Malta on my own for a few days last spring, but that was after the first five months, and my girlfriend was much more hesitant to allow me to do the same when I suggested to travel to Japan and visit a friend not long ago. That may never happen without her.

On the other hand we can travel together, which is predominantly fun although it may cause minor misfortunes, like altercations and annoyance. Further, I do not have to hunt for a girl and have someone to share my memories with.

As much as I like doing things on my own, meeting new people and contemplating, there are also those moments when being alone is not so joyful to be honest. A typical weekend is spent with my girlfriend, occasionally meeting other people, while a regular  single man in his 30s may have at least one day of semi-awkward loneliness. It’s a balance but overall I prefer the weekends together with my girlfriend.

As for my other hobbies, such as reading, writing, and lifting, they are rarely in opposition to our common goals and shared time. Since she works it is likely that our schedules will be partly incongruent, leading to significant me-time.

The Vast Majority of Women Have Their Strengths AND Weaknesses

Another aspect that has to be emphasized, is that the majority of women have their particular strengths and weaknesses. Like many other men, I value beauty, personality, and behavior. I’m blessed with having found a very slim and attractive young woman, with a semi-traditional inclination, and who is kind and generally behaves very well. For instance, she does not fish for online compliments like many other contemporaries and dislikes feminist ideal that do not overlap with common sense.

On the other hand she is very jealous – in an almost childish way – and can create minor drama over nothing. Some may then say AWALT (All Women Are Like That) but I have seen and experienced young women who are much more laid back in this regard. But likely these women have other, more significant flaws and do not even care, because they are less serious and do not even consider to have a child with their current boyfriend.

The important thing is that a girl brings net value to your life (and vice versa) and that the negative sides are not overwhelming. Moreover, that she likewise is serious about a shared future.

Compromises and Negotiation Are Part of the Entire Deal

Furthermore, compromises are always part of the deal. That can mean many different things, including to let her speak her mind, decide on at least minor decisions (and the major decisions are almost always mutual), discern unwritten rules that work for both parties, and find an intermediate ground as a third option in regards to some situations.

For instance, I am not allowed to have any interactions with the opposite sex if those are not in a strict business context, family-related, or a few female friends that I rarely see. Good news for our relationship is that I do not want to have any female friends anyway, at least not meet and hang out with them on a regular basis, so that is not causing us any harm or problem. Correspondingly, she has similar rules to abide by.

As for other questionable behaviors that may be a consequence of my latent semi-player nature, it is crucial that I do not show any kind of sign of flirtatious modes when I am with her. Not that I am flirting much when I am alone, but I may at least occasionally look at a few girls and have eye contact.

I am also allowed to write and read about what I want, but of course she does not appreciate pictures of pretty women, stories from the past and so on, but I have explained that she should not dig too deep into that. Further, I have also emphasized that I am mainly concerned about politics, culture and philosophy, and that earlier  experiences are mainly shared with the purpose of helping other guys (so that they one day can be as happy as I am with a pretty young woman like her). Works pretty well. Especially since she is not really reading literature, and consume culture that is generally of much lower value. It’s difficult to point the finger when I am in the middle of a Hemingway novel.

“Alpha” and “Beta” Traits Must Balance Each Other

When a man attracts women in the modern age it is largely about looks, confidence and determination. Ones does also need a significant degree of the so-called dark triad/tetrad traits, like narcissism and Machiavellianism.

However, these must be balanced with “brighter” traits such as conscientiousness and agreeableness. You must show that you are reliable, kind, want to do stuff together (like the traveling that I mentioned above, but also weekend activities like dining out), and showcase sound moral values.

Some of the dark elements must, on the other hand, continue to be manifested within the frames of the relationship. Frame is not very different from the hybrid between a lion and a fox that Machiavelli mentions in The Prince. I am not implying that you should manipulate your partner, but frame does not come spontaneously; it is rather a manifestation of experience, cunning, and internal control.

Another phenomenon, which may transcend personality psychology is to, frankly speaking, bang your partner both frequently and good. As long as you do that at least 5 times a week she will love you even more. If you also do have a lower body fat level it may be icing on the cake in regards to physical attraction. A girl admires a man that a significant amount of other females may want to sleep with if they had the chance.

Conclusion

The future is far from guaranteed, but these 15 months have been important and majorly positive, and I hope that if I stick to a concept that seems to work then it may turn out into something more long-lasting. Hopefully some other men in similar situations can gain some insight or share their own thoughts on the matter.

32 thoughts on “What I Learned After 15 Months With My Girlfriend”

  1. Girlfriends are sometimes overrated that’s why you should carefully select who you go into a LTR with!

  2. I think the part you said you didn’t want female friends is a good decision in a man’s life. Being friends with females brought nothing of value to my life. All they did was ranting and venting.

  3. “On the other hand we can travel together, which is predominantly fun”

    – That’s a big plus. When I had the 2nd Korean SB/GF, we used to go on nice vacations together. Really miss that. I don’t miss all the other crap though, like the sob stories & begging for more $$$.

    “For instance, she does not fish for online compliments like many other contemporaries”

    – That is great. Especially if she is attractive. A girl I used to ‘see’ (a model who escorts part time) posts cutesie-pie pictures on instagram with her dog and around her house (yeah, she still lives with her parents), making herself look so innocent. You can’t believe the compliments she gets from all the beta cucks who follow her. These are guys who will never get within 100 miles of her poontang, yet they are figuratively kissing her ass online. Morons. They don’t even know they are worshiping a hooker. It’s no wonder she has such an crazy sense of entitlement and over inflated self worth, even for a BPD nutjob escort. She turned 30 last August. I don’t see her anymore.

    “On the other hand she is very jealous – in an almost childish way – and can create minor drama over nothing.”

    – I can see where that can get annoying, but doesn’t this mean that she is really into you? I would love to have a beautiful girl be jealous over me. But that may be “grass is always greener” type of thing.

    “When a man attracts women in the modern age it is largely about looks, confidence and determination”

    – Well, looks/musculature/athleticism leads to confidence, and confidence that you will succeed leads to having the determination to continue on until you do succeed.
    And since looks/physicality are mainly genetic, it all comes down to the males who do well in the gene lottery. For those of us who do not, there is plan B…make as much $$$ as you can and use that to get laid.

    1. The online attention-whoring is really a scourge. It happens within all the formerly male circles. Girls pick up a passing interest in video games or guns and a billion basic dudes cream their pants over them. Instahoe “gun bunnies” who photograph themselves doing things that any guy would get laughed out of town for.

      1. Yes, it’s truly ridiculous. And like you say, its “basic dudes” lapping up this pablum, not just nerdy “Poindexter” types. So many idiots out there. These are the same type of guys who immerse themselves in spectator sports and fantasy leagues. Anything to get away from Big Bertha aka wifey, I suppose.

        1. Yeah, usually doughy average dudes with receding hairlines constantly puffing themselves up on social media to look macho just to escape their mediocre reality.

    2. Jealousy can go either way. She may just be that into you or she cheats/has cheated in the past and is hamstering her flaws onto you

      1. Good point.
        I’ve only ever had 2 women (both were SB/GFs) show jealousy towards me. One was a deceitful lunatic.
        The other was the oldest I have ever “dated” since I turned 40 — only 7 years younger than me. She actually treated me very well, doing things like cooking for me on the weekend so I would have 5 meals during the week, and doing laundry when she came over. But she was just too old for me.

        I would love to have had, at some point in my life, a stunning young girl be crazy jealous over me. Just not in the cards, I guess.

    1. Hehe. Yes, it’s not very likely that most wifes would do that. I actually met a British guy in his mid-40s who was allowed to travel around in Sri Lanka for the first time. But again, that’s not a poosy paradise, and he was a bit out of shape and seemed to genuinely be interested and wildlife and sightseeing and nothing else.

  4. Good article. Sounds like you found a good girl. Couple of things to think about if your looking to beyond LTR to marriage kids etc.

    How does she handle stress? She hold her shit together or go straight to a bottle of wine if shit doesnt go her way?

    How is she with kids? She have neices or nephews to interact with? She want nothing to do with them or do you have to pry them away from her when its time to go?

    How is her family dynamic? Parents still together? She get along with them or she cant even make it to the car before shes bitching?

    Im a little jaded because i got fucked over on my choice of woman. Hope it works out for ya.

    1. Thank you. I may have to reflect more on that but she predominantly has all the major positive traits, both culturally and personality-wise. Drinking selectively and moderately whenever it oocurs.

  5. Sounds like you found a decent girl. Maintain your friendships with your nontoxic male friends. No need to go overboard but dedicate one evening a month at least. Otherwise you will wake up one day and realize you are p-whipped

  6. Of you can, and even if you think you can’t, have a bunch of kids. 3 at least.
    Its very important.
    And make sure your family eats enough grapefruit, its good for you.

    1. Grapefruit good. I eat one every day when in season.
      Kiddies bad. Very, very bad. Would rather have brain, stomach, and testicle cancer all at the same time then even one kid.

  7. Way, way, way off topic…just a nice memory from when I was a freshman in high school. God, she was such a doll…

    1. As a young bem, I was very into her in “Grease”, particularity after she transformed into a slut at the end.

  8. Just remember your dignity– and hers. Don’t compromise your honor or her reputation, and your relationship will stay healthy. It’s essential.

    1. I get like that after too much cheap booze as well.
      What are you drinking tonight?
      I’m alternating between Old Crow and Fairbanks Sherry.
      But I’ll be up at 5:20 AM for my pushups & stuff…

        1. It’s good for you!

          But not all of it.
          The mudshark here looks like the one in that movie “Breakin'”…

Comments are closed.