The 3 Basic Rules of Sparring


My recent life has been inundated with all things martial arts as I prepare for my testing.  I figure since my mind is naturally wandering through this jungle, I will offer some tidbits of information that may be useful to others.

Today I am going to cover the original rules I was taught about sparring.  I’m not talking about rules designed to keep people safe such as no eye gouges, groin shots, or biting, but rather some simple concepts to improve your sparring and quite possibly your ability to defend yourself should the need ever arrive.

Finally, if time permits and I have a personal opinion on the concept, I may try to offer -what I believe- an improved version of the rule.

Rule#1 – Don’t Get Hit

Seems pretty simple, no?  Yes, this rule is quite laughable at first glance, but anyone who’s been to a dojo and watched beginners spar know exactly why we have this rule.

The new students are so overwhelmed by all the techniques and options available to them, they suffer from a form of analysis paralysis and remain stationary.  Yes, they’ll throw some kicks and punches here and there, but they’ll freeze and take any strikes coming their way.

The fix?  Don’t get hit!

I’ve instructed students who didn’t even realize they were being kicked or punched after a sparring match because they were so focused on what they were doing that what their sparring partner was doing didn’t even register.

Over time this rule morphed into a new phrase “Don’t get touched.”  This was deemed necessary as we had many students thinking they were clever by claiming they weren’t hit because they had either blocked an attack or positioned themselves so the strike hit a non-scoring area like the shoulder  or forearm.

I’m sure most of you can see the simple problem with this…

They’re still being hit!

Blocking a strike or taking the hit on another part of your body is still being hit.  It’s going to damage your body although possibly less so than if you took the attack square to the face, hence the changing of the rule to “Don’t get touched.”

It is my humble opinion that both rules are a bit too simplistic, thus forcing a mindset that may not be suitable in the long run.  Yes, these rules are good for beginners because it hammers in the concept of evasion, but as it is in most things, too many people take this lesson as Gospel and never think outside the boundaries of this rule.

To that end, my “improved” version of this rule is:

You decide when, where, and how contact will be initiated.

Rule#2 – Move!

Going back to Rule#1: How do you not get hit?  You move!

Mobility in both sparring and self-defense is king.   If you are mobile, you are able to evade strikes or simply run from the fight to safety.

Coming from a Taekwondo background, we highly prize speed and footwork.  Mobility comes more naturally to us than say, a BJJ fighter.  That being said, this is something every person should work on, regardless of what style they study.

Focus on your stance as you spar.  Can you move quickly in any direction?  Are you standing on the balls of your feet?  Can you throw strikes from either foot or hand without the need for repositioning your stance beforehand?

I don’t really have a suggested revision for this rule.  I like the meaning behind it and the lessons it imparts.

Rule#3 – Keep Your Options Open

This rule is the king of the 3 basic rules.  It simply means, do not put yourself in a stance, position, or situation where all but one option is cut off to you.

This is a large reason why I take issue with BJJ fighters and their willingness to take all their fights to the ground as quickly as possible.  Yes, I understand you operate best on the ground.  I won’t dispute that.

What I will dispute is the fact that you’ve cut off ALL options except to grapple with the other person.  This may seem all well and good until that guy’s buddy jumps in.  Suddenly the situation has changed and you cannot adapt with it because you’re all tangled up on the ground (See how that also ties into Rule#2?).

Another example of this rule being applied is not to take deep stances that limit the strikes you can perform or decrease your mobility.  Stay upright, stay relaxed, and stay mobile.  Be able to adapt to the situation.


These are the 3 basic rules of sparring.  By no means are they meant to be comprehensive or the end-all-be-all of sparring, but if followed, they will provide some great value to martial artists of nearly every level in improving their sparring and self-defense training.

Author: Jak

Jak, married and father of three, seeks to help the Red-Pill Community take its next step past the petty cynicism and ineffectual anger. While he recognizes that men are significantly handicapped by the modern legal system and culture, he doesn't accept that traditional marriage is untenable in today's social climate. Rather, men must be willing to adapt to this new world by implementing new tactics and approaches to maintaining a balance of power. Jak is here to provide you with these lessons.

391 thoughts on “The 3 Basic Rules of Sparring”

  1. “You decide when, where, and how contact will be initiated.”

    This sounds like California’s new sexual consent law.

        1. Hey, whataya gonna do, nice MMA boy, eh? Didn’t want to get mixed up in the UFC, huh? Now you wanna SPAR a professional fighter, why, because he slapped ya in the face a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the McDojo, where you HAI-YA them a mile away? You’ve gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you kick their brains all over your nice Tiger Schulman Gi. Come’re…

          1. In the book the woman here had a chapter dedicated to her and her surgery about a loose vagina as far as I remember.

          2. How can you tell if a Russian couple have been together to long? When they are watching a porno together and after 10 minutes of silience:
            Husband: Who choose the wallpaper for that shithole? It’s hidious.
            Wife: And those curtains. Is the bitch blind?!

            1. You just unwittingly proved the “Russian Collusion” – the Russian dude and Trump both said “shithole”.

              Get that to Mueller, stat.

          3. Acting family head and that’s the best he can do???
            He should have gone to see one of Tattaglia’s girls.

            I wouldn’t bang her with Bea Arthur’s dick.

    1. I told my sparring partner that I did not consent to being kicked in the face. She called me a pussy and I was kicked out of the class.

      1. They obviously misunderstood and thought you said you’d consent to her sitting on your face.

        Good thing they didn’t call the cops on you.

    1. With Roosh’s recent decent into irrelevance, the “AKC” may be his next stop for picking up “bitches”.

      1. The training is nothing. The will to take control is everything. Your friend trusted this site, its logic…he thought he could understand the trolls and could simply give them what they wanted. Your friend did not understand the forces of trolling – unstoppable, unpredictable. Beyond criticism.

    1. I’ve noticed that as time has passed, more and more people in real life that I talk to seem to be drifting over to the “bitch deserved it” side.

      1. The only woman I ever hit was my ex wife. At first my mother reproached me for doing so then after I went into detail about the evil she brewed in my home, she now says I was completely justified in giving her a bloody lip.

          1. she said during counseling that every woman should be treated like a queen. after 9 years of being divorced the only thing I noticed about her lately is that she eats like a king.

        1. Don’t kid yourself– she either got wet when you did it, or later when she was thinking about it.

            1. I’m guessing that she couldn’t forgive you for actually being the man she wanted and couldn’t accept herself for wanting you. So, flameout.

      2. If I understand correctly, the bitch in question herself drifted so far to the “bitch deserved it” side that she married Ray (or stayed married to this day).

    1. Indeed. Every single effort available, up to and including swallowing your pride and losing a bit of face, should be taken to avoid violence if at all possible. The physical ramifications alone should be enough to dissuade tough guys because turns out, getting punched in the face for real, or knifed in the gut, really, really sucks. It’s not playground 10 year old stuff where your bones are still made of rubber and you can’t really punch that hard; grown men fighting do some terrible damage that can leave a lasting, crippling effect on all parties. Throw in the legal aspects that you’ll face and there is no sane reason at all, ever, to engage in violence except when there is literally no other recourse.

        1. Turns out, no.

          He’s a clown. Hell, if he were saying “GOJ, I have a large posse of hot 22 year old chicks that I’m showing up in Miami with, come on down on the 7th to Racist Restaurant with me and I’ll set you up with 4 of them on the first day” it’s not like I could actually just stop my life, buy a *really* overpriced airplane ticket (because last minute flights are really expensive) and just show up on a dime. Dude is utterly delusional.

          With all that being said, I now am able to check the box off my list where I get challenged to an actual duel. So there is that.

            1. Wait a minute. I’m talking about a troll, that’s mixed up in AIDS. I’m
              talking about a dishonest troll — a crooked troll who deletes his accounts and
              gets what’s coming to him. That’s a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the
              payroll, don’t we, Iattcku?

      1. not to mention street fights have two many unpredictable variables to it. You could think you are just fighting one guy then get a suckerpunch from one of his buddies

              1. Hey, I remember when getting hit with a garbage can meant something. Fucking things were made of metal and had jagged or rusted edges more often than not aside from being heavy.

      2. I remember a popular guy in high school , 1990, named Joe, who was built like a body builder and won every fight he was in. He was also known as the guy who chased down every driver that cut him off on the road and beat the fuck out of the culprit. One day , after we all graduated and went our separate ways, he did the same thing after an older man cut him off. The older man did not want to lose face so he pulled a gun out of his glove compartment and shot Joe dead . Joe died in 1992 at the age of 20. You may win and you may be a bad ass but when you least expect it , someone you fight may not want to lose no matter the costs involved.

        1. Yep. And the only thing the old man had to say to get him off of any legal liability is “I felt my life was in danger” and now Joe is dead and the guy that killed him is retiring to someplace tropical to drink fruity drinks.

          1. Plus I’m sure Joe had a record, even if it wasn’t an official one. Cops know about guys like Joe even if they never arrest him.

            1. Even Joe had parents, I’d see them at the supermarket every now and then and you couldn’t help but feel for their loss regardless of how much of a prick he might have been.

            2. I love our self defense laws. Some lady from out of state was staying at a motel. Some guy broke in her hotel room when she was there, and she shot him dead. She went before a grand jury in literally record time (I think maybe 2 days?) and used the words I posted above, and the grand jury released her and she was free to go. The way it should be. Troublemakers need to think long and hard these days before strutting around trying to harm others.

              1. Would have been even better if the prosecutor realized he needn’t convene a grand jury, but a just and proper outcome nonetheless..

                1. There are always dickhead prosecutors. They make a living not bringing people to justice, but by getting as many convictions as possible, so they’re going to haul you to a grand jury for spitting on the sidewalk if they can make it happen.

                  1. In some cases, like when my ex shot a serial rapist, they will put you in front of a grand jury to clear you completely. This keeps the assailant’s family from being able to bring a civil suit against you in some states.

              2. I couldn’t imagine living in one of those states that make you retreat, warn the bad guy, and only use “necessary” force.

        2. Well — now he’s dead. He’s dead, @disqus_e5hyuZuRQ6:disqus , and nothing can bring him back. So you gotta talk to Sonny, you gotta talk to the caporegimes, that Tessio and that Fat Clemenza.

          1. They want to arrange a meeting between me and Barzini. On Tessio’s webhosted GoTo or Zoom, where I’ll be safe.

                1. He’s actually said he doesn’t, the producers back in his early popularity forced him into that goth-crybaby routine.

                  Also he’s a big mofo with a lot of experience making tough-guys stop laughing at his lipstick and black nail polish… maybe.

      3. This. Unless you have someone with you that you need to protect, run. You might be an elite level boxer but it doesn’t matter if you are against 10 people or they have a gun, knife etc.

    2. I didn’t know it was gonna be a hit Murdoc– I swear to god I didn’t know it was going to be a hit. Jak bumped into me in the martial arts studio — and he said that he wanted to talk — he said that you and — and —
      ROTH were in on a — a — big Spar together. And that there was something in it for me if I’d help ’em out.
      He said that — he said that — you were bein’ tough in the sparring. But if they could get a little help —
      and close the deal fast — it’d be good for the family.

  2. You talk about sparring — is sparring gonna bring your son back to you? Or
    my boy to me? I forgo sparring with my son, but I have selfish reasons. My youngest son was forced to leave this country because of this martial arts business. And I have to make arrangements to bring
    him back here safely, with his nuts intact. But I’m a superstitious man —
    and if some unlucky accident should befall him — if he should get kicked in the head by @Jak:disqus or if he, should not keep moving –or if he doesn’t keep his options open – then I’m going to blame some of the
    people in this comments section

    And that, I do not forgive.

  3. Before any sparring match in class or even at a tournament , its a good idea to eat a grapefruit

    1. It is incumbent on any street fighter to coat his fists with grapefruit juice. The acid will blind his opponents when he hits them in the face, and cause terrible pain on open wounds, that gives him the edge in the fight. Grapefruits save lives, it’s just as simple as that.

      1. I like to drink grapefruit juice more than I used to — anyway, I’m drinking more…

        (holy crap – this is actually true!!)

  4. If you practice striking keep your hands up at all costs. And if you are sparring with a smaller opponent, be careful of overhands. I agree with the part that body shots are still hits, I once got kicked in the solar plexus. Nasty nasty feeling.

    1. In my line of sparring, many people like to reach out to “block” kicks that would have never touched them to begin with. It’s a strange phenomenon and I’m not sure why people do that. Maybe something instinctual about touching the thing striking you so you feel in control. In any event, this had to be explained that while you were “blocking” the kick, you were also increasing the risk of getting injured from 0 to some percentage above zero.
      To illustrate this point further, a guy in our organization was sparring at a tournament one time and blocked a kick with his forearm doing the same kind of reaching out and tapping the kick thing I described above. The kick wasn’t even that hard but it wound up breaking his arm.

      1. “..many people like to reach out to “block” kicks that would have never touched them to begin with.”

        I injured my hand doing just that. I stepped in to block the kick which was a stupid reaction which I didn’t even think about.

        1. It was a habit I had to break myself of as well. Would probably still do it if I didn’t devote 10+ years to competitive sparring.

      1. We should play this game back.

        Use electricity? You’re appropriating white culture.
        Air conditioning or central heat? You’re appropriating white culture.
        Drive a car? You’re appropriating white culture.
        Use any form of modern medicine? You’re appropriating white culture.
        Wear blue jeans? You’re appropriating white culture.
        Use the English language or any other European language? You’re appropriating white culture.

        The list could go on. For days.

          1. They’ve been taught self hatred from the cradle forward. The literally know nothing else, so they are acting according to their training.

            Some manage to escape this kind of thing, but it’s become pretty standard in culture now to teach whites, and only whites, self hatred. It’s part of entertainment and accepted as normal.

            1. I really do think this SJW, white hatred has more sinister intentions and comes from a single source with ca$h. It is like 99% of the people in this world realize that whites have a fantastic and honorable ancestry but there is some groups who want to pounce on that admiration. That behavior is bearing fruit as we see Western Europe being cucked ever more.

            2. I agree that whites are taught self hatred but I disagree that they are the only group that is taught that.

              1. I don’t see a lot of self hate being taught elsewhere, but of course full disclosure, I’m not a minority so I may not see what others are seeing.

                1. It’s like murdoc said self hate is more taught in the black community. The problem with the media is that the black people it promotes tend to be the bad stereotype

              2. I think with whites, teaching self hatred has been sort of institutionalized and popularized. Self-hatred that blacks are taught seems like it comes from family and community. Worst part about the latter is it pretty much becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

                  1. Yeah, I read that last night. I’m actually a little surprised the community didn’t take swifter action, either by removing their children from the schools or recalling the district board members. I can’t imagine letting this drag on like they have.

          2. They have been brainwashed.
            While not a complete cure, grapefruit can help reverse brainwashing.

          3. Thats my experience as well. Mostly white suburban kids with no fucking real experience and a sprinkle of middle class non-whites.

          4. That’s exactly what it is. Everything is a zero-sum game to them. If you appreciate your own culture, it means you hate other cultures. If someone makes more money, it means it was taken away from someone else.

            Doesn’t make any sense.

        1. This raises an interesting question. As I have neither air conditioning nor central heat, does this mean I’m NOT white?

          1. Do you use electricity? I’m betting “yes” because, you know, you’re posting here.

          2. Of course not.

            Plenty o’crackers living in trailers with neither, maybe just a fan if Wallmart had one on clearance before it closed.

        2. I had a coworker years ago who looked like Malcolm X, even wore the same style glasses. He was one of the biggest racists I have ever met. He was constantly harassing me about white oppression. One day I told him to boycott everything white northern European. To only buy African cars, stereos, refrigerators and the like. He pondered that for a while and never spoke to me again.

          1. “even wore the same style glasses
            ah yes….the “Educated Brother”……
            I remember the type from college, sitting up front, wasting everyone’s time with distracting, irrelevant, and inflammatory questions,
            and then dropping the class shortly after mid-terms.

          2. The mold they’re trying to beat us into fitting is interesting to me.

            Like your own culture – you’re racist
            Like another culture – you’re a racist because you appropriate it because of privilege
            Hate your own culture – you’re still a racist because it’s systematic and you are part of the system

            So basically, you have no choice about being a racist if you’re white. Which I guess, hey, ok, fine. If I’m going to be one regardless, might as well be the fun kind that doesn’t give a shit and calls people racial slurs whenever and wherever he wants, I figure. What are they going to do, call me racist-ist-istier?

              1. Oh, right, I know. I just find it interesting that basically their marching orders are to ensure that whites are devoid of any cultural references or commonalities. Like they’re trying to atomize us, which itself is a form of dividing. And then, the conquering I assume comes afterward. Seems to have worked in many parts of Europe after all.

            1. No more! Not this time, GOJ, no more words, no more discussions,
              no more SJW tricks. You give’em one message: I want Sanity – if not,
              it’s all out war – we go to the mattresses…

          3. Fair play, but from what i can tell the africans have it down pat when it comes to wearing pajams as normal clothes. Them africans look so freaking comfortable

      2. I also don’t believe in cultural appropriation. For years I paid my people extra so they wouldn’t do that kind of business. —- Somebody comes to them and says, “I have foods; if you put up three, four thousand dollar investment in Churros– we can make fifty thousand distributing.” So they can’t resist. I want to control it as a business, to keep it respectable I don’t want it taught in schools — I don’t want salsa dancing taught to children! That’s an infamia. In my city, we would keep the traffic in the stoners — the hippies. They’re animals anyway, so let them lose their souls…

            1. Come over here, kid, learn something. You never know, you might have to cook
              for twenty trolls someday. You see, you start out with a little bit of grapefruit juice. Then
              you fry some grapefruit. Then you throw in some grapefruit, spam paste, you fry it; ya make sure it doesn’t stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your spam and your
              spam balls; heh?…

              And a little bit o’ grapfruite juice. An’ a little bit o’ spam,
              and that’s my trick.

      3. That’s really funny to me. Indians are of the same Indo-European origin as white people, so we all come from the same stock. Yoga dates back thousands of years ago and thus we might even be said to have taken part in its invention depending on when you place the Hindudes into a different category.

  5. I got to the hotel late last night and had a couple of beers before going to bed and started a conversation with the bar maid. She (Greek, short, plump WNB) has been in country a year and followed her boy friend over. She said she wanted to have children and mentioned she was 40. I told her “I don’t mean to be cruel, but it’s too late. That window has closed. You should have been looking for a husband in your 20s because a womans fertility drops radically after 35. If you are not pregnaent now, you probably never will be.”

    She took one step back and said, “thats exactly what my mother said.” And then she started crying.

    I tipped her heavy and went to bed feeling like a heel.

          1. I’m not going back to that serving woman. I brought business elsewhere and said goodbye to her. I want you to know that I’m very happy for Galt. I suppose that I always knew he was to smart to let any of them get away with their delusions

    1. Well, you did her (and her boyfriend) a favor, really. Next time you can soften it up a bit, though, by offering a solution. In this case, mentioning lots of kids need adopting and permanent homes might have worked.

    2. I told that to 43 year Palestinian woman I went out with for a week. She argued with me until she turned blue stating that Jennifer Lopez can have kids at 40 and so can we. I ran faster than an actual deadbeat dad.

      1. She apparently fails to understand that J. Lo is either a) a genetic anomoly in that regard, b) has taken really good care of herself and/or c) took lots of meds to help her conceive.

          1. I think it’s most likely B and C. J. Lo, from as far as I can tell, has always been in pretty good shape meaning she cares about her health.

          2. I think there might have been some Star Trek species that evolved naturally to inseminate cacti. Judgement: Plausible to likely.

      2. Sure, all she’d have to do is gather as many resources as JLo has at her disposal, go to a wide array of highly expensive medical specialists at great personal cost, and then get something implanted in a way that almost entirely avoids any resemblance to traditional conception. Oh, and she needs to keep herself in top physical condition, like JLo, as well.

        Women: so easily deluded

        1. Yup another shitty export from hollywood. Women think they can be just like the stars who have a child at 40. Reinforces their selfish lifestyles and make them think they can settle at 40 still have a kids.

          1. I can’t wait to see some 105-lb feminist with purple hair get her ass beaten by a 220-lb thug in the hood because she thinks she can beat his ass after watching Black Widow and other Hollywood chick-ninjas, and taking three and a half Krav Maga classes.

                  1. thankfully, how to take a load in the face without flinching while flicking a tongue on the glans is taught, nation wide, in all 8th grade classes now

                    1. would this be the first case of gay segregation from the general population? I would hope so.

                    2. These are wonderful things that girls now achieve in high school– and there’s no limit to where we can go from here. These kind of sluts knows
                      how to help penises…to encourage them — the facials here are bigger and messier than any of the girls took in the decades before Brittney Spears– and we can thank our friends in the movie and music industry — which has put up half of the
                      cash with the Porn people on a dollar for dollar basis — has relaxed restrictions on imports. What I am saying
                      now is we have what we have always needed — an entire generation of girls who get to state schools all over the country and already know to flick their tongue on the glans and not to flinch during facials.

                    3. If only I could be young enough to see it — to be there
                      with you. Uh, what I wouldn’t give for — twenty fewer years…..

                1. Oh, oh Thales. Thales you are blind. It wasn’t a miscarriage — it was an abortion. An abortion Thales. Just like our godfather trolling is an abortion. Something that’s unholy and evil. I didn’t want JFKs son — I wouldn’t bring another one of his sons into this world. It was an abortion Thales. It
                  was a son Son, a son and I had it killed — .because this must all end.

                  I know now that it’s over now — I knew it then — there would be no way Thales– no way JFK could
                  ever forgive me. Not with this Boston Democrat thing that’s been going on for 2000 years

                  1. Norman Mailer alleged that she had 12 abortions by the time she was 29. So I figured there were at least 10 more he didn’t know about, because AWALT.

            1. Like the chick who got punched in the face after saying she was going to take 100 scalps at that rally.

              1. That is just wrong. Slut shaming at its worst. If she was going to suck 100 dicks that is her business. Wait, “taking scalps” is slang for sucking dicks right?

              2. I think you’re talking about “Moldy-Locks”. The dude that hit her obviously drew the punch, but the look on her face was priceless. So much for “equality”, huh?

                1. Yeah that chick. I could just watch that on repeat. Everyone has a plan right up until they are punched in the mouth.

            2. You’d be hard pressed to find a 105lb feminist, with any color of hair– except for a handful of old ones who look like chewed, hardened Juicy Fruit gum.

        2. she’s now got a boyfriend with 2 kids already. I can;t wait until I see their Fakebook status change when he gets the same line of questioning or maybe he’s beta enough to do it…

        3. I think quite a few of those celebrities are neglecting to mention donor eggs from younger women along with the cancer risk associated with that procedure. They just want trophy children.

    3. Yup especially if you want a decent sized family. My wife was 23 when we married now she is 38 and we are at six. Time goes fast.

    4. that came out of your mouth after only two Coors Light? I’d hate to see you after two harvey wallbangers

      look at the rats abandoning the sinking ship:

      1. It’s been a long week and I wasn’t going to entertain some middle aged woman’s delusion.
        Their credibility is shot and even some on the left are signalling they need to put the brakes on the crazy train. I also think the GOP will retain both sides of congress.

        1. If the left keeps progressing down the crazy train at the rate they’re going since Trump was elected, the GOP will rule Congress for the next decade easy. My father in law, who wasn’t a Trump fan to begin with (really couldn’t stand the guy) is now rooting for him because he’s seeing just how rabid the left is becoming.

          1. I wasn’t on the Trump bandwagon at first (Cruz), but I know what the Clintons are and was willing to give Don a shot. He has my full support now. The left has dropped the mask and you are getting a full view of the lying, totalitarian scum they are that only some of us recognized in the past. They have nothing to lose now.

  6. UPDATE: So it took a couple days for the hamsters to recover from all that coke and whoring. Then I had to rebuild the Shithole-A-Tron 9000 after all the destruction they wrought (found two more dead hamster whores — little bastards are brutal). But the little hamster teamster fucks got all surly and pissy because I had them on half-rations to make up for all the damage. They started this little underground hamster fight club. I don’t know all the details, the fuckers absolutely would not talk about hamster fight club. Now all they do is gather in groups and watch as a pair of them beat on each other with their little hamster fists, and try to choke each other out with their tails. Savage little bastards.

    Oh, and Haiti is still a shithole.

      1. I’m still waiting on Special K to tell us what Haitian mud cookies taste like. I’m sure a guy like him is eating his wife’s mud cookies two or three times a day.

        1. Are you sure “Hatian mud cookie” isn’t just the way locals refer to “tossing salad?” Special K knows, either way.

    1. This county’s had shitholes for the last fifty
      years — it’s in their blood, believe me, I know. I’ve been coming here since
      the 20’s. We were running dirt cookies out of Port Au Prince when you were a baby , the
      trucks, owned by your father.

    2. Hamsters don’t have tails, you must be confusing them with gerbils, buddy, but live and let live…

      And right, Haiti is an eternal shithole.

    1. All right. Hon: you go to the school, you learn, you talk for a while, you take recess. You make them relax. Then you get up and you go take a leak. No — better still — you ask for permission to go. Then when you come back, you come out blastin’, and don’t take any chances — two shots in the head apiece.

  7. WB Fitness and I have mulled the fighting thing over in the past. I am stealing his line, because he said he would consider it a personal failure if he got into a fight. I concur 100%! I too would consider it to be a personal failure. Anything short of a home invasion would mean I had slipped on situational awareness, gone somewhere I shouldn’t have or failed to appear to be a hard target.

    But in the event that it became unavoidable, I would consider it an even bigger failure if I got hit, kicked, cut or shot. Not letting your opponent touch you is truly sound advice. Staying upright, mobile and unpredictable is essential. And, as Lee Morrison teaches, if you see it going down, strike first, strike hard and don’t quit until the threat is neutralized. Once you have accomplished that get the hell out of the area! As the old saying goes: I would rather be tried by twelve than carried by six.

    1. Whereas on the other hand, Lee Majors teaches that if you see it going down, you do a straight hop fifty feet into the air, land, and then run away at upwards of 60mph.

    1. Give it some time, Kersey had is mental masturbatory fantasy. It will be a little while before he shows up again.

      1. Jim-anuch! Hey, a hundred quotin; men on the street twenty-four hours a day;
        that fool shows one hair on his ass, he’s trolled!

  8. I believe in Sparring. Sparring has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the Sparing fashion. I gave her boxing gloves, but — I taught her never to dishonor her dojo. She found a sparing partner; a boxer, not an MMA type. She went to the gym with him; she stayed out late. I didn’t protest. Two months ago, he took her for a fight, with another boyfriend. They made her try boxing. And then they tried to fight her. She resisted. She kept to her martial arts training and challenged them to spar. So they beat her, like an animal. When I went to the hospital, her nose was a’broken. Her jaw was a’shattered, held together by wire. She couldn’t even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life — beautiful girl. Now she will never spar again. I — I went to the sensei, like a good martial artist. These two boys were brought to trial. The Sensei sentenced them to three years in MMA training– suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They went free that very day to go back to boxing! I stood in the dojo like a fool. And those two bastard, they smiled at me.

  9. Funny rant from a mate of mine about surburban millennials. We were in the army about the same time and he comes from some former old steel town near Pittsburgh. Long story short, he got into medicine years ago and currently works in the ER at hospital in swank part of town and they are currntly overlowing with flu patients. He said he is disgusted with the pill popping helicopter moms dragging their grown sons into the ER for treatment. He said, “the worst one was a 35 year old dude who was brought in by his mom and he was carrying a pillow. I just cold stared this dipshit and wondered if his balls ever dropped.”


    1. She must have more than a sentimental weakness for her children to spoil them so they regress when they should grow.

    2. Sort of an opposite story from me. I had to go to the urgent care clinic the other day (this girl was on my jock so hard, I had to get her lips surgically removed from my nuts, but I digress). Anyway, I’m watching this little kid, about 7 years old probably, and he has this little Hot Wheels monster truck that he’s playing with. He’s running it all around everywhere. His mom and his grandmom are there with him, but they are both absolutely glued to their phones, no idea what is going on around them.

      This kid is running his little truck all over everything, and everybody. All along the blanket of the guy coughing up a lung. Down the cast on the girl’s leg. Over on the head of some other little kid with snot coming all down his nose. Everybody is getting pissed, trying to shoo this kid away and get his parents attention to rein him in.

      But the kid keeps on rolling his truck everywhere. And I keep watching, because I know exactly what’s going to happen.

      Kid starts rolling the truck all over the floor, through all the dirt and grime tracked in and out by all the people. All along the seats and tables where sick people have been in and out all day long. Kid even rolls the truck into the bathroom, and I can hear him in there “zoooooom, zooooooom”ing it all over the place.

      You could drop an atomic bomb on Mom and Grandmom, and they wouldn’t noticed, as they have not looked up from their iPhones once since they sat down.

      Kids zoooooms the truck back out of the bathroom. All along the pants’ leg of some Haitian immigrant with the Black Plague. Down the arm of some dude who is literally still bleeding from a cut on his head. Across the trash can filled with 64 used Kleenexes. All over the water fountain used by 52 sick people.

      And then he stops — and this is it, this is the moment I have been waiting for, this is the moment he is going to do it.

      He pops the old Hot Wheels monster truck right into his mouth and starts sucking on it.

      And I vomit all over the place.

      1. The kid just had too many visitors. They interfered with hospital service.
        The police made them leave about ten minutes ago.

      2. seem to recall a recent FB posting where the poster claimed the mom was oblivious to the fact her kid was licking the seats on the subway train

      3. …and then the kid’s eyes light up and he stares at the yak puddle; you guessed it, now the truck is a motorboat, yay!

      4. Hope you are feeling better Thales.

        I knew a guy who had the flu and simply camped out on the couch to ride it out. After 3 days of not moving, his wife made him get in the car and drove him to the hospital. It was pneumonia. Doc said if he waited another 24 hours he would have been to far gone to help.

        My friend’s observation was made in an upscale neighborhood hospital and he is simply venting about the full pussification of those young men. He, correctly I might add, identifies their mothers and cuck fathers for it.

  10. OT: The State of Our Uniom is AWALT

    A Democratic congresswoman was caught on camera playing Candy Crush during Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

    Michigan Rep. Brenda Lawrence tapped her way through the game on her iPhone while Donald Trump was speaking about revamping America’s international trade posture.

    New Jersey Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman was reading responses to her tweet about the president’s alleged ‘white nationalism’ while he talked.

    And Ohio Rep. Joyce Beatty was inspecting a proposed press release reacting to the speech – while it was barely a third of the way through.

    1. I’m okay with the playing Candy Crush thing. Would you rather she be sitting there thinking up new laws to inflict upon us?

      1. Are you talking about the release of the memo? I have a suspicion the memo probably really isn’t as big a deal as they are making it out to be. But it will be fun to see the freaking out on both sides regardless.

                  1. Yea they went home and sat in a hot bath opened up their veins and bleed to death..
                    And sometimes had a little party before they did it.

      1. I don’t think I even want to know. Oddly enough, the Special K appearance probably actually helped the non-troll post numbers.

        1. See, this is why I don’t want to post it. Because then *everyone* will hate me, not just the grapefruit.

            1. 144 WB Fitness
              84 bem
              77 Ainigmaris Thales
              72 GhostOfJefferson
              58 dckhead_con_artist
              41 Jak
              40 Jim Johnson
              32 John Galt
              32 Murdoc34
              30 cheeseburgercheeseburger
              23 J.Nyx
              18 Iattacku
              18 The Champion
              16 (g)Rapefruit
              15 Thefourhorstmann
              12 Consolation_of_Philosophy
              11 JumpnJive
              11 Mr. Kersey
              6 Boothe
              6 Cynic In Chief
              5 AutomaticSlim
              5 Lou Skunt
              4 jammyjaybird
              4 Stoic Nihilist
              3 UWOTM8
              2 iBooB
              2 UnreconstructedConfederate
              1 B1k3_Ch41N
              1 Gundog
              1 Old Goat

              1. I feel good about third. I’m thinking a good 50-75% of WB and bem’s shit was just recycled GF crap, so I think I actually won.

              2. really hope your buxom secretary compiled that list and not you.
                no way I made 30 GF references….

                1. An old word counting script I had lying around. There were two things that were actually small bits of work. One was a quick pre-processing step to remove the special characters in GOJ’s name, which is why they don’t appear in the list above. The second was it was only meant to count the number of words, but the name of the user a post is in reply to appears on the same line as the person making the post. Just added a condition once a match was found on a line, stop processing the line. Took a good three or four minutes.

              1. You should double check your doctor’s diploma and shit. I don’t think he’s actually “treating” you for AIDS after all. He may be giving you AIDS,..

                1. well he treats me in the back of the Subres Grill, so that would make sense. tip: dont use groupon to visit your AIDS doctor

                    1. I wanna try asian-haitian fusion. dont know anything about haiti cuisine, but i got a hankerin’ for chicken pad thai now

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