Let’s face reality, we live in a world with an overabundance of nice guys. Nice guys, unlike the adjective to describe them, are actually anything but nice. They are often manipulative, passive-aggressive, and miserable.
But how can this be? They’re…nice, aren’t they? How can these “nice guys” not only be the exact opposite, but become even worse the harder they try?
In his book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr Robert Glover exposes the ugly truth of the nice guy syndrome and why these misguided men, who work so hard to please everyone and protect their nice guy reputation, fail in spectacular fashion.
What Is A Nice Guy?
The symptoms of a nice guy are varied, but they all stem back to a single underlying cause: the desire to be accepted and loved.
This can be applied to any relationship, but today we’re only going to focus on how the nice guy syndrome manifests itself in a marriage (we are a site focused on marriage and fatherhood after all).
Nice guys, typically due to issues that stem way back to childhood, strive to live the perfect marriage, even if it’s a complete farce. A nice guy will do whatever it takes to please their wife in an attempt to win her love and affection. Oftentimes, this has the exact opposite effect as the wife will no longer respect him. The harder he tries, the less she respects him and the cycle continues to spiral downward.
Below is a list of a few nice guy traits and tactics. Take a moment to read through them and see if you’ve ever been guilty of any of these. I’m willing to bet most men have at least one point in their lives.
- Covert Contracts – Doing nice things for your wife with the unspoken assumption that she will do something for you.
- Overly-Accommodating – Giving in to every request or demand your wife makes, regardless of how it affects you.
- Losing Yourself – Dropping hobbies you enjoy or friendships in order to spend more time with your wife.
- Dishonesty – Telling lies because that’s what you think your wife wants to hear.
- Approval Seeking – Bases his self-worth on how others view him.
- Insecure – Is jealous, possessive, clingy, or afraid that his wife will leave him.
This is just a short preview of a much larger list of nice guy symptoms. While most guys will scoff at this list, thinking they have never done any of them in their lives, I can guarantee that we are all guilty of at least some of them, even if not to the extreme.
Dr. Glover explains in great detail not only the symptoms of the typical nice guy, but also gives real life accounts of men who he has worked with and helped turn their lives around. He emphasizes the importance of embracing your masculinity and removing the notion that it is toxic or barbaric.
More so, he stresses the importance of being around other men who will support you, yet hold you accountable for your shortcomings. On a personal note, this is something the 31 Days To Masculinity program, founded by Hunter Drew at The Family Alpha excels at, but I will cover that further another day.
One point that stood out to me in this book is the fact that many men give up their friendships and hobbies in an attempt to make their wives happy. Does that sound familiar? If you read my series on the 12 Levels of Dread, it should. Men need to have a life outside their wife, preferably something where they’re interacting with other men. We need that camaraderie.
For those of us who have been in the Red Pill Community for a while, a lot of what is discussed will come across as common sense, but I would still urge you to read this book as it covers many issues and every man can gain some valuable insights. You might not have as steep of a learning curve as a true nice guy, but it’s still definitely worth a read. Hell, after you read No More Mr. Nice Guy, give your nice guy friend the book! Pay it forward and save a life.