Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
It’s time for another installment in the 48 Laws of
Power Marriage series. This time we’re focusing on a law that most men intrinsically know, but often ignore, especially when our own emotions begin to get amped up.
Today, we’re covering Law 9 and why it is a common tripping point for many men.
Law 9: Win Through Your Actions – Never Through Argument
For all you men who are married or are in LTR, how many times have you found yourself balls deep in an argument with your wife/girlfriend over a trivial issue? If you are like me, probably more times that you care to admit. After the fireworks, you’re left scratching your head and wondering why she raised such a big stink over the problem to begin with.
Well today I’m going to let you in on some secrets that will not only make your life easier, but allow you to effectively exert your masculine influence around the house with minimal fuss on the part of your wife, but first we must answer the question “Why do women stir up arguments over everything?” It all really boils down to two simple reasons…
She’s Shit-Testing You
Have you ever been working on a project around the house, say finishing a garage, when you’re wife decides to interject? Things were going swimmingly. You were making good progress, the area was shaping up nicely, and then she comes in and starts nit-picking some minute detail. It’s incredibly tempting to get defensive about your work and engage her, but this is the wrong approach.
Instead, a better approach is to largely ignore her and continue about your work. If she becomes to distracting, stop what you’re doing, stare at her intently and say “Do you mind? I’m trying to work here.”
Most of the time, they’ll get the hint you’re not going to fall for the bait and leave you alone. If she keeps at it, immediately drop what you’re doing and tell her to do it herself. This puts you in a win-win situation. She either shuts up and lets you work in peace or she finishes the work herself while you enjoy a cold beer.
She Wants to Pick a Fight
We’ve talked about this before, but women crave the emotional rollercoaster. They don’t care if the ride is going up or down so long as it’s moving – the faster, the better. While I think the shit-test explanation is probably the most predominant reason women start fights over trivial matters, this one takes a close second.
While she’ll initiate shit tests to gauge whether you’re displaying masculine attributes, she’ll pick fights simply for her entertainment. For us men, however, rarely is this process entertaining. If she starts a tiff over a small problem, you can squelch most of her concerns with the simple response “I’ll take care of it.” There will likely be some follow-up jabs towards your ego, but remain firm in your convictions and follow through with what you promised. Don’t take the bait and don’t get into an argument. It’ll do nothing but waste your time and energy.
The conclusion to this law of marriage is simple and straightforward. If you find yourself arguing with your wife or kids over any trivial problem, then you’ve conceded to their frame. When you find yourself being pulled into such instances, take a breath, step back from the exchange, tell them what it is you are going to do, then go do it.
The short term effects might be some pushback, but the long-term reward will be the respect of your family.