Do you guys know that couple that are always doing something together? You rarely ever see them apart and they tend to engage in all the same activities together. Last weekend I witnessed a couple like this. The guy a legit hard working guy and his fiance a good mom, but they have a flaw; they feel the need to spend every free second together. This is commonplace for many married couples I see, and in my opinion, it leads to a boring, miserable existence. Today I’ll go over why this is toxic to you, your wife, and your relationship and what you can do about it.
My wife and I met very young, her 18 me 21. In the beginning we were pretty damn young and having kids at that point in life wasn’t something we planned, but it happened. Back then we had the juvenile thinking that we had to spend all our time together. Luckily 3 kids and a career later, we know better, but you still see people treating their marriage and even adult relationships like that of a teenager. Here’s my view on why its toxic:
If you spend every waking moment together, you have nothing to talk about. No stories to retell. No insights or news to bring. You end up sharing “friends” and every event you either feel like a tag along or feel like you have one.
Not only that, but these guys are the ones typically bitching and complaining to their wives about every fucking thing. I have to tell you one hard truth; they don’t give a fuck about your problems. This took me a little while to get but your woman is not the one to lament problems to. Save it for the pool hall or car meetup with your friends. Your guy friends will give you shit and advice at the same time I’ve found. Your wife will begin to resent you if you bring nothing but problems to her.
Lastly, you feel confined and stagnant. I see many guys who look to their wives for approval before accepting an invitation or setting up an event. I think it’s a good gesture to at least let your wife know if you’re going out with your guy friends, but you shouldn’t feel the need to “ask” approval.
I’ll be blunt, the only way to fix this is to make time for yourself. You need time away from being dad and husband to clear your head and do your own thing. Your wife needs time with her friends (in a reasonable, acceptable manner.) Being cooped up together all the time is going to make you resent each other. I’ve seen it a ton of times.
Some guys are so stuck with their wives in control, that saying “Im going to ride ATVs with my buddies” may result in an argument. I’d say if you’re that far gone, you need to brush up on theory a bit. Still, just let her know you’re doing whatever it is you want, and that its important to you. As long as you aren’t sacrificing your obligations or duties, who the fuck cares?
In the end, a married couple is something that requires to working parts to make whole. If either or both of you aren’t operating the way you should, then it wont work. Time together is great, but you need time for yourself to grow, to reflect, and to just relax.