Hypergamy and Assholes

For most men just learning about the Red Pill, they often come across two key principles that a lot of other principles are built upon:

  • Women are hypergamous, meaning they will search for a mate that’s a higher perceived status than they are, or “marrying up.”
  • Women dig men who are assholes.

Many blue pill men out there take umbrage to these rules, especially the second, but today I am going to shed some light on how these two rules are interrelated and why women digging assholes can be somewhat hyperbolic.


There’s quite a few articles explaining this concept in great detail so I’m not going to spend much time here breaking it down.  If you are interested in reading more about it, I would highly suggest looking at Rollo Tomassi’s body of work.

Simply put, hypergamy attempts to explain why women seek out high status mates from a biological standpoint.  Even though the modern age has removed many of the harsh conditions our ancient ancestors were forced to live through (starvation, predation, etc.), our ancient lizard brain still urges us to seek out certain characteristics when choosing a mate.

For women, this is the ability of a man to provide resources so that she and her children won’t starve.  If a man was a poor provider, the woman may leave in search of someone better.  This might sound terrible, but such was life in the days of cavemen.  Better for her to leave than have her and her future children starve or be killed by predators.

Some of you may be wondering at this point, “How does this tie into women liking assholes?”  Let’s address that point now.

The Bad-Boy Conundrum

The chicks digs assholes rule is actually a principle that hacks a woman’s lizard brain and increases the odds of success in a man finding a mate.  This is often used in the PUA community, but I’m going to explain why it works on all women and why you don’t necessarily have to be a complete douchebag for this method to be effective.

Let’s first start with an illustration that will help make my point.  Go into a corporate function where you don’t know anyone and simply watch the people interact.  After a few minutes, you’ll probably have a good idea of the pecking order and who the top dogs are.

How is this so?  You’ll instinctively pick up on dominant and submissive vocal tones and body language.  The people lower on the totem poll will typically show more deference and submission to those who are higher up.  They show their respect.

Now let’s change venues.  There’s a man and woman at a café talking it up.  Just like in the previous exercise, can you determine who’s higher up on the totem poll based off body language, vocal tones, and the willingness to accommodate? Absolutely you can and this is the crux of the chicks dig assholes principle.

It’s not necessarily the fact that chicks dig assholes so much as the “asshole” behavior is an subconscious indicator that the man is higher up on the figurative totem poll than the woman.  This is turn hijacks her hypergamy instinct, making her want him.

Simply put, by being an asshole, you are telling her that you are in a higher position than she is.

But do men actually need to be assholes?  I’d argue no.  Yes, there are outliers and cultural differences, but for the most part men do not need to be raging douchebags in order for a woman to be attracted to them.  In long-term relationships, this can actually backfire.

Instead, learn to walk the fine line of assertiveness, dominance, confidence, dignity, and self-respect.

Learn how to spot shit tests and put them down firmly, but without overdoing it.  There’s no need to be a dick when a simple “no” will suffice.

Also learn to develop a thick skin.  When you assert yourself and begin passing shit tests, women will usually double down.  They’ll call you an asshole for not complying with their wishes (gee, I wonder if that’s where this chicks dig assholes rule came from). They’ll rage and pout until they figure out that it doesn’t work on you, then they’ll love you even more, and this is all thanks to their own hypergamous instincts.

Author: Jak

Jak, married and father of three, seeks to help the Red-Pill Community take its next step past the petty cynicism and ineffectual anger. While he recognizes that men are significantly handicapped by the modern legal system and culture, he doesn't accept that traditional marriage is untenable in today's social climate. Rather, men must be willing to adapt to this new world by implementing new tactics and approaches to maintaining a balance of power. Jak is here to provide you with these lessons.