J.Nyx often writes about the ZFG mentality and why each man should begin incorporating this mindset into their life. ZFG, or “Zero Fucks Given,” is one of the Red Pill concepts that simply states a man shouldn’t care about what others think about them.
Some guy at the bar lobs an insult at you? Ignore it.
Wife tries to pick a fight? Laugh it off.
ZFG has its merits, I would never argue against that, but it is possible to take the ZFG mentality too far to where it has negative repercussions on your own life and the lives of those close to you.
The fact of the matter is that there’s a time an place for the ZFG mentality that often isn’t discussed within the Red Pill Community. If you’re attitude is “I don’t care” 24/7, people will naturally pull away from you. Before you adopt the ZFG mindset, you must first create your own criteria and safeguards to ensure you aren’t just being a flaming douche to everyone and anyone.
So what are the criteria for people who’s thoughts and opinions you should actually give a fuck about? It’s really quite simple and boils down to two things:
- People you respect
- People you love
If you’ve read my Love and Respect series, you probably already have a good idea about this and the subtle, but substantial differences, between love and respect. In this instance, however, people you respect will oftentimes be your peers, other men. It could be men you work with, your father, or men that you hang out with. As we’ve talked about before, respect is earned. If a man has earned your respect, you should also care about what he says as he might have something you really need to hear. It could be a shortcoming of yours or be something else you don’t want to hear, but if you truly respect someone, you owe it to them to hear them out.
Love is a bit different. You listen to people you respect because what they say might improve yourself or your life. You listen to people you love because you want to help improve their life. If your wife or kid comes to you with a serious complaint about you, you’re not going to brush it off and say “whatever.” No, you listen to them and work to make amends. You must temper the tough exterior of a leader with a level of compassion and benevolence as well or else those who might look up to you will find someone else.
Now this all isn’t to say that you should care about every single thing your wife or your buddies say. Sometimes your wife is just having a bad day and unjustifiably lashes out or your buddy has one drink too many and starts running his mouth. Those are the times to let the words bounce off and go do your own thing. When they’re in their right frame of mind, you can revisit the issue if needed.
We often see many of the Red Pill principles be taken at face value by those just joining the community. Little to no nuance is applied, often to the detriment of the very people the Red Pill is trying to help.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, don’t be so desperate for a solution that you throw all rationale out the window. Yes, many of the Red Pill principles is about toughening yourself up, but it doesn’t have to be a black and white, hot or cold, thing. There is room for resilience, strength, and mental fortitude as well is compassion, benevolence, and understanding. It’s the principle of yin and yang. Even though men are yang, we must still have a little of the yin in our souls in order to be a truly complete man.