My wife and I have been married now for almost 15 years. During this time, we have become very familiar with each other. Many, including myself at times, feel like I have gotten into a rut. The mundane routine repeats itself again and again as you are waiting to get old and die. While this trap is real, you do not have to let it be this way.
You, like many other men enjoy sex, and would love to increase the frequency and passion but are at a loss of how to do so. I have struggled with this earlier in our marriage. However, over time I have learned of things to do to improve the situation.
Attraction is key to a strong marriage and healthy sex life. As you work to increase your attraction, not only will you receive more attention from your wife, you will develop the confidence you need to make things happen in other aspects of your life. Sounds good right? Let’s get started.
A solid poker face is essential to showing you have the mental strength necessary to take charge. So, you heard your son crash the car into the garage? While tempting to fly off the handle, remember it was an accident and you can take care of it. Show you have confidence, whatever the situation.
She has been testing you, and will continue to test you. It is a part of life. Learn, recognize, and pass those tests. Show her that you are mentally strong, that you are the rock to lean on. Show her that you have the confidence and mental strength that you are in charge.
On top of this, stop chasing her like a horny teenager, thirsty for any attention. Yes, show interest in her, but do not bend over backwards to get it. Doing so will lower your status in her eyes, which will paradoxically reduce her attraction toward you, and the resulting sex.
There has been lots of articles about being in top physical shape on this site, so I won’t pound a dead horse. (Jynx is more adapt to that) However, I must concur that staying on top physically is a high priority. Be healthy enough that you can play ball with your kids and you aren’t one of those “funny fat guys” that women despise. You don’t have to be a gym rat with body fat sub 10%, but if your belly is sticking out further than your chest, don’t take that second helping.
I have my little exercise regimen in the morning. It is nothing serious, but I have been doing it for over a year now, and I feel it has helped build my attractiveness. If anything, I have provided an example for her and she is taking regular walks/jogs and is trying to improve her health as well.
Use your body to do things other than go to the gym. Go on walks, hiking, or other physical hobbies. Have a life outside of the office or gym. Get your hands dirty. Life is short, have fun.
This should go without saying, but shower regularly, and dress nice. Make yourself pleasant to be around.
Do things together
With six kids, it can be a struggle to find alone time together. It was for us especially a few years ago when we couldn’t let the oldest babysit. However, we made it a priority, even if it is something as simple as a walk to the Post Office.
On top of the day to day, take the time to do a more formal date at least monthly. Try to vary what you do. Search on Google, there are a number of resources in your local area that show community events, shows, or activities. We do many outside things.
Often, we will get home too late, and we will both be too tired for sex. Have no fear; this is about long-term gain over short-term loss. You are building her attraction toward you, not trying to score. As time goes on, she will look at those good times she had with you and want to jump your bones.
Mess With Her
When I am home, I am usually a goof that will give everyone a hard time (especially my wife). She is drinking some water in the car, so I jerk the steering wheel so it splashes all over her. Tease her verbally, give her innuendos and double entrendres.
It may not be your nature to throw grass clippings at her and run away like a second grader, but I promise you, it will bring a smile to her face. She will probably want to get you back in one way or another. Let her, and have fun. Bring that attitude into the bedroom.
I can hear the groans now. Opening the door for her, letting her be first in line, etc. can sound like you are being used. But, in reality chivalry is a two-way street. Open the door for her, IF she acts like a lady, treats you with respect, and fulfills her role as wife and mother. Use chivalry as a way to give her subtle cues on how she is doing.
Beginning in the 1950’s chivalry was taught as something expected, not earned. So, by the 1980’s men backed away. If she expects you to hold the umbrella for her, but she refuses to make you a sandwich, you have a problem. Treating her nice, but not being treated nice in return in effect, turns you into her servant and lowers your status.
I once had an online conversation with a guy that told me he bought flowers for his wife on a weekly basis. She loved them, and bragged to her friends about it. However, in the end, she cheated on him. She lost respect for him as those favors kept coming even though they were not deserved.
However, if you use chivalry when it is deserved and treat her like a lady, she will be turned on by it. (Or rather, not be turned off by letting the door slam in her face.)
Kino is a relatively new term for me, basically it is touching her in a flirting way. Whole articles could be written about good ways to touch her to give out the vibe that you are the man in charge, yet not a pervert (unless she wants that).
Touching certain locations such as the back of her neck, or the small of her back are great to demonstrate you are in charge, and turn her on. You can overdo it, and you come across as gropey. Maintain a spirit of playfulness, and this shouldn’t be a problem.
While I just touched on a few things you can do. Keeping your wife interested is a huge step on having a happy marriage.