2200 – As I boot up my Macbook I take a sip of my vintage mocha cappuccino, setting it down on my pink and purple HelloKitty coaster after savoring the rich sweetness. My Macbook is booted and I open my administrator account to AKC and apply the finishing touches to my newest article, “Be Your Own Man.”
My mind reminisces over how I’ve come to this point. Me, a scrawny, henpecked twerp telling other men how to live their lives. I giggle to myself. If they only knew. I portray myself as a testosterone laden workout freak, but in reality I am a nerd with 6″ arms and a potbelly.
“Be your own man,” I write as I nervously check to make sure my wife hasn’t snuck into the room and is looking over my shoulder. I was in therapy for 3 weeks the last time she caught me “forgetting my place”. I knew I should have made sure she was gone before taking off my tutu. I still wake up crying over what she did to me. Who knew strap-ons came that big?
I furtively type and then set the article to publish early in the morning so that people will think I’m an early riser. In actuality I require 11 hours of beauty rest. I sleep in my silk robe with an avocado butter mask and earphones to allay my anxieties.
Tomorrow is my bi-weekly pedicure. My wife will drive me there in our Toyota RAV4 and then maybe I can talk her into letting me go to the local Starbucks for a treat. I’m so lucky to have a second mommy.