Don’t Jinx It

2200 – As I boot up my Macbook I take a sip of my vintage mocha cappuccino, setting it down on my pink and purple HelloKitty coaster after savoring the rich sweetness. My Macbook is booted and I open my administrator account to AKC and apply the finishing touches to my newest article, “Be Your Own Man.”

My mind reminisces over how I’ve come to this point. Me, a scrawny, henpecked twerp telling other men how to live their lives. I giggle to myself. If they only knew. I portray myself as a testosterone laden workout freak, but in reality I am a nerd with 6″ arms and a potbelly.

“Be your own man,” I write as I nervously check to make sure my wife hasn’t snuck into the room and is looking over my shoulder. I was in therapy for 3 weeks the last time she caught me “forgetting my place”. I knew I should have made sure she was gone before taking off my tutu. I still wake up crying over what she did to me. Who knew strap-ons came that big?

I furtively type and then set the article to publish early in the morning so that people will think I’m an early riser. In actuality I require 11 hours of beauty rest. I sleep in my silk robe with an avocado butter mask and earphones to allay my anxieties.

Tomorrow is my bi-weekly pedicure. My wife will drive me there in our Toyota RAV4 and then maybe I can talk her into letting me go to the local Starbucks for a treat. I’m so lucky to have a second mommy.

Author: Jump and Jive

Married father of three who both he and his wife were virgins at marriage. Raised by a prophet who foretold the end result of feminism. Raising his family to love God and each other and stay pure in this filthy world. Wife is stay at home mom and loves it. Leads youth at church and wants to spread truth as much as possible