The Con Artist

1744
Me: Hey babe, you still up for a quick bang?
Her: Sure, where at?
Me:Where are you?
Her: Dairy Queen
Me:I’ll swing by and pick you up.
Her:K

1804
Me:Here
Her: Coming out now

2234
Her:YOU ARE A STINKING PIECE OF S&%^*&. YOU TOLD ME TO THROW SOME NAPKINS AWAY AND THEN LEFT ME STANDING NAKED BY A DUMPSTER. I HAD TO MAKE A RUN OF SHAME 3 BLOCKS HOME AND NOW MY HUSBAND IS PISSED. PAYBACK IS A B****.

0256
911: Can I help you?
Me: I need an ambulance
911: What’s the trouble?
Me: I’m strapped to a fire hydrant and bleeding profusely from my anus.
911: Oh, dear. We’re sending an ambulance to your location. Would you like me to stay on the line?
Me: Yes, please. It was about 20 of them, carrying monopoly money and dildos. They kicked down my front door, dragged me shrieking into the night, stripped me naked, bound me to this hydrant, and proceeded to anally rape me with the dildos. And you know the worst part?
911: What’s that, sir?
Me: I was leaving in two hours to fly to the World Cup, but now….I’m……not…..going to…….make it
**sobbing and wailing**
911: Sir? SIR?

FADE TO BLACK

Author: Jump and Jive

Married father of three who both he and his wife were virgins at marriage. Raised by a prophet who foretold the end result of feminism. Raising his family to love God and each other and stay pure in this filthy world. Wife is stay at home mom and loves it. Leads youth at church and wants to spread truth as much as possible