Become a Good Man, and not a Bad Boy

Awhile back, I wrote about the Nice Guy and why we need to avoid being the mealy, girly man who sucks up to women, and lose their interest as a result. Today, I am going to talk about the other side of the spectrum, the “Bad Boy”, and why this is not ideal either.

The Rise of the Bad Boy

It seems like since the advent of single motherhood, there has been an increase in both ends of the spectrum. Over-protective mothers who have a hatred for men in general have taught their sons to put their natural masculine inclinations in the closet. Or at best, lack the ability to properly teach their sons how to be men. Consequently, boys who grow up without a father in the home have to resort to what Hollywood teaches about manhood, or other alternatives.

At the last place we lived, there was this “family” which consisted of a divorced baby boomer matriarch, her two daughters, one of whom was a single mother, with the daughter’s three kids. Lots of estrogen floated around in that household. The two boys, who were younger teenagers both had issues that resulted directly from the lack of a father figure around. The older boy was classified as borderline autistic, and spent his days playing video games. He loved “Call of Duty”, but there were many times I would invite him to go paintballing, or target shooting with his brother and my oldest son, and he would refuse to go. The kid lacked any initiative to do any physical thing. At 14, the poor kid didn’t even know “righty tighty, lefty loosey” with nuts and bolts.

The other boy, who was my son’s age, was a cool kid. I could tell he was going somewhere with his life. He listened to hard rock, was very social, and was very adept at taking charge with a group of kids. At 12, I could already tell he was on his way to become the “Bad Boy”. In other words, he was rejecting much of what he was taught in that estrogen based household and striking out on his own. The problem is, he did not know much about self-restraint. When with my son, he was alright. But if he got around some of his rougher friends, he would go right along with them into whatever kind of trouble they decided to get into. I could tell in the coming 4-6 years, he will become the “bad boy” as he develops more interest in girls.

Problems with being the Bad Boy

On the surface, being the bad boy has some benefits. The higher notch count, and more exciting lifestyle is very alluring to many. However, with the lack of self-restraint comes problems. Alcoholism, untrustworthiness, a cynical view of women, and if carried too far, loserhood is common. In women, the 22 year old thot becomes the 35 year old bar hag. In men, it is not too much different. If a guy does not learn self-restraint, he will become that junky or loser that cannot hold a job or develop good strong family relationships.

There are kids I knew back in High School that were bad boys back in the day, and were able to have a decent notch count. But in time, most all of them did things they regretted, that pinned them down with child support payments, or even landed some in prison. It is not the ideal lifestyle, neither is it good for our society as a whole. My children are now having to deal with those little bastards created by the bad boys and thots my age.

Finding Common Ground

There is a common ground between being a “Nice Guy” and a “Bad Boy”. This is where I believe the “Good Man” lies. When you hear a woman lament “Where have all the good men gone?”, essentially, they are looking for a man who knows how and has the capacity to be a beast, but has the self-restraint not to.

A “Good Man” would be:

  • A man who is not afraid to take charge of a situation, but knows how to do so without resorting to fists.
  • A man who is chivalrous toward women, but only if they deserve it.
  • A man who treats his neighbor kindly, but does not let them use him.
  • A man who doesn’t mind getting dirty, but will clean up himself afterwards.
  • A man who has the ability to pull women, but the morality not to.
  • A man who will say no when appropriate, but will help out on his terms.
  • A man who goes after what he wants, but not at the expense of his friends.
  • A man who will attend his daughter’s ballet recital, but also take her out shooting.

In short, have the restraint to do the right things, but not because others tell you. At the same time, have the brass fortitude to take charge when you need to. Not because someone tells you to go jump on that land mine, but because you want to make that sacrifice. Internalize your composure. Be the beast when appropriate, be the nice guy when appropriate, but do it on your terms, not theirs.

 

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40's, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).