The Alpha and Beta of Love Songs – Jammyjaybird

For a thousand years, men have been singing love songs to women to get in their pants.

For a thousand years, it’s worked.

It all started with the strolling troubadours in the Provence region of France, who sang in their local language, Occitan. In the eleventh century, these horny Frenchmen learned how to strum their lute while reciting stories of love and betrayal … all to seduce the comely young lass in the next village. Usually it was the milkmaid with the nice skin, because she had never contracted smallpox.

Over time, these troubadours wrote lyrics in which they sang directly to that milkmaid, pretending to lower themselves before her. Put yourself in that girl’s milk-spattled wooden shoes: This troubadour, this guy who had been around – and she’d never left her village – was singing to her! A lowly milkmaid! He wanted her! Every part of her! Even her udder-squeezing hands!

That troubadour was appealing to that milkmaid’s inborn need for validation from worldly men. And he was tickling her hindbrain in the most powerful way possible by pretending to be even lower than she was.

The key word is pretending. It’s all flattery. And this love song tradition has persisted, in various forms, for over a thousand years.

But what we need to remember is that the singers usually aren’t that romantic. It’s a trick.


Men in the so-called manosphere take great delight in calling male singers “pussies”, but those guys don’t understand the strategy. Seeming like a pussy is a strategy for success with love songs, and many of these guys are absolutely not.

The irony of the “love song” is that while the lyrics are totally and completely beta, the singer is alpha. That happens because having the confidence to get onstage, and doing your bit with commitment, automatically confers alpha status. We all know this, and it doesn’t require any more explanation.

The pop musicians themselves are a wide range of males. Sometimes the guy would be fairly alpha even without the benefit of a stage, like Trent Reznor or John Mayer or Carlos Gardel, the father of the tango. Sometimes the guy’s a well-meaning beta pipsqueak – someone like, say, Ed Sheeran or . Sometimes the guy’s a total weirdo clown, the type of guy who women cross the street to avoid.

But in the end it doesn’t matter who he is in real life. The stage is the great alphaizer.



But the dirty secret of songwriters is this: The words don’t matter very much. Not as long as you appear to lower yourself before a woman, and croon seductively.

Case in point: The song “Crash Into Me” by the Dave Matthews Band. It came out about 20 years ago, and at that time I remember pretty much every girl at my university swaying to it, hypnotized, eyes locked entirely on Dave. Always comments like oh my God I love this song or his voice is so sexy. No doubt, Dave himself got miles of trim off that one song. (And it IS good—the drumming at the end is really sick.)


Have you ever read the lyrics? Dave Matthews is singing about how he jerks off while peering at a naked girl inside her house.

Lost for you I’m so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boy’s dream

Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I’d like to be

Let’s review: He calls himself a boy, admits that he wants to be tied up, and tells her that he’s in the bushes outside her house publicly masturbating while peeping at her when she’s naked. Goddamn, if he lowered himself any more, he’d be underground.

In a different context – like an email delivered to her inbox – these lyrics would be grounds for someone to get a restraining order against him. Ohmygod this guy is a total pervert can you believe it I just can’t I just can’t even. In the context of a stage, however, woman can’t give him enough of their time, money, or sexual attention.

Breaking news: It is possible to manipulate women. Shocker!

Last thought: The late great Frank Zappa’s famous quote in front of Congress when he was testifying about the supposed effect of violent musical lyrics upon children: If music lyrics could make us do anything, we’d all be falling in love, every day.

Zappa was actually wrong. Young women are falling in love, every day, with men who sing betasized lyrics at them. We’ve been pulling this trick for a thousand years, and the men who do it are resourceful and not necessarily beta at all.

Article written by Jammyjaybird.

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40's, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).