The Ninja

Greetings all you mere mortals, heh. Prepare to bask in the awesomeness of me.

Got a problem? I’ve already been there, done that. Here, let me show you……………………….

Bad job? Have I got an idea for you, heh. Have you considered buying cheap Chinese manufactured junk (heh) and reselling them on Amazon for a 100% mark-up? Or developing your own brand of overnight oats? Maybe you should think about trying upwork.com for an extra buck or million, heh. Or maybe you should just pray real hard for God to drop $1M in your lap while you’re at it? I know you don’t want to work hard, heh, and smart. Just keep hunting those gold pots at the end of the rainbow. I’m sure that will work out for you, heh.

Need to shed some pounds? Heh, well you’ve come to the right place at the right time. Oxycut is the way to go. You’ll have those Viking princesses all over you in no time, heh, heh, hehhhhh. Or just drop an egg in your coffee.

While we’re discussing pills, let’s talk about Testosterone. As your body ages you have to cheat a little to maintain your frame (heh). That’s where the little T pill comes in. Pop that sucker in and return to the vibrancy of your youth. Heh, the women will be falling all over you and you can be free to do your body weight exercises instead of those mean ol’ weights.

Heh, while I’m on it, let’s discuss these lunkheads who use free weights. The poor dears just don’t understand the meanness of a man with a finely oiled beard and pomaded hair pumping out 200 pushups a day. Heh, it drives the wife crazy to see the sweat dripping off your moobs.

Think you need dieting and exercise to lose weight? Nah, just crank up the cold water and watch the fat go down the drain. I mean, heh, you can burn 4.2896 calories in just 30 miserable minutes in an arctic stream of water. Why do jumping jacks when you can crank in the cold, heh? And if you wack off in the shower you can burn a few more calories. That’s the only way your pecker will see action if you live like this anyway.

 

Heh, heh, heh, hehhhhhhhh

 

Author: Jump and Jive

Married father of three who both he and his wife were virgins at marriage. Raised by a prophet who foretold the end result of feminism. Raising his family to love God and each other and stay pure in this filthy world. Wife is stay at home mom and loves it. Leads youth at church and wants to spread truth as much as possible