The Value of a Moose Turd Pie

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of the Moose Turd Pie, it is the act of being purposely inept at some activity so that you don’t have to do it. When I was a little kid, my dad was a horrible cook. If my mom was gone, we would have toast or gummy mac-n-cheese. At 8 years old, I could cook better than my dad. However, my mom was fairly decent. Consequently, she would do 90% of the cooking while my dad would do the bulk of the work on the farm.

Now, my parents are getting old, and my mom is getting rather geriatric. She does what she can in her wheelchair, but she is unable to do much of the cooking or cleaning. My dad has stepped up to the plate, and it appears that he has become a decent cook in the last decade.

Thinking back to my grandparents, I noticed the same pattern. My grandpa worked on the outside stuff, but fumbled around with anything in the house until the point came that my grandma physically could not do it anymore.

Our Moose Turd Pies

I hate doing laundry, when we met in college, I would just wash and stuff the clothes in the drawers. I wouldn’t bother sorting, just dump the basket into my dresser and pick out the socks, or shirts out of the pile as I needed. My wife, on the other hand, spends time hanging up the closes, folding, ironing and the whole bit. I know how to do all that, but I couldn’t be bothered. I will help fold, but never along the right creases or whatever.

On the other hand, my wife abhors working on cars. Something as simple as changing a tire is beyond her, so she will leave it up to me. I know she could if her life depended on it, but I go ahead and do it. I like my tools to be put back where they go, and I like to know the nuts are on tight.

Conclusion

On the outset, these may seem like a negative behavior. I could take the time to do the laundry, but instead, I am “dependent” on her to make sure I have underwear in my drawer. She is “dependent” on me to make sure the car is running. In essence, we are working together as a team in this journey of life.

Author: Jim Johnson

As a man in his early 40's, I grew up on a dairy farm in an irreligious home. Disgusted with the choice of women out there, I looked into religion to find a worthwhile mate. At 23, I joined the LDS (Mormon) faith, married, became a civil engineer, and now have six children. My favorite things are puppies, long walks on the beach, and the color blue (not really).

159 thoughts on “The Value of a Moose Turd Pie”

  1. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  2. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  3. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  4. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  5. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  6. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  7. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  8. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  9. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  10. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

  11. “Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.”
    -Bill Cosby

    1. It’s hard to do everything right from the beginning.

      Unfortunately, competance is a sin not easily forgiven.

  12. John Taylor Gatto, 3-time teacher of the yea, died recently. I didnt see any mention of his passing in the msm.

    Gatto asserts the following regarding what school does to children in Dumbing Us Down:

    It confuses the students. It presents an incoherent ensemble of information that the child needs to memorize to stay in school. Apart from the tests and trials, this programming is similar to the television; it fills almost all the “free” time of children. One sees and hears something, only to forget it again.

    It teaches them to accept their class affiliation.

    It makes them indifferent.

    It makes them emotionally dependent.

    It makes them intellectually dependent.

    It teaches them a kind of self-confidence that requires constant confirmation by experts (provisional self-esteem).

    It makes it clear to them that they cannot hide, because they are always supervised

  13. My father did the outdoor grilling. My mother did everything else. Just the way it should be.
    My evil reptile of a sister always tried to get out if doing the dishes. And my witch of a mother STILL left her everything. Harpies of a feather stick together.

      1. I still don’t understand the differences. I accept that exist but that’s it.

        Patriotism: I love my country.

        Nationalism: My country is the best.

        ?

        1. Nationalism: I expect my government to make the care, wellbeing, and future prosperity of my country their mission and priority. I also expect the same from the other nations of the world.

        2. The false dichotomy they people have been trying to sell forever is that Patriotism is I love my country and nationalism is i hate other countries.

          In reality, words can mean anything depending on how they are framed.

          1. Truth.

            Which works well until you are dealing with:

            A) stupid people

            B) stubborn people

            C) bait ‘n’ switch people

            Ah humans.

    1. I bet she calls him “Bridget” when the cameras are off. Especially when she sits on his face and her gray hairy asshole puckers over his mouth.

  14. Here too. I spread out the blue tarp and run the bone saw, while my girlfriend heats the lye and seals the barrel afterwards.
    The neighborhood is already much quieter without that barking dog.

  15. So making a moose turd pie is kid of like being an elections official and losing, destroying, and adulterating the ballots because I don’t want to count them?

    1. are current felons allowed to vote in FL? some ballots were sent to a prison, but they didnt get there on time

    2. Speaking of which, Gillum and the fat broad just won’t let it go. Hey, that could a new series on the WB network. “Gillum and the Fat Broad”…

            1. And not one person here notes the the idiotic fool’s grin plastered on Agent Orange’s face as he greets his boss.

                  1. Don’t worry, Alyssa Milano and Bette Midler are going to save the Republic, and you won’t lose your illegal maid.

  16. i’m pretty confident that about one-quarter of all women pull a moose turd pie to avoid giving bjs

  17. My nuts are on tight, jim. Do you like to know that?

    ..
    For cereal, you should surprise your wife and make sure she can change a tire.

  18. Big Dan Teague, anyway you could possibly not sperg out and post 100 million random ass pics, please? We all have Google, we can all go find any of this shit for ourselves if we want.

        1. Yea. I knew you’d say that. But it’s cool. No niggerian prince or anything .
          Just a clowns site.

      1. I clicked that link and a have both a new found respect for you and a slight amygdala firing letting me know never to turn my back to you.

        Is that really your thing?

        1. No. No i didnt make that. Something i found along the way. Your levels of both respect and fear for me may return to the standard levels, whatever they may be.

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