Book 1 Chapter 2

Quintus was tired of marching. It was one thing to tromp along a well-paved cobblestone road in the dry air of Italia or even Gaul, but quite another to push your way through a cool, damp forest so dense that sunlight did not reach you. From first awakening to the time he fell into his cot at night it was perpetual twilight. The birds had even stopped singing a few days ago. By Mithras, his feet hurt.

“Quintus! Over here, you goat lover.”

Quintus turned and saw a centurion waving him over. It was Flavius Attillo. A right nasty piece of work, he loved to stick it to the cohorts when he could.

“This ought to be good,” Quintus muttered as he slogged over to where Attilo stood. There were already several other legionnaires there as well. Looked like around a dozen of them. What was this about?

Quintus halted near the centurion and exchanged glances with several of the other men. They all shrugged or made some other sign of puzzlement. No one seemed to know what this was about.

“All right, turds, here is what I need you to do. Orders have come down the duct that there have been some sighting of barbarian activity in the vicinity of our column. As strung out as we are, we don’t need some mud caked chieftain deciding to prove himself by snatching a supply wagon or two, so we are dispatching small groups, like yourselves, to patrol along the column.”

More glances exchanged. Some shuffling of feet.

“I know, I know. You’re wondering why you’ve been chosen. To be honest it was completely random and you’re the winning hand so let’s make the best of it, shall we? Yes, what is it?”

One of the other men had twitched a hand up. Flavius looked at him in exasperation.

“Centurion, what exactly are we supposed to do?”

“You are to penetrate these woods and stay out of sight of the column, slinking around hoping to catch some barbarian turd unawares. Hopefully you can capture one of the pricks and bring them in for questioning. At the end of the day you can return to camp and sleep, but you are to be in the woods again before we begin the march. If you see anything too alarming, feel free to send someone to let me know. Any questions?”

There were none and they were dismissed to dispose of unnecessary weight. They would enter the dark forest with only their armor and gladii. They could bring rations as well. Within minutes the men were ready and they slipped into the trees.

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Ulaf watched as his men built a wall. They had been preparing this ambush for over a week. There was a long line of brush woven together with the ground cleared in front of it. In front of the wall was a pit of wooden spikes covered with loose brush. This was all set several hundred strides away from the track that the Romans were set to take, thanks to Arminius’ guiding them. Other men had been sent out to harass the Roman lines and inflame their martial spirit, so that when the time came the foreigners would be all too happy to chase their tormentors into the woods.

It wouldn’t be long now. They would secure their homes from the incursion of the Roman filth. Just a little longer….

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Quintus slipped into the brush in the pre-dawn murk. It had been three days with no sighting of the natives. He was beginning to think this was a waste of time. His compadres fell in along the line they were taking as they tried their best to move silently through the wood.

Quintus stopped and leaned back against a wide tree. The light was finally growing to the dim light that was the best this forest could muster, but at least he could see his own hands now.

He heard one of the other legionaries moving in close and he turned to greet them. Perhaps they had some news. What he saw instead was the painted face of a German. He opened his mouth to yell, but something slammed into his throat and he couldn’t make a sound. He saw a long piece of wood jutting out beneath his chin and felt warmth rush down his chest. It was his blood.

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Ulaf watched the light leave the Romans’ eyes. Pulling the spear out of the man’s throat, he wiped the point off one the man’s tunic, then searched the Roman for anything of value. Ulaf stripped the armor off and tried it on. It was a fair fit. He would keep it. He also would keep the Roman gladius. He already had one but he could always trade it. There was also some food in the Roman’s pouch and a canteen.

Ulaf listened and heard the bird call that signaled the “all clear”. So his men had managed to overtake the entire patrol, then. Good. It wouldn’t be long now.

Author: Jump and Jive

Married father of three who both he and his wife were virgins at marriage. Raised by a prophet who foretold the end result of feminism. Raising his family to love God and each other and stay pure in this filthy world. Wife is stay at home mom and loves it. Leads youth at church and wants to spread truth as much as possible

172 thoughts on “Book 1 Chapter 2”

    1. They certainly did not help but I would argue they exposed and added stress to the existing rot of Roman society rather than create it.

      1. The Calugula shows in the Coliseum were good. These days one would have to go all the way to Tijuana to see bestiality.

          1. TJ is such a hole. border cities are awful.
            I went to a far different part of mexico, much more isolated, earlier this year and it was like night and day.

            1. I’ve heard Central Mexico is pretty normal and somewhat middle class. One of my coworkers still has family there.

              1. Mexico-Mexico. The further away you get from the border the better. This was about a thousand miles.
                I was in tourist areas too, but the remote stuff — some places recommended to me by Mexican friends — was def the best.

      1. going over to the other side always seems to make sense to me. 5 million members in the NRA. If 6 million gun control activists would just join and pay their dues they could sink the whole thing.

          1. Trust me, their’s come via email…..they’re one generation more advanced.
            The Firearms Policy Coalition, however spreads via social media and an utter lack of compromise. They’re who the 2A truly deserve.

  1. This is probably just a long prelude to some gay Spartacus fanfic. Quintus and Olaf are going to end up in a hot tub at some point.

  2. You fags are spending too much time goofing off on Telegram. Y’all need to get back in here and get to work.

    1. What’s the matter with you? I think your brain’s going soft with all that comedy you’re playing with that young girl. Never tell anybody outside the family what you’re thinking again.

        1. Natalie Portman as a young teen vs Vlad Klitscho’s ex-wife as a young teen? Who wins?

          I’m thinking underage Hayden for the win.

            1. Yeah, I hate it when people post pics of super-hot blonde supermodels with perfect tits and a perfect ass, because it always makes me have to humble-brag about my ex-wife.

            2. Oooh, jammy repellent!

              That’s one of those things where it might have been better to say nothing at all..

                1. Did you just call Brojira a pussy?

                  Anyway, we all have our kryptonite. I’m fairly sure I spotted something last week that I could use to actually kill Slim from the comfort of my desk chair.

          1. Oh, and obviously Natalie Portman. She is our lord and savior, after all.
            I remember reading about someone using software to calculate the perfect female face, and it came out looking basically exactly like NP.

            1. A week or so ago, I was driving someone else’s car, and I heard a strange noise . For a few seconds I actually thought there might be a gnome squished in there somewhere.

            1. it’s on your phone forever for forensic anthropologists to discover 1000 years from now.

  3. Today might be the day! Some of those indictments might come down today! Who else is super excited?

      1. I’ll just say this now: don’t EVER talk to the FBI without an attorney present and a tape recorder running. The FBI will absolutely fuck you over and laugh at you while they do it.

      1. Weird lips. Caterpillar eyebrows. General alien appearance. Oh right. You like aliens. You wish your maid looked like this

  4. interesting take on the downfall of GE:

    Didn’t we see something similar in the Movie “Good Fellas”? Where the mob took over a successful restaurant, loaded it up with debt, stole all the removable assets and then torched it?

    We see all the CEO’s loading companies up with debt, using the debt for stock buybacks to boost the price, cashing out their stock options and taking big bonuses, leaving just prior to the stock market crash (torching it).

                  1. I thought he was working as a flight attendant emergency exit drill instructor. “De-plane! De-plane!”

                    1. That’s right. And then he found the Ark of the Covenant and melted off John Travolta’s face.

                    2. Melting Travolta’s Face off was revenge for Marvin, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing that we could do about it. Marvin was a black man and Travolta wasn’t. And we had to sit still and take it. It was among the Italians.
                      It was real greaseball shit. They even shot Marvin in the head and brought him to Mr. Brown’s house despite their being no sign that said dead nigger storage

  5. Old Soviet joke of the day:
    A man on Red Square shouts, “Brezhnev is an idiot!”
    He is sentenced to 15 years: five for insulting the Soviet leader, and ten for betraying a state secret.

    1. I’d think that brings it more in line with what it ought to be, if it weren’t for problems in Venezuela and Trump whapping Iran’s nose with a rolled up newspaper. I haven’t been paying attention enough to be able to explain why it’s dropping like this, but I will enjoy it nonetheless.

      1. I don’t mind the price but the swing suggests big news or something popping, not a gradual reflection of market forces.

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