The other night, I came across a YouTuber that spoke about the bad boy and why girls go for them. While I have heard most of this before, but this time,coming from a woman, it got my wheels turning.
Women are attracted to guys who project a higher status, that they believe are willing to do what it takes to get the resources they need and to keep them safe and secure. Back in the hunter/gatherer days, it meant the more aggressive, stronger, more risk taking sort. That is what women are biologically programmed for. Problem is, we don’t live in a hunter/gatherer society. Now, it is the more reserved, educated, disciplined men who end up making the money sitting in their cubicle.
Here is where lies the problem. The type of man who will be a good provider today is not the same type of man who would have been a good provider 2000 years ago, Poindexter would have been wiped out. Protection has been delegated from the “bad boy” to the police and army. Also, the provider role may go goes from the guy who can kill and destroy to get what he wants to the geek sitting at the cubicle.
When in their twenties, the women are most fertile and attractive, but it is also the time that the Poindexter and the bad boy still have not achieved their roles in life. The bad boy appears stronger, more confident, more able to fulfill that provider role to the reptile brained woman. She will naturally want to go for this stronger image, despite her conscious acknowledgement that Poindexter is living at home with his parents so he can get his STEM degree without debt. By the time the roles become apparent, in which the Bad Boy goes to jail or is living on the street, and Poindexter is becoming a millionaire, the woman is a used up, post-wall hag or a gold digging slore. Not a winning situation for Poindexter.
Frankly, when I was in my early years of college, this ticked me off. There was this hot little 18 year old half Oriental chick in my small hometown. I developed a crush on her, and so I would do everything I could do to win her attention. I brought her gifts, I stopped by often, I helped her. But, she kept dating these losers. Eventually, I lost interest and moved on with my life.
At the time, it baffled me. She knew I was studying to become an engineer, I treated her good, I was a clean guy with no prison record or substance abuse problems. Why would she go for these losers? Now, I understand why. Even though I had drive and ambition and demonstrated that by doing what society asked of me, I was projecting weakness. By living with my parents, I was being dependent and weak. Despite her knowing I was doing the right things, her reptilian brain saw an inability to provide in the future by my perceived weakness.
15 Years later, I bump into her mom at a department store, and I ask how my ex-friendzoner is doing. Predictably, she is shacked up with a loser, 3 kids, 3 different dads, living on welfare. I tell them how I am doing, with my wife and kids, job and such. While talking, I could see the hurt in her mom’s eyes, knowing what could have been for her daughter. If I knew then what I knew now, as soon as she told me she was dating Chad, I would have simply moved on without a care. That, and I would have placed bets on the Cubs winning the World Series in 2016.
We are biological creatures, and we are spiritual creatures. We have morals and values, but we also have this base biological system that doesn’t always coincide with logic. To overcome this, society has put up values and constraints to keep people in check. At this time, for women this is largely torn down, leaving them to subjugate themselves to only their base, biological side. In this state, they are no more than animals. We cannot be mad at a dog for grabbing food, it is just doing what comes naturally.
At this point, women are in the same situation. Because survival is not an issue like it was in the 1800’s or earlier, women are free to do as their biological side dictates. In order to counteract this, we as men must either play along and “trick” her biological side into thinking we are the reptilian bad boy, or wait until she had more sausage ran through her than Armour Meats and is “Ready to Settle Down With a Good Man”, or we could settle for being alone for the rest of our lives.
In the next series of articles (not the simple paragraph posts) I plan to delve more deeply into this. We as men want the best of both worlds, to be the bad boy and get the girls, but not go to prison either. Hopefully, this will unfold into an interesting series.
Acceptable Risk Management in being the Bad Boy.
Why are there so many complaints that once they marry, the sex disappears? What can we do to stop it from happening to ours?
Why does the 80/20 rule seem so prevalent today, while it didn’t seem so prevalent in generations past?
What should we do about it? How can we project masculinity in a healthy manner?