The Ninja

Greetings all you mere mortals, heh. Prepare to bask in the awesomeness of me.

Got a problem? I’ve already been there, done that. Here, let me show you……………………….

Bad job? Have I got an idea for you, heh. Have you considered buying cheap Chinese manufactured junk (heh) and reselling them on Amazon for a 100% mark-up? Or developing your own brand of overnight oats? Maybe you should think about trying upwork.com for an extra buck or million, heh. Or maybe you should just pray real hard for God to drop $1M in your lap while you’re at it? I know you don’t want to work hard, heh, and smart. Just keep hunting those gold pots at the end of the rainbow. I’m sure that will work out for you, heh.

Need to shed some pounds? Heh, well you’ve come to the right place at the right time. Oxycut is the way to go. You’ll have those Viking princesses all over you in no time, heh, heh, hehhhhh. Or just drop an egg in your coffee.

While we’re discussing pills, let’s talk about Testosterone. As your body ages you have to cheat a little to maintain your frame (heh). That’s where the little T pill comes in. Pop that sucker in and return to the vibrancy of your youth. Heh, the women will be falling all over you and you can be free to do your body weight exercises instead of those mean ol’ weights.

Heh, while I’m on it, let’s discuss these lunkheads who use free weights. The poor dears just don’t understand the meanness of a man with a finely oiled beard and pomaded hair pumping out 200 pushups a day. Heh, it drives the wife crazy to see the sweat dripping off your moobs.

Think you need dieting and exercise to lose weight? Nah, just crank up the cold water and watch the fat go down the drain. I mean, heh, you can burn 4.2896 calories in just 30 miserable minutes in an arctic stream of water. Why do jumping jacks when you can crank in the cold, heh? And if you wack off in the shower you can burn a few more calories. That’s the only way your pecker will see action if you live like this anyway.

 

Heh, heh, heh, hehhhhhhhh

 

The Moments That Matter Most

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This weekend, I took my oldest five kids up backpacking. (Wife stayed home with the 2 year old.) Unlike the King’s Peak trip last year, this one was fairly benign. We hiked about 3 miles to this lake and camped nearby in this meadow. We did climb up an 11,500 feet mountain. (Well, the two oldest did. My five year old froze at this rocky part of the ascent, and so I took him back, and the seven and nine year olds followed.) This was the first time I went with my kids on a two night backpacking trip. Food (or lack thereof) became a much bigger issue. My 13 year old boy and I had to carry an extra sleeping bag for the five and seven year olds.

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The Need for Order

When I first came into contact with Star Wars (2007) I was introduced to the prequels first. I read the books for Episodes I-III, along with several other accompanying novels and the Dark Horse “Clone Wars” comics (excellent, by the way).

My next foray was the Thrawn Trilogy by Timothy Zahn. These books are very good and kicked off the whole Expanded Universe (EU) of Star Wars. The EU is now known as “Legends” post-Disney, even though there are some things, such as Thrawn, that carry over into Disney’s Star Wars canon.

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Planning a Cheap Summer Picnic

As more and more kids just spend their days with their face glued to a screen, I try to come up with fun things for my kids to do outside.  Sunday’s are a “device free” day where we all unplug and enjoy each other’s company.  I try to find things to do that don’t cost too much, but are also rewarding.  You’d be surprised how little it takes for the kids to have a great time they’ll remember forever

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Stop and Smell the Roses

The other night was kind of stressful. Coming on the end of the school year, the kids who do the online charter school have their major projects due soon. It is becoming apparent that two of them have not been keeping on schedule with their assigned tasks. My daughter was cramming, throwing together this last minute paper that she should have been working on for over a month now.

At this time, I take the opportunity to grab out this church publication “Eternal Marriage” and read with my wife from where we left off the previous night. In it, it talks about how we can have our relationships continue into eternity if we do the right things. That is when my wife starts getting teary eyed and starts to lose it. Continue reading “Stop and Smell the Roses”

Teach Your Kids This: Priorities

At church on Sunday, I had an interesting conversation with a couple my wife and I are good friends with.  The topic of discussion eventually fell on their son who is now a Sophomore in high school.

They were discussing a few aspects of their son, mainly centering around his dating life which gave me quite a bit of fuel for a few Teach Your Kids This articles that I will be posting in the near future.  This is the first of such articles that was inspired by our conversation.  Continue reading “Teach Your Kids This: Priorities”